Every Breaking Wave

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “Which is why we could get a hotel, separate rooms of course, and maybe go to the aquarium or the children’s museum as long as we’re there.”

  “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” I arched an eyebrow at him, one side of my mouth rising up in a grin.

  “Of course I’m serious. Bill says the boat will be ready on Monday and I’d like to spend some quality time with you and Noah before I’m no longer available at your beck and call.”

  “You haven’t been at my beck and call.”

  “I have. You just haven’t realized it.”

  We locked eyes, both of us grinning like stupid teenagers.

  “Okay,” I finally said.

  “Okay what?”

  “Okay we’ll go to Boston with you.”

  “Excellent,” he grinned triumphantly. “Now, I need to get back to work. Go inside and stop distracting me.”

  “I’m distracting you?” I smiled coyly, surprised at my boldness and his eyes moved over my body again.

  “You come out dressed as adorably as you are now and you don’t think I’ll be distracted?” he said, taking those few steps that separated us, stopping when he was close enough that I could smell his cologne or body wash or whatever it was that made him smell so good. “I’m very distracted, Beth.”

  His hand rested on my arm and I could feel the warmth where our skin met and when I looked into his eyes, only inches from mine, I had to stop myself from leaning in and devouring him. I had to remind myself we were in public, completely on display for any prying eyes, especially the eyes of my son.

  “Then I’ll go inside and stop distracting you,” I whispered and his hand left my arm, moving to my chin, gripping it gently as his eyes focused on my mouth for a moment before moving back to my eyes.

  “You’re so damn cute,” he said and before I could register what was happening, he’d planted a kiss on my lips, chaste and sweet to pacify the immediate longing, but all it did was tease me and show me there was so much more I wanted.

  ~~~

  If I wasn’t already convinced that Jeremy liked me, I knew by the end of our drive to Boston that he did. I was fairly certain he was going to be up for sainthood too. Noah was in rare form on the drive. He’d been excited to go, but by the second hour in his car seat, he’d had it. We’d stopped at a rest area for snacks and a bathroom break, which, of course, Noah refused to use and when told we still had an hour to go, he wouldn’t get back in the car. It took Jeremy and me both to get him into the seat and strap him in, him yelling at us the whole time. It took everything in my power not to cry in frustration, but once we were finally ready to go, Jeremy looked over at me after buckling his seat belt and starting the SUV. I was biting back tears and Noah continued to whimper in the backseat.

  “Hey,” Jeremy said softly, taking my hand and leaning in close to me over the console. “It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry about his behavior,” I choked out. “I’m so embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be.”

  He’d raised my hand to his lips, kissing it softly before pulling onto the interstate to tackle the last hour.

  Luckily Noah eventually settled down and occupied himself with his tablet and other than spilling a bag of Cheetos all over Jeremy’s backseat, we made it to the T station without any major catastrophes. Noah was still crabby when we walked onto the platform to wait for the train to take us into the city. I never understood why he couldn’t be like other children and sleep in the car. At least he would’ve been quiet and rested then.

  The sight of the train seemed to turn his attitude around and he was like a different child after that.

  We went to the aquarium first and Noah loved it. While we’d been to the one in Mystic, Connecticut, he’d been younger and watching him and Jeremy in the touch tank and checking everything out made me almost forget the nightmare of the trip in.

  The game was at seven and we were all tired. Noah definitely needed a nap. I needed to rest and even if he wouldn’t admit it, Jeremy needed a break. We’d gotten a hotel downtown. I didn’t even want to think about the cost, but Jeremy refused to let me pay for mine and Noah’s room. I’d tried to protest, but he insisted and I finally gave up trying.

  Noah crashed while watching an episode of SpongeBob and I was surprised when I nodded off myself and even more surprised when the sound of my phone woke me up.

  I sighed when I saw it was Darren and I carefully crawled off the bed, going into the bathroom and closing the door, hoping the phone hadn’t woken Noah.

  “Hello?” I tried to put my annoyance aside when I answered. “Be mature,” I always told myself when it came to dealing with my ex.

  “Hi, Beth.” At least I got a greeting this time around. “Can I talk to Noah?”

  “He’s napping right now.”

  “He’s napping right now?” There was confusion in Darren’s voice. “It’s nearly four o’clock. He doesn’t nap this late.”

  “We had a busy day.”

  “What’d you do and why do you sound like you’re in a tunnel?” he asked, obviously noticing the echoing from the bathroom.

  “Why are you hounding me, Darren?”

  “I’m Noah’s father, Beth. I agreed to let you take him to Maine for the summer. I have a right to know what’s going on in his life.”

  I sighed, trying to keep my cool. Darren had a point, even if I didn’t want to agree with him. He was Noah’s father and he could’ve raised a big fuss about me bringing him to Travers Cove for the summer, but he hadn’t. I didn’t want to do anything to piss him off so that he would demand I bring him home.

  “We’re in Boston.”

  “Boston?” Darren exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing in Boston?”

  “We’re going to the Red Sox game tonight,” I said and the line grew so silent I thought the call had been dropped. “Hello?”

  “I’m here,” Darren said and then there was a pause again before he spoke. “You’re taking Noah to his first game?”

  “I got some tickets and thought it’d be a fun overnight trip,” I told him, leaving out the part that Jeremy had come with us.

  “I always planned to take Noah to Fenway for the first time, you know that.”

  “I’m sorry, Darren, but I didn’t know that. You talked about taking Noah, but I didn’t know you called dibs on his first time,” I said calmly, but he would’ve had to have been an idiot not to pick up on my sarcasm.

  “Can you just tell him I called and that I’ll call him tomorrow?” he asked, but I could hear the edge in his voice.

  He was angry. Part of me felt badly. I didn’t expect Darren to be this upset about it, but obviously he was.

  “I’ll tell him and I’ll make sure to get some good pictures to show you,” I said, hoping my gesture of goodwill would make him feel better.

  I shouldn’t care how Darren felt, but I knew if I was looking forward to something with Noah and Darren ended up sharing it with him instead, I’d be hurt too. Darren may be a cheating bastard with no regard for the sanctity of our marriage, but he’d always be Noah’s father, which meant a part of me would always care about him.

  “Thanks.”

  His voice was curt and then the line was dead. I sighed, setting the phone on the counter and then staring at myself in the mirror. Being divorced co-parents was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I wanted to get it right. I didn’t want Noah to suffer for our mistakes, but more and more I was starting to feel like a complete failure.

  Before I had any more time to wallow in my guilt, the phone rang. I was afraid it would be Darren again, wanting to add one more zing to our conversation, but I was relieved to see it was Jeremy.

  “Hey. Are you guys ready to go?” he asked after I’d picked up.

  “Not quite,” I sighed. “We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  “You okay?”

  “I’m just a little groggy. We’ll be out soon,” I said and hung up the phone.

  I hated lying to h
im, but he didn’t need to be burdened with this problem.

  I woke Noah, who wasn’t as grumpy as I anticipated, slipped on our Red Sox t-shirts and walked out to the hall where Jeremy was waiting for us. He was leaning against the wall, doing something on his phone, his head down, his face hidden by the faded Red Sox cap he wore so often.

  “Sorry to keep you,” I said and his head whipped up, his dark eyes peeking at me from under the brim of the hat.

  “You two must’ve been beat,” he said as we walked to the elevator, Noah reaching up and taking his hand.

  “We were,” I said as we began our descent, stepping out onto the street a few moments later.

  “Are you ready for your first time at Fenway Park, Noah?” Jeremy asked as they continued to hold hands as we made our way to the T stop.

  “Yes!” Noah exclaimed and by the smile that spread on Jeremy’s face, I couldn’t tell who was more excited.

  It’d been years since I’d been to Fenway Park, but it was just as electric as I remembered. The energy and smells of the food vendors on Yawkey Way brought me back to my childhood when my parents brought Amy and me to a game every summer. I watched the smile on Noah’s face as he looked around, holding mine or Jeremy’s hand and I was glad to be with him to share in the experience.

  We were going to grab a bite from a restaurant near the ballpark, but Noah quickly became enamored with the vendors and began begging for a hot dog. I couldn’t deny him his first Fenway Frank and Noah ate it eagerly, sitting on the sidewalk while the crowd began to descend onto Fenway.

  I was worried Noah would get fidgety and want to leave, but he didn’t. He watched most of the game, mainly from mine or Jeremy’s laps. He couldn’t stop laughing when someone started bobbing a beach ball around the crowd and he started dancing during Sweet Caroline. I’d nearly forgotten about his hellish behavior on the drive up. Kids had a funny way of doing that: driving you to your breaking point one minute and with one look, they’re completely forgiven.

  I was surprised Noah made it through the whole game, but he was so tired when we shuffled our way out that Jeremy scooped him up, Noah nearly falling asleep as he rested on Jeremy’s shoulder while we made our way back to the hotel. I got Noah cleaned up as best I could without requiring a full bath and then he slid into bed without any arguments. I read him a story while Jeremy sat on the other end of the bed. As I read the words, my eyes would drift to Jeremy, noticing the way he watched Noah. I didn’t think it would be easy to fall for someone after the way Darren had hurt me. I’d tried forcing myself not to by pushing Jeremy away, but the more time I spent with him, seeing the way he treated my son and the way he treated me, I was starting to realize it was easier than I thought because it was already happening.

  Noah was so tired he was practically asleep by the end of the story. I flipped off the light, leaving just Jeremy and I to stumble around by the light in the bathroom Noah insisted I leave on.

  “I should probably head next door. You look beat,” he whispered.

  He was right. I was beat. It was nearly midnight, but I didn’t want him to go next door just yet.

  “Actually,” I began hesitantly. Directness in the romance department had never been my forte. “I was thinking we could sit on the balcony for a bit, if you’re up for it.”

  I watched as one side of his mouth began to rise into a smile, revealing one of his dimples.

  “I’m definitely up for it.”

  He took my hand, leading me to the French doors, opening them up and leading me into the warm summer air. I made sure to leave it open a crack so I could hear if Noah needed me and we sat in the chairs overlooking the city. It had been a great night weather wise: warm, but not too warm and the humidity had been tolerable and it was even more so now that it was late.

  “Noah seemed like he had fun tonight,” Jeremy said once we were settled, our eyes focusing out onto the street where cars were still zipping along even at this late hour.

  “He did. I haven’t seen him that happy in a long time,” I began and then paused for a moment, turning to look at him. “Thank you for that.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. I’m just glad he had a good time.” He turned his body so he was facing me, cocking his eyebrow up. “You looked to be enjoying yourself too.”

  “I did have a good time. I haven’t been here in forever. I must’ve been around sixteen.”

  “And it’s been a good return?”

  “This whole summer has been a good return,” I said.

  He reached for my hand then, tickling his fingertips across my palm until our fingers were laced.

  “Why are you so good to Noah?” I asked bluntly.

  I saw him flinch a little at my words.

  “I like him. He’s a good kid.”

  “Most guys aren’t into kids…unless they’re their own.”

  The quiet that settled between us was awkward. I wondered if I’d offended him in some way by his silence.

  “I’m sorry, Jeremy,” I began, hoping I hadn’t upset him for some reason, but then he squeezed my hand and I stopped talking.

  “I sometimes think about what it would be like to have a family. I’m only twenty-seven, but I think about it because I don’t really have a family of my own.” His voice was soft and I knew it wasn’t easy for him to talk to me about this. “I have my sister and my extended family, of course, but ever since my parents died, I’ve missed that family unit. You know, two parents and kids hangin’ out and doing things together, like we did today. After my parents died, my grandparents and my aunts and uncles always made sure to include Aubrey and me. I know they love us, but it wasn’t my family.”

  He stopped talking then and I didn’t know what to say because I felt so badly for him. I had no idea what he was feeling because I’d never known loss like him and I prayed I never would.

  “I think you’ve got a great kid, Beth. I like spending time with him because it reminds me of time with my dad,” he said and I wanted to comfort him, to make him feel better in any way I could.

  I raised my good hand, resting my palm on his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment when my skin touched his, but then they opened again, the darkness of his eyes meeting mine.

  “But I really like spending time with his mom.”

  His voice was low and deep and without hesitation, I stood from my seat, positioning myself in front of him. When he placed his hands on my hips, I didn’t protest. I wanted his hands on me. I wanted his hands all over me and by the way his dark eyes stared into mine, I knew that’s what he wanted too.

  The fact that my son was asleep in the other room prevented us from having what we wanted, but it didn’t stop me from taking what I could. I leaned down, my face just inches from his as his hands found their way under my shirt, resting against my bare skin. It’d been too long since someone had touched me there.

  I pressed my lips against his, softly at first, our mouths moving slowly over each other, but then I found myself becoming greedier with each pass of my lips over his. I could feel the urgency increasing for him too as he pulled and tugged, eventually forcing my mouth open, his tongue sliding inside. Damn, he tasted good. I hadn’t been kissed like this in forever, but the deeper he got, I realized I’d probably never been kissed like this. My hands were around him now, feeling his back muscles move and flex beneath my touch. I wanted to feel them for myself and my mind drifted to thoughts of us twisted in the sheets, taking all of each other. It was an incredible thought to get lost in as our lips continued to dance over each other, but I was abruptly torn from the vision when he suddenly stood up, his tall frame towering over mine. I was disappointed he’d broken our connection and taken me away from my fantasy, but then he held my face in his hands and the way he was looking at me told me it wouldn’t be broken for long. His gaze moved slowly over my face, eventually settling on my eyes. It was taking everything in my power not to grab him and pull him to me. My heart was pounding and I was certain if I opened my mouth
, it would come flying out. His thumb began to stroke my skin, his hands still cradling my face.

  “I just wanted to look at you for a minute.” His voice was soft as his eyes continued to penetrate mine. “You’re beautiful, Beth.”

  I don’t know why his simple words made me choke up. Probably because I hadn’t felt beautiful in a very long time, not after what Darren had done to me. If I’d been beautiful, if I’d been enough for him, he wouldn’t have found someone else. I’d convinced myself there must be something wrong with me because of what he had done to our marriage, but maybe I’d been wrong. As I listened to Jeremy’s words and watched the way he was looking at me, I did feel beautiful.

  “You look as if you’re about to cry.”

  I was embarrassed. I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let me. He turned my face back to his, forcing our eyes back together.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” he asked gently and I shrugged, not knowing what to say to him.

  I hated to appear weak to him. I was a strong woman, or that’s what I’d told myself. I’d come back to Travers Cove to prove that to myself, to become that again, but standing here with Jeremy, I knew I had a long way to go.

  “You are beautiful, Beth. You’ve always been beautiful. I still remember the first day I saw you at the market. You were wearing your bathing suit. It was red and white,” he began softly and then he laughed a little. “I thought you looked like a candy cane.” I couldn’t help but smile because I remembered that suit and I was shocked he did too. “You were wearing flip-flops and your towel was draped over your shoulder. You were alone and you bought a slushee and then you were gone.” He pulled me closer and I reached up, resting my palm on his chest. I could feel his heart beating and I thought it might be going as fast as mine. “I looked for you every day after that. It was the best part of my day when you’d show up at the market and when you stopped coming, I knew you’d gone home. I kicked myself for not saying hi or saying something, for never even finding out your name. I thought you were beautiful then, but now,” he sighed, his eyes traveling over my face again and brushing a piece of my hair from my forehead. “Now, you’re simply perfect. I don’t know how anyone could ever hurt you.”