Every Breaking Wave

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  I kissed him, but he just threw his arms around my neck and held onto me tightly as if he was afraid to let go. I wrapped my arms around him too, just holding him until he was ready to let go, which seemed like a very long time. When he pulled back, his face was red and splotchy. He looked pathetic and my heart broke even more.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked him and he nodded. “C’mon. Come help me make dinner.”

  I smiled at him, kissing him on the cheek before standing up, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen. I went to the fridge to get the bacon I’d been getting when Darren called and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Noah sneak a cookie off the counter. I didn’t say anything. With the way he was feeling, I could care less if he spoiled his appetite.

  I grabbed a pan and watched as Noah made his way to the window, staring out.

  “Jeremy’s out there,” he said and I peeked out as discreetly as I could.

  Sure enough he was on the deck, standing in front of the grill. It was only six o’clock, so it was still light out and would be for at least another hour. I watched for a few more seconds, but then I felt like a stalker and turned away.

  “I’ll be right back, Noah. I need to go pee.”

  Ever since Noah’s potty training relapse, I made it a habit of announcing I was using the bathroom as if it was some incredibly exciting adventure I was going on in an attempt to pique his interest.

  “Okay,” he said and I walked away. I wasn’t gone long and when I returned, the kitchen was empty.

  “Noah?” I asked, looking around again before checking the living room. It was empty too. I moved quickly through the rest of the small house, even looking in the closets and my heart started to beat a little faster each time I couldn’t find him. “Noah!” I kept calling, each time more frantically.

  I practically ran from the back of the house when I realized there was no way he could be inside. I’d checked every square inch. There was only one place he could’ve gone: outside.

  I swung the back door open, yelling his name as I was greeted instantly with the unmistakable smell of a charcoal grill.

  “Noah! Noah!”

  “He’s over here.”

  The voice was coming from next door and my head whipped around to the deck I’d been stalking only minutes before. Jeremy was standing by the grill and Noah had made himself comfortable in one of the deck chairs, swinging his legs nonchalantly, completely unaware that his little venture to the neighbor’s house had nearly given me a heart attack.

  Even though I knew Noah was safe and hadn’t wandered across the street to the ocean, but rather to our neighbor’s house, my heart was still pounding in my chest. I was crashing from the adrenaline high that had consumed my body when I couldn’t find Noah and I hoped I didn’t look like the wreck I felt.

  “I’m so sorry, Jeremy,” I said when I was on the deck. “Did he just wander over here?”

  “He did. He must’ve smelled the bratwurst and couldn’t resist.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, but before he could say anything, I was kneeling in front of Noah who had no clue the worry he’d caused me. “Noah,” I said, staring into his eyes and taking his hands. “You cannot leave the house like that. You cannot just wander off.”

  “I wanted to say hi to Jeremy.”

  I thought I heard Jeremy laugh quietly behind me, but I didn’t turn to see if he was amused by this little situation. I stayed focused on Noah.

  “I know you did. But you have to ask. You can’t just leave. It’s dangerous. I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”

  I didn’t want to shrug it off as if it wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t want him to think I was angry either. Noah was in a fragile state after the conversation with his father and I knew if I didn’t handle it right, he’d turn into a weepy mess.

  “I’m sorry,” he said and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. Noah hated to get in trouble. Even if he wasn’t in trouble, but thought he was in trouble, he’d cry and sometimes go hide in a corner. It’d only gotten worse since Darren left.

  “I’m just glad you’re safe. Now, c’mon,” I said, taking his hand, encouraging him to stand up. “We need to get home and make dinner. I’m sorry about this, Jeremy.”

  “Don’t apologize. I enjoyed the company,” he said as he moved the bratwurst around on the grill and then turned to look at Noah and I. “Would you guys like to stay for dinner? The Red Sox game starts in a half-hour. We could eat and then catch some of the game.”

  “That’s very kind of you and thank you for the offer, but I was just about to make BLTs.”

  “You’re turning down my world famous, beer battered bratwurst for BLTs?”

  “I don’t want to put you out. Noah and I don’t make it a habit of inviting ourselves over for dinner,” I said and he grinned at me.

  “Actually, I had thought about asking you guys over, but I figured you’d say no since you’ve been avoiding me all week.”

  The teasing in his voice only made me smile.

  “I’ve not been avoiding you.”

  “Seems like it. I haven’t spoken to you since Noah invited me to breakfast. I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.”

  I shook my head, laughing lightly as I brushed a piece of hair behind my ear, trying not to meet his eyes with mine.

  “That is not the case at all,” I said.

  “Then have dinner with me. I’ve got plenty of food. I always cook extra for leftovers and I know Noah wants to watch the ball game with me. Don’t you, Noah?” Jeremy asked, looking over to Noah who nodded eagerly.

  “I do!” he said and I glanced down to my son, who looked happy, a far cry from how he’d looked after talking to his father.

  “I take it you’re staying then?”

  His cocky, playful grin was hard to ignore and I found myself smiling back at him.

  “Fine, we’ll stay,” I said.

  “Excellent. Now, how many brats do you want?”

  ~~~

  Jeremy finished grilling and we made our way inside. The humidity made the bugs almost unbearable outside, even with the citronella candle burning on the deck, plus the TV was in the living room and Jeremy had invited us for dinner and the Red Sox. The game was now in the fourth inning and Noah was asleep on the couch. Jeremy and I hadn’t had much conversation that didn’t revolve around Noah. Noah seemed to ask Jeremy a million questions, but Jeremy didn’t seem to mind. His patience was impressive, but now that Noah had crashed, his constant barrage of questions left a huge void in the room.

  Jeremy’s eyes were focused on the game and I was discreetly looking around the house. It was surprisingly clean for a bachelor. I suppose I assumed every man was pig. I wasn’t exactly known for my housekeeping skills, but for some reason, I hadn’t expected the tidiness that had greeted me when we walked into Jeremy’s house. It was definitely a bachelor pad, without any hint of a woman’s touch though. The walls were stark white and the furniture was plain, black leather, but it was clean, there was no doubt about that.

  “How were the bratwursts?” he asked quietly so as not to wake Noah when the game had gone to a commercial.

  “They were great. I haven’t had one in ages. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad Noah wandered over.”

  I carefully lifted Noah’s head from my lap and rested it on a pillow when I stood up. He didn’t even flinch and continued to sleep as I went over to the TV tray Jeremy had used for dinner and picked up his plate.

  “You don’t need to clean up my plate, Beth.”

  “You cooked, so I clean up.”

  I wasn’t going to let him argue with me. The least I could do was clean up. He’d made dinner after all. I picked up mine and Noah’s plates as well and then went into the kitchen, setting them on the counter and then turning to get our cups. I stopped though when I saw Jeremy walking toward me, cups in hand.

  “Thank you for getting these,” I said, taking them from him and then f
illing the sink with water and a squirt of Palmolive.

  I began scrubbing the dishes in the sink, setting them in the drain pan when I was done. A moment later though, Jeremy was beside me, a dishtowel in hand, drying and putting the dishes away.

  “So,” he began as we worked. “Two months is a long time to be away from home.”

  “It’s a welcome two months,” I sighed heavily as I rested a plate into the tines of the drain pan.

  “And you’re from Providence?”

  “Smithfield actually.”

  “And why the need to escape to Travers Cove?”

  “Are you always this nosey?” I asked, my hands still resting in the water as I turned my head to look at him.

  “Are you always this defensive?” he grinned back.

  “No. Just when people nose into my business.”

  “I thought when you let out that enormous sigh, you were opening the door to a conversation.”

  I looked away from him then, focusing on the sudsy water and the fork I was scrubbing and we worked in silence for a few minutes.

  “Travers Cove is a place of good memories for me,” I said, breaking the silence. “Noah and I need good memories right now. That’s why we’re here.”

  “Your family’s owned that house a long time, haven’t they?” he asked.

  “Forty years at least. I came here every summer for a couple of weeks with my family when I was a kid. I love it here. What about you? Have you lived here your whole life?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “And you never left?”

  “You make it sound like a bad thing. Why leave a place like this?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean it to sound like a bad thing. I’m just surprised is all.”

  “Technically, I did leave. I did a year of college down in Portland.”

  “But you came back?”

  “I found college wasn’t for me.”

  He put away the last of the dishes and I grabbed a paper towel, drying my hands and then leaned against the counter for a moment before he gestured for me to take a seat at the small kitchen table.

  “So, you just left?” I asked.

  “I didn’t just leave. I played baseball and when I tore my ACL, I was done. I lost my scholarship and came home.”

  I could tell it had been devastating to him by the look on his face.

  “I’m sorry,” was all I could think to say.

  “I’m over it now. I found life on my uncle’s lobster boat more to my liking anyway.”

  “Is that what you do then?”

  “Yeah. For the past eight years,” he told me and my eyes drifted to his hands. When I’d shaken them, they’d seemed rough, like they hadn’t had an easy life and now I knew why.

  “And you like it?”

  “I love it,” he answered without any hesitation.

  “When are you going out again?”

  “A few weeks. The boat engine’s getting an overhaul. We broke down when we were out last month. My uncle’s always trying to scrimp and it finally caught up with him. He needs a new radar too, but he’s too cheap to get one and keeps putting band-aids on it to fix it instead.”

  There was a sly grin on his face and I was certain he had a few stories to tell.

  “Speaking of family, are you related to the Parrishes who own the market?”

  “Those are my grandparents. My grandpa passed away about five years ago, but my grandma is still going strong.”

  “I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have a lot of memories of them from my summers here. I actually spoke to your grandmother when we went shopping. I was surprised she remembered me.”

  “Why do you find that so hard to believe? I remember you,” he said and I could feel my face curling up in obvious confusion. “I see I’m not as memorable though.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It had to’ve been at least twelve or thirteen years ago. I was helping stock the shelves at the market and you came in with your sister.”

  “I was just a teenager then. It could’ve been anyone.”

  “It was you. I’m certain of it. Your sister wanted a box of Lemonheads and my grandpa sent me in the back to get it for her. You got a box of Nerds.”

  I felt my hand cover my mouth as my mind rewound to all those years ago. I had met Jeremy before. Amy had been obsessed with Lemonheads when we were younger and I loved Nerds. Then again, there weren’t many candies I didn’t love. It had to have been us he recalled. It wasn’t so farfetched that during all those summers in Travers Cove our paths would’ve crossed. It was a small town and his family owned the only market for fifteen miles. I thought back to the hundreds of times we had to have gone inside, buying our Icees and candy and then an image of a tall, lanky kid I sometimes saw working in the store, flashed in my mind.

  “Oh my gosh!” I said and I could feel the corners of my mouth curling up in a smile. “You were that skinny guy in the store!”

  “Not exactly how I want to be remembered. Adolescence wasn’t a good time for me,” he chuckled and I had to agree with him. The boy I remembered from all those years ago looked nothing like the man before me now, a man who was eyeing me with a sly grin and deep brown eyes that seemed to go on forever. Had he looked anything like the way he did now, I’d never have been able to forget him.

  “You look so different,” I said, trying not to laugh.

  “Don’t try and hide it, Beth. I was a nerd. There’s no denying it.”

  “I didn’t say that!” I laughed.

  “You don’t have to. I can see it on your face. You’re trying to be polite, but you don’t have to be. I lived in that body, which was nothing but gangly legs and arms until I was seventeen. It’s no surprise to me.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t remember you.”

  “I was forgettable. You, however, were anything but.”

  I felt my cheeks flush and I glanced down for a moment before looking up at him again.

  “When did you know it was me?” I asked.

  “I had my suspicions that first day…when you nearly took my head off,” he said and we both laughed a little, him from amusement and me from embarrassment. “But, it wasn’t until tonight that I was certain.”

  “What made you so certain?”

  “I don’t really know. I just knew,” he said and it grew quiet for a few moments as I tried to collect my thoughts.

  “Well, I’m glad you have a better memory than me and I hope you’ll accept my very late thank you for getting Amy those Lemonheads.”

  “It was my pleasure,” he grinned, standing up and walking over to the cupboard. “Coffee?” he asked and I nodded. A moment later, I heard the Keurig brewing and not long after, a mug was in front of me. “How do you take it?”

  “Creamer if you have some,” I answered.

  “I don’t. Is milk okay?”

  “Perfect,” I told him and he reached into the fridge, handing me the carton.

  Soon after, he was sitting next to me again with his own cup of coffee, not bothering to put anything in it.

  “And what about you, Beth? Tell me about the girl in the market. What’d she grow up to be?”

  “A teacher.”

  “A teacher? Good choice, hence the ability to escape Rhode Island for two months,” he said. “What grade?”

  “Second,” I answered.

  “Nice,” he replied and it grew quiet for a few moments and I thought about telling Jeremy a little about my personal situation. I knew he was curious about where Noah’s father was or about my status. To be honest, I was curious about his status too. “Are you married?” he asked and I was surprised by his bluntness. I wasn’t upset though. It was a fair question.

  “Divorced. Darren, that’s Noah’s father, and I split up about a year ago. The divorce has only been official for about a month.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said gently.

  “Me too,” I answered softly as I stared into my coffee m
ug. “It’s been…” I began, finding myself wanting to tell Jeremy more, but I was stopped when I heard Noah’s voice calling out from the living room.

  I got up from the table and went into the living room. He was sitting up on the couch, looking around, obviously dazed about where he was.

  “Hey,” I said, sitting beside him. “You fell asleep.”

  “I want my binky,” he said.

  “Let’s go home and get you to bed.”

  “I’ll sleep here tonight,” he said and I heard a faint laugh from behind me. I turned to see Jeremy watching this whole display, an amused smile on his face.

  “Not tonight, buddy.”

  Noah didn’t like to be told no, especially if he’d been woken up and I could tell he didn’t like I’d told him he couldn’t spend the night at Jeremy’s. I watched as his lip quivered and then he started to cry.

  “Please don’t do this, Noah,” I whispered to him. “Let’s go.”

  He didn’t budge though as I tried to ease him up. I didn’t want to just scoop him up and toss him over my shoulder like I wanted to. I had to pretend I wasn’t a complete maniac in front of Jeremy.

  “Hey,” Jeremy said, squatting down in front of Noah. “We’ll hang out again, okay? I promise.”

  “Can I come over tomorrow?” Noah asked and Jeremy smiled at him.

  “We’ll see, okay?” he said and Noah finally nodded, scooting himself off the couch. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”

  Jeremy held up his hand and Noah gave him a high five.

  “Can you come tuck me in?” Noah asked suddenly.

  “Noah,” I said, but then I felt Jeremy’s hand on my arm and I didn’t say anything.

  “If it’ll make your life easier, I don’t mind,” he said and I looked at him for reassurance. “Really, Beth, I don’t mind.”

  Noah took Jeremy’s hand and we made our way next door. Jeremy waited while Noah brushed his teeth and changed into his PJs and once he was ready, Noah ran out into the living room, pointing excitedly to his Iron Man pajamas.

  “See what I got?”

  “Those are awesome. I wish I had some,” Jeremy said and Noah took his hand, leading him to his room. This surprised me because Noah had been sleeping with me since we arrived in Travers Cove, but I wasn’t going to complain.