Defenseless Hearts

by Meagan Brandy

  He patiently waits for me to continue.

  “I wanted to let you go, but I didn’t know how. I kept waiting, hoping the next time I looked into your eyes, you wouldn’t be staring at me the same way you always had. I thought maybe, because of Lolli, that time would be different. That you’d let go. I wanted you to look through me. Past me. I needed to forget you, Parker, and I couldn’t as long as you kept looking at me like I mattered, like I was worth more than I felt. But, when I looked into your eyes, everything was right there, all the things I was feeling—hurt and anger and pain, hope and love. It was staring back at me.” My voice cracks, and his arms tighten around me. “I knew the second you walked away that night … I never could.”

  “You’re worth everything I have, Kens,” he whispers, and a small smile takes over my lips. “Everything I am is already yours; you just have to take it.”

  Tears brim my eyes, and I nod.

  He’s right. About everything. This won’t be easy. Not even a little bit.

  But he’s worth it.

  We’re worth it.

  “Are you busy the next few days?” I ask, my chest growing tight.

  He’s quiet a moment before he answers, “I have some reading to do, emails, and stuff, but I’ll be around.”

  “I wanna go home.”

  All his muscles lock beneath me.

  “Home, Parker. To Alrick. See my mom and dad. I need to talk to them before …”

  “Before what?” he whispers slowly.

  “I’m ready.”

  He’s quiet and then, “For?”

  “You.” I swallow. “Us.”

  “Kens,” he breathes, and my tears fall.

  His hands lift from my waist, and he runs his knuckle along my jaw, gently turning my head to face him. His eyes, so blue, hold mine as he stares up at me, searching for a sign of uncertainly but he finds none.

  His hand sinks into my hair, and his chin lifts as he pulls me closer, bringing my lips to his.

  He kisses me with a loving care I’ve never felt, so tender.

  When I sigh against his mouth, his chest rumbles, and his hand moves to slide against my leggings until he’s gripping my thigh, and heat takes over. He senses it and shifts me as much as the small space will allow. Instantly, our kiss grows hungry.

  Desperate and deprived for way too long, we attack each other’s mouths. He claims me with his fevered kiss.

  He grows hard beneath me, and my pussy walls clench in response. His hand slides higher until it rests at the bend where my thigh meets my pelvic bone, and I push against him.

  When I shift slightly, attempting to bring his thumb closer to where I want it, he growls in my mouth, kissing me hard, and then he pulls back and jumps from the seat, carefully setting me on my feet.

  His breathing is labored as he stares at the sand and then lifts his eyes to mine.

  His gazes at me a moment before pushing against me. His hands case around my back, and he kisses me once more before dropping his forehead to mine. “Go home, Kens. Do whatever you need. I’ll be here, waiting, when you’re ready to come back to me. But … maybe don’t take too long.” He laughs lightly, skimming his lips over mine.

  I slide my hands up his chest, loving how his eyes close when I do, and whisper against his lips, “Come with me.”

  His lids pop open, and I swear, I’d fall if he wasn’t holding me against him.

  There’s a shine to his eyes I’ve never seen, a cover of hopeful wishing. Complete and total vulnerability. He’s given everything to me. Literally, his heart is in my hands. I feel it.

  “Come with me, Parker.”

  He swallows, giving a small nod. “I can do that.”

  We stare at each other a moment before he pulls me in and hugs me tight against him. And I hold on, praying I’m stronger than I believe. Hoping I’m as strong as he thinks.

  And knowing damn well it doesn’t matter if I am or not because, at the end of it all … I can’t be me without him.

  Kenra starts rubbing at her palms as we hit the exit into Alrick, so I reach over and slide my hand into hers.

  She gives me a side grin before facing forward again.

  I know she’s nervous. Shit, I’m nervous for her. As far as we know, her parents think she’s in some busy, happy, fairy-tale relationship, and she’s about to let them in on whatever secrets she’s been keeping, tell them she’s leaving Kellan.

  “I’m gonna drive to my dad’s and have you take his car to your parents’ house. Then, tomorrow, you can call me, and we’ll see what we need to do.”

  “Are you sure? It’s okay if you drop me.”

  I glance at her. “I can, if you want me to … but something tells me you need to do this on your own, and I don’t wanna confuse them right away by showing up with you.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  A few blocks down, and we’re stopping in front of the house.

  She shifts in her seat, pulling herself closer to me, and I watch her from the corner of my eye, a nervous, numbing sensation shooting across my chest. She senses it, and her little hand lifts to bring my eyes to hers.

  “You think I’ll change my mind.”

  I shake my head. “I know you’re scared. And I worry it might take a little more than you’re ready to give for them to understand. But they deserve to know everything, Kenra.” I lift her hand to kiss her wrist. “Everything.”

  “I …” She chokes, shaking her head. “I want to tell them everything. Maybe I can start slow since I’ll be alone, and then maybe tomorrow… you could be there with me?”

  I’d pull her in, kiss her hard right now, if I didn’t think we’d end up upstairs, and then nothing would get done.

  “I’ll do whatever you need me to. Be wherever you need me to be.”

  Her cheeks grow warm, and she nods lightly.

  I run inside, quickly grab my dad’s car keys, and pull it from the garage for her.

  When I step out, she steps forward, so I lean in, softly kissing the side of her mouth.

  With a slight smile, she moves to sit, and I close the door behind her. Rolling her window down, her hands coming up to cover the top of the steering wheel, she stares at me. “I don’t wanna be away from you yet.”

  I can’t help but smirk at that. “Good. Then, I did something right. Go, Kens. I’m only a call away.”

  She nods, hope shining in her eyes. “See you soon, Safety.”

  With a laugh, I watch her drive off and then head inside.

  It’s clear my dad’s gone, so I send him a quick text, just in case. He calls me almost immediately.

  “Hey, Dad,” I answer, tossing my bag onto the couch.

  “You’re home?”

  I chuckle at his excitement. “I’m at your place, yeah. But only for a night I think.”

  “Damn. I wish I’d have known. We could have tried to be there, one of us at least.”

  “It’s all right. Last-minute trip.” My mind shifts to Payton, and I sigh. “Dad, I need to talk to you about a few things. You think maybe we can FaceTime in the next day or two?”

  “Are you okay, son?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. But I need to talk to you about some stuff.”

  “Course then, yeah. I can’t tomorrow, but I’m free the next. That be all right, or you need me to make it happen sooner?”

  “No, couple of days is fine.” Gives me time to find out what all Payton plans to let me say.

  “Okay. Be safe, son. Talk soon.”

  I drop onto the couch right as a text comes through.

  Lolli Bear: Yo. You make it, or you pull over to do the dirty on the way?

  I laugh and text her back.

  Me: No doing the dirty. Just got here.

  Lolli Bear: Your daddy and his daddy home?

  My face scrunches, and I picture her laughing her ass off, knowing damn well she made me cringe.

  Me: You’re a pain in the ass, and no, gone as always. How’s Peep?

  Lolli Bear
: Locked in her room with Deaton since last night, so I’m betting she’s pretty damn good.

  “Ah fuck,” I mumble to myself. I get ready to toss the phone when a video call comes in.

  Lolli’s laughing when her face pops up. “Sorry!” she rushes out. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

  “I was about to ignore you.”

  “Oh, I know. Why do you think I called?” She smiles and laughs lightly. “So, where’s Kenra?”

  “Had her take my dad’s car to her parents’ house.”

  “Good idea. Her parents will be surprised to see her as it is. No need to confuse ’em off the bat with you being her ride.”

  I nod.

  “You feel okay about all this, Hero?”

  I take a deep breath. “I do, Lolli Bear. Before, it was always that we wanted each other but never said it out loud. This is different.”

  “Good. That’s good,” she whispers.

  I eye her. “Nate go home today?”

  “Yeah.” She pulls her sleeve over her hand. “Pretty much had to push him out the door though. He wanted to stay, but he needs to be at camp. It’s not exclusive to the quarterbacks, but he needs to be seen as much as possible. I’m telling you, Parker, he’s gonna start as a freshman. I know it.”

  “Lolli?”

  Her blues lock on to mine through the screen. “Hmm?”

  “You okay?”

  She’s quiet a minute and then, “Yeah, I’m good. Getting ready to go for a run.”

  My gaze narrows, and I drop my head back on the couch. “I think we should get a dog.”

  She laughs out loud at that, and I grin. “You think Nauni, the devil cat, would appreciate a dog?”

  “Nauni’s become more of the neighborhood cat now that you let her out into the sand. Maybe you need a buddy there with you during the day.”

  “I’ll be fine, Hero. And I’m good, I swear. I did have an idea of something I kinda wanted to talk to you about though.”

  “Let’s hear it.”

  She shakes her head. “When you come home.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yep. Hey, I gotta go, but, Hero?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Use a condom.” She smiles wide when I laugh.

  “Bye, Lolli. Call you tomorrow.”

  “Better.” Then, she hangs up.

  I take a deep breath, considering taking a quick nap when an idea hits. I hop up, snatch the keys from the glass bowl by the door, and head out.

  It only takes a solid two minutes to get there, and I’m knocking before I know it.

  The door swings open, and Mia’s eyes widen, her brows disappearing under her bangs.

  “What the hell?” she drags out.

  Right then, her mom, Kara, steps up behind her, pulling the door open the rest of the way.

  “Parker!” She steps outside with open arms. “So good to see you, honey. Please tell me my niece is with you?”

  I glance at Mia and she shrinks into herself, regret taking over her features. Her mom must not be aware Lolli and Mia haven’t spoken since our trip to Mexico this past spring break.

  “No, ma’am.” I look back to Kara. “Lolli’s at home. I’m in town for a night, so I came to take Mia to lunch.”

  Kara’s eyes thank me as she steps back, patting her daughter’s shoulder, and then she disappears into the house.

  “I—” Mia starts the second her mom is out of sight, but I shake my head, and she closes her mouth.

  “Come on, Mia. Please?”

  She licks her lips and nods, stepping inside to quickly grab her purse.

  Together we climb into my dad’s car and make our way to Wicker, the hometown diner we frequented all through high school. It’s the place the team would go to hang out after practice and the place we’d all have breakfast at on the weekends—assuming Lolli wasn’t cooking for us.

  “Does Lolli know you’re here?” Mia asks and then rethinks her question. “Scratch that. She knows you’re here. Does she know you came to kidnap me?”

  I laugh lightly, and she smiles out her window.

  “No, Mia, she doesn’t have the slightest clue that I showed up and politely asked you to lunch.” I turn into the restaurant parking lot, pulling into the first spot I find. “She’d kick my ass if she did.”

  “She’ll still kick your ass when she finds out you did.”

  I grin at her, and she laughs, shaking her head, as we hop out and head inside.

  We grab a table, and Mia glances around, smiling at a hostess I’ve never seen. “Most of our friends have taken off already,” Mia offers, seeing the confusion on my face as I look over the place, noticing all the fresh faces.

  This was a place that brought comfort to a lot of us throughout school. Good day or bad day, many of us ended up here before going home.

  “It’s weird, right?” Mia asks, tearing the paper from her straw into little pieces.

  I nod, leaning my forearms against the table. “Yeah, it, uh … it’s kind of like that last piece that made this place my home is gone now.” I look around the room, finding a bunch of small groups of teenagers, some I recognize, laughing and goofing around like we always did. “Guess it’s their turn now.”

  “Everything here feels off now.”

  I look back to Mia, and she gives a fake smile.

  “You need to call her, Mia. She misses you.”

  “Did she say that?”

  “Does she have to?”

  Mia smashes her lips together, her face drawn tight as she looks off.

  “Look, you know her about as well as I do. She’s not calling because she thinks you need time. She didn’t write you off, Mia. You wrote her off, and that tells her she needs to give you space. Personally, I don’t think you need space. You’re just being stubborn.”

  At that, Mia starts crying, her face dropping into her palms. “Ugh, I was such a bitch, Parker, not calling her, not checking in on her … nothing.”

  “You know how she is, Mia. She doesn’t care about all that. She’ll give you shit for five whole minutes, and then it’ll be back to normal.”

  She looks at me and then drops her eyes to the table. “My cousin had lost her parents and grandpa, the only family she had outside of me and my parents. Then, she fell in love and thought she’d lost him, too, after Liv lied, making both Nate and Lolli look guilty for things that they weren’t. And I abandoned her, just like that, because I was … angry. I thought she’d led you on, taken advantage of your relationship, and slept with you because she didn’t know what else to do, and it pissed me off. I know, if it had happened, you’d hurt because of it, and that wasn’t right.” Her cheeks grow pink, and she looks up, locking eyes with me.

  I offer her a small smile. “I had no idea, Mia. You never said anything, and I never saw it before.”

  She shrugs and looks off again. “I’ve thought a lot about it, and I know I was irrational. It wasn’t even about you, like I had thought it was. I mean, it’d started with you because the two of you were instantly connected, and I—” she cuts off before continuing, “God, this is embarrassing.”

  She looks to me. “I was jealous. Of her. Of you. I had a small thing for you and couldn’t get you to see it, but you instantly saw her. And then I was trying to build a stronger relationship with Lolli, and she instantly saw you. Between you guys, and constantly being divided between my mom and Lolli, trying to keep peace but hurting because my mom only seemed to worry about her niece, and mad at Lolli for always treating my mom so cold. It’s shitty of me, I know.” She shakes her head, pinching her lips to the side. “I mean, I understood. Lolli lost her mom who was my mom’s identical twin. I can’t imagine how hard that was on either of them. I don’t know.” She shrugs, looking back to me. “Everything sort of hit at once and I didn’t know how to deal. By the time I really thought about it, I felt stupid and now I don’t know how to take the first step in fixing things between us.”

  “I get it. I really do. But forget a
bout all that, Mia. You didn’t hear it from me, but she could really use you right now.”

  Mia sits up straight, throwing her red hair over her shoulder. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

  I glance out the window a moment, then slowly bring my eyes back to her.

  After a few seconds, she rolls her eyes and laughs. “Man, you are seriously a badass friend to have, aren’t you?”

  When I grin, she nods.

  “Okay, Baylor. I hear you.”

  “Good.” I pat my stomach. “Can we eat now?”

  Mia laughs and flags the waitress, who walks over with a smile.

  “You guys ready?” She looks between the two of us.

  “Yeah.” Mia nods before smirking my way. “I thinks it’s time for some French toast.”

  I nod with a smile. “Good choice, Mia. Good choice.”

  My legs won’t stop bouncing as I make my way down my childhood driveway.

  I smile when it comes into view.

  This home, this is what true love is about. My dad built this place from the ground up for my mom—a perfect replica of the Forrest Gump house. My dad jokes that it was to feed her Tom Hanks obsession, but it’s so much more than that.

  It’s what the home represents.

  Complete and total fearless love.

  Nobody loves like my parents.

  They’re the strongest, bravest people I know. So loyal and caring. Damn good people.

  And I’m the apple that fell so far from the tree.

  The sad thing is, when I tell them the truth about everything with Kellan—his lies, my lies, the things he’s holding over me and them—they won’t even be upset with me. They’ll be devastated I’ve lived unhappily for as long as I have.

  All they ever wanted for Nate and me is for us to be happy. They were so scared for Nate for a while. He was partying constantly, hooking up with all these random girls, and then bam, there was Lolli, and he was gone. Consumed and forever changed.

  I turn the engine off and fight off the wave of emotion threatening to steal my breath. I step out of the car, wiping my hands across my shorts, and slowly walk up the porch steps.

  Right as I reach for the screen, the door is yanked open, and my mother stares back at me, her hand flying to cover her mouth as tears fill her brown eyes.