Defenseless Hearts

by Meagan Brandy

  “Oh, baby …” she croaks.

  I can’t handle it. I start to cry and move into her. She wraps her little arms around me, and I hug her back just as hard, softly sobbing into her chest.

  She soothingly runs her hand down my hair. “Hey, shh,” she coos. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay. He told us everything.”

  My forehead scrunches in confusion for a moment when I remember Nate knows I was headed here. I didn’t expect him to give them a heads-up though, and he doesn’t exactly know what all I have to share.

  I pull back and wipe my eyes as my mom’s hands find my biceps, and she squeezes. “There’s so much more to it, Mom,” I cry.

  She gives a sad smile. “I know, sweetheart. And I want to know everything you know so far.”

  We make our way into the kitchen, and she notices me glancing around, so she points out all her little projects.

  “With both you and Nate gone, I have a lot of time on my hands, so I’ve been tryin’ to redecorate.” She glances around with a frown. “I’m not real good at it.” She laughs, making me smile.

  With a sigh, she places her hand over mine, her eyes roaming my face. “Let me look at you.” She touches my hair and my face, her eyes growing glossy again. “I’ve missed you.”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I miss you guys, too.”

  Right then, the back door opens, and voices fill the room.

  My mom pats my hand. “Here they come.”

  Right then, my dad walks around the corner, and a huge yet somber smile takes over his face. I shoot toward him as his arms open for me, and I throw myself against his chest. Strong, protective arms wrap around me, bringing a peace only my dad can give. His chest inflates with his deep breath.

  “Baby girl,” he whispers into my hair.

  I choke up again. He kisses my head and pulls back to look at me, his eyes holding a sadness I can’t remember ever seeing in him; it’s a deep-rooted pain he can’t hide.

  “I’m so sorry to hear,” he speaks, his voice cracking slightly.

  And then a hand slides down my back, and I turn.

  Everything in me freezes, my heart included, when I lock on to a pair of dark eyes.

  “Kellan,” I think I say out loud but too stunned to know.

  “Baby.”

  My breath lodges in my throat, and my bottom lip starts to tremble.

  No …

  “It’s okay,” he speaks so soft and delicate as he steps closer, and the dam breaks, tears bursting from my eyes. “We’ll find a way; don’t worry.” He wraps his slimy arms around me, and my head falls as uncontrollable sobs rip through me.

  Nobody says anything for a few minutes, and when I pull back, I find my dad comforting my mom, his protective arms wrapped around her as silent tears fall from her eyes.

  Kellan drops one arm from around me but forces me to stay glued to his side with a tight grip on my hip, and at this point, I’m so fucked in the head, I let him because I have no strength to stand. No idea what’s happening around me.

  “Let’s talk in the living room.”

  I say nothing as Kellan directs me to the couch, my parents choosing to sit on the ottoman directly in front of us.

  He clears his throat. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I knew you’d be emotional when you got here today, so I filled them in a little beforehand. I just wanted this to be as easy on you as possible.”

  Tears continue to fall as I stare at nothing.

  “Kenra, honey, it’s okay. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, sweetheart,” my mom says quietly.

  I start to shake slightly.

  The cutting? Has he told them what I do to keep control?

  “That’s what I’ve been telling her, Mrs. Monroe, but she’s been so hard on herself; it breaks my heart. The doctors said it wasn’t anything she did, that, sometimes, as devastating as it is, there’s no reason or answer to why. We just have to keep trying. Right, baby?”

  My stomach lurches, vomit threatening to come up as I realize what he’s done.

  My eyes fly to his, angry tears blurring my vision, and he stares back, seemingly merciful to the outside world, but pure malice is all I see.

  This bastard knows why I came here.

  “Don’t worry,” he speaks low, never taking his eyes off mine as he delivers his underlying message. “We’ll get past this.”

  My jaw clenches, and I’m ready to throw it all out, but the slight pinch that finds the edges of his eyes warns me something worse is in the works, and mine squeeze closed.

  Although I’m too ashamed to face them head-on, my eyes slide to my mom, finding her hand over her mouth, her eyes closed tight in pain, as my dad cradles her in against him, rocking her in an attempt to soothe. I lift my eyes to his, and my heart cracks open wider.

  With his eyes brimmed red at the edges, and his mouth in a firm, forced line, my dad fights to stay strong.

  For me.

  Because he thinks his baby girl has lost something she never had.

  Their grandchild.

  They sit there, mourning a little part of themselves that never even existed.

  I look to Kellan, begging him not to make me go along with this.

  He’s breaking them down, filling their happy, love-filled lives with sorrow for their only daughter. He’s come in and taken away the most precious wish a mother could ever have.

  “Daddy …” I whisper, my voice cracking at the end.

  Tears fill his eyes as his cheeks inflate, and he blows out a harsh breath. “It’s okay, baby girl.” He chokes, his nostrils flaring, as he tries to hold it all in. “It’ll all be okay.”

  And I cry harder. This is so fucked up.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Monroe, I know she only just got here, and you’ve both missed spending time with her, but maybe she and I should get a hotel room tonight. She’s so upset. I’d like to just … hold her for a little while. It’s been really painful for us, dealing with the news.”

  “We understand, Kellan, sweetheart.”

  I lift my head to look at my mother, who dislodges herself from my dad’s arms.

  My body lies limp and defeated against the couch cushion, my eyes following my mom’s as she drops to her knees in front of me.

  “Kenra,” she whispers, her hands coming up to push my hair from my face, “trust me when I say, we will get through this, together.”

  My chest caves in when she reaches over and squeezes Kellan’s hand in support.

  I can only stare, dead-eyed and motionless.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Monroe.” Kellan stands, and my mother follows.

  She steps back, reaching a hand out, and my dad is already there to take it, to give her the strength she’s losing watching me so lost.

  Constant support—that’s how they love.

  “Pumpkin, you sure you don’t wanna stay upstairs? Your room’s still sitting there,” my dad asks quietly.

  He doesn’t want me to leave. Worried about how long it’ll be before he sees me again if I do.

  “I … I need to leave with Kellan,” I whisper, unable to look my dad in the eyes, but I see the curt nod he gives after I say this, and he runs a hand across his jaw.

  “Okay, baby girl. Whatever you need.”

  As quickly and quietly as possible, I hug my parents, feeling the tension and worry in my dads firm hold, and then I all but run out the door.

  Kellan says proper good-byes and then meets me out front.

  His hand finds my lower back, and I fight not to jerk away from him as he pushes me toward Parker’s dad’s car but instead of leading me to the driver’s door, he tells me to get in the passenger seat. Then, he makes his way around and slides behind the wheel. Obviously, he had a car service drop him off knowing he’d give himself away if I saw his car here.

  I press my body against the door, turning to stare at him.

  I don’t glare. I don’t speak. I just stare.

  I know his game, the dramatic effect he likes
to give, so I know it’s coming.

  And then he gives a small smile.

  “Hello, baby.” His eyes shift between mine. “We need to talk.”

  “So, talk.”

  His lips tip slightly, his eyes narrowing for half a second before he masks his anger and laughs lightly.

  He pulls an envelope from his laptop bag and holds it out for me.

  I don’t take it. I don’t take my eyes off his.

  “It’s a contract I had drawn up. I’ve already signed and had it filed away.” When my brows pinch, he continues, “It’s time I make a change in our relationship. I’ve decided to leave your parents and your brother alone. For good. No more threats, no more moves to keep them in my pocket. I’ve already sold the building your dad’s shop is in, so I no longer have the power to shut him down. I’ve called my guy at UCLA, and Nate’s original roommate will be reassigned to his room. I made a hefty donation to get my guy transferred out, so you won’t have to worry about him going after Nate on the field either. His career is safe. I no longer control it.”

  “Why would I believe you?”

  “Because it says in here”—he taps the envelope he’s dropped onto my lap—“if I do, you get half of my inheritance, no questions asked, and I have to go public about my threats on you and your family. I’ve also eliminated the prenuptial agreement to make you feel more stable in our home and in our life. Everything I have will also be yours.”

  Dread. It zaps up my spine, raising the hairs along my neck, because I know this man in front of me. I have watched him at his game for the last year. This means there’s something so much worse coming.

  “Why?”

  “So, you can see how much you mean to me, how much I want this to work between us. Kenra, I love you. I always have. So much so that I”—he jerks his chin to the side, clucking his tongue—“can’t let you go. I went about it wrong before; I know. But I can make you happy, Kenra. I know I can. But I’m not stupid.” He shakes his head. “It will only ever work with him gone.”

  My breath noticeably lodges in my throat.

  His dark eyes harden. “I know this car, Kenra.”

  “How did you know I was here?”

  He ignores me and hands over a second envelope.

  I don’t take this one either, and he drops it on top of the other.

  “Another contract?”

  “Of sorts, yes. I’m quite proud of this one. Just sent the email two nights ago, and it’s already a done deal.” His eyes bounce between mine. “My offers were more than generous, so I wasn’t too worried.”

  He leans toward me, and when I start to pull back, he speaks through clenched teeth, “Your daddy is watching, baby. Make this believable, would ya?”

  I dig my nails into my palms with as much force as I can find, forcing my body toward his.

  I don’t even feel his lips when they land on me. I don’t move my mouth to match his, and he growls against me, anger hardening his jaw.

  He pulls back and shifts the car into drive. “Buckle up, Kenra. We have somewhere to be.”

  When I make no move, he scoffs and heads toward the road.

  He hits his knuckle against the envelope. “You might wanna read over this before we get to where we’re going. It’ll save us a lot of time.”

  With shaky hands, I run my fingers along the edges. Then, I flip it open and pull the freshly printed forms out.

  At first, it’s unclear of what I’m looking at, so I start to skim. When I do, a few key words catch my eye, and all the air is knocked from my lungs.

  My hands fly to my throat as I start to choke on nothing, and the papers fall to the floorboard.

  Kellan chuckles in his seat, his hand sliding over to tap my knee once. “Yeah … I figured that would do the trick.” He flicks his eyes to mine and then back to the road. “Nobody will ever have to know if you can learn how to walk a straight line for once, Kenra. It’ll be our little secret, everyone else can carry on none the wiser.”

  My head starts to pound, my pulse beating behind my eyelids in merciless thumps. I can’t see, can’t hear. Can hardly breathe.

  And he smirks beside me, reaching over to turn the stereo up.

  With my energy gone, tears cried out, I drop my head against the seat, closing my eyes tight as I search for a deep breath I can’t find.

  I don’t open them again until the car comes to a complete stop, and when I do, reality stares back at me in the form of a giant brass bell.

  Shock doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m struck by his nerve.

  He’s made bolder moves than I ever thought possible.

  He’s locked me in.

  “I’ve been patient, let you set the pace, but no more. You were mine first, and you will stay mine. I do not lose. Now, get out of the fucking car, Kenra.”

  I do as he said and follow him up the steps and into the tiny room where a few people stand, waiting for us.

  No one looks at me. Not once. But why would they? I’m not the one with the black card.

  Twenty minutes later, we’re exiting, headed back for the car.

  Right then, a town car pulls up, and Kellan parts from me. He tosses the keys at my feet with a glare. “Tie up your loose ends. Now. I expect you to be at my parents’ by lunch tomorrow

  I watch him pull away. Then, I open the car door and drop into the seat.

  I’m not sure how long I sit there and stare at nothing, but when the parking lot lights shut down, I put the car in drive.

  I flip around and head for the old country roads that line this town.

  It’s well after midnight now, so there are no cars around.

  I roll all the windows down and push my foot all the way to the floor, listening to the wind as it whistles by, the engine as it fights to keep up. Papers fly all around; some might even fly out, but I don’t care.

  Everything is ruined.

  I start to scream in anger as I grow closer to the end.

  I bite into my cheek, the taste of metal coating my mouth, as I will myself to keep going, but for some reason, I slam on the brakes, and the car skids out.

  Once it finally stops, I drop my head against the steering wheel, and the tears return.

  I gave Parker hope. Made him believe we could be, even fooled myself into believing it.

  Kellan said to tie up my loose ends, basically saying to get rid of Parker, as if it were simple.

  I should just leave now.

  Go back to Kellan’s parents’ and accept what is.

  But this is Parker. My safety.

  And I’m a stupid, stupid girl.

  “What’s the matter?” Lolli drops her chin onto her palm as she stares at me through the screen.

  I sigh. “You ever wonder what it would have been like had your grandpa not gotten sick? He wouldn’t have been in the hospital, and your parents wouldn’t have been on their way there. You’d have spent your birthday with your family, like you were supposed to, and never have had to go through all the shit you did.”

  “Honestly? I never thought about that until after Nate,” Lolli admits, and my head tilts in question. She chuckles lightly, glancing away. “I never let myself think about my family after they died, Hero. Not once until Nate and I got deep, only then because it was like, once I started to feel again … I felt everything. If I were to try to shut it off, it would have meant shutting out Nate, too.” She looks back to me. “It makes me feel guilty now when I think about it, but as bad of a daughter and granddaughter as it makes me, I … wouldn’t change it if I could.” Her blue eyes bounce between mine. “I wouldn’t bring them back if I could because then I never would have found Nate. Kinda sick, but … it is what it is.”

  “You don’t think, if you were meant to be with him, that it somehow would have happened?”

  She eyes me, her gaze sharpening. “No, I don’t. Bad shit happens, Hero. Some real bad so that, in the end, we’re stronger. So that we’re strong enough to be who the other person deserves. What the hel
l is going on? That wasn’t some random thought.”

  I give her a sad smile. “I just … I feel like I haven’t earned my right to have everything I want yet. And that tells me—”

  Lolli pops up on her bed and points a sleeve-covered finger at me. “Knock that shit off right now. That is bullshit. Straight-up, Parker.” Her brows rise. “Yeah, I said Parker. Look, you’ve lived in hell, whereas I fell into it. It’s why you’re my person. You deserve to be happy. And, truthfully …” She trails off, pinching her lips to the side and then rolling her eyes. “Fuck it. I’m gonna say it. Sorry in advance. But, Hero, you were well on your way to a solid happiness before she showed back up. I know you still had your internal battles, mainly missing her, but you were happy. Genuinely happy, not like in Alrick.”

  I stare into her blue eyes, so passionate and honest. “Because you showed up.”

  She takes a deep breath, a soft smile on her lips.

  “You brought me back.”

  Tears form in her eyes. “You’d do it for me.”

  “I would.”

  She nods and then glances at her door and then back. “Payton’s knocking. She wants to have a girls’ movie night,” she whispers, rolling her eyes. “Guess Deaton’s knocked out cold. Supposedly, he tried to keep up with Mason on the alcohol front. Dumbass. Why do you think we’re all still awake?”

  I laugh, and she glares. “I’m sure it’ll be loads of fun.”

  “Ha! Yeah, right. I don’t know how to do this stuff. I’m gonna say something super off-color, and she’ll ditch me.”

  “Is that nerves I’m sensing?” I tease.

  Her jaw drops. “Fuck off! No! I just …” She covers her face, peeking out her fingers. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I need her to like me. She’s important to you, and I kinda like her.”

  “That why you were going runnin’?”

  She shrugs. “Among other things.”

  “Lolli Bear,” I speak softly, and her shoulders slump, “she’ll love you. And, if she asked you, that’s big. That means she’s trying. Just do what you do best, and be you.”

  “Yeah?”

  I grin. “Yeah.”

  “You okay over there? Heard from Kenra yet?”