Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  She couldn’t move, and she’d completely given up on breathing. She meant to say thank you, but tears choked her. She gave into them only for a moment before she shook her head and took what felt like her first real breath. Looking up at the man who had so quickly come to mean so much to her, she tried to speak. “Jackson…” but she couldn’t find the words to express everything she wanted him to know.

  “My friends call me Jack,” he smiled, wiping the last of her tears away. He made her tremble. It was partly from being terrified, though not wholly from fear. In truth, he took her breath away.

  She returned his smile. “Yes, but before today, I really only knew you through your library card.”

  “That’s true,” he conceded, “but I hope we can be friends now.”

  “I would like that very much.”

  “Now what to do about this situation we’re in,” he said, giving her shoulders one last squeeze before turning to sit on the edge of the stage. She followed and he continued once she was seated next to him. “We have a very angry Tom, and that’s putting it lightly, and a handful of other people who now think you and I are more than friends. I can see two ways to go. The first, when asked, we just answer honestly, saying that we’re just friends and that the kiss was a one-time, uh, misunderstanding of sorts. The other, we keep up the pretenses of being a couple, until we realize we just work better as friends, or until you fall desperately in love with me and we run away together.” He smiled and winked at her. “Of course, I would be much, much more respectful toward you than before. We could let people assume we kiss, rather than me stealing them from you…until you fall in love with me, that is. And then I will kiss you very often.”

  Her face burned hot with his comments about kissing. “Selfishly, I want people to assume we’re together,” she admitted. “I don’t think anyone would question me if they thought you would hear about it. But falling in love with you would be too easy, and unfortunately, love has to be a two-way deal.” She looked up at him, blushing, realizing what she had just blurted out. He laughed and she sighed. “But keeping up a lie would be wrong. So I guess we should go with friends.”

  “I wouldn’t mind playing along for a while longer, if you wanted to,” he teased. “But, if we hang out, even as friends, people shouldn’t bother you.”

  Evelyn couldn’t help but smile. “You really don’t mind? Being friends, I mean! Not playing at being a couple.”

  “I insist.”

  “Thank you Jacks…Jack.”

  Something unfamiliar played in Jackson’s eyes.

  “We should probably get out of here,” he blurted out. He was too close to doing something stupid, like kissing her again. “Don’t want people talking. But tomorrow I’ll be at your library to see how you’re doing. I expect you to smile at me, and chat with me, and maybe even throw in a few giggles.” She laughed, which was what he had hoped to accomplish. “If you need me before then,” he continued, taking out a pen, “you can find me here.”

  Chapter 10

  “See, I told you it was true.”

  Evelyn looked up from the task of copying Jackson’s address onto paper to see Sarah’s glare and Bekah’s gaping mouth.

  “Evie!” Bekah practically squealed, stealing her hand. “Why didn’t you tell us about Jack? That’s the trainer I was telling you about. Oh, he’s gorgeous. But we thought you were still hung up on Tom. What happened? When did it happen?”

  Here we go, Evelyn thought. “We’re just friends.”

  “Yeah right,” Sarah snorted. Of course she had been one of Tom’s shadows in the garden. “And that kiss was what? His way of saying hello?”

  “No.” Evelyn tried so hard to keep herself from blushing, but failed miserably. “We really are just friends. It was a one-time, huge, misunderstanding.”

  Bekah threw herself on the couch. “I bet it was great. Was it great? You think I could get him to misunderstand me? Wait…” She rolled over to look at Evelyn. “You’re friends…that means you can have him over. We could host a dinner…I hate cooking. Well, we could host a something. Just bring him by to hang out. I can take it from there.”

  Oh, Bekah. The girl was harmless; but Evelyn was much too jealous of this imaginary future Bekah was envisioning. “If he ever asks to hang out here, and you girls are here, I will be sure to let him come.” Really, what were the chances of that actually happening?

  Sarah’s eyes surveyed Evelyn suspiciously. Evelyn didn’t think she truly disbelieved the gossip about her.

  It wasn’t long before Sarah’s bad mood and Bekah’s daydreams of Jackson drove Evelyn from her apartment. Her library was closed, but the campus library was open late this week, so she grabbed her books and headed across campus. She hadn’t realized how cold it had gotten already, and her sweater wasn’t nearly thick enough to keep her warm. Picking up the pace in her little brown ankle boots, she walked briskly the remainder of the way.

  A little too briskly.

  As she crossed from the cold to the warmth of the school library, with teeth still chattering, she almost bumped straight into Tom! What luck she was having. In her attempt to escape the judgment and questions of her roommates, she walked smack into him.

  “Hey Evie.” Tom greeted. She wasn’t sure she liked this new way he was looking at her.

  “Hello, Tom.” There. She managed a hello. Now she just wanted by him, but of course he had pre-calculated her move and adjusted himself into her path.

  “You don’t usually come here.” His eyes began to study her in a possessive manner she now was sure she did not like.

  Even with all the people around them, the intimacy of their closeness scared her. And everyone was watching, which made it worse. She should have stayed home. “I need to work on a paper and couldn’t focus at home.”

  Tom stepped even closer to her; he always used his body to intimidate her. “Do you think we could go somewhere, and talk a while? I…”

  She was in danger now of panicking and needed to get away, but he broke off whatever he was going to say. He stepped back quickly, his body taking on a rigidness uncharacteristic of him, as his eyes locked on something behind her.

  Evelyn turned to see what he was looking at and almost jumped. Whether it was from the shock of him being so close without her knowing or the joy of seeing him, she didn’t know or care. There was Jackson.

  She hadn’t realized how incredibly tense she was until he put his arm around her shoulder and she relaxed into his side. He looked down at her and smiled, and it was easy to smile back; she was so glad to see him. He was turning into her knight in shining armor.

  “Hey Tom. How are you?” Jackson took his time looking at him.

  For the first time in her memory, Tom looked uncomfortable, nervous even. “Hey Jack. Yeah, I’m fine. I was just catching up with Evie. Uh, I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

  Evelyn could tell that Tom was angry about being thwarted, but he left without argument.

  “See you tomorrow,” Jackson called after him, keeping his arm around Evelyn even after Tom walked away. “Evie, huh?” he asked, and tugged her along with him as he started walking towards an empty table.

  “Yeah,” she breathed out. “My roommates and Tom call me that.” With the immediate threat of Tom gone, her closeness to Jackson began to affect her in strange ways, causing her heart to skip about nervously. “I didn’t know you guys have a class together.”

  Jackson smiled what Evelyn thought to be a wicked, but very handsome, smile. “Well, we’re in the same classroom at the same time, but we’re not really in the same class.” Evelyn was very confused by his answer, and he knew it. His smile became even more wicked. “I’m his professor.”

  Evelyn ducked out from under his arm. “You’re his what?” She thought he was still working on his masters…older, sure, but still a student! Oh, she’d kissed a professor. What if she had to take his class next semester? Embarrassment didn’t begin to describe the humiliation that was coloring her r
ed.

  He laughed light-heartedly and sat in one of the chairs. “Sit down, Evie,” he teased. “I only teach one class. They were short a professor and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. They only have to pay me half a normal professor’s salary since I’m technically a student teacher, so they were eager to hire me instead of finding an actual professor.”

  A student teacher was easier to take. She sat in the chair opposite of him, grateful she didn’t have to rely on her wobbly legs to keep her standing any longer. “I thought we were taking the ‘friends who had a misunderstanding’ road.”

  Jackson smiled a self-satisfied smile. “Tom doesn’t need to know that. All he needs to know is that I’m around. I feel better with him thinking we’re more than we are.”

  Evelyn’s head tilted with the effort of trying to process that comment.

  “If he asks,” he said, leaning closer, “I promise I will be honest. If he doesn’t ask, though, I’m not going to make a point of telling him.” It was all he could promise. “So, what are you studying?”

  She had forgotten all about her paper. “U.S.A. Hostilities.” The class was on their most recent war and the conflicts that led up to it. It had been a violent time, but she loved learning about how different life was back then, before the country was split in two.

  She read once that citizens commonly carried phones around with them, whenever they wanted. She was fascinated by that, since now it was illegal for a private citizen to own a personal phone. They had phones in their homes linked to Patrols for emergencies, but that was it. The government said it was to help minimize chaos. She wasn’t entirely sure what that meant.

  “Are you a history major?” he asked, intrigue lining his tone.

  “No,” she admitted. “Literature major, but I’m minoring in history. It helps me appreciate literature better when I know about the world the authors lived in.”

  “So you’re using history to get closer to literature…not very nice of you.” She smiled at his teasing but didn’t respond. She was transforming into the woman he watched at the library. Quiet and diligent. As she opened her laptop, he saw that the books she had with her were some of the books he referenced frequently in his own papers. “You’ve chosen excellent books to help you.”

  Evelyn smiled a little and glanced up at him. “It’s one of the many perks of working at the library. A lot of books pass through my hands. It’s helped me a lot in my own studies.”

  “Do you know I reference these books a lot?”

  Evelyn smiled and blushed in response.

  “Do you use these books because I use them?” he questioned suspiciously.

  Evelyn put her hands in her lap so as to hide her fidgeting and forced her eyes up to his. “I promise I wasn’t trying to remember what books you use. You are just at the library a lot, and I help you find books more than anyone else. One day when I was putting your books away, I decided to read one, and couldn’t put it down. So, I decided to add on a minor and figured you were a good reference to go by.” The heat of embarrassment painted her cheeks at her confession. She giggled nervously and buried her head in her arms on the table. “I know, it’s terribly shameful of me to use you like that.”

  Jackson laughed, too loudly for a library, and she looked up and shushed him with a smile. “I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. Anyone who’s stumbled across my course syllabus would have a list of my favorite books. But it’s nice to know you noticed.” He knew she’d be flustered by his last comment, so he unbound the papers he brought to grade and started reading, closing the conversation.

  Evelyn released a grateful sigh and set herself to her own studies.

  They sat across from each other for some while, silently working. As was his usual habit, Jackson watched her when he needed a break from looking at the papers, and she kept her eyes on her work, completely devoted to the task in front of her. Somehow she had stolen a tender place in his heart. His intentions towards her worried him some, but he convinced himself, for the moment, that he could be content being her friend. Just her friend.

  He had a horrible feeling he was lying to himself.

  He watched her work and wondered what it would be like to have her kind of focus. But as the hours went by, he noticed her eyes becoming heavier and heavier as she read through the books she had brought until she rested her head on her arm and fell asleep.

  As he watched her, he also wondered about what sort of man would sweep her off her feet one day. As quickly as the thought came into his mind, he forced it out…but he couldn’t help thinking how much he would like to try and be that man. He prayed it wouldn’t be Tom, though, or anyone like him, and wondered how he ever got close enough to get his claws into her. She had told him they’d known each other for a while. How long was that?

  It was late now, and she needed to go home. Jackson ran his fingers over the soft back of her hand. Her hand was so cold. The temptation to hold it and warm it with kisses almost overtook him, but he fought it back. Instead, he whispered quietly, “Evelyn. Evelyn.”

  Chapter 11

  Sleep tugged at Evelyn, but it was losing the battle for her consciousness. A warm hand was gently resting on hers. And there was a voice…a man’s voice…

  Urgent panic sat her up too quickly, as she tried to piece together the memory of where she was. Across the table sat Jackson, wearing a sweet smile. In her groggy state, she couldn’t fight the desire to stare at him. She took in his dark eyes, and perfect nose; he looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a couple days, but that just seemed to add to his allure. She couldn’t suppress her smile when she looked at his lips. Finally, awareness of what she was doing settled upon her, and she quickly looked down at her things to begin collecting them. How stupid she was. “What time is it?” she asked him as she rose with her things.

  Jackson hadn’t missed her stare, but he wouldn’t embarrass her by mentioning it right then. “Just about ten.”

  She looked up at him with wide eyes. “How close to ten?”

  “About five ‘til. What’s wrong?”

  “Jack, I’m not 21.”

  The curfew. He had forgotten how young she was, but he still didn’t understand why she was so worried. The curfew was easily dealt with; he would just take her home. It was true, the Patrols had a reputation of being rough when they found someone breaking curfew, and there were worse stories of their treatment of young ladies. Patrol officers would be dealt with, severely, if they were ever found out, but unfortunately the few he suspected to be the offenders kept out of sight and managed to keep their victims from turning them in. He always assumed Tom was one of them. One day soon he would catch him. But as for Evelyn, as long as she was chaperoned, she would be fine. “I’ll take you home.”

  Evelyn paused to consider his words.

  “Evelyn, I won’t let anyone bother you.”

  She didn’t realize until later how comforted she was by his words or by the deep tone of his voice. All she knew then was how relieved she was that she wouldn’t have to ask an officer to escort her home. She knew they couldn’t all be bad, but she still didn’t trust any of them. They were there to keep everyone safe, but she knew the ones who worked the Campus Patrols were young and often looking for trouble. She just hoped Bekah and Sarah wouldn’t see Jackson walking her home.

  “Thank you, Jack. I really would be very grateful.” She was already in his debt so much, and just from one day! They finished gathering their things and walked toward the doors. The two attending officers at the doors nodded to Jackson as they left.

  Even just outside the library, where you could still feel the heat from the room, it was freezing. Evelyn hugged her books and computer tight to her chest in an effort to keep warm. As her teeth set to chattering, Jackson put his papers on a bench next to him and shrugged out of his jacket. Without a word, he snatched away her things and wrapped his jacket around her.

  “Jack, no. You’ll be so cold! It’s not your fault I wasn�
�t thinking when I left without a jacket.” But he had put her things on the bench with his and was zipping his jacket up, trapping her inside.

  “I’m sorry, you just don’t get a say in this.” He smiled and picked up their things. He was enjoying the sight of her in his jacket. “So, which way to home?”

  Evelyn slid her arms into the sleeves. “The apartments south of the gardens…” The same gardens where she reached out to him for help. The same gardens where he kissed her.

  They began to walk, her in his jacket, and him carrying their things. The jacket was still warm with his body heat and it pushed the chill out of her own body. She didn’t understand Jackson. He had become so complex in just one day, and she had so many unanswered questions about him. Why was he helping her, and why was he so kind about it? How was he so confident in everything? And why had those officers acknowledged him as they left?