Desires, Sweets, Secrets

by Kyle Autumn

  I rise to hover over him. He lines himself up with my opening. I slide my wrists through his grip. He links our fingers together. I slip over him. He slides into me. I grip his hands. He stretches and fills me. And, with unwavering eye contact, we become one.

  As I swivel my hips, he meets each swirl with a thrust of his own. But, soon, it’s all me. My ponytail swings against my back as I work him over, grinding and twisting to find the friction I desire. He holds on to my hands, giving me the freedom to chase after the feeling I want. When I find it, I ride the wave and keep my rhythm until I’m falling over the edge, flying high on a cloud of Jeremy-induced ecstasy.

  With my eyes squeezed shut and my knuckles turning white, he rises, sitting up on the bed. My arms go around his neck and I plant my face near his shoulder, shuddering through my release. His hands curve around my waist as we keep the pace up. In fact, he speeds it up a little, chasing after his own orgasm now that I’ve had mine. And, when he finds it, he pulls me back and kisses me, our bodies shaking with passion but our mouths securely latched to one another. Which makes me tumble off the edge and climax again, and we tremble together.

  I cup his cheeks and bear down on his erection inside me. My ponytail flicks over my shoulder and tickles my skin while he presses me closer to his chest so we’re skin to skin everywhere. But it’s still not close enough for him. Or me. We tangle our tongues and squeeze harder, press tighter. Nothing will ever make us close enough unless I’m under his skin.

  And, maybe metaphorically, I am now.

  Now that I don’t have to hold back, I don’t. I throw my head back and let out a guttural moan. He matches my moan with a hiss of his own, and with my breasts exposed, he takes advantage, sucking one nipple into his mouth before the other. The pleasure of that sends zings of white-hot heat to my core, and I groan through a sexual shiver.

  “I love how you shudder like that when I’m close to you,” he says around kisses placed up my chest. He reaches my neck and then nips my ear. “God, it fucking turns me on. Everything about you does.” His lips land on the soft spot behind my ear and I nearly come again from the feel of it.

  With my hands on his shoulders, I lean close to him and find his lips. I shouldn’t want to kiss him—that’s not what this was supposed to be about—but I do. On my bed, in my house, this is how we can be together. Because I’ve fucking missed being with someone like this. Having a real connection.

  One I’m completely unprepared for.

  “Hey,” he says, pulling away and wiping my face with his fingers. “Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?”

  I didn’t know I was crying until now, but no, he didn’t hurt me. Not at all. But it’s worse than that. It’s not a physical pain that can heal in time. It’s an emotional pain I can’t seem to move past. And this isn’t how I planned on letting Jeremy know. Here we are though.

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry. This hasn’t happened before.” On a sniffle, I bring a hand to my face to wipe more tears away. Now that they’ve started and I’ve realized it, I can’t seem to make them stop. Soon, they overtake me.

  He wraps me up in his embrace, a gentle but firm pressure pressing me to him. He rubs my back, smooths my hair down, and whispers that it’s okay in my ear. “What happened?” he asks. “How can I make it better?”

  I rest my forehead on his shoulder as I breathe to calm down. All of a sudden, though, a giggle bubbles up from my throat. How ridiculous is it that this man is trying to reassure me, cheer me up, and even help me out when I’m thinking of another man. A man I can’t have, but still.

  Jeremy leans back and uses his grip on my shoulders to push me back a little and see my face. I use the heel of my palm to brush tears away from one eye, my lips curved up in a smile that I can’t believe is there.

  “Okay, I don’t know what to do,” he says around a small chuckle of his own.

  “You don’t have to do anything,” I assure him, my face finally dry. “It’s fine.”

  He traces his fingers in circles down my back, causing one of those familiar shivers to skate down my spine. “Clearly, it’s not fine. Is this about Dani?”

  Slowly, I shake my head. Because it’s about my Danny, but not his Dani, and I have no idea how to begin to explain that while we’re like this. It seems so wrong, and thinking about Danny has never seemed wrong, so I’m not sure what to do. Hence the crying and the laughing.

  “That’ll be okay,” he reassures me. “Remember, we talked about it and—”

  “No, I know.” I wave my hands in the space between us to get him to stop. It’s not about that, and I don’t want him wasting his breath. Then I start to climb off him. “But you should probably get back to her, right?”

  He holds on to my arm, his skin trailing down mine until the moment I’m too far away and my arm falls to my side. “I told her I’d take you back to the bakery to get your car. I can still do that.”

  “I can get an Uber. It’s okay,” I tell him as I pick my clothes up off the floor. Stepping into my sweatpants, I chance a glance at him and don’t like the hurt on his features.

  “I’ll take you to get your car.” He gets off the bed and picks his clothes up too. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

  I simply nod. I don’t feel like arguing. In fact, I don’t feel like talking at all. Not when I thought I was just having casual sex but I was actually feeling something deeper than that. Am feeling something deeper than that. Maybe much deeper.

  I hold my shirt to my chest, not ready to move yet. It isn’t like this is the first time I’ve slept with someone since Danny. I’ve had mindless sex before, but that’s just it. This wasn’t mindless, and it didn’t feel like just sex.

  Jeremy surprises me with a hand on my waist. He trails it up my back and down my arms before wrapping his around me from behind. “I’ll get dressed and be right back.”

  “Mmhm,” I hum out, nodding and keeping my gaze on the floor.

  He kisses my shoulder and then walks to the en suite bathroom to clean up and dress. While he’s gone, I toss my top into the laundry basket in my closet and throw a clean shirt on. Something longer and more appropriate if I’m going to be in public. By the time Jeremy reenters my bedroom, I’m ready to go except for shoes. Silently, I slip those on by the door and grab my purse, and then we’re off to his car in his driveway.

  “Thanks for doing this,” I tell him, readjusting my ponytail while I wait for him to unlock it.

  He comes around to my side and opens the door for me. “You’re welcome. But it’s not a favor, Meli.”

  As I drop into the passenger’s seat, my name on his lips nearly stops my heart. I wait for him to get into the car and wring my hands in front of me. “Can you just call me Amelia?” I ask once he’s settled in his seat.

  “And be like everyone else?” he chuckles softly, starting the car’s engine. “Not a chance.”

  “No, seriously.” I buckle my seat belt. “I didn’t mean to tell you that that’s my name,” I say as I tighten it. “Only family calls me that, and…” And then I run out of words that won’t break my heart some more.

  His hand goes from the gear shifter to my thigh while we’re still in park. “Okay, I don’t know what happened in there”—he juts his head toward my house—“but whatever you can’t say to me right now can wait. I have a past too, and it isn’t pretty. Those words don’t have to be said in this car. When you’re ready,” he says, brushing his knuckles along my cheek, “you can tell me. But, for now, I’ll wait.”

  My nostrils flare as more tears well in my eyes. “You don’t have to do that. Wait, I mean. I don’t know when…” I reach a hand up to swipe under my eye. “I don’t…”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he says, his thumb at the corner of my eye, wicking the moisture away. “I’ve got time.”

  If I thought my name coming from his mouth stopped my heart, those words completely annihilate it.

  “Don’t worry so much, babe. I’ve got time.”

  Da
nny said that to me once. Back when we both thought we had time. Back when the night was always young—and so were we. We thought we had lots of time, but it turns out that we didn’t. So do I take that lesson and run with it? Embrace now for what it is—all I have? Or do I let the fear of losing something I’m not sure I ever had overwhelm me and pull me under?

  Unfortunately for us, I’m shitty at making decisions.

  So the rest of the car ride is silent, save for the occasional shaky breath I release as I choke tears back. I don’t dare say another thank-you or kiss him on the lips like I so want to when we pull up next to my car. I don’t chance a look back at him as he drives away. And I don’t even go home. Being that near him but not being able to be next to him will drive me crazy. Especially now that we know how the other truly feels.

  So I go inside the bakery and do what I do best: I bake.

  None other than the chocolate chip muffins a certain someone I just slept with will enjoy.

  Chapter 8

  Jeremy

  “Hey!” My brother waves at me from his table in the corner. “I’m glad you could make it for lunch,” he says when I reach him.

  “Yeah, me too. What’s up?” I take the open seat next to my brother and nod to the man across from me. I think I’ve seen him at work before, which would make sense, considering the uniform he’s wearing.

  He nods back.

  Matt points to him. “Two things. First, I want to introduce you to my friend Aidan.”

  “Hey, man,” I tell him, grabbing the menu from the holder in the middle of the table.

  Aidan sticks his hand out for a shake, which I take. “I’m glad you were able to get a job with us. Your brother was happy to be able to help.”

  “Yeah, me too. Thanks.” I fidget with the menu, glancing over it to see what I want to eat.

  The waitress comes by to take our orders, so I make a split-second decision even though all of it sounded good. I’m starving after my shift at work.

  Once the waitress leaves to put our food order in, I look at my brother. “What’s the second thing?”

  “Oh yeah,” Matt says, tucking his menu away. “Cade wants us all to have dinner together again. The other night was fun, but we both thought you were pretty distracted.”

  I glance at Aidan before telling my brother, “Yeah, we can set that up, but maybe we should talk about the rest some other time.”

  Matt claps Aidan on his shoulder. “If it’s a girl problem, Aidan knows all about those. Don’t ya, buddy?” He smirks at his friend.

  Aidan tries to laugh it off, but I can tell there’s something more serious going on. Either way, he says, “That’s pretty much the truth.”

  “Maybe Jer can provide some insight,” Matt says to him as the waitress brings glasses of water for us.

  “Matt.” I put my hands flat on the table. “If he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. I don’t really want to talk about mine, either.”

  “Aha!” Matt raises a finger. “So it is a girl problem.”

  I roll my eyes, an I got caught grin taking my face over. So I wad my straw wrapper up and throw it at my brother like we’re children again.

  He bats it away. “Is it the neighbor? Dani’s boss? Or is it someone else?”

  “Oh my god, stop,” I groan at him. Then I turn to Aidan. “I didn’t get a say in the matter, but you actually choose to be his friend?”

  He chuckles. “You know, I do. But I’m currently questioning that choice.”

  “Fuck off,” Matt says, laughing too. “I’m helpful—when you actually tell me what the hell is going on.” He’s staring at Aidan, not me, which makes me feel a little better.

  Aidan waves him off. “Some things are just private, okay?”

  After a sip of water, I rush to agree with him before Matt starts talking. “That’s what I’m saying!”

  Matt scoffs. “For fuck’s sake, I didn’t think you two would gang up on me.”

  “No one’s ganging up on you,” I tell him. “You just have good taste in friends who don’t actually like you.” Then I smile wide at him.

  He wads his straw wrapper up and throws both his and mine at me. We both laugh as I dodge the paper, and Aidan sips his water, looking amused but glad he’s not getting pelted with straw wrappers.

  “Okay, seriously,” I say, trying to bring the conversation back to something more grown-up. “I’m gonna tell you this because I don’t know what the fuck happened the other day or how to fix it. And maybe you can help.”

  “I bet I can,” Matt says, sounding a little too confident.

  “Dude.” Aidan gives Matt a pointed look. “Just because you have a fiancée now,” he says, making the word sound all fancy, “doesn’t mean you know what the hell you’re doing.” Before Matt can answer, he adds, “Which is generally why I keep my shit to myself.”

  “You, my friend,” I tell Aidan, pointing at him as the waitress drops our food off, “sound like a smart guy.” To my brother, I say, “Invite him to Cadence’s dinner. I like him.”

  “Jesus.” Matt squeezes ketchup onto his plate for his fries. “This is not why I asked you to come to lunch.”

  Aidan and I laugh as we get started on our food, but soon, I put my fork down and decide to take this seriously. Honestly, I could use the help, and Matt has had some success in the dating department. Maybe he can help me figure this out.

  I clear my throat and point a fry at Matt. “Okay, so here’s the deal. Dani can’t hear about any of this. Got it?”

  Matt narrows his eyes at me. “It is the neighbor!”

  “You sound entirely too excited about that and I don’t know why.” I put my fry back on my plate, suddenly not sure I want to eat anymore.

  “Because you just can’t resist the women in Dani’s life,” he says like that should explain everything.

  “I’m sorry? What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, scooting my chair back a little.

  Matt raises an eyebrow as if that makes it all clear. “Jer, come on. Let’s not pretend that five years ago didn’t hap—”

  “I know that it happened,” I grit out, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in my chair. “And, for fuck’s sake, I’ve apologized to everyone I possibly could. I’ve kept my head down. I went off to college. I graduated. I got a job.” I throw my arms out to my sides. “What the fuck else can I do to prove that that’s not me anymore?”

  After a tense moment, Aidan speaks up. “Whoa.” He wipes his mouth with his napkin and places it on the table. “Someone want to explain what you’re talking about?”

  “It’d be my pleasure,” Matt starts. “While in high school, Jeremy here decided to sleep with—”

  “Dude! Shut the fuck up.” I’m ready to throw my napkin at him—or even my food. Whatever it takes for him to stop spewing bullshit. “I didn’t just decide. That’s not how it works. That makes me sound like I forced it to happen.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying,” he insists, but I’m over it.

  “Then stop saying anything,” I spit at him. “That’s not how it went down.”

  We’ve entered another round of tense silence, and like before, Aidan’s the one who breaks it.

  “Well, this has been fun, kids, but even with as entertaining as this is, I think I’m going to take this to go and let you two figure this out.” He waves for the waitress so he can get a box. “I’ll go back to work and see you there.”

  I stare at my brother while he takes a deep breath. I’d love to take one too, but all of a sudden, I can’t breathe. I’m seventeen again, falling under the spell of what I thought was love. Only now, at twenty-two, do I realize I wasn’t in love. I was infatuated. And I let it get carried away. Took it way too far. Ruined lives—my own almost included.

  Now, I’m older, more responsible, more careful. I’m living on my own, applying for jobs that might become my career. I’m taking care of my sister instead of causing her emotional pain. And maybe that’s just what I’m te
lling myself because Meli promised not to let what we’re doing affect Dani. But I’m an adult—that’s true no matter what. And so is she.

  Dr. Setts would be proud that I didn’t start an argument—or finish one with a lot of yelling—with Matt. Not that we usually butt heads, seeing as we don’t talk that often, but still. It’s progress. Deep breath.

  “You know,” Matt says, picking at his fries, “I’m the one who told Grandpa to leave the house to you. Actually, it was his idea, but he wanted my opinion and I told him that it was a good idea. Customers on my route ask about you all the time because I’m so proud of how much you’ve changed. Grown up.”

  I swallow hard, my Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. Really? That happens?

  “Ask Aidan,” he continues, tilting his head toward him. “He knows too.”

  Aidan doesn’t move his head, but he looks at me. Then he nods. “He tells me all the time, man,” he confirms. “He was so excited to go to your graduation. And when your grandfather mentioned the house thing. That you were moving back to town.”

  When I lift my gaze to my brother, the waitress stops by to bring the check and a box for Aidan. He scrapes his food into the box, closes it up, and rises from his chair. Matt raises his hand in a low-key wave to say goodbye to his friend.

  “I’ll see you back at work,” Aidan says to him. Then he faces me. “I guess I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “You’re actually going to go?” I ask him.

  He nods, waving a finger between me and my brother. “You think I’d miss this?” He chuckles. “Not a chance.” He throws a few bucks on the table. Then he turns to go, but before he leaves, he looks at me again, tapping the table with his finger. “And hey, your brother’s right. Woman trouble is kind of my specialty. But my advice is to leave the past in the past. If it means anything, anyway.”

  I dip my head in agreement. “Thanks, man. I’ll make sure Matt lets you know about dinner.”

  “Unless I can convince Cade that it’s a terrible fucking idea,” Matt laughs. “Because I’m sure it is now.”