Surrender

by D H Sidebottom

  “Oh God,” I breathed. He watched me as he slid a finger inside me. I couldn’t take it, the sensations too much as I closed my eyes, tilted my head back and came over his hand.

  “Shit,” he growled. “You’re so God damn beautiful when you come.”

  My body arched as he gently rubbed a spot inside me and made my orgasm intensify, prolonging it as I cried out his name.

  “I can’t . . .” he groaned.

  I opened my eyes to see what he meant but gasped when his cock slid inside me.

  “I can’t wait any longer,” he finished.

  I shook my head, my mouth open as pleasure surged through me, his thick cock filling me to an almost painful stretch. “Don’t wait,” I pleaded as I lifted my hips eagerly, begging for more.

  Slowly, he drew out then pushed back in even slower. “Oh God, you feel too good.”

  I nodded, my eyes closed with the pleasure but quickly they popped open when I felt his fingers snake around my neck, pressing into my damp skin dominantly.

  “I want you to come around my cock, Isla. Show me how tight your little pussy can strangle me.”

  Although this was the first time I’d had sex since Dwaine had raped me, I knew the masterful and dominant side to Jake was completely different to Dwaine’s hurtful fuck. Jake wanted to please me, and he knew, or rather he could see that little spot of darkness inside me that both frightened me but intrigued me.

  “Don’t fight it, Isla. We both need this. Love me like I’m loving you.”

  I gulped but when he swept his thumb cruelly across my bottom lip, I whimpered and clawed at his back, raking my nails down his skin as I tried to pull him deeper.

  “Yeah, good girl.”

  Catching my hands in his large one, he held them above my head then pushed deep inside me, making my body tighten with bliss. He drove harder and faster, driving me higher and higher until I wasn’t sure whether to breathe in or out. My body fought with my mind, my heart grappling with the confusion in my head. But he owned my body. Jake fucked me how he knew my body needed to be fucked, with a darkness that I couldn’t understand. His words were as filthy and as fluent as his thrusts, his teeth biting my lips and skin between each word.

  I grabbed at him, digging my fingers into his firm arse as my orgasm built. The intensity encroaching scared me, my body crying out for release as my mind struggled with the way Jake’s eyes never left mine. His piercing eyes not only watched me but spoke to me, begging me to let go as he pleaded with me to hold on.

  “This is how you love, Isla. Give and take. Give the pleasure and take the bliss, sweetheart. Feel how I adore you. Feel how I idolise you. Feel how I love you.”

  I couldn’t interpret whether he was telling me he loved me or if he used the word for sex, but when he gripped my jaw and pushed hard inside me as I let go and broke around him with a tearful climax, he dropped his mouth to my ear and clarified his declaration.

  “I love you, Isla Cormack. I’ve loved you for ten fucking years. I’ve never closed my eyes at night without seeing your face. I’ve never woken without you on my mind. And now, as I come inside you, you’re finally mine. I won’t ever wake again without you beside me and I’ll never close my eyes without your soft breathing in my ear.”

  I blinked at him, unable to speak.

  “My life,” he whispered, his cock still inside me, still throbbing deliciously, “is complex, hard even. And you need to understand that I’m not a good man. But you also need to understand that you’re mine, Isla. All of you. You’re my life now. I will only live and breathe for you. You need to take my shit and deal with it because you’ll never be free of me. I’ve waited too long for you. There’s no way you’re walking away. But let me tell you that I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again. You’re in my heart and you’re under my protection. I will kill anyone who ever touches you again.”

  I stared at him. “Jake?”

  He shook his head firmly but his expression was soft. “You don’t understand how long I’ve wanted you. Since I first saw you in that auditorium playing the piano, I knew you would be mine. But life after Dwaine took me away and on a different path I thought about you and what you’d be doing, I wanted so many times to look you up but the temptation to have you as my own if I knew where you were would have been too strong and my life style . . . I didn’t want that for you, yet I always knew it would lead us here. There’s no U-turn Isla, no crossroads. Your path led you to me. End of the road, sweetheart.”

  I nodded, too emotional to speak. Watching his honesty was both breath-taking and startling. “But why wouldn’t you give me the time of day in college if this is how you feel?”

  He lowered his eyes for a moment. I don’t think he’d expected my probing question, yet I needed to know, it didn’t make sense. Looking back up, he took a deep breath. “My home life wasn’t very . . . conventional, Isla. I had enough to deal with without . . . just put it this way, there is no way I would have introduced you to my life then.”

  “Why?”

  He finally pulled out of me and rolled over, his chest heaving as he lay back against the mattress. He slid an arm around me and pulled me into him, my head resting perfectly in the crook of his arm. “It doesn’t matter. Just believe me when I say I wanted you more than I wanted to breathe every fucking day. I . . .”

  He sighed and shook his head, stopping himself. I stared after him when he stood abruptly and disappeared into the en-suite, the click of the lock behind him telling me he needed space. I was both relieved and disheartened by his cautiousness.

  The more I learned of Jake Devine, the more I realised how little I knew of him. I knew he had skeletons, lots of them, but it was the ghosts of his past that I was frightened of. The hell that controlled his heart terrified me.

  THE HOT BEATING OF the shower cleared my head and exterminated the memories—for now. I was so pumped up, even after the most amazing sex of my life. She’d been everything I knew she would be. I had seen the hint of debauchery in her all those years ago when I had pinned her up against the wall. To say I had been surprised then would be an understatement. The little timid beauty who used to look at me with a slight frown through her striking long lashes had panted like a wanton slut when I had crushed her slight frame under my own.

  I smiled, my dick twitching at the wonderful curves she now had, a far cry from the skinny little thing she’d been ten years ago. Her stomach was slightly raised, her hips plump and perfect. Her arse was firm but still a delicious handful and her tits, fuck, their soft perkiness had stopped my breath.

  Wrapping the towel around my hips, I walked back into the bedroom. The lights were still low and the faint background music didn’t mask the sound of Isla’s soft snoring. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound. It occurred to me that she was the first woman to be asleep in my bed. I’d fucked lots of women in it, but none had ever slept.

  Quietly crossing the room to her, my feet padding softly on the thick carpet and leaving damp foot marks, I brushed the length of hair from her face, sweeping it onto the pillow. Her long lashes rested peacefully on her cheeks, the skin still flushed from our fucking. I was mesmerised by how perfect she was. Her skin, although pale, was peppered with a covering of freckles that made her skin appear flawless. Her waist length hair was soft and shiny, an aphrodisiac to me. Her lips were full and the palest pink I had ever seen. She was perfect.

  I blinked, swallowing at a feeling I wasn’t accustomed with. Nerves. I was apprehensive, actually terrified because now I had something that could be taken away from me. Something for the bastards in this world to hurt me with. I’d never had an Achilles’ heel before and if I was honest I wasn’t sure I wanted one. However I knew I had no choice because I would never allow Isla to leave me. In life or death.

  “Fuck!” I hissed when my phone rang from the pile of clothes I had discarded earlier. Hunting through my jeans, I plucked it from my pocket and answered it to silence it quickly before heading out of t
he room and closing the door quietly behind me.

  “We have business.”

  “Adam?” I asked, my footing stalling on the top step with the tone of his voice.

  “Meet me in my office.”

  “I’m just on my way to yours.”

  “Well turn the fuck around, my house is off limits.”

  I snatched my keys from the table beside the door and left, hoping to God I could sort out whatever shitstorm Adam was about to drop on me and be back beside Isla’s amazing body before she woke.

  I OPENED MY EYES, frowning at the sound of a tune filtering through my head. Soft lighting provided vision to my eyes but the pale grey walls were unfamiliar.

  My eyes widened and I shot out of bed, scanning my surroundings for a clock. “Shit!” I hissed, finding it was early evening. I groaned, knowing I had already missed the vicar’s visit and my dad would have had to deal with it on his own. Snatching my clothes off the floor, I yanked them on quickly. “Jake?”

  I frowned, grumbling at myself when the buttons of my shirt decided to play games and refused to slide into their designated holes. Hopping across the floor as I pushed one leg through my jeans, I opened the door Jake had disappeared through before I’d fallen asleep but the large cold white bathroom was empty. “Jake?” I shouted louder as I pushed my feet into my pumps.

  The upper hallway was huge, a mass of doors leading off it but I didn’t have time to search each room, so running down the long landing I kept my sights out for him as I made for the stairs.

  I was amazed I’d missed how big the house was when Jake had carried me through it, but I supposed I’d had other things on my mind—like sex.

  The house was eerily quiet but as I reached the bottom of the staircase into the massive entrance hall, the front door opened and I heaved a sigh of relief, grateful that I wouldn’t have to find some paper to write a note for Jake. However, I stumbled down the last two steps when Genesis sauntered through the door, her eyes finding mine and a cold smile crawling across her tight face.

  “Oh.” She sneered. “You’re still here.”

  I swallowed, hating the way I felt about spotting Jake’s front door key in her hand. Why would this bitch have a key to Jake’s home? A thought jeered at me and I inwardly winced at the jealousy that dipped my stomach.

  She flicked her hair to the side as her mocking gaze travelled the length of me. She stood, cool as a cucumber, in an elegant figure-hugging cream dress with matching heels that I would never be able to stand in never mind walk in. “Jake isn’t here,” I mumbled.

  She rolled her eyes. “I know that. I’ve come to fetch him some clothes.”

  I jolted scarcely but enough for her to notice. “Oh . . . um . . . okay.” She rolled her eyes again at my mumbling. “Uh, why would he need some clothes?”

  She sighed as if bored. “Although I’m sure Jake’s and my schedule has nothing to do with you, he needs some personal belongings since he won’t be back for a few days.”

  I knew what she was insinuating and I didn’t give her the satisfaction of witnessing my hurt. How could a man say the things he did to me then obviously spend the next few days in another woman’s bed? What a dick!

  Plastering a smile on my face, I bent and picked my bag up from where Adam had planted it beside the front door when he’d carried me in, and gave her a wide smile. “Well, whatever, I have to be off. Ta-ta.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me as I stumbled on the edge of the rug and skipped towards the front door, my palms slapping on the heavy wood to stop me falling. I closed the door to her laugh. What a bitch. What a bastard!

  I refused to accept how much it hurt. I should have known his words were just said to bed me; after all, he was Jake Devine. He’d always been cruel and devious at college, expecting him to be different now was foolish. I was naïve, I knew that but still, it took a certain callous bastard to do what Jake had done. He’d walked out on me after our first sexual encounter, so why the hell I was surprised he’d done it again was beyond me. Hell, he’d even shut me out straight after by closing himself in the bathroom, probably to laugh at me while I dropped to sleep with a dense grin on my face.

  I swiped at the tear that rolled from my eye and pulled out my phone to call a cab. I groaned, seeing how many times my dad had called and text. Shit. I hated the way I looked to see if Jake had text with an alternative explanation to the one Genesis had given me. I shook my head, annoyed at how gullible I’d always been.

  Ordering a cab from the street corner, I plucked my cigarettes from out of my bag, loathing how easily I’d given in to my craving, and perched on a wall to wait, refusing to allow another thought to be about Jake or how he’d made my body come alive underneath him, or the way he had managed to light me up with just a single touch, or the way his words had burrowed deep in my heart and caused it to swell and beat again. Or how it now crumbled after his ruthless cruelty.

  I bit my bottom lip when I walked into my dad’s front room. He was sat in his usual chair looking down towards his lap. The room was dark and I flicked on a lamp. “Dad?”

  He slowly looked up at me. My heart clenched at the dark circles under his eyes and the new lines across his still handsome face.

  “I’m sorry . . .”

  “I’ll make tea.” He cut me off, placing something on the table beside him then stood briskly and hurried through to the kitchen.

  I blinked back the tears as I picked up the photo frame that housed my parents’ wedding photo from where he’d placed it beside my mother’s mug, and covered my mouth with the back of my hand, forbidding the grief.

  His back was to me when I stepped in to the kitchen. He was leaning against the worktop staring through the window into the dark garden.

  “Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise the time . . .”

  “I couldn’t choose a hymn,” he said quietly. “I don’t . . . I didn’t know what song Seb would have wanted to . . .” I flinched when he turned and flung a cup at the wall, its loud smash reflecting the way my heart shattered with his simple loss of control. He never lost control, never.

  “Dad . . .”

  “My own son and I don’t even have a clue what music he was into.”

  I shook my head, hating the sob that escaped with the tears. “He . . . he was into that techno crap, Dad. Nothing suitable for . . . for. . . .”

  “Saying goodbye?” he snapped acidly. “You can say it, Isla, after all that’s all we can say to him now!”

  “Dad . . .”

  He squeezed his eyes closed and looked away. “Your mother should be here. It’s her job to arrange this shit, not mine. NOT MINE! I don’t want to arrange my son’s funeral, Isla. I DON’T WANT TO!”

  I rushed over to him when he sank to the floor, my strong, capable father breaking to pieces in front of me, his distraught sobs ripping through me with so much pain that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to breathe properly again.

  “I don’t want to, Isla. I don’t want to.” He sobbed into me as I huddled him up. “I want your mum. I want Marianne to do this with me. I can’t . . . I can’t . . .”

  “It’s okay, Dad. I’ll sort it. Don’t worry. I’ll do it.” He nodded into me as he cried. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I . . .”

  He turned and framed my face with his large hands, his head shaking from side to side. “No, Isla. No.”

  I shushed him, ignoring his protests. We both knew it was my fault but he would never say that to me. I just had the courage to say it to myself.

  “I’ll sort everything, Dad. I promise.”

  He nodded before he once again rested his head in my lap and took the support offered to him. I missed my mother so damn much. She had always been full of strength and determination. Now all that was left was terror and nightmares. Nightmares I had planted in her head for the rest of her sorry life.

  Seb may have been the only one to physically end his life but I’d ended my family’s lives ten years ago. Why had
n’t I just left Dwaine to carry out his sick revenge? Why hadn’t I allowed him to rape me then Seb? Maybe then he would have just upped and left. Although I knew how hard it would have been for Seb to get over that, expecting them to watch in horror as their daughter brutally beat a man to death was beyond coming back from.

  We both jumped when a knock came at the door. My dad snapped upright, wiping his eyes and scowling at me as though I’d forced him to break down on me. “Make the tea, Isla.”

  I blinked at his sudden mood swing but sighed and nodded as he walked away just as abruptly. Mercurial man!

  Carrying out two mugs into the room, I nearly dropped them when I saw two uniformed policemen stood against the back wall of the room; two more in plain clothes sat with my father on the sofa.

  “What’s going on?”

  Dad’s eyes moved so slowly to me that I thought he was having a stroke. One of the men rose from the sofa and came over to me. He plucked the cups out of my hands, placed them on the sideboard then turned back to me.

  “Miss Cormack?” I nodded. “I’m afraid to tell you that we have found some evidence of unexplained activity at the site of your brother’s death, and unexplained injuries during his post-mortem.”

  I scrunched up my face in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?”

  He sighed as though dealing with a delinquent. “We are now treating Sebastian’s death as suspicious.”

  “What? I don’t follow. He jumped out of a window.”

  “I’m afraid not, Miss Cormack. Our investigations have found that Sebastian didn’t jump. He was physically forced.”

  I gulped, my skin prickling as numerous emotions clashed inside me and took my breath. “Are you saying he was murdered?”

  He nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

  I wasn’t sure if my own eyes closed by themselves or if I asked them to do it, but whatever, everything went black.