Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  He had told her once her purity made her more beautiful; now he told people her purity was all he had wanted. Now that he allegedly had it, he was done with her. She quickly retreated to her room and locked her door for good measure. She was a prisoner in her own apartment, imprisoned in her room by Tom’s physical presence, and held captive in her mind by his lies.

  Three weeks had passed now since that awful night, and Evelyn had managed to sit in class and go to work, trying in vain to ignore what was being said. Tom had ruined her and there was nothing she could say to stop the lies.

  Today, Evelyn just wanted to escape to the gardens and hide away in them. She needed to work on a paper, but she was suffocating indoors and longed desperately to get out, to not think, if only for a little while. This garden was her favorite place to be on campus, though she rarely found time for it anymore. Almost always empty of people, it was tranquil and beautiful. Hidden among ivy-covered buildings, it was so easy to forget the city and chaos surrounding them. It was easier to see life clearly when she was there. Easier to remember that Tom and his lies did not direct her path.

  Peace settled over her as she walked through the gardens, enjoying the roses, letting their fragrance fill her lungs. But that peace was not meant to last. Movement caught her eye and when she looked up, a group of people were just entering the garden, and Tom was with them; in her sanctuary.

  Everything she had been trying to run away from caught up with her in that instant, slamming into her, burying her. All of her feelings of embarrassment and worthlessness came rushing over her; and if she was honest with herself, feelings of desire too. That made everything worse. Unwelcome sensations rose as memories of the flattering words he had spoken came to her unbidden. Those words had proven lies, just bait to reel her in because he wanted things she wouldn’t give. How quickly his sweet gaze had turned bitter. She only asked him to wait, but he wouldn’t. Her body shivered remembering the rage in his eyes even before she slapped him. She got away then, but here he was coming towards her now, and he looked determined.

  Evelyn turned to leave as quickly as she could, wanting to flee, but he was still approaching. Their eyes met just long enough for him to know she had seen him. Why did he have to be there? Why did she have to have these feelings? Why did his lies still tempt her? The man was dangerous. His words poison.

  Quickly scanning for the quickest route away from Tom and his entourage, she spotted him. Jackson. Maybe it was genius, maybe it was desperation, but an escape plan began to take form.

  No one questioned Jackson. She’d seen him settle heated arguments with a single comment. Tom wouldn’t dare anything if Jackson were near, would he? Tom was intimidating and powerfully built; but Jackson was too, even more-so.

  He would know the stories of what people said had happened between her and Tom. Who didn’t know her pathetic story? And she knew she probably looked crazy with desperation as she stepped into his path. This was an insane idea. She was so close to letting herself run away as she pleaded to him, “Please just play along…please?”

  Jackson was puzzled for a moment, until he glanced behind Evelyn and saw Tom striding towards her. Understanding settled upon him as she slid her arm around his waist and her body begged him to keep walking with her, feigning the idea that they were, at least, intimate friends.

  They knew each other, but not well. The library she worked at was his favorite study spot and he always went to her when he couldn’t find a particular book or article. She seemed to have the entire library memorized, and she always helped him with a smile. Sometimes when his eyes needed a break from the pages of books, he would watch her work; never with lust, but she was beautiful. He’d never been caught looking. He credited that to her modesty and not to his ability to be sly.

  Today she looked like a rose, in her cream dress, petal-pink sweater, and lace tights. His fingers itched to test the fabrics, wondering if they were as soft as they looked…if she was. She was a vision of sweetness.

  She wasn’t like other girls. She never looked to see if she was being watched. Jackson didn’t know if it was because she simply wasn’t curious, or if she thought no one would be watching. If she weren’t a good six years his junior, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his distance from her. It was still hard. Most young girls flirted with him, some even pursued him; but not Evelyn. She always treated him with sweetness and respect, but it was the same way she treated everyone, and nothing more.

  Yet here she was asking for his help. His prayer life overflowed with petitions for her. Strange he’d feel such a burden for someone he barely knew. He wanted to help her however he could and it tugged at his heart to protect her.

  Tom’s an idiot, Jackson thought. Evelyn was beautiful and sweet-tempered. He didn’t know if the rumors were true or not, but he wouldn’t judge her either way. He’d made enough mistakes of his own. How Tom could have hurt her the way he did, he just didn’t understand. So he hugged her to his side and matched his steps to hers. Panic may have been the only thing to convince her to turn to him for help.

  Having Evelyn so close to him made him realize how drawn to her he was. The most they had ever touched were the times he brushed her hand with his when she handed him a book; but it was so comfortable. No, comfortable wasn’t right. It was tantalizing to have her arm around his waist and his about her shoulders. He was thinking about how beautiful she was when they passed a couple, obviously in love, and the idea came into Jackson’s mind; an idea he knew would make Tom’s blood run hot and stop him in his steps. He was an idiot, but he wouldn’t dare confront Jackson, at least not publicly.

  Jackson stopped and turned to her. Glancing at the couple and then quickly in Tom’s direction, he hoped his gaze would explain to her that what he was about to do was for Tom to see.

  Their eyes locked. Had she ever looked into his eyes before? She couldn’t have, he would certainly have remembered, and he would have kissed her before now for other, more personal, reasons than to upset Tom. But that was the plan, for Tom to see. So why was he savoring each second? He captured a strand of her hair that had escaped its pinned place and tucked it back behind her ear. His hand refused to leave her and slid down to cradle her neck while his thumb traced her chin.

  He had his answer. She was softer than she looked.

  Her eyes never left his, except for an occasional flicker to his mouth. She was warm and soft, but frozen under his touch. Her eyes, round with a timid look of anticipation, were focused on his as their lips met. Her lips were hesitant as her eyes fluttered shut. She tasted of honey and springtime.

  Her honeyed lips parted as he wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her against himself. She was trembling. He pulled back and saw a tear streak her sweet face.

  What have I done?

  He wanted to protect her, but her downcast eyes told him he’d hurt her. He was a grown man, a Captain in Patrols! What right did he have to kiss her, even if it was to put Tom in his place? He sighed. It may have started as a show, but he couldn’t lie to himself. It ended with his own desires taking over.

  I’m as bad as Tom.

  Taking her face in both of his hands, he wiped the tears away with his thumbs. She wouldn’t look at him, and still she trembled. He wrapped her in his arms, hugging her tightly. “I am so sorry, Evelyn,” he whispered.

  He held her for just a moment before he brought her to his side again and led her away, out of Tom’s view. As they walked, he wondered about the truth behind the stories he’d heard about her. Her lips had pressed against his with the uncertainty of inexperience. But he knew Tom. He didn’t take a girl out without taking something from her. It couldn’t have been her first kiss.

  Chapter 9

  It was a beautiful kiss. As they walked, Evelyn tucked against Jackson’s side, her thoughts jumped back and forth from panic to disbelief in a frenzy. Her emotions were worse. She was sure she would crumble if not for Jackson’s arm around her.

  How could she have been so s
tupid to ask for his help? Jackson, of all people. He’d always been such a calming presence for her, now things would be strained and awkward. Oh, but that kiss… she put her hand over her stomach in an attempt to calm the butterflies.

  Jackson had communicated clearly enough through his look that the plan was for Tom to see, for him to think she had moved on, that he had no power over her. In that moment it had been true. She couldn’t have forced herself to think about Tom if she wanted to. Jackson was so handsome, far too handsome for her to ever hope to catch his eye. The way he had looked at her, the way he had touched her… He had to be very well practiced with women. He may be the only man she’d ever kissed, but it didn’t take experience to know when a man knew what he was doing.

  They walked in silence until they reached the school’s outdoor theatre. Jackson led her, keeping her tucked into his side, down the steps of the amphitheater to the front row of benches. He gestured for her to sit then joined her, staying an arm’s length away. She wasn’t expecting to find herself alone with him; she hadn’t thought past getting away from Tom.

  She focused on the stage. A play was scheduled for that evening, and the set was a very good distraction. It was a funny display, with mirrors everywhere, all distorted but for one. Beautiful ribbons and fabrics of gold, whites, and purples were draped all about.

  Silence surrounded them until Evelyn mustered up her courage. She was still trying to process everything, but it was rude to make Jackson sit so long without saying anything.

  “Evelyn,” he beat her to it. “Are you alright?”

  She lied and nodded.

  “Did I hurt you?” The tenderness he spoke with gave her a glimpse at the depth of his kindness.

  “No,” she answered. “I really appreciate you helping me. I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess, and for my behavior.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for, and you didn’t drag me into anything.” He put his hand on the back of her neck, sending a shiver through her. He moved his hand to the bench-back instead. “I’m sorry. I won’t touch you.”

  “Oh, no Jackson,” she turned, facing his pained expression. “That’s not it. That’s not it at all.” How could she make him understand without making a further fool of herself? She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. “This is so embarrassing.” She didn’t mean to say that. She sat up, glancing at him but mostly looking at the stage, holding her trembling hands in her lap. “I’m just a very silly girl. I’m not used to… I don’t get close to… Tom was the first boy that I ever went out with. I’m not used to men touching me. I just wasn’t expecting it is all. And I keep thinking about…” She was sharing too much.

  “About what?” Jackson encouraged her.

  She let out a sigh. “I keep thinking about my first kiss, and that it… goodness, I’m sorry, you don’t need to be bored by this.”

  “Nothing about this is boring, Evelyn. I’m enjoying getting to talk to you.”

  She felt her cheeks go hot. “Thank you.”

  “So, what about your first kiss are you thinking about?”

  What if he realized he was her first kiss? No, he wouldn’t. What twenty-year-old hadn’t kissed a boy before? “I always wanted my first kiss to be special, or to at least mean something to the other person. Anyway, I realized it didn’t mean anything to the other person. It was all just a lie,” a lie to deceive Tom, “and it hurts more than I expected.” But she was still grateful to Jackson. He was kind to her. She didn’t know anyone else who would have helped her as he did.

  Jackson was quiet for a minute, provoking Evelyn to steal a glance at him. His eyes were focused on the stage. He seemed to be thinking, or rather lost in thought, so she felt safe looking at him. She was caught up again by how handsome he was.

  She reminded herself that a handsome face can be deceiving. She’d focus on his character, because that’s what made a man. Though his character seemed as honorable as his face was handsome.

  “What are you thinking?” What could it hurt to ask? She had already kissed the man. What worse could she really do?

  He remained looking at the stage. “Tom’s an idiot.” He snuck a look at Evelyn and saw she wore a small smile. “See, you agree!”

  She sighed again. “No. He’s smart, and calculated, sometimes cruel, and unfortunately very attractive; but no idiot.” And in her heart, she believed it to be true. “Why do you think that, anyway? I thought most guys thought he was, well, something.”

  “Oh, he’s something alright, but I won’t say what kind of something. And you’re wrong. He is an idiot. He has to be, to hurt you, to let you go.”

  Evelyn hadn’t realized it until heat spread from her chest up to her cheeks that they had been speaking face to face. She had gotten lost in his eyes. But when the reminder of the rumors of her character rushed back, she couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. The gossip about her and Tom oppressed her with underserved shame. No one believed she was pure, even though she was.

  What was the harm in telling him the truth? She always denied the rumors, but no one ever believed her. There really was no proof, and Tom was a convincing story teller. She just looked like a little girl who had given away too much and was trying to save whatever she could. She wanted someone to believe her. She wanted him to believe her.

  And then it came blundering out of her mouth.

  “He left me because I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to.” Her lip began to quiver as tears flooded her eyes. She didn’t want to cry now, not again, but tears were disobedient creatures and spilled over. She quickly wiped them away. “None of the stories are true, the ones about what he says I did for him, did with him.” Shame of the accusations flooded her, but even in the tears there was a peace. It was amazing the effect of truth, no matter what other people believed. “I know everyone believes him, but they aren’t true.”

  Jackson thanked God in his heart that the stories weren’t true. She was too precious to lose her purity to the likes of Tom; to the likes of anyone. A hot anger boiled in him at the lies, and at the man who had spread them. “How long were you guys together?”

  “That’s the thing,” she said, her heart aching, thinking he didn’t believe her, “we never were actually together. We’ve known each other for a while, and I guess we flirted for a few weeks, at least he did. But I freaked out and ruined it when he wanted more. He was the first boy to ever say he liked me like that, to think I was beautiful…well, to say he thought I was beautiful. He knew it too, and used those lies to draw me in.” She was amazed, and a little embarrassed, at how easy it was to admit these things to Jackson. Maybe it was just nice to be able to talk to someone, or maybe she kept talking about those things to keep away from talking about their kiss. Either way, the more they talked, the calmer she became, and the more comfortable she was with him.

  “He may have used those things against you,” he said after some thought, “but they weren’t lies.”

  “They were lies,” she answered softly. She was watching her reflection in one of the distorted mirrors and suddenly let out a small, almost sad, laugh. “Just look at me.”

  Jackson obeyed with pleasure. “I am.”

  His eyes were so intense. Evelyn found it quite difficult to breathe again, so she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Then you know, I may not be a zero, but Tom has beautiful women seeking him out. Compared to them, compared to him, it never made any sense.”

  She jumped when he grabbed her hand.

  “Come with me,” he said after standing. He tugged her along the short distance to the stage and let go of her hand. “Pardon me,” he smiled and scooped her up, setting her on her feet on the stage. She was immediately grateful for the length of her dress, hitting her mid-calf, and for his averting his eyes as soon as she was above him. He was a gentleman. He easily jumped up to join her, his strength and agility shining through the ease of his movements; and the fact that he had lifted her like she weighed no more than a small child.

 
Taking her hand again, he took her to the only undistorted mirror and stood her in front of him. “What do you see?” he asked, releasing her hand.

  She looked at his reflection behind hers. “I see me, of course, with you standing behind me.”

  He became suddenly serious and it set her hands to fidgeting in her nervousness again. “Look at yourself, Evelyn Carter. What do you see?”

  She sighed – it was a day of sighs – and looked at herself. What did she see? “I see myself. A face, hair, a body, arms, hands, legs, feet. I see me.” The use of her last name sounded funny coming from him, strange too. She didn’t know he knew her last name. It was on her desk at work, though. He must have noticed it there. The way he said it made her feel like a child being spoken at by a school teacher. That was probably exactly how he felt next to her. “What else should I see, Mr. Monroe?”

  Jackson stepped closer, just inches away from her; maybe less. “May I tell you what I see?”

  Fear. From head to toe, fear ran through her like a river of lava. Alarms were sounding, telling her to escape, to run. But she couldn’t move.

  “I see a young woman,” he began, “who, somehow, has bought into some very cruel lies about herself. I see a girl who is gentle, and slow to anger, one who doesn’t seek out revenge or cruelty on others. Every day I have seen you at the library, I’ve seen a woman who is a hard worker, compassionate, and respectful.” He gently placed his hands on her shoulders. Her frame felt fragile under his touch and the strength of his hands. She couldn’t stop the slight tremble coursing through her at the unfamiliarity of his touch. “I see a woman who doesn’t complain about the burdens she carries.” His reflected gaze held hers.

  Evelyn smiled shyly. “Thank you.” It was kind of him to say those things, and it brought her so much happiness knowing someone thought well of her, that she wasn’t what the rumors suggested. His hands tightened slightly on her shoulders, cutting her thoughts short.

  “I am not finished.” Jackson cleared his voice and continued. “You are kind and able.” He slid his hands down her arms and held her hands. “Your arms and hands are delicate, but strong.” He could feel her trembling again, but someone needed to speak against these lies she believed. “Your body is alluring and feminine, but you remain modest and humble and carry yourself with a grace I’ve never seen.” He turned her around and took her face in his hands. When she tried to look away, he gently encouraged her. “Evelyn, it is safe to look at me.” When she looked up, both tears and embarrassment once more lined her eyes. “Your face is radiant with beauty. Your eyes are sweet and thoughtful, and your lips…” He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers for a moment, having difficulty focusing while remembering their kiss. “Your lips are very pleasant. Everything about you is breathtaking. If you dressed like other girls, or behaved like them, you could have any man you want. Tom pretends those things are lies for his own selfish reasons. He yearns for you and cannot have you, and I pray he never will.” Tears slipped down her cheeks and he wiped them away once more. “Evelyn, that is what you must see when you see yourself.”