Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  Evelyn was sure Jackson could find someone to take her; he would probably order an officer to do it and he’d be forced to follow orders. But who wanted to be taken by someone who was forced to ask you? And, she didn’t want to have to see Jackson with another woman. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  Natalie hoped her son would rectify this situation quickly and ask the girl already. If he was right about her having many admirers, someone else may ask her before she realizes his affection for her. “I do hope it works out for you to come,” she said while putting her dresses away and closing the closet doors. “It would be so much fun to have you there.”

  Evelyn was fidgeting again. Their conversation evoked uncomfortable emotions, making her jealous of whoever Jackson would take. She needed to change the subject. “You’re going to be lovely at your dinner tomorrow night. I think Charlie will be pleased with our choice of dress, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I believe he will like it. And speaking of Charlie, I bet he’s hungry. It’s about lunch time now. Would you mind helping me in the kitchen?”

  She exhaled, letting the tension leave her body. She was glad Natalie dropped the subject of the ball, and Jackson. “I’d love to.” She followed her out of the room. Before they got to the kitchen, she asked quietly, in case there were listening ears nearby, “Could you not say anything to Jackson, about anything we talked about?”

  Natalie frowned, but agreed. “My lips are sealed.”

  They busied themselves in the kitchen and had lunch ready quickly. The men joined them; Charles coming in from outside and Jackson from upstairs. Evelyn wondered what he’d been up to.

  The four of them spent the remainder of the afternoon in the library together. Evelyn and Natalie read while Jackson and Charles talked about government things and protection details they thought were needed. Once in a while they disagreed, but for the most part, they saw eye to eye on things. From what Evelyn caught of their conversation, trouble was coming. It was just one more thing that made her want to stay with the Monroes.

  That evening, Natalie surprised Evelyn by having everyone eat dinner in the sun room upstairs, where Jackson had taken Evelyn after their run. Natalie insisted she didn’t want Evelyn to miss the sunset.

  It was glorious. Evelyn had never seen anything like it in all her life. With the sun burning through the already flame-colored trees, and all of it reflecting off the glass-like lake, it really did look like it all was on fire.

  Jackson knew she was captivated by the beauty before her, so watched her freely without fear of getting caught. His mother gave him a strange look; he thought she looked frustrated with him, but he didn’t know why. She knew how he felt about Evelyn, and he knew his mother loved her already; so he went back to watching her.

  She fit into his family so well. She had spent time with both of his parents and got along with them better than he could have ever hoped. His mother had found the daughter she’d always wanted in her, and his father already respected her greatly.

  His attraction to her went beyond her outward beauty. She was beautiful, but she was so much more too, and he was drawn to her more and more each time he learned something new about her. He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to bear being just friends. He worried, though. What if his feelings drove her away? He decided to wait until after Christmas to say anything. He didn’t want to jeopardize her coming back with him for Christmas.

  Natalie brought out family albums after dinner, and after the sun had set, ending its fiery show for the night. Evelyn delighted in seeing pictures of Jackson as a little boy. He had been a sturdy boy since the day he was born. They all stayed up late into the night listening to Charles and Natalie tell stories and looking through their pictures, as Evelyn and Jackson stole hidden glances at each other whenever they could.

  Chapter 23

  Evelyn woke screaming. She had been dreading the return to Syracuse before she fell asleep, and her nightmares were full of all the horrible things that haunted her; Tom was a recurring theme, but not the worst.

  She was sitting straight up, gasping, clutching her covers with tears streaming down her face when she finally woke up. She tried to push the nightmare away, but she couldn’t shake it. She jumped when her door cracked open.

  “Hey,” a shirtless Jackson whispered from the door. “You okay?” All she could do was lie and nod. “Mind if I come in?” She nodded again, he stopped. He looked down at his half-dressed self before looking back to her. “I’m coming back in two minutes. If you don’t want me in there, meet me out here.”

  Evelyn was scared. Her nightmare still gnawing at her. She could feel herself shaking and was fighting back nausea. She knew Jackson was safe, but she didn’t want to be alone with him in her room. Reluctantly, and hoping more for a steady stomach than steady nerves, she got up and waited for him in her doorway.

  When Jackson came back, he wasn’t shirtless. That was good. He also didn’t look anything like he had in her nightmare, which helped her a great deal.

  There was no point trying to hide that she’d been crying. Try as she had to dry her cheeks before Jackson returned, steadying her quivering lip was a losing battle. She settled for wrapping herself with her arms and let her eyes fall to the floor. He’d have to be the one to break the silence this time.

  Jackson took her hand and led her down to the sun room. Her hand was ice cold and clammy in his; just one more embarrassing thing she couldn’t hide from him.

  When they got to the room, he let go of her hand and went to a chest containing blankets and took one out. When he turned back, he studied Evelyn who was still standing in the doorway. His eyes ran over her, evaluating her, trying to decode her.

  He walked back to her, took her hand in his, and sat her on the couch. Putting the blanket over her, he sat facing her on the couch. She refused to look up at him and watched her fidgeting hands instead.

  “You’re not okay. What’s wrong?”

  Evelyn just shook her head, trying to guard herself from the tenderness in his voice. She didn’t want to be next to him, or for him to ask why she didn’t want to be next to him. Alone in her room, or here on the couch with him didn’t matter though, she’d be thinking about her nightmare either way.

  He put his hand over hers, causing her breathing to flutter. “Evelyn, it’s just me. What’s wrong?”

  She took her hands from under his and wrapped her arms around herself again. “I just had a bad dream. That’s all. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you. You shouldn’t have gotten up.”

  “What was it about?” There wasn’t any room for arguing in the tone he used. It wasn’t mean, just sure.

  “Tom, and you.”

  Dread began to prick at Jackson. “What about me and Tom?”

  She looked up at him, pleading. “Jackson, please don’t ask me to tell you.”

  “What about me and Tom?” He forced his voice stern, needing her answer.

  Evelyn looked down again. If he insisted on knowing, she would tell him, but she didn’t have to look him in the eye when she did. “It was about the night Tom attacked me, but it was different. It was worse.”

  “How was it worse?”

  “You didn’t stop him, you helped him.” She knew it was a nightmare, it wasn’t real, but silent tears fell anyway. She hoped he couldn’t see them in the dark; but he did.

  “That is worse,” he thought aloud and he reached out to wipe a tear away. She didn’t mean to recoil from his touch. “You know I’d never do that.” She nodded. “And you know I’ll always stop him.”

  Nodding seemed to be all she could manage.

  “Please look at me.” His voice was very gentle, and very sad.

  She looked up. Pain was evident on his face, but his eyes said something more, something she didn’t know how to hear.

  “You’re so precious to me. I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”

  His words tugged at her heart and drew her to him. “I don’t want to be alone.” He didn’
t know she meant more than just in that moment. Evelyn went willingly when he pulled her to his side and wrapped his arms protectively around her. It was the first time anyone saved her from her nightmares, and she welcomed the safety of his arms. His arms calmed the turmoil in her body, easing the fear and the nausea, but giving way to a flood of hurt. “Why’d he do it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Did I do something to make him think I wanted him to do that?”

  “No,” he spoke into her hair. “It wasn’t anything you did. He’d been drinking that night, and I don’t think he’s used to not getting what he wants.”

  “Are all men that way? Would you take something that wasn’t yours, just because you wanted it?”

  Jackson could feel her body shaking as her tears began to fall again and he held her tighter. “I think all men, or at least most men, struggle with their desires. But not all men are like Tom. Evelyn, I can’t tell you I’ve never taken something that wasn’t mine…I did kiss you after all. But I can tell you that I’d never do more than that.”

  Evelyn slowly relaxed into him again. She thought about his answer and was glad he’d been honest with her. She began to wonder how many other kisses he’d stolen when she decided she liked thinking about how firm his arms and chest were more. Sleep began to claim her as she rested in the safety of his arms, listening to the steady drum of his heart.

  “Do you drink?” she asked, sounding half asleep to Jackson.

  “Yes, once in a while. But I don’t get drunk.” Evelyn’s head was getting heavier against his shoulder. She would be asleep soon.

  “I don’t want to be around you when you drink. Bekah doesn’t drink. I always feel safe with Bekah.”

  “Do you feel safe with me?”

  “No,” she sighed. “I mean yes. I don’t know. But what will I do when you forget about me?” Her words were slurred together, but Jackson heard it quite clearly. Evelyn pulled the blanket around her and fell asleep.

  When Jackson was sure she was asleep, he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll never forget about you,” he whispered. He began to think that Christmas may be too long for him to wait, and he decided he’d never touch alcohol again.

  It was almost five now, and Jackson knew his parents would be up soon. He didn’t have to wait long to find out what they thought when they found them. He lifted his finger to his lips when they walked in. “She had a nightmare,” he whispered.

  His mother looked sad; his father looked angry. Jackson hadn’t seen that face in a long time. “We’ll talk about this later, before you leave.” His father put his arm about his mother and they excused themselves silently from the room.

  Jackson didn’t care that he’d have to report to his father about this; though he wasn’t sure why he needed to. He wasn’t even sharing the blanket with her. Even though it was his father’s home, he was a grown man. But whatever the reason, having her nestled against him was worth it.

  He looked down at the angel in his arms. She’d whimpered once since she’d fallen asleep. He whispered to her that she was safe, and he was almost certain she’d whispered his name before settling back into a peaceful sleep.

  God, his heart cried out. What would You have me do? It feels so right holding her, being here to fight her nightmares with her. How am I going to leave her alone back home? I know Your Word says to give You all of our worries because You care for us… Please build my faith and help me live those words. Please be Evelyn’s safety.

  Evelyn’s cheek rubbed against his chest just as the sun was peaking over the east side of the lake, bathing everything the light touched in gold.

  He hadn’t thought about how she’d react waking in his arms. She’d all but fallen over when they were in the limo on the drive over, but of course she hadn’t willingly fallen asleep on him then.

  Her breathing altered just enough to signal that she was awake then. Apparently, she was content where she was because she wasn’t moving. He didn’t have any problem with that.

  Her hand that had been on his chest, under her chin, ran, palm down, across his chest and around to his side. Something he was beginning to notice, tired Evelyn didn’t have the self-control that awake Evelyn did. He smiled to himself. He didn’t really mind that either.

  “Good morning,” he greeted when he was finally sure his voice wouldn’t scare her. He laughed when she turned her face into his chest. “I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

  “No.” Evelyn spoke into Jackson’s chest, refusing to let the light of day spoil the closeness between them. “I should get up.”

  “Why?”

  She tilted her head back just enough to reveal her eyes. “Well,” she tried to focus. “For starters, it’s completely inappropriate of me to be sleeping against you like this. And, because I’m sure you would like me off of you.”

  Jackson held her tight to stop her retreat. “As to this being inappropriate: you had a nightmare, a bad one. You didn’t need to face that alone. And for you thinking I want to get up…I cannot think of anywhere I’d like to be more than here holding you.” His hand rubbed her back. “When you told me about your dream, I was scared you wouldn’t let me near you again.”

  She sat there looking at him, weighing the argument for getting up against staying with him.

  “And,” he added. “It’s still early.” He almost had to pinch himself to keep from kissing her pink lips before she settled back down, resting her head against his shoulder.

  “I’m really sorry I woke you up last night.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry.” This was worth being woken up for.

  “You should have just gone back to bed. You didn’t need to come to my room.”

  He caved and kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad I did.”

  “You’re very strange sometimes,” Evelyn thought aloud. Jackson left the comment untouched, except for a soft chuckle. Moments later though, his misbehaving stomach growled. Loudly.

  “Why didn’t you say you were hungry?”

  Stupid stomach, he thought. “I didn’t know I was.”

  She stood up and stretched, then extended her hands to him. “Come on, let’s go get breakfast.”

  Jackson let her help him up and waited for her as she folded and put away the blanket. They walked through the kitchen door to find Charles holding Natalie in his arms; they were talking quietly about something. Jackson observed Evelyn’s blush at the scene and wondered if it was a difficult scene for her to see. Just in case, he cleared his voice, startling his mother.

  “Oh! Jackson, Evelyn, we didn’t see you there,” Natalie said.

  Charles turned and kept one arm around his wife. His voice didn’t show any sign of surprise. “Good morning, you two. I hope you slept well.” He smiled at Evelyn but aimed his pointed look at Jackson when he said the last part.

  “Yes, just fine,” Jackson answered quickly, stepping slightly in front of her.

  Evelyn looked between the two men. An unsettling feeling bubbled up suggesting there were a lot of unspoken words between them, and she hoped she wasn’t the cause of it.

  Natalie bumped her husband with her hip. “Don’t you two get started until you’re out of my kitchen. Take your breakfast to the library so Evelyn and I can have our eggs and coffee in peace.”

  The two men obeyed her and took their food and left. Once they were gone Natalie rolled her eyes. “Those two always manage to have something to argue about.”

  Evelyn poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the counter. “I hope I didn’t cause it.” She was uneasy about the whole situation. Since coming to the Monroes’ home, she hadn’t seen anything but ease and kindness between them.

  Natalie brought her coffee and sat next to her. “You don’t need to worry. Even if you’re brought up, it’s only because they like a good argument. Charlie likes to challenge his son. Says it keeps him tough and on his toes. I say rubbish! He’s just looking for a fight and knows he can’t win one against me.” She laughed a
s she talked. Natalie had a wonderful way of reassuring Evelyn, but something in her was still uneasy. “Jackson said you had a nightmare. Would you like to talk about it?”

  Evelyn was glad she hadn’t been taking a drink of her coffee at that moment, or she would have choked. “No. I mean, yes, I had a nightmare, but no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I used to get nightmares. I would wake, and I knew they weren’t real, but they held enough truth in them to make them feel real. Old memories haunted me when I would wake, mixing with the lies that tormented me in my nightmares.” Natalie put her hand on Evelyn’s arm. “You don’t have to tell me about it, I just want you to know I understand.”

  Evelyn remembered the story Charles had told her about them being attacked. Natalie understood better than anyone, and had gone through much worse. Still, she didn’t want to talk about it. “Thank you, Natalie.”

  Natalie changed the subject for her. “So what time are you guys heading home today?”

  “Jackson said by noon. I wish it wasn’t so soon.”

  “I wish that too,” Natalie said. Evelyn hurt at the disappointment on her face. “Did Jackson tell you we hold church here on Sunday mornings?”

  “No,” she said excitedly. “Would you mind if I joined you guys? It’s something I’ve always been curious about!”

  “Oh, I’m glad you want to come!” Natalie exclaimed. “And, of course, you can come. It’s church; everyone’s welcome. There are just a few of us, and we meet in the library at nine. Actually,” she said, looking at the clock, “I should head upstairs and get dressed.” She took another sip of her coffee and excused herself from the kitchen.

  Evelyn could hardly contain herself. Church! She had always wanted to attend a church group, but never knew how to find one. What a wonderful way to end her time with the Monroes. She had so many questions, and now she had an opening for asking Jackson.

  Chapter 24