Defenseless Hearts

by Meagan Brandy

  “Wait.” I turn back to Nate. “I heard more than one voice …”

  Nate grins, and the other intruders pop around the corner.

  “Surprise!”

  I look between them all, and my emotions threaten to overflow.

  My cousin, Arianna, runs up to me first, squeezing me tight around the neck. “I missed you!”

  I latch on to her, fighting as hard as I can to hold it together. Some tears slip, but I manage to keep them at a happy-tear level when, really, I want to crumble right here and now.

  Next, Mason, Ari’s twin, shoves her out of the way and gives me a quick spin and kiss to the cheek. I’m passed down the line from there.

  Brady and Chase, Mason’s best friends, and lastly, Cameron, Ari’s best friend, all greet me in hugs and kind words.

  I pull back and dab at my eyes, smoothing my shirt down once more. “What the heck are you guys doing here?”

  Ari gapes at me, and Cam makes an mmm sound like I’m in trouble.

  “Seriously?” Ari asks as she hops onto the countertop.

  “I just mean, how’d you get here so fast? Were you already on your way?”

  Ari’s eyes search mine. “You didn’t even read any of the messages I’ve sent you? Or listen to the voice mails? What the heck, Ken?”

  I open my mouth to defend myself, to say something, but what could I possible say? She’s right, I never checked any of her messages.

  She sees the struggle I’m having and gives a small nod, quickly hoping off the counter and making her way to the table. “Make me some French toast again, Lolli?”

  My eyes cut to Lolli, and I glance between her and Ari and the others. And I see it.

  They’re all comfortable here.

  Brady and Chase are digging in the fridge while Mason is now sitting on the counter Ari just jumped off of, and Cam is filling a cup of something.

  They’ve been here, enjoyed summer days together like we used to do as kids.

  “Guys,” Parker speaks, pulling his worried gaze from mine when I glance his way, “this is my sister, Payton. She might be here, hanging out with us, for a while.”

  The group looks to Payton like they just noticed she was here, and they all take turns greeting her.

  Eventually, everyone finds a place to sit, and we eat and chat a little bit. Mainly, they talk about summer, and I listen to all the things I’ve missed, feeling like the outsider at a table full of my own family and close friends.

  I glance at Nate, finding him and Lolli in their own world. He’s maneuvered himself, so he’s behind her, and she sits between his legs. One of his arms is on the outside of hers, caging her into him, as he eats around her with the other. Every few seconds, he runs his hand down her arm, brushes her fingers, whispers in her ear, something. Every single time, she smiles even though he can’t see it. But he knows because, after she does, he smirks to himself. They are completely and utterly entwined.

  It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed. It reminds me of my parents and the love they share. But, watching my brother and his fiancé, you can’t simply see it. You’re forced to feel it. What it’s like to be consumed and to consume.

  For someone like me, it’s a sharp pain in the form of reality. Forcing me to remember the weight of a war no one knows I’m a part of. It’s a heavy exhaustion that’s never rejuvenated. A hunger never satisfied. I’m not consumed by the man I’m with but controlled. Owned in a devastating way with no out.

  I look to my plate and push my strawberries around.

  I know Parker’s eyes are on me, but I don’t want him to see what I’m feeling right now, and he will. He always has.

  Two Years Ago—August

  “Where are we goin’?” Kenra laughs as I pull her through the trees and down the thin dirt path.

  “Did I hound you the entire drive on Wednesday when it was your pick?”

  “No.” I hear her grin and smile to myself.

  “That’s right. No. I was a good boy and sat through two hours of Selena Gomez music—she was lip-syncing the entire time, by the way”—Kenra snickers behind me—“all without complaining. I think you can make it through a five-minute mini hike without asking questions.”

  “Okay, fine, I’ll stop asking.”

  I stop walking and turn to her with one brow arched high, knowing damn well she’s got a clause coming.

  She smiles wide, and I inhale deeply, smiling back.

  She’s infectious. Everything about her screams to everything in me.

  I lick my lips, the corner of my mouth lifting. “Let’s hear it.”

  “Piggyback ride to the destination.” She nods once, lifting her chin at me, and I grin. She bobs her shoulders in triumph.

  Crazy girl.

  “All right, piggyback ride it is.” I nod, and she claps her hands, but I catch her off guard and step closer to her. “But you, Kenra Monroe, are off your rocker if you think you’re the one who is winning here.”

  Her eyes crease at the edges but only for a moment before her cheeks turn as red as her swimsuit.

  I smirk as I spin around and glance over my shoulder at her. “Hop on, Kens. Wrap those long-ass legs around me.”

  I’m betting her jaw’s dropped a bit, what with the few moments of hesitation. Finally, her little hands land on my shoulders, and she hops up.

  I catch her when she jumps, hooking my hands around her thighs, and start back down the path.

  After a few steps, she giggles near my ear, her hot breath and silky sounds traveling past my waistband. “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout, Nightingale?”

  “About you, Mr. Safety. Just you.” She sighs, and her hold around my neck tightens a bit.

  “Just me, huh?” I tease, clapping my hand against her thigh. “This I gotta hear.”

  She smiles against my cheek. “I like when we do this … take off for the day, just us. It’s been a fun summer.”

  I swallow, wishing I could see her face right now. “Summer’s not over yet; we’ve still got a couple of days.”

  “You’re right,” she speaks low. “Couple of more days.”

  Uneasiness has my face scrunching, but I don’t ask because, finally, we’re within view of our stopping point.

  Kenra gasps, and her legs and arms tighten in a death grip. “Oh, hell no! No way, Parker Baylor!”

  I laugh and keep forward, toward the water.

  Now, she starts flailing, attempting to kick her legs so that she can get down, but all it does is make her flip-flops fly off her feet.

  “You put me down right now.”

  “Nuh-uh. No way.” I grin and tighten my hold, so she doesn’t fall.

  “Wait. Uh, my keys!”

  “Left them in the glove box with your phone and mine.”

  “Shit,” she whines in a panic. “My clothes! I need to take off my clothes.”

  “Eh,” I tease, “I’m not opposed to that, but they’ll dry.”

  “If you jump in that water with me on your back, I’ll—”

  She cuts off when I quickly shift, pulling her around my front, her legs now wrapped around my back. Her chest rises on a deep inhale, and it takes her a minute to remember what she was about to say.

  “You’ll what, hmm?”

  Her eyes flick between mine. “I’ll make you pay for it, Baylor.”

  My grin is slow. “I’d love to, Monroe.” I squeeze her thighs, and those golden eyes grow darker, a burnt-honey color now.

  “You gonna throw me in that water?” she asks, her hands slowly shifting to rest on my biceps.

  “Nope.”

  “No?”

  “I’mma let you take these clothes off, just like you said you wanted.”

  She laughs lightly. “Oh, really? All because I wanted, huh?”

  “I mean, I see that little scrap of red around your neck. Gotta admit, I’m curious as to what the rest of that thing looks like.”

  Her chest grows pink, but she likes hearing what I’m telling he
r. Her little tongue curls up behind her teeth, and she smiles a bit. “You gonna put me down then?”

  “Nope.”

  She laughs. “No?”

  “Not till you promise you’ll do it.”

  Her eyes narrow playfully. “Do what?”

  “Whatever I request.”

  I grin, and her chin dips just a tad, those pretty brown eyes of hers staying on me. I can see it in her stare, her want to do whatever I ask. Finally, she rubs her lips together, giving me a small nod, and damn if I don’t want to lean forward and pull her bottom lip between mine. But I don’t.

  I slowly let her legs slide down my waist until her feet hit the ground. “Strip.”

  She smacks me, and we both laugh.

  While she gets undressed, I move over to the tree and lay our towels across one of the branches. I kick my shoes off, stuffing my socks inside, and then toss my shirt on top of them.

  When I spin around, Kenra’s facing the water, her ass in a tiny red bikini, facing me.

  I suck my lips between my teeth and will my dick not to get hard.

  My eyes follow her frame, sliding across the curve of her back, as she ties her hair up in a knot.

  “Want me to shake it for you?” she teases, glancing back with a smile.

  I grin and take a step closer. “Hey, you can’t blame me. You’re the one dressed in red. You’re the muleta, and I’m the bull.”

  Kenra laughs loudly and spins to face me. “Okay. I’m undressed. You’re undressed. Now, what exactly did I promise to do?”

  I wince, and she tilts her head, her eyes narrowing.

  “Parker …”

  I hook my thumb over my shoulder, and her eyes shift to look.

  “Ha! Yeah, freaking right!” Her wide eyes come back to me, fear clear as day, which she tries to hide with slight anger. “A rope swing? I told you what happened last time I tried one. I swung back around and hit the tree.”

  “I hung this one myself and tested the shit out of it. Found the furthest out branch I could. The trajectory could never allow you to swing back and hit against the tree like that. I promise.”

  “Parker …” She shakes her head, rubbing at her palms as the facade falls. “I can’t. I’m scared.”

  “Exactly,” I say, and her eyes swing back to mine. “I know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. You had a bad experience last time, and it left a little scar. You said you could never do it again. Well, I wanna show you that, yes, you can. We’re gonna take the bad and replace it. I wanna erase the bad with a good.”

  Her steady gaze holds mine for a long moment.

  Finally, she licks her lips and gives a slight nod.

  I reach a hand out for her to grasp, and together, we walk over to the rope swing.

  “I’m gonna go first.”

  “’Kay,” she rushes out in tight panic as she surveys the water.

  “Hey.” I turn to her, running my knuckles over her cheek, and she brings her wide eyes to mine. “I’ve got you. Trust me.”

  She smashes her lips together, giving me a jerky nod as she steps out of the way.

  My movements are slow, so she can study my approach, and she does.

  I grip the rope and walk backward, over the tree’s roots. Placing my hands above the top knot, I pull and then run the few steps until I’m jumping over the edge of the bank and slinging across the water, letting go right when it hits the widest point.

  Her shrieks have me smiling as I splash into the water.

  I pop back up a second later, and she’s peeking at me through her fingers.

  “You’re crazy!” she shouts through a huge smile. “I can’t do it!”

  “You can!” I shout back, moving off to the side to tread the water as I wait for her. “Come on, girl. Get your ass in here!”

  She grabs the rope and starts bouncing on her feet, switching hands as she wrings out the other. With a squeal, she pulls hard as she stares up at the branch the rope’s suspended from. “Parker Baylor, I swear to God …” She looks back at me. “Are you sure?”

  “Come to me, Kens!” I shout through a grin.

  She laughs through her nerves before stepping back, as I had, and running forward. She screams the entire way and lets go at the perfect moment, her little body dropping into the river.

  “Woo!” I shout, proud as hell of her, and swim closer.

  She pops up and turns to face me, a huge smile on her face.

  A loud laugh leaves her as she looks from the swing to me before she lowers her head into the water and starts swimming on her back. She doesn’t say anything, just smiles at the sky with her eyes closed, and I’m struck with a realization I only guessed at before.

  She is, without a doubt, everything I could ever want.

  Kind and gentle but spunky with a splash of sass. She smiles with her heart and hurts with all she is. She’s more than I ever knew a person could be. She’s the light I’ve never known but now crave.

  At the beginning of summer break, I was worried because she was still seeing Kellan even though he hardly ever came home from college to visit her, and the brightness in her eyes wasn’t so easily found. But two weeks out of school, they split, and I’ve had her all to myself since. It only took those first few days for her spirits to lift.

  She flips over and starts toward the shore, so I follow.

  We pull ourselves out of the water, and she moves to sit on one of the large rocks lining the opposite side of the tree, watching me as I move to take a seat beside her.

  She reaches up to push my wet hair off my forehead, her eyes locking with mine. “You wanna take away the bad?”

  “Yeah, Kens,” I admit, my voice quieter than intended. “All of it. Any of it. Always.”

  She fights a grin, cutting her eyes to the side before sliding them back to me. “I might let you.”

  “You will.”

  A laugh bubbles out of her at that. “Oh, yeah?”

  I nod, my eyes leisurely shifting between hers. “Yeah. Maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually. Meanwhile, I’ll be around.”

  “Why?” she asks, studying me with bright eyes.

  I shrug. “Can’t really explain it. All I’ve got is, because I want to. Maybe because you never judge me, and you know everything about my fucked up life. Maybe because, when I get rocked on the field, you show up to make sure I’m all right. Or how you think of me on days you should be spending time with your own family, all because you know I don’t really have one of my own anymore. Because you share all of yourself with me. Your happy, sad, mad. You give me these things, do these things for me, because you want to. Because, even though you haven’t said it out loud, you like me on a deeper level than friendship calls for.” I run my thumb over her cheek as it turns my favorite shade pink. “You do all these things because you want to. Well, I wanna wait for you to need me like I do you. Because I want to. Because you’re worth it.”

  “And if I’m not?” Her forehead creases slightly, and I give a half smile. “If I mess up or disappoint you?”

  “I’ll want you regardless,” I answer honestly, instantly, and she stares with parted lips. “Always, Kenra. No matter what.”

  “That’s quite a promise there, Safety,” she whispers, her hand on the rock, shifting to touch mine.

  “It’s a solid fact, Nightingale.”

  She smiles into her lap and then stands, making her way over to the rope swing again. She grins over her shoulder. “See you in there.” She winks, and then she jumps.

  All brave and beautiful like.

  As a group, we walk down to the beach and set up shop. The guys start passing around beers as the girls ready themselves to sit and chat on a blanket. But, when Payton continues past, making her way to the beach, Lolli starts to follow.

  Our eyes lock, and she winks, letting me know she’s got this.

  With a sigh, I turn back to the guys, finding Nate frowning at Lolli before sliding his eyes to mine.

  “My sister’s got some stuff
going on right now,” I tell him.

  He nods before looking off.

  The guys start talking football—all of them are set to play in college: Mason and his buddies for Avix University, Nate at UCLA—but I can’t focus on the conversation.

  My gaze keeps sliding to Kenra, watching as she talks with Ari and Cam. After a moment, her eyes find mine, and a small smile plays at her lips before that sheet of hair blocks her face from my view.

  I didn’t think she heard me yesterday when I tried to get her to see the choice she made was the wrong one, but when Nate showed up today, I knew I’d dug deep, reached a part of her she seemed to have lost. Her calling him took courage she herself mustn’t have known she still had. And him showing up with the rest of their gang, their cousins and friends they’ve known since they were little—that’s the best part.

  Maybe seeing everyone, spending some downtime with them, will help her find another piece of herself. Little by little, we could all help her find her way.

  Payton and Lolli start back for the group, laughing as Lolli’s hands fly all around in conversation.

  “So”—Lolli digs into the ice chest, handing Payton a water and grabbing herself a soda—“Al called.”

  Al is Lolli’s CEO and advisor, my new mentor.

  She smiles, making me laugh. “Is he really coming?”

  When I nod, she squeals, gripping Nate’s arm in excitement, gaining the attention of the girls a couple of feet away.

  “Is who coming?” Mason questions as Nate hikes his brow at Lolli.

  “Number one running back in all college football, eligible for the draft next season.” Lolli smiles wide.

  “Wait … Noah?”

  All our eyes snap toward Brady.

  “How the hell do you, of all people, know that?” Cameron grins.

  “Dude,” Brady starts, hitting his chest, “I know shit. I almost beat Lolli at sports trivia, remember?”

  I smile wide as the entire group, aside from Payton and Kenra, starts cracking up.

  “Bro, no.” Mason shoves him, and Brady shoves right back. “Kalani whooped that ass.”