“How long will your mission take?” she asked finally.
“I don’t know.”
She wrapped her fingers around her laptop. “What if I wait until you get back? I need to pack all my things. I can look at data here until you return.”
His heart swelled with relief, gratitude and affection. “That would be wonderful. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Don’t rush on my account.” Concern clouded her gaze. “Please be careful.”
He wanted to wipe the worry away, wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close, wanted to tell her how much her waiting meant to him. Instead, he kissed her lightly on the lips, forcing himself not to take the kiss deeper. But he’d make up for it...later. “Always. We don’t take needless risks up there.”
The pink tip of her tongue darted out and moistened her lips. “I’m holding you to that.”
He wanted to run his tongue along her lips. Hell, he wanted to taste her all over. No time now. “Please do.”
His gear was packed due to an upcoming ready team, but he double-checked the equipment. He filled his thermos. “I’ll have someone check on you.”
“Thanks, but there’s no need. I’ve been through this when you were with the rescue group in Seattle. I’ll be fine. As long as I know...”
“Know what?”
Sarah’s tender gaze washed over him. “That you’re safe.”
Her words tugged at his heart. Cullen didn’t want to leave her. He didn’t want her to leave him. “Rescuer safety is priority number one. Our mission plans are built around that.”
“I know.” Sarah didn’t sound convinced.
He didn’t want her to worry about him. “If you don’t want me to go—”
“Go.” She cut him off. “I’m being...silly.”
He ran his index finger along her jawline. “You’re pretty cute when you’re silly.”
She stuck her tongue out at him.
Cullen laughed. If only it could always be like this. But she was needed in Bellingham. For now. Maybe not for long. Her postdoc position wouldn’t last forever. He kissed her forehead. “Pack your things. I’ll be back before you know it.”
When he arrived home, he would tell her that she always had a place here with him. That he hoped she would return soon. That he hoped she would want to stay. Because he wanted her with him. He hoped she felt the same way.
* * *
At two o’clock, snow fell from the darkening sky. Sarah couldn’t believe another storm was hitting in June. Especially with three climbers missing and rescue teams searching for them.
More data downloaded from MBVI’s server. Tucker wasn’t happy she wasn’t on her way, but she was doing all she could from here.
She pressed her cheek against the window. The cold stung her skin, but she kept her face there. Cullen had to be freezing wherever he was. Wet, too. She prayed he was okay.
The doorbell rang.
Sarah jumped. Maybe Cullen had finished with the mission. She hurried to open the door.
A woman in her forties with short curly hair stood on the front porch. “I’m looking for Sarah Purcell.”
Brrr. It was colder than Sarah had realized. Goose bumps covered her skin. “I’m she.”
“I have a delivery from this company.” The woman pointed to the name Haskell, Thayer & Henry printed on a large white envelope, then handed it to Sarah. “Please sign this acceptance of service acknowledging you received the papers.”
Sarah tucked the envelope under her arm. She scribbled her signature.
The woman thanked her and walked toward her car.
Sarah backed into the cabin, as if moving in slow motion. Her fingers gripped the envelope. She didn’t need to open it to know what was inside. Well, she was 99.99 percent certain.
I knew you were busy, so once I established residency in Oregon I got things started there.
They know I filed for divorce.
Divorce papers. Her stomach roiled. Sarah thought she might be sick. Okay, he’d filed before her accident, but it still hurt.
Sarah plodded into the kitchen and placed the envelope on the breakfast bar. She’d wait until Cullen returned to open it. She had too much to worry about, with him on the mountain in a storm and the second steam blast on Mount Baker.
Hours passed. Sarah looked at data and spoke with Tucker over Skype. But what she wanted was to hear from Cullen. A phone call. A text.
The doorbell rang.
She was almost afraid to answer the door again, but she did. The wind whipped. Snow fell in a solid sheet of white. Carly, Zoe and Christian Welton stood on the porch, bundled up in parkas and hats.
Sarah invited them in. She assumed Cullen had asked his friends to check on her. She was glad he’d done that even though she’d told him not to. She needed the company. “I can’t believe you three ventured out in this kind of weather.”
“We wanted to see how you were doing.” Zoe removed her hat, scarf, coat and mittens, then hung them on the hat tree. “We also have some news.”
Sarah forced herself not to hold her breath. “Good news, I hope.”
Carly hung her coat. “Rescue Team 4 found the missing climbers and brought them down.”
Relief flowed through Sarah, loosening her tense muscles. “That’s wonderful. Everyone will be home soon.”
Forget about the divorce papers. Sarah wiggled her toes with anticipation. She wanted to see Cullen.
“Almost everyone,” Christian said. “Teams 2 and 3 are stuck on the mountain. They’ll be down once there’s a break in the weather.”
“Is Cullen on one of those teams?” she asked.
Carly nodded. “Sean, Jake, Bill, Tim and Cullen are hunkering down in a snow cave. They’re fine, but the conditions are pretty bad up there.”
The hair on Sarah’s arms stood on end. That didn’t sound good at all.
“The guys made the smart decision, given the conditions,” Christian said. “Leanne and the rest of Team 3 made it to the Palmer lift station before the whiteout made it too dangerous for them to continue. They’ll stay there tonight.”
Worried, Sarah chewed on her lower lip.
“Everyone is fine,” Carly reiterated. “But staying put will keep them safe tonight.”
Sarah had slept in a snow cave, part of an alpine mountaineering course she’d taken. A snow cave would protect the team from the elements. That was crucial in this kind of weather. But she would rather have Cullen home.
Zoe raised a paper sack. “We brought dinner.”
“No reason to sit alone when we’re all in the same boat,” Christian explained.
Carly nodded. “We stopped by Tim’s place, but Rita and Wyatt are at her parents’ house in Portland. The other guys on Rescue 3 live down the mountain.”
Sarah appreciated their thoughtfulness. Food was the last thing on her mind, but she needed to eat. To keep up her strength. She wanted to be strong for Cullen. “Thanks. This is so nice of you.”
Carly touched Sarah’s arm. “It’s good for all of us.”
“Where’s Nicole?” Sarah asked.
“With Hannah and Graham,” Carly said. “Jake and I were supposed to have a date night.”
“Skip the barbecue tomorrow night and go on your date instead,” Zoe suggested.
Carly hugged Zoe. “Thanks, but we’ll find another night to go out.”
As the four of them prepared dinner, Sarah realized in the short time she’d been in Hood Hamlet, she’d made good friends. Some of that was due to her job, but part—a big part—was the change in her. She didn’t let people get close. In Hood Hamlet, that didn’t stop people from butting their noses into her life anyway. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.
Zoe set the table. “I’m happy
we’re doing this tonight. When I’m at the base helping out, I’m not so impatient. But I hate waiting.”
“Me, too.” Sarah would give anything to touch Cullen right now. “I really wish it would stop snowing.”
“Rescuer safety is the priority when they’re on a mission,” Zoe explained. “Sean tells me that over and over again.”
Carly nodded. “Jake, too.”
Christian prepared chicken marsala. “Add Leanne to the list.”
Sarah sighed. “Cullen said the same thing to me.”
Zoe placed napkins at each of the four place settings. “What they don’t seem to understand is no matter what the conditions are, it’s hard not to worry when the love of your life is up on the mountain.”
Sarah nodded in agreement.
Wait a minute.
The love of her life? Cullen?
Truth scorched like the hot lava from Kilauea in Hawaii.
Oh, no. She wasn’t falling for Cullen. She’d fallen.
She loved him. Truly loved him. With all her heart, body and soul.
What had she done? She folded her left arm over her stomach.
Zoe rushed to Sarah’s side. “You’re so pale. Sit.”
She sat.
Christian knelt, taking her pulse. “Does anything hurt?”
“No.” Her voice cracked.
Carly touched Sarah’s forehead with the back of her hand. “You don’t feel warm.”
“I’m not sick.” Not unless you wanted to count being lovesick. “Give me a minute. I’m a little light-headed.”
A worried look passed between Carly and Christian. His forehead wrinkled. “Put your head between your legs.”
Sarah did. She hated making her friends worry when the problem wasn’t her injuries. But what could she say to them? That she’d just realized she loved her husband? Loved him to the point nothing else mattered?
“Feel better?” Carly asked.
“Yes.”
Physically Sarah did. But emotionally...
This was the worst thing ever. Loving Cullen gave him complete power over her, to hurt her when he no longer wanted her. And he wouldn’t want her to be with him forever. How could he? No one else had.
Building a volcano and playing with a toddler didn’t mean she would be a good mother. She didn’t know anything about being a mom let alone a decent one. Not to mention being Cullen’s wife. She could try, but she would end up failing as before. And that would hurt both of them.
Zoe handed her a glass of water. “Take a sip.”
Sarah raised her head and drank.
Christian’s gaze never left her face. “Your color’s returning.”
“I’m feeling better,” she said.
But her heart was breaking. Thank goodness her things were packed. If Cullen asked her to stay, she wouldn’t be able to leave him. That would turn into a disaster. The longer she stayed, the more it would hurt when it ended. She couldn’t do that to Cullen. She wouldn’t do that to him.
Or herself.
She had to end things now. No going back again. No matter how tempted she might be.
Sarah glanced at the envelope containing the divorce papers. She didn’t know whether they needed to be signed or what. But once she figured it out, she could leave. Cullen hadn’t tried to win her back before. He wouldn’t this time.
Her heart cried out at the thought.
No, she wouldn’t let emotion overwhelm her.
This was for the best. Sarah wasn’t strong enough to survive being left again. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough to leave him on her own. She would have to leave before he got home.
Sarah drank the rest of her water. “I’m okay now. Really.”
The relief on her three friends’ face coated her mouth with guilt. But this was for the...best. She would be out of here before Cullen returned.
Coward, a voice inside her mocked.
Not a coward. Smart. Proactive. This was the best way—the only way—to break the hold Cullen had over her and keep her heart safe.
* * *
Cullen supposed there were worse places he could be than a snow cave in the middle of a blizzard on Mount Hood with four of his closest friends. Someday he might laugh about this, but not tonight.
At least they were safe. And so were the missing climbers. Three lives had been saved today. No sense risking theirs. As soon as the weather cleared, they would head down. Until then, they would make the best of it.
He sipped from his water bottle. The liquid—melted snow—warmed his insides on this chilly night. He’d rather be cuddling in bed with Sarah.
He missed her. He would miss her more when she left Hood Hamlet.
But Cullen understood. Mount Baker was blowing off steam. He didn’t blame her for wanting to be back at the institute.
“Whose bright idea was it to sleep out here?” Hughes asked.
“Paulson’s,” Porter, Moreno and Cullen said at the same time.
“Just a suggestion.” Paulson hunkered down inside his sleeping bag. “I didn’t think anyone would take me seriously.”
“You know Doc,” Porter teased. “He’s always serious.”
Cullen stuck his water bottle inside his sleeping bag to keep it from freezing. “Someone needs to be serious around you clowns.”
Hughes grinned. “I’m sure Doc’s all fun and games when he’s with Sarah.”
“She does keep me smiling.” Cullen would give anything to be with her now, to feel her warm body and soft curves snuggled up against him. The thought raised his temperature a degree, maybe two. That might work to his advantage here.
“Being opposites is good,” Moreno said. “Rita can’t stand anything I like to do except hike. And only when it’s sunny and warm. But we’re about to celebrate our eighth anniversary.”
“Rough life having one gourmet meal after another cooked for you,” Hughes said. “Unlike me with a gorgeous wife who can’t boil water without the fire department showing up.”
“It’s amazing Moreno isn’t pushing three hundred pounds,” Paulson teased.
Moreno smirked. “I burn off the calories other ways.”
“Yeah, chasing little Wyatt,” Hughes joked.
“That’s right,” Porter said. “Kids make those long, lazy mornings spent in bed a thing of the past.”
Moreno unwrapped a granola bar. “Unless the kids are with you.”
Porter nodded. “I can’t wait to see my girls. I’d love one of Carly’s cookies right now.”
“She’ll have a plateful at the base when we get down,” Hughes said.
Moreno nodded. “And Zoe will be there with piping-hot cups of coffee.”
A faraway look filled Hughes’s eyes. He tightened the cord on his jacket’s hood. “Too bad she can’t deliver up here.”
Paulson made a sour-looking face. “Marriage has turned you all into a bunch of saps. Well, except Doc. He’s the same as always.”
Cullen wasn’t sure that was a compliment. He wiggled his fingers to keep them warm.
“Nah,” Hughes said. “He smiles more now.”
“I actually heard him laugh,” Porter teased.
“Very funny, guys,” Cullen said.
Things might be up in the air between him and Sarah, but for all their troubles, he couldn’t deny he was a better man for having her in his life. She brought spontaneity to his life and tried to make him see what was important, that there was more to living than making plans. Just because he lost control, whether a little or a lot, didn’t mean he was going to fall over the edge like Blaine. He wouldn’t with Sarah as his anchor.
Even though he was stuck up here, Sarah was the one who kept his thoughts focused. She was good for him. Not dangerous.
&
nbsp; Sarah was the one who had soothed his fears about Paulson. She’d been the reason Cullen had opened up when that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Being open was his biggest fear, not being reckless. The people he was closest with, people like Sarah and Blaine, could hurt Cullen the most and send his emotions out of control. But this second time around with Sarah, being more open with her had made him stronger, not weaker. The same with Blaine’s memory.
But Cullen hadn’t realized that. Not until now. Would his acknowledging it be enough to keep Sarah from leaving? He didn’t know, nor did he care. But he knew one thing. Love was worth the risk.
* * *
With a trembling hand, Sarah removed the papers from the white envelope. She scanned each page of the dissolution of marriage petition. Neither of them had any assets the other wanted to claim, so it was pretty cut-and-dried. If she agreed with the petition, she didn’t have to respond. The paperwork would go before a judge and their marriage would be over.
With a blue pen in her left hand, she set the tip against a piece of paper. Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Her heart didn’t want her to write this note. But she’d learned long ago she couldn’t trust her heart.
Sarah refocused, ignoring the pain in her chest. Her heart thudded like a bass drum. The steady beat made her think of a post-battle scene when those who had survived the melee gathered the bodies of dead soldiers. She pushed the graphic image from her mind.
This wasn’t war. More like a surrender, a quiet one without any fanfare.
With a shaky hand she wrote what needed to be said and scribbled her signature at the end of the note.
There. She dropped the pen. It was done. Over.
She inhaled, thinking she would feel better. Instead she felt worse.
For the best, Sarah reminded herself. She’d better get busy. The shuttle would be here soon to take her to the airport.
She placed the divorce papers back in the white envelope and set them on the breakfast bar. She placed the note on top.
Last night she’d pulled her wedding ring out of the zippered pocket in her toiletry kit and stuck the gold band on her finger. She’d wanted to wear it one last time. For old times’ sake...
Winning Back His Wife Page 18