The only difference is the lines that etch her face, signs that things haven't been so easy for her, either. "Evan, are you okay?"
I nod slowly, unable to speak. That question is too loaded. I don't know where to begin, what truth to tell, what lies. Lilian gives me a teary once over before her expression becomes stern. "Why the hell haven't you been taking my calls?"
When she narrows her hazel eyes at me, she looks so much like my dad that I have to suppress a giggle. The humor is instantly chased away by a pang that ripples through me and takes my breath away leaving a void in its wake. This is the reason that I've been avoiding her: I miss them too much. I can handle a lot, but not missing them.
"Sorry, Aunt Lil. I've just been super busy. Magda has me involved in this crazy picnic thing and..."
"Hey, I get it. Busy." She raises her eyebrows and nods toward the door where Lex is leaning against the frame looking sheepish.
A blush creeps up my neck causing Lilian to break into a knowing smile. I roll my eyes in an attempt to cover up my embarrassment.
Lilian stifles a yawn. "Well, now that I know you're alive, I guess I can get some sleep," she says standing up.
I raise an eyebrow. "You looked like you were sleeping just fine."
Lilian swats at me playfully. "Real sleep. But we're having a long talk later."
She gives me a long look before she turns and heads toward the door. Lex gives her a half smile as she passes by him but she ignores it. Once Lilian is gone, Lex saunters over and sits beside me on the bed. He lifts my chin with his fingertips and gives me a delicate kiss on the lips.
"So," I say after several delicious moments of intense eye gazing, "my aunt is here?"
Lex grins. "That was why Anders called you back. You can imagine our distress when Matilde showed up, and you didn't."
I shift guiltily. "I just needed a second. I couldn't imagine what Magda had in store for me next. Did they tell you that my "assistant" never showed up?"
Lex nods slowly, a frown weighing down his fine features. Even in consternation he's lovely.
"We know she was on the flight, and security cameras confirmed she arrived. But, she went in the bathroom and never came back out." Lex shrugs, perplexed.
"Wait. Did anyone check the bathroom?"
Lex gives me a look that clearly says "duh."
I roll my eyes. "Just thought I'd ask." I sigh and lean back into the pillows and watch through the windows as the sky grows lighter by the second.
"Come on," Lex says nudging me with his shoulder, "you must be starving. Let's go downstairs and see what Thelma has. She's been in high gear since all of these guests turned up." He stands and looks down at me with a grin waiting for me to get out of bed.
"Ugh, I don't want to see anybody." I groan and attempt to pull the blankets over my head. Lex reaches down and pulls them off, making me giggle stupidly. Goose bumps break out on my skin as the cool air hits my bare legs. Lex's grin falters when he takes in the soft, very short nightgown and the expanse of bare legs that flows out from under it. Desire floods his eyes.
Before I can make a move, Lex turns abruptly. His shoulders are tense and his voice is deep and rough when he speaks. "I'll wait outside."
"What?" I ask coyly, sliding out of bed and sauntering over to where he stands rigidly. "You don't want to help me dress?" I slide my hands under his shirt and up his back, my fingers memorizing each rise and dip of his muscles.
I blink and found myself back in bed, Lex on top of me, his arms on either side of my head propping him up. His face is split in a wide smile. I feel intoxicated by the light pressure of his body on mine; I want more.
"Will I ever be able to do that? Move so quickly?" I whisper.
In one smooth motion Lex slides off of me and stands again; the traces of humor and lust have vanished from his face. "I have no way of knowing how your powers will manifest, but I know that you will be nothing like me," he says in a strange, empty voice.
I try to ignore the tiny stab of hurt that his tone causes. "Why not? I thought you said we were the same?"
Lex turns back to me, his face softer and his eyes dark with concern. "We are, in ways. But I'm different. I..."
Lex trails off without finishing and cocks his head to the side as if listening. After a moment a sigh escapes his lips. "I better go. I'll wait for you in the kitchen."
Without so much as a backward glance he's gone. After everything we've shared in the last few months, the fact that he's still holding out, not telling me everything about himself, is disturbing. I want nothing more than to chase him down the hall and make him finish his sentence. Instead, I rise from bed, go to my closet, and set about the mundane task of choosing something to wear.
Chapter Eighteen
Someone has already put away the clothes I bought on my shopping trip with Mattie. I sift through the new clothes and settle on a pale pink sundress. It's light and filmy, coming tight under my breast and flaring out softly down over my hips until the hem hits my knee; the straps tie at my shoulders.
I shower and dress quickly, not wanting to spend too much time thinking. Every time I try to remember what happened in the lake my head literally starts to hurt. It's like there's some block in my brain keeping me from remembering anything, the same way there was a block in my mind that kept me from telling the truth to Lex.
After I'm dressed I twist my hair up in a loose, damp knot and slip on a pair of metallic gold flats. I stand in front of the mirror and give myself a once over. I wear the part of a carefree young socialite perfectly. Perfect except...I raise my hand and lay it flat on my chest just above the neckline of the dress, where my pendant should be. It's gone.
I take a few steadying breaths. There's no way I'm going to slip into panic mode. The most likely explanation is that it's at the bottom of the lake. I want to head out there immediately and look for it, but I know that, with what happened yesterday, it's going to be impossible to be able to go off on my own anymore.
With a frustrated sigh, I turn and leave the room. Outside, the hall is empty and quiet. I feel cut off from the rest of the house, the rest of the world. I start to imagine that if I never leave this part of the house then I might be able to sink into oblivion forever, unnoticed. The thought is welcoming and that scares me.
Someone clears their throat softly to my right, jarring me out of my musings. I turn sharply to find Ezra stepping smoothly out of the shadows. His green eyes are lit with dark humor. I feel a chill wash over me under his direct and intense gaze.
"Ms. O'Fion. May I escort you to brunch?" he asks just as smoothly as he moves. I had almost forgotten just how beautiful he is; under the pale morning light his beauty is amplified along with the gold touches in his hair and eyes.
"Brunch?" is all I can think to say; I'm too stupefied by his looks.
"Yes," he answers with a slow indulgent smile, "too late for breakfast, too early for lunch."
I'm able to gather my wits enough to glare at him, which only adds to his amusement. "I know what brunch is," I say rolling my eyes, "I just expected that everyone would have already eaten. I was planning on just getting something from the kitchen."
Ezra grins. "We were instructed to wait until your were ready. Rodger didn't take the order lightly, he gets cranky when he waits too long in between meals."
It's my turn to grin remembering the way Rodger Bloom plowed through dinner, taking seconds and thirds with great liberty.
"Come on," Ezra says, offering me his arm in a move that I would have found charming under normal circumstances. I know better though. I haven't for one second forgotten the strange dark pulsing energy that reverberated through me like an echo when he took my hand the other night. I hesitate until him holding out his arm becomes awkward and he drops it back to his side.
Ezra gives me a thoughtful look and then starts walking down the hall without waiting for me. I follow reluctantly. We don't speak the entire way to the dining room, but he keeps sneaking sideways gla
nces at me. I can't help but blush under the light of his mischievous grins. There's no denying that Ezra is one of the most beautiful men I've ever met, aside from Lex. No matter how good-looking he is it doesn't mask the scent of danger that clings to him like a dark fog. There's a part of me that appeals to, but I've sworn to leave that part of me behind in the wreckage of my parents' death.
"Here we are," Ezra says cheerily when we reach the dining room. He gestures for me to enter through the already open door before him, another surprisingly chivalrous move.
When we enter, everyone looks up. I glance around but, to my disappointment, don't see Lex. Sulkily I take my seat at the head of the table in place of Magda who is also absent, a fact that doesn't escape Lilian's notice.
Nobody speaks much throughout the meal, which is good since I'm not up for any sort of conversation. After Rodger finishes scraping the last morsels off his plate, a small army of maids comes in and clears away the dishes. I stand up quickly, aiming to get out to the lake before I can be accosted, but Lilian is quicker. She appears at my elbow at almost Lex-like speed. It seems that the long talk she promised will be happening sooner rather than later. Great.
I give her a weary smile, take her offered hand, and lead her outside to the gardens. The day is fresh and dewy still. I take in a deep breath and feel the energy of the earth around me seep into my skin and fill me with a reassuring hum of electricity.
We walk along the garden path in a comfortable silence. Even though I've only been here a few months, the Price Estate is as familiar and welcoming to me as my childhood home. I feel a thrill being able to share it with Lilian. I watch her face light up with wonder as she takes in the lush blooming flowers and the various greens of the exotic plants carefully and lovingly arranged.
"So," I say breaking the silence, "how long are you gonna be here?"
I try to sound nonchalant about it but I'm afraid a certain amount of anxiety creeps through. As much as I miss my aunt, I just don't have time to deal with the added stress of trying to keep things from her; it's hard enough doing that when she's a few hundred miles away.
"For now, I'm staying until after this big picnic that everyone keeps talking about. I want to see all the work you've been doing," she answers with a kind smile. "After that, I guess it just depends on if Magda can prove you're actually being taken care of."
"I am!" I blurt out a little too quickly. Lilian gives me a dubious look.
"We'll see. I've been talking to your parents' lawyer and I managed to wheedle out of him further stipulation of your guardianship. If it can be proven that a certain amount of neglect is going on, say, for instance, your grandmother is gone for months at a time leaving you alone to be taken care of by her staff..." she pauses to let the fact that I haven't been fooling her with my "Magda's just really busy" lies sink in. I press my lips together in a sorry attempt to remain expressionless.
"...then I would have a good chance of gaining custody," she finishes.
Lilian stops walking and turns to me, her face beaming with joy at the prospect of me coming to stay with her. I return her smile, but it comes a moment too late. Lilian's face falls slightly. I walk over to a nearby bench and sit, gesturing for her to join me.
There's no way I can leave Price now. I have no idea what's happening, or what's about to happen, but I know that if I leave, nothing will get resolved. And then there's Lex. A tiny sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it.
"Evan, what is it?" Lilian's eyes bore into me but I remain mute. "You have to talk to me. If you don't talk to me then we're going to have to see about therapy and…"
I hold up a hand stopping her. "Aunt Lily, please. I don't need therapy. It's just..."
My words die in my throat. I can't explain to her exactly why I need to stay. Aside from the obvious there's something else, something intangible that tugs at the back of my conscience.
"Lex?" she asks carefully.
I smile and the tension in my body eases. "He's part of the reason, but not the whole reason."
Lilian nods. I can tell she's trying to be patient and understanding and it breaks my heart that I can't be honest with her. "Okay. Well, tell me about the Lex part first."
As close as I am with Lilian, we've never really talked about boys before. There has never been a boy that I wanted to talk about. I went to an all-girls school for the better part of my teenage years and the only mild flirtations I've ever entertained didn't last longer than a band set. With Lex, the attraction was instant and palpable. He touched me deeply in ways I hadn't imagined possible, on a cellular level.
"Lil, I can't even begin to describe how I feel. But, I think I'm really falling for him." It's the understatement of the century, but I know that if I tell her how I really feel she would probably take me away immediately. Maybe file a restraining order against Lex.
Lilian lets out a soft, tired sigh. A cloud passes over the timidly shining sun and casts us in a deep shadow. The effect seems to age Lilian instantly. For the first time, I see her as an adult and not a peer. My parents' death has truly changed her.
"I get it, Evan, really I do. But I can't say I approve. I mean, he's too old for you, for one.
"He's only twenty-four," I protest.
Lilian shoots me a glare and continues as if I didn't interrupt her. "And two, he works for your grandmother. Does she know about this?"
My silence is all the answer she needs.
"Christ, Ev. How am I supposed to handle this? I know your parents' didn't leave me in charge of you, but that doesn't mean I don't have a responsibility to make sure you're taken care of, that you're healthy and safe. You're the only family I have left."
Lilian takes my hands but doesn't look at me. I'm suddenly filled with the heaviest, suffocating guilt. I've been dodging her to protect myself and my myriad of secrets, but I haven't once given a thought to how that might affect her. I had assumed that she didn't have the time to worry about me, that her life and her job were just too demanding. No matter how bad I feel, there is nothing I can say that would ease the burden on myself and make her feel better. My lies are essential. I need to stay.
"Lil, I..."
"Look," she says cutting in, "I know why your mom was going to take you to Paris for the summer." Her voice breaks and the fresh tears in her eyes don't escape my notice.
"What?" I ask, genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"
I think back to the night of the accident. We had been out celebrating a client my mom had just landed. She would be handling the estate of a wealthy dowager, an avid antique and art collector, in Paris. The woman had recently died and her family had no idea what to do with what she left behind. A previous client of my mom's had recommended her to them. The job was expected to last all summer and I was supposed to go with her. Lilian looked up, her eyes dark with sadness.
"Evan, your parents knew about the..." she pauses, biting the inside of her cheek, "the problems your were having. They knew you were still sneaking out, with Jessie, and the drinking. The drugs. They just didn't know how to talk to you about it, especially since you were still doing really well in school and fulfilling all of your obligations. Your mom called in a favor to get that job because she thought it would be a good excuse to get you away for a while. She thought that maybe, once she got you in a different city, away from your friends, that she could talk to you, help you."
I shake my head refusing to believe what she's saying. How could they have known? I was careful, always, ever since they caught me that one time and sent me to private school. One of the only things keeping me together has been knowing that when they died they still thought I was their perfect, smart, well-adjusted daughter. Now, I don't even have that.
All this time I've refrained from blaming myself for their accident. In my rational mind I know that my parents were victims of circumstance, but I can't stop the feeling that this whole thing is somehow my fault from being born in the empty parts of my soul, the empty parts that they left when they no
longer existed. If I had been better, if I had tried harder to be happy, then maybe we wouldn't have been there that night. Maybe they would still be alive.
Still shaking my head I stand and begin to slowly back away from Lilian. Her face is pale and stricken. I force myself to stop instead of fleeing like everything in my body is telling me to.
"Evan. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I want to help you. If you can't talk to me about what's been going on then I want you to talk to someone else," Lilian pleads, tears falling freely down her face.
"Lilian, honestly, I don't need therapy. I'm doing fine."
"Yeah?" she says rising from her seat, her signature steely resolve back. "Then what about those bottles I found in your room?"
Guilt and embarrassment wash over me. How can I explain my moment of weakness when I've never allowed myself to be weak in front of anyone in my life?
"You have the wrong idea. Jessie came over a few weeks ago..."
"Christ, Evan, don't blame this on your friends. Though, God knows they're part of the problem. If you're not even going to be honest with me, then I'm going to have to go to Magda."
Visions of boarding school dance in my head. I take in a deep breath in an attempt to ease the tension and frustration building inside of me, but it's no use. Electricity sparks in the air around me; a dark cloud passes over the sun.
"Evan?" Real fear fills Lilan's voice. I can't answer her. Instead, I shake my head once and take a step back. For an instant I revel in the sensation of being swallowed by nothingness and then I'm gone.
Chapter Nineteen
Instead of ending up in Russia, I find myself transported to a far more familiar place. Sunlight streams in through curtain-less windows catching swirling dust motes on its way to the bare wood floors. I slowly turn in a circle taking in my empty childhood home.
Evan Elemental (The Evan Elemental Series) Page 16