Riding Dirty on I-95

by Nikki Turner

  “You done so good, Mercy, baby,” her mother said. “I hope you can forgive me for not being the kind of momma you wanted me to be. I guess I lost my head after your daddy died. I know I can't take back the past; I can only move forward. I have God in my life now, and I am a changed woman.”

  Mercy didn't know what to say. She might be able to forgive her momma, but she would never forget the way her momma ran around and desecrated her daddy's memory.

  “I'll call you sometime,” Mercy said. “I have other events to go to, but when I get back and I'm not so busy maybe we can see each other.”

  Her mother nodded as if that was all she could expect. “Well, let me pray with you before you go.” She pulled out her prayer oil and placed it on Mercy's forehead and began to pray

  Mercy thought it was funny that her momma was there now when she didn't need a mother any longer. But hating her wouldn't do any good. Who knew what would happen? Maybe she and Cleezy would have kids someday, who might want to meet their old grandma.

  Mercy's momma looked closely at Cleezy just as they were getting up to leave.

  “You look familiar to me,” she said. “I wonder where I know you from?”

  Cleezy shook his head and shrugged.

  “I guess you just look like someone I used to know in my past life,” she said. “Mercy I do hope you'll call me when you get back. I've missed you.”

  “Sure, Momma,” Mercy said, and then they were out of there and on their way home.

  The next night Mercy was in Chicago for another premiere event. Cleezy had business to attend to, so Chrissie came with her instead. As Mercy was about to take the red carpet in front of the beautiful old theater, a guy bumped into her.

  “Hello, beautiful,” she heard a familiar voice say. She turned to look and gave a little smile. “You look stunning,” he added as he looked Mercy over. “Besides being the woman of my dreams, I know you from somewhere. I just can't place it right now.” Tay-mar scratched his head as if trying to place her.

  “Merci, merci, we need you. We need you to pose for photos with the president of the NAACP and Condoleezza Rice,” one of her French publicists said as she tried to pull her away. Mercy turned back to Taymar.

  “Look, I've got something for you. Please give me one minute and wait for me,” she said to Taymar, who by then had turned into a washed-up boxer who could not win a fight if his opponent was blindfolded. Although he played the stock market big, Mercy knew that his trophy, dime-piece, size-4 baby momma milked him for everything she could. The judge never cared that she had poked a hole in the condom to guarantee getting her claws on his riches. Radio personality Wendy Williams kept the public abreast on the latest lowdown on Taymar. He was the ongoing joke on her radio show and every other urban radio show.

  He beamed and made goo-goo eyes at Mercy as she smiled for the flashing cameras. Once she was done, she was notified that she only had a few seconds before she was to make her grand entrance on the red carpet. She headed back over to Taymar. Standing before him, she dug into her three-thousand-dollar clutch and pulled out the small, worn Liz Claiborne wallet that her father had given her for her last birthday before he was killed.

  “You are so beautiful. Have you ever experienced love at first sight?” he said to her in a sincere tone, admiring her flawless makeup and shapely figure.

  “Only once,” Mercy answered him.

  “Well, I am experiencing it now. I really want us to build something from here,” Taymar said.

  “Look, that was possible at one time,” she said, and handed him a piece of paper.

  “What's this?”

  “It was my inspiration, and I owe it all to you.” She pointed to the boarding pass he now had in his hand. “I have been saving this for you for a while now. My dad always told me to be careful what you say, because if you speak it you can make it happen. I think the last thing I told you was ‘See you on the red carpet.’ And look at us now.”

  He hadn't realized that the beautiful woman before him was Mercy. After running through so many women in his day, he had forgotten about her, but now everything was coming back to him. He tried to recover by saying, “I know, and you looking real good, too.”

  “Well, maybe I was off a bit. You're not on the red carpet; you're just a spectator. Lost your A-list status, huh? Well, as it stands, you ain't a good look for my image, so if you'll excuse me.” Mercy's publicist called out to her. “Do you know what my publicist would say?” she said to Taymar as she walked off.

  Chrissie walked up after Mercy left to finish Mercy's statement. “Be careful of the toes you step on today, because they may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER 33

  Ain't No Stopping Us Now

  A couple of months after the opening of her new movie, things had calmed down for Mercy. Zurri had dropped off De-onie to spend the night three weeks ago and, as she had done in the past, had not returned. Mercy and Cleezy didn't mind, and neither did Deonie. She felt as if Mercy was her mother anyway. Mercy and Cleezy loved to spoil Deonie and spend time with her.

  One day Deonie asked to go to the zoo, and they took her.

  “The monkeys look hungry,” Deonie said to Cleezy.

  Mercy interrupted. “The sign says that we can't feed them.”

  “Aw, come on, what's going to happen?”

  “I don't want to know what's going to happen, but I know we can't feed them.”

  As soon as Mercy turned her back, Cleezy and Deonie were discreetly feeding the monkeys. “Is this what you are going to do when I tell our baby no? Are you going to go behind my back and let the baby do what he or she wants to?”

  “Probably, but we got to cross that bridge when we get there.”

  “Well, we are there!” she said, smiling.

  “What you mean? With Deonie?” He wanted her to make herself perfectly clear.

  “No,” she said, rubbing her stomach. “That's what took me so long in the bathroom this morning.”

  “Word?” Cleezy smiled.

  “Yup!”

  He took her into his arms and grabbed Deonie, and then he started singing, “Ain't no stopping us now.” She wished her father could have met Cleezy, and for a moment, she felt sad because her child would never know his grandfather. She quickly brushed those thoughts aside and laughed at Cleezy's antics. He was dancing around, drawing the attention of people. “We're having a baby,” he sang, and continued to dance around. Deonie started repeating after him and was dancing around, too.

  Mercy laughed. She had never been so happy.

  From the time Mercy found out she was pregnant, she was obsessed with making the perfect life for her child, the life she'd never had. She wanted her baby to have a mother and father who not only loved their child but who loved each other. Most important, she wanted her baby to have a father who was there, and not in jail or in a cemetery.

  “Baby, remember when you told me when we were in Miami that I don't need to be out there on I-95 anymore getting my hands dirty?” Mercy said one morning when they were still lying in bed.

  Cleezy looked at her.

  “I did what you asked me to do and didn't argue.”

  “That's right.”

  “Well, I am coming to you, my soul mate, and I am asking you to leave the streets alone so we can focus on a regular life for our baby. I want our baby to have two parents and a good life. A life I never had with my parents. I want us to continue to be major instruments in Deonie's life like we've been doing, because God only knows when her momma's going to get it together. And I want our child to have the closeness that I had with my father. Baby, please, throw in the towel.”

  He listened but didn't respond.

  “You've stacked enough paper. Now, you're being greedy. We got money, my shit is selling, and the residual checks coming in are worth more than our house.”

  “I feel you, and I want the best of everything for our child, too. Understand I am a man; I am a provider. So I
can't live off of your residuals.”

  “Baby, it's our residuals. It ain't never mine. It's us. Don't you remember we decided in Miami that it wasn't anymore me, I, or my in this relationship. It is always our, we, and us.”

  She snuggled into Cleezy's arms, and he squeezed her.

  “I guess you's right, baby,” Cleezy said. “It can't happen overnight, but I promise you that I'll slow it down and our child won't grow up with no dope-dealing daddy.”

  CHAPTER 34

  When the Dealing's Done

  As he promised, Cleezy slowed down the trips up and down I-95. Instead he spent most of his time hanging out at the horse races and gambling. He took Mercy with him from time to time, which she didn't mind. As a matter of fact, in a strange way it made her feel a lot closer to her father. One day when she was six months pregnant, Cleezy was at the racetrack with Mercy right by his side. At the last minute he put in a bet in a superbox, which is the ticket that pays the most, and the horse won. They both were excited as he walked up and collected ninety thousand dollars.

  “See, baby” Mercy said to him, “when one door closes, another door opens.”

  “I hear you, ma,” Cleezy said.

  “Let's quit while we're ahead.”

  “You're right. Let's go put the baby's college money in the bank,” he said, rubbing Mercy's stomach.

  They were so excited as they headed for the car. Of course Cleezy had had his hands on more money than that before, but this was the first time he had had his hands on that much money and it was clean money, legal, legit. As he sat down on the driver's side he began singing: “You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. ”

  Chills went up Mercy's spine. She hadn't heard anyone sing that song before, other than her father. “Where you get that from?” Mercy asked.

  “What?”

  “What you know about that song?”

  “My pops used to sing that shit. He used to be a big-time gambler.”

  “Stop playing?” Mercy was surprised. She and Cleezy never really talked a lot about their fathers. Staying on the subject too long always made them both emotional, so it was one subject they tried to avoid.

  “Yup, he used to sing it because this guy he knew sang it all of the time, so that song stayed in his head.”

  “For real?” Mercy was stunned.

  “Yeah, how crazy is this shit? Funny thing is, he ended up killin' that nigga. After that, I don't think I ever heard him sing that song again.”

  “What?” Mercy looked sick.

  “True piece,” he nodded. “This dude was one of the best gamblers of all times. Knew everything to gamble on. He bet on everything: cars, people, bugs, everything. It didn't matter.”

  Tears formed in Mercy's eyes.

  “This dude had owed my pops some money, and he had a tip on a game so he didn't pay my pops. Just like a nigga, he ducked my pops, saying he had a family emergency. Instead of giving my pops the tip so they could all break bread together, he kept it to himself and collected a whole bunch of money. When he showed up to pay Pops, Pops wanted his part of the big game and dude told him he ain't giving shit but what he owes.”

  Mercy was silent, and Cleezy could feel tension in the car but that wasn't unusual because Mercy had been having mood swings since the pregnancy, so he kept on with the story. “He turned his back on my father, and one of my father's boys shot him. Dude had so much heart that as he was taking his last breath, he told my father to suck his dick.” Tears flowed down Mercy's face. Cleezy didn't notice because he was keeping his eyes on the road. He continued the heart-wrenching story. “My pops was so mad that he had to find a way to get revenge on him, so he left him lifeless, shameless, and faceless. My Pops was so wild he went to the funeral and—”

  Mercy cut him off. “And stole his body, took it to the middle of the street, shot it up, and then set it on fire.” She cried out loud as a combination of snot and tears came down her face.

  “How'd you know?” Cleezy asked in amazement.

  “Because your father did it in front of that man's little girl—he did that shit in front of his little girl,” she screamed. Cleezy knew right then and there who the little girl was, but before he could say anything, Mercy yelled, “Your motherfucking pussy-ass daddy killed the only thing that ever meant anything to me! Your pops destroyed my fucking life.”

  Mercy started to pummel Cleezy, as if he was the one who had pulled the trigger. Cleezy took the licks like a man and pulled over into a McDonald's parking lot and tried to comfort Mercy. “Baby, I am so sorry. I never knew that shit,” he said.

  Mercy broke down and sobbed. Cleezy hopped out of the car and ran to the passenger side and opened the door to embrace her.

  She tried to push him away. “I hate you! I hate you so much!” She didn't want his apology or hug. She didn't want anything from the son of the man who killed her daddy. He ignored her words and hugged her. “I know, baby.”

  Cleezy wiped every tear that fell from her eyes. “I love you, baby,” he kept saying, and although he wanted to be strong he couldn't sit and watch his queen, the woman he loved so passionately, cry. As he held her tight in his arms, he couldn't hold back his own tears of hurt. Her pain was his pain, and it hurt like hell that he couldn't do anything to make the pain disappear.

  Everything within her wanted to tell him to get off of her, to go to hell. But then Mercy felt one of his tears hit her arm. She looked into his eyes and saw the hurt she felt reflected in them. It started to feel as if Cleezy's tears were washing away her pain. Maybe there was a reason they found each other—and it wasn't for revenge, it was for forgiveness. She couldn't end it with him; she couldn't kick him out of her life. He was her everything, her baby's father, her king. How could she blame him for the sins of his father? As bad as she wanted to, she couldn't. Instead, she embraced him and every single tear that she had held back for so long poured out onto his shoulder.

  “I love you, baby, and I promise I ain't going to ever leave you or our baby,” Cleezy said. “I swear. This is from the bottom of my heart.

  “We gonna be the parents that we both wanted,” he vowed.

  CHAPTER 35

  Bulletproof Love

  Now that Mercy knew that her and Cleezy's pasts had been tragically entertwined, her love for Cleezy became even stronger. Their new bond went beyond this world and their love was bulletproof. Nothing could stop their love—no jails, bars, walls, people, illness, nothing. They made sacred vows to be everything their parents weren't, no matter what. Mercy and Cleezy were convinced that with the love that they would pour into their baby not to mention their street savvy charisma, and the best education that money could buy, their child would be someone great, someone who promised to change the world one day.

  The expectations started with Deonie. They loved her as if she were their own. In her time with Cleezy and Mercy, Deonie had blossomed. She was already older beyond her years from having to fend for herself when her mother left her in the house alone and was too busy for her. Because she was smart and independent and had already learned how to take care of herself, once she began living full time with Cleezy and Mercy, Deonie's grades began to soar. Her teacher sent home a note saying that Deonie was being placed into accelerated classes in order to keep her challenged.

  Cleezy had changed as well. He put everything on hold so he could be there for Mercy. Mercy had been trying to get Cleezy to go to church with her for months. Since she had found out that she was pregnant, she'd started going to the local church with a so-called “hip-hop minister.” Cleezy knew the minister was a player and wasn't going to go, but this particular Sunday, since he knew that Mercy was still dealing with the past, he willingly accompanied Mercy and Deonie to church. Mercy's mother had invited them over to a dinner she was having for Nayshawn, who had just been released from prison the day before. Although Nayshawn wasn't biologically Pearl's child, he was Nate's youngest child, a child he had while
married to Pearl, and she embraced him like one of her own. In his young days before his father's death, he had spent a lot of time at her house, and since Mercy was pregnant, Pearl decided to have the dinner to bring them all closer together, and they were making it a family day. After they were halfway to Pearl's house, Mercy had to go the bathroom.

  “I gotta pee,” Mercy said, “and I don't think I'm going to be able to hold it.”

  “You can't wait till we get to your mom's house?”

  “Nope, I really got to go. I got this baby right on top of my bladder.”

  Cleezy hopped off on an exit on I-95 and decided to take a shortcut through the hood. As he sat at the light, Deonie asked, “Auntie, are you and my uncle Cleezy going to get married?”

  Cleezy turned to look at Mercy as she answered Deonie. Out of nowhere—boom, boom, boom—gunshots were fired. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

  Cleezy reached for his hammer, but it wasn't there. It had slid down to the back floor of the car. “Oh shit! Get down, get down,” he screamed as he took off and put the accelerator of his Audi A8 to the floor. But the swervin” Burban that was beside him was too high up, and the shots rained down on his vehicle. Boom, boom, boom.

  Cleezy kept reaching for his hammer until he was finally able to grab it. Once he felt the cold steel in his hands, he was about to shoot back, but as he lifted the gun, he glanced over and saw Mercy on the passenger side of the car with blood gushing out of her wounds. He froze, slamming on the brakes as he bent the corner, causing the swervin' Suburban to keep going. He headed straight for the hospital. He knew there was no time to call an ambulance. “Baby, just hold on.”

  “Okay, Cleezy.” She nodded. “I love you!”

  “I know,” he said, tears rolling down his face along with the balls of perspiration. “I love you, baby!”