by A. C. Wilson
“I’m sorry it had to be Andy to tell Nora. It explains why she was ready to jump out of her skin.” Randy knew the feeling. It was like waiting for the next shoe to drop and it caused a deep unrest.
“This isn’t going to be pretty if he hires a lawyer. I’m praying he steers clear of Valentine’s practice.” Garrett sneered as he said the Hot Spring’s lawyer’s name. There was some bad blood there and although the younger Valentine was no longer practicing in Hot Springs, the older Valentine wasn’t much of an improvement.
“I’m sure he has a personal lawyer with his career. You never know what might come up and the publicity on this would start a media frenzy.” Randy was certain it would remain quiet and if it was any consolation, it was what he wished too.
“Let’s hope. Colt was a bit of hot head when he was younger and I don’t know how he is now. I hope he’s grown up and really takes Drew into consideration.” Garrett was trying to boost the conversation, but it was sadly lacking. Randy continued to drive, but his thoughts were wrapped up in Nora and Drew.
“I should be back in Hot Springs in a couple of hours. I’ll stop by the ranch and talk to you then.” Randy moved to shut his phone off.
“See you then.” Garrett hung up and Randy continued to watch the miles pass by. He had no idea where things stood between him and Nora, but he wanted to be there for them. It was his job to protect Drew and he wanted to support Nora. He knew she would need it and he needed to be needed.
Chapter 20
To say that she was a jumbled mess of raw nerves was an understatement of the decade and saying as much about her was even more shocking. Nora always tried to have things in control. She always wanted to show a strong front even if it was only a façade. Her worth outside of the titles of mother and wife was incredibly limited. She would be more than willing to accept them if she truly thought it was all she could be. Sadly it just didn’t seem to be enough.
The drive from Deadwood to Hot Springs went by in a haze of yellow lines and passing cars. Her head was spinning with the twisted mass of people’s expectations, feelings, and decisions. The decisions would scarcely scare her at all if it weren’t for the emotions attached. She was good with decisions. They were cut and dry. They made the world turn around. Emotions made things messy and they skewed the boundary lines.
Nora wanted so much to figure out the role that love and being in love had in her life. As much as she hated to admit it, something was happening at the Spearfish cabin. It was stealing her resolve to admit she had made a mistake in marrying Randy White and move forward with the divorce. The reminiscing and sweet gestures that Randy had brought into those quiet moments made her feel something she couldn’t name. Now she had to focus on Drew and what Colt was planning on doing now that he knew he was a father.
Colt had text messaged her soon after she had left Deadwood and Nora had asked him to meet her at her house. She couldn’t do it at the ranch since Drew was still there, but she needed to have a conversation with Colt. They were Drew’s parents. If he truly wanted to have a say and be a part of his son’s life, Colt needed to know where she stood. It turned her stomach with anxiety and some degree of fear. As hard as she worked to be a good mother, Nora wondered if she could be better.
What if Colt decides to take Drew away?
What if I’m not good enough as a mother?
The little voice she hated so much was as powerful as ever and it fed the worries she sheltered. As silly and unfounded as they were, they guided every step she took.
The winding dirt road of her driveway came into view and she signaled to turn off the highway. Nora could already see a flashy blue Ford F-150 in front of her house. Colt was waiting for her. She took a deep breath and prayed she wouldn’t completely implode. She was enough of a mess on the inside without everything else falling down too.
Those few hundred yards were probably the longest ones she had ever traveled. Nora could feel her heart beat every moment with a consistently hammering thud. Deep breathing might help if she could ever get a deep enough breath. Chaos had come to stay and she felt it absorbing her power of control and focus. Nora parked her car in her normal spot in front of the garage. Switching off the ignition, she opened her door to find Colt walking towards her.
Colt Cavanaugh looked good in his Levi jeans, tight white t-shirt and Justin boots. His head was bare except for the dark, almost jet black hair that she could remember vividly running her fingers through as they lay in the bed of his truck beside the creek. She shook herself mentally and forced herself to remember why they were here. There was not a smile on Colt’s face and those silver eyes glared at her. He came to a stop a couple of feet away from her and his hands slipped into his pockets.
“I’m not sure what to say, Colt.” Nora began with an uncertain shrug of her shoulders. She watched his jaw firm.
“I want to see him, Nora. I want to see him now.” He didn’t shout, but there was menace in his voice. The depths she could never remember hearing in his tone before.
It could be you have never made him this angry before.
“I want to talk to Drew before you meet him. He is only seven Colt, and you barging in on him is not the way I want you to meet.” Nora wanted to protect Drew. She would somehow make peace with Colt, but Drew would always come first.
“I’m barging in now, am I? Nora, you are the one that dropped in on me in Deadwood and let me know in no uncertain terms that you had my son.” Colt began to pace and he kicked slightly at the dust. “It seems to me I should have been told that I was going to be a father seven years ago.” His gaze pinned her to the stop, but it didn’t keep the anger from building inside her. She held her eyes locked with his.
“If you want me to tell you that I think I made the wrong choice for us back then, well buddy, you have another thing coming. I was saving you and your dream.” She watched Colt’s eyes widen at her words.
“Saving me and my dream, really? Damn it, Nora, you and Drew could have been my dream! Did you ever think of that? Maybe country music could have waited. Maybe I could have been a damn good father and a damn good husband.” He stepped towards her, but came up short. She watched him with a mix of shock and grief on her face. She could see her reflection in his eyes. “It was my right to help make that decision.” Suddenly it was back to defending her decisions and with those decisions came emotions.
“I knew how good you were, Colt. I couldn’t hold you back from that. Being a parent is hard. Being alone is hard.” Colt shook his head in disbelief.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“By the time I found out I was pregnant, you were already in Nashville. I must have drafted a hundred emails and tried to tell you a thousand times that you were going to be a father. Every time I watched that mouse hover over the send button, I deleted it.” Nora tried to hold onto her anger. It was the only emotion she completely understood and the one with enough power to keep her steady.
“I would have come back to you. I would have caught the first Greyhound bus home. You wouldn’t have had to do it alone.” Colt lowered his head and relaxed his shoulders.
“Would you really have given that all up to move back here to Hot Springs, where you had to do something you disliked just to support us? In all honestly, would you have given up that shot at this amazing career and not know if you would ever have the chance again?” Nora knew she was right, but it didn’t give her any triumph. She had put dreams of her own on hold too. Year after year they wilted in the background. She watched as her words were filtered and weighed. Colt looked sick.
“I don’t know how it would have gone if you had told me as soon as you found out you were pregnant. I would like to think I would have done the right thing and come home to you. I can’t stand that you have had to raise our boy on your own and for seven years, I have missed out on knowing my son.” His words filled the air on that springtime afternoon, but none rang more true than hearing Colt say “our boy” and “my son”.
&n
bsp; Nora felt the façade cracking and in truth, she was relieved to know that it wasn’t permanent.
“I want you to have a relationship with Drew now. He’s an amazing little boy and I know you’re going to love him as much as I do. I just need a day to tell him about you.” Nora proceeded with some caution. This was all uncharted territory.
“Does he know that your husband isn’t his father?” Colt asked in the way that caused Nora’s nerves to jump. She couldn’t quite explain it, but it seemed like he was jealous of Randy.
“Drew has known Randy his whole life, but yes, he knows that Randy isn’t his real father. Drew hasn’t been lacking for male role models though. My brothers and my father have taken Drew under their collective wings.” Nora watched Colt’s pain rise to the surface and with that the anger returned. She moved quickly to dispel some of it. “As his father though, you will always have that special place in his heart.”
“That’s why I went to see him, Nora. I just had to see if the boy looked like me.” It might not have been his intent to hit that specific nerve in her, but Nora took great offense.
“You don’t believe me? You think I lied to you all these years later about having your son?” Nora’s voice rose as she paced out into the driveway. Her blood was thundering in her ears and she whirled on Colt when she heard him behind her.
“My lawyer told me that I should find out if the boy is mine. He’s paid to look out for my interests and you aren’t the first woman to make this claim on me. I just figured if I saw him, I would know for certain if he was mine.”
Nora was worldly enough to know that what Colt said had merit, but it didn’t ease the sting. Once upon a time he would have trusted every word she said and now, he was questioning her.
“I am not interested in keeping Drew from you. He wants to know his father and I think you need to know him. I’m not asking for anything else, Colt.” Nora suddenly felt less strong and she ran her palms over her arms as she hugged herself. At that moment, she was surprised that Randy popped into her head. Nora wanted that comfort and stability she had found in his arms.
“My lawyer has advised a paternity test to establish the claim and then we can figure out visitation and financial support until the courts decide on how we should work this.” Colt acted like it was all handled, but Nora stopped mid thought.
“What do you mean until the courts decide how we should work this?” She felt fear hone her thoughts to hear exactly what his next words would be. There was nothing else that was happening outside of that.
“My lawyer thinks that Drew might be better off living with me. He is suggesting I ask the court for full custody.”
The bottom dropped out of her world and Nora felt herself sliding into hole with a direct line to hell. She fisted her hands and stood as straight as she could. She stepped into Colt with a fierceness of a lioness protecting her cub.
“You better think long and hard about taking Drew from me. Don’t think for one minute that I won’t fight you either.” She drove home the words and amazingly enough, she didn’t touch Colt at all. Turning from him, she moved towards the front door of her house.
“I have the money now Nora, and a job that pays well. I can provide for him. He can have everything I’m sure you cannot give him.” Colt hadn’t moved from his spot in the yard. Nora bit her bottom lip between her teeth and closed her eyes. Her inner most voice was telling her that snapping right now and murdering her son’s father was not quite the way to go about defending her position. She took a breath and turned around.
“I stayed up all night with him when he had colic. I got up every few hours to nurse him. I changed his diapers. I took care of him when he was sick. I planned his birthday parties and bandaged scraped knees. I am at every baseball and soccer game. That’s all the currency I need. I’m his mother and you better make damn sure you remember that.” Nora turned on her heel and stalked towards the house. The words were ricocheting through her head. She was almost to the door when she heard Colt yell from behind her.
“It wasn’t my fault I wasn’t around for all of that!”
Nora grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. The slam behind her might have been satisfying if she didn’t feel like she was going to throw up. The fight was almost gone as she staggered to her couch and threw herself on it. An exhaustion the likes of which she had never known poured over her and she wept into the cushion. Her heart felt as if it had shattered and all the purpose poured out onto the floor. Her body ached in places it had no business aching. Nora longed to be held, to be rocked, and soothed. There was no point in denying whose arms she really wanted to be in right now.
A couple of quick, hard knocks on her front door made her jump. She ignored them thinking that it might be Colt coming to share more of his sparkling opinion of her and her secrets. Tears continued to streak her cheeks and she hid her face in the cushion.
Can’t the world just go away? Somehow the universe refused to deny her plea as the front door swung open. Nora heard boots on the floor and raised her head with a gut-wrenching hope that it might be Randy.
“Nora, are you in here?” The voice made Nora crumple on the couch again. “Oh my God, Nora, are you okay?” The deep concern in the female voice made her cry harder.
“No, no, I’m not.” Nora barely got out the words before Rayne was kneeling beside her. Rayne brushed Nora’s wet, sticky strands of dark hair from her cheeks and tilted her head in understanding. Gold eyes brimmed with tears as Nora’s fled down her cheeks and puddled into the floral fabric. Nora knew that words were not needed and the very little that she could say would only confuse the situation. Pain was pain and Lord knew Rayne had endured her fair share of it. If there was anyone who might comprehend what Nora was going through, it was Rayne. At one of Rayne’s lowest points and on hiatus with Garrett, Nora had picked her friend up off the floor. Now Nora needed that friend to return the favor.
“I’m here. I’ll kick his ass if he comes back.” Rayne responded with bravado and Nora cried harder. Shoving the coffee table out of the way, Rayne sat down next to the couch and pulled Nora into a hug. They continued to sit there until the shadows of the setting sun crawled up the living room walls. They sat there until Nora was completely out of tears.
Chapter 21
A bottle of Jack or at the very least a bottle of wine would have signed her up for another headache in the morning, but instead of alcohol, Nora had a date with a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and a fairly big spoon. Nora thought it was odd given she had found Rayne drowning her feelings in a bottle with the kitchen door open in the middle of winter. Her friend had merely raided the freezer and turned on the television to watch some overly dramatic housewives.
Death by Blue Bunny and reality television. She sighed as she slid another spoonful of ice cream past her lips. The obituary title would be entertaining at the very least. It would give the town one more thing to laugh at and Nora aimed to please. Sometimes she thought that was all she was good at. She only hurt those that cared about her, she thought glumly as she sucked the bits of chocolate off the tip of the spoon.
“Are you going to continue to live in your head or are you going to tell me what happened with Colt?” Rayne asked as she stabbed her own spoon into the pint of strawberry ice cream. Nora grimaced as she spied that Rayne had eaten very little of her own while Nora’s pint was half gone.
“He was upset about me dropping the news of Drew on him in Deadwood and disappearing, which was not my fault.” Nora chipped at her ice cream like it was ice and her spoon the ice pick. Rayne tilted her head to the side. “It wasn’t my fault that Randy took me to Spearfish. I was waiting for Colt to talk to me. He didn’t exactly take having a son well.”
“Can you blame him? A seven year old son you had with your summer sweetheart is a lot to take in on short notice.” Rayne patted Nora’s leg when Nora gave her a dirty look. “You had your reasons for keeping Drew to yourself, but you wouldn’t like being left out of the
loop either. Surprises really aren’t your thing, which is ironic considering you used to be so spontaneous.” Rayne grinned, offering Nora a challenge.
“Spontaneous? Who have you been getting information from? I only ever did what people expected me to do and that was be the free spirit.” Nora dug into her ice cream again.
“Garrett shares more than you can possibly imagine and I think he’s really worried about you.” Rayne turned sideways on the couch to look more fully at Nora. The intensity of those golden eyes made Nora squirm. It was so hard to explain herself. Her reasons were her own and maybe they only made sense to her.
“I know he is. Out of my brothers, I think Garrett can read me better. In some ways we are more alike.” Nora toyed with her spoon and then set the container on the coffee table. Looking pointedly at Rayne, she said, “Why do I feel like Garrett is the reason you are here right now?”
“Probably for the same reason you came over the night I fought with Garrett, someone called.” Rayne slid off the couch and took both their ice creams containers to the kitchen. Nora turned on the cushion and watched as Rayne slipped the lids back on.
“His lawyer is pushing for full custody of Drew if the paternity tests come back positive, Colt that is.” Nora swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. “Of course the test will come back as a match, because he’s the only guy I slept with that summer.” Nora didn’t want to see the look of surprise on Rayne’s face, but her momentary silence said it all.
“That is absolutely ridiculous! He can’t do that. Nora, you need to get a lawyer and stand your ground on this. Colt may have the money, but it isn’t all about that.” Rayne put the ice cream in the freezer and came back to the couch.
“I think Colt is a good man, but he’s hurt. I’m going to talk to my dad and see about getting a referral for a family lawyer. I also have to go tell Drew the news.” Nora pulled a small decorative pillow from behind her and hugged it to her chest. Rayne pursed her lips and shook her head softly. Nora knew the feeling. This all made her head hurt too.