By Way of the Rose

by Cynthia M. Ward

  “Wait here.” She slammed the door again.

  “Jennie, tell Mr. Clay that I am in no need of an escort. If I wish to go to a dance or anywhere else, I can get there on my own.” Jennie started back toward the door but Marion stopped her.

  “Jennie Lee DuVal, don't you dare!” She huffed and turned toward Sarah. “If there's something you want that young man to know you tell him yourself. It's not Jennie's place to handle your callers.”

  'Fine then, Momma, I will.” Sarah boldly walked over and snatched the door open. “Hello, Mr. Clay.” She clipped her words. “Just so you'll know, I have no desire to accompany you or anyone else to the dance this Saturday. So please, leave us in peace now. Thank you.” She slammed the door shut.

  John smiled brightly as though he rather enjoyed watching Sarah tell the young man to, in essence, go jump in the lake.

  “Oh, John... she don't need anyone to encourage her in her bad behavior.” Marion looked at Sarah. “What are you going to do when you've alienated all the young men around these parts?”

  “I suppose I'll have to start alienating all the old men. You know, when I was shopping the other day even old Mr. Campbell tried to court me, and he must be at least forty.”

  “Isn't Mr. Campbell married?” John asked.

  “Was. She died two years ago giving birth to their twelfth child. Can't you just see me married to an old man and being nursemaid to his twelve children?” Sarah rolled her eyes.

  “Don't you ever intend to be married, Sarah dear?” Marion asked.

  “I'm in no rush, Momma. And if folks want to call me an old maid because I'm not tied down to a bossy husband and a brood of children then so be it.”

  “You know, Momma, Sarah has a point. No one should push her into marriage.” John defended her.

  “Let me ask you something, John,” Marion looked at him. “Have you ever disagreed with Sarah?”

  “If she were ever wrong I did. It's not wrong for her to wait till she's ready to be married. Look at me, I'm twenty eight, I'm not married and it's not important.”

  “Maybe you're right, John, maybe you're right. I just want what's best for her. But the world is a little different for women, you know. Especially for women like Sarah.”

  “So, what she's saying, John, is that I have to marry as soon as possible because I'm not only a woman, but an Indian woman,” Sarah curtly explained. She looked over at Marion. “Well, Momma, what do you think that man will do to me when he finds out I'm an Indian and that I've covered it up? I'd rather not marry if I can't tell anyone who I really am! I want someone to love me because I'm me.”

  They heard a wagon coming. Sarah stood to look out the window. “It's just Nathan,” she spit out the words. If anyone could ruin this perfectly wonderful day, it would be him.

  John went out to meet him.

  “Well, well, well... Our hero returns!” Nathan waved his arm in the air as if to show grandeur. He stood up from the wagon bench and bowed. “Fine thing not letting me know you were in town,” He sneered. “Mr. Hamilton informed me when I went in to buy supplies. Now how stuck up is that, I ask you?” Nathan laughed as he jumped down from the wagon and slapped John's shoulder a few times, harder than necessary. “Its mighty good to see you again, John. It's been too long. We thought you'd dropped off the face of the earth or somethin'.”

  “Come on in!” Marion called. “I'm cooking a big supper. Where's the rest of your family?”

  “Home. The old lady wouldn't come ‘cause this is her baking day and she wouldn't leave it. I brought Mary Anne and Nathan Jr. with me though. I left the little one home, hangin’ off its ma's teat.” He spit a stream of tobacco juice on the ground. “I swear that's one hungry young-un. I guess I need to make her a harness to tote it around by so she'll have both her hands. She can't hardly get nothin’ done. Takes her all day just to cook and bake and that ain't even talking about the washing and cleaning. The house looks like a pure hog sty. But I did take these two out of her way. Might could help her out a little.” He motioned toward the two freckled redheads.

  “Hey there, I'm your uncle John.” He smiled at them. They both looked at him as if he was lying.

  “How come I don't know you then?” Mary Anne spoke in a stern, demanding tone.

  “I guess it's ‘cause I've been away, but I know about you. And I have a presents for you and your brothers.”

  “Where are they then?”

  “Come on in and I'll give them to you.”

  “How's Elsie feeling?” Sarah asked. Nathan looked at her, paused, then went on talking. John noticed the deliberate slight and answered for him.

  “Well, she's baking, so I suppose that she's fine, huh Nathan?”

  “Yeah, she's fine. Getting bigger every day. Got us another one in the oven, ya know. How's life been treating you, John?” Nathan asked.

  “I can't complain, except that I have really missed being home.”

  “Yeah, Looks like it. What's it been, twelve years? Couldn't have missed us all that much, huh?”

  “Well, I have my reasons. The years just passed without me even knowing it. Has it been twelve years?”

  “I bet Sarah could tell you to the hour how long it's been, couldn't ya, Sarah?” Nathan laughed. His laugh was grating and belittling. “Get me a drink of water.” Nathan glared at Sarah.

  John handed the children their gifts as Sarah handed a glass of water to Nathan. “Whew, gal, this water's been drawn up for hours, you know I like it fresh and cool.”

  “I'm sorry, I'll be right back.” Sarah went straight into the kitchen to pump up some fresh water.

  The children were tearing into their gifts. Mary Anne pulled a doll from the paper. “I don't like this! I don't play with dolls no way!” She looked at her brother's wooden horse. She snatched it from him. “He don't like his neither! You got anything else in that bag?” She plopped the toys back in John's lap.

  “Sorry, little spitfire, but that's all I have.” He chuckled as he apologized.

  “Then give them here.” She huffed and took the toys back. She handed Nathan Jr. his horse and began playing with her doll. “I'm gonna call her Pansy, after you, Uncle John.” She grinned up at him.

  “Really? I'm honored but my name isn't Pansy.”

  “Well, that's what Daddy tells Momma you are and that you... ” Nathan loudly interrupted.

  “Well, John. What kind of work is it that you do again?”

  “I work for the newspaper.”

  “Oh, I know, I know. But what exactly is your job at the paper?”

  “I set type. Get stories. Distribute.”

  “You get all that money just for that?”

  “Well, I'm an editor too.”

  “Oh, fancy work I see. Don't break too many sweats on that job, huh?”

  “You'd be surprised how much I sweat, Nathan.”

  Daniel walked in. “What's all this?” he asked in shocked tones.

  John smiled. “Hello, Poppa!”

  “That can't be you, can it? John? My long lost pup has come home! Not a pup anymore, is he Momma?” Daniel gave John a bear hug. His eyes were full of joy as they all sat down to supper. John ate as if he hadn't eaten in years, until everyone laughed at how he wolfed it down.

  “We'll get you fattened up in two shakes of a lamb's tail!” Marion said joyfully.

  “Get me more bread, Sarah,” Nathan ordered “And I need more drink too.”

  Sarah obeyed as Marion and Daniel sat on talking. She was smiling and listening to the conversation as she reached between Mary Anne and Nathan to pour the drink. That's when Mary Anne elbowed Sarah, sloshing the water over Nathan and nearly causing Sarah to drop the pitcher.

  “You clumsy fool!” Nathan sprang up from the table wiping his clothes. “I'm soaked to the skin! You poured that out on purpose, you half-wit. I saw ya!”

  “It got on me too, Daddy,” Mary Anne reported.

  “Sarah, you must be more careful.” Marion leapt up to get Nathan
and Mary Anne some towels.

  “I think I'll take some air. That supper was wonderful, Momma.” John kissed Marion on her cheek and walked out.

  Daniel followed him. “I'll take some air with you,” he said as he reached for his pipe.

  The night sky was clear and all the stars twinkled to the melody of the night crickets. “I'm so happy to be home, Poppa. I've really missed everyone. You've built a wonderful place here. Everything looks so grand. This is a home that you and Momma deserve.”

  “It was you who helped us do all this. I know this was built at the expense of time with your family. It makes me question if it was worth it. You've been away too long, son. What in the world was so important? Surely not only this house and land.”

  “Just keeping the peace, Poppa. You remember what happed the last time I was home. I just couldn't abide Nathan. I love you all so very much, but me and Nathan are like oil and water. Why can't we get along? Why is he always so angry... So bitter and nasty? I know he does things just to get my dander up, and I know he lashes out at Sarah to get to me. I try to ignore him but when it comes right down to it, I want to wring his skinny neck and I just got home. I thought we'd grown up, but I can see he hasn't. He's still the same old Nathan. Did you see that girl of his shove Sarah when she was pouring the water?”

  “I see a lot, but those of us who have patience must let those without get by with their mess. I think he's envious of you, anyway. Maybe you could try being a little more generous with him. The boy is odd, there's no two ways about that. And he just strikes out at anyone, doesn't matter if you're here or not. He's one of those kind who look for trouble, just to have something going on. We have to recognize that and be lenient with him.” Daniel put his arm around John's shoulders. “But you've always been ready to fight for justice, haven't you? I remember that day when you wanted to plow into that army of men with guns. I'm proud of you son and I'm proud of the way you hold your temper... just keep holding it so it won't rip us apart again. Your coming home has meant so much to your momma and me. Let's think of being together and not so much about Nathan's animosity. Maybe he'll wake up one day and join the family if we can just keep it together till then.”

  Nathan came out and loaded the children in the wagon. He drove past where Daniel and John were standing propped against the fence near the end of the yard. “Y'all can go back in now. Evil, mean Nathan and his spawn is leavin'.”

  “Stay and talk with us,” John offered. “We're just getting a breath of fresh air.”

  “If you'd wanted to talk with me you'd have asked me to come out with you in the first place.”

  “I didn't have to ask Poppa. I didn't think I'd have to ask you either.”

  “I've gotta get home to the missus anyway. There'll be hell to pay if I leave her for long.”

  “Good night, son.” Daniel called to him as Nathan drove away. The rumbling sound of his wagon wheels faded into the night. “He takes everything so personal... but the best thing to do is let him feel sorry for himself. That's the only way he's happy. It's good of you to try and soothe his feelings, but I just don't believe it can be done. He's always wanted all the attention.” Daniel put his pipe in his mouth and looked up at the stars.

  “I think he wants something more than attention, I just don't know what that is. Does he seem better when I'm not around?”

  “No, worse actually. I think he was happy to see you again.”

  “That was Nathan being happy? I've left you folks at his mercy far too long.”

  They both laughed as the smoke from Daniel's pipe drifted on the cool night air.

  Chapter Twelve

  * * * *

  John tossed and turned all night. Visions of Sarah, that breathtaking image he'd seen in town, kept invading his thoughts. He was glad to see and hear the first signs of morning. The sun crept into sight as John dressed to the sharp echoes of roosters crowing.

  He walked downstairs and into the kitchen as Marion was putting breakfast on the table. He kissed her cheek. “Morning, Momma.”

  “Good morning, my long lost boy. I knew you'd be the first one up when you smelled these biscuits and gravy.” She chuckled happily.

  “Oh, Momma! It's been so long since I've had a good old biscuit. I hope you made enough for everyone with me here.” John smiled as he licked his lips.

  Sarah came in with the milk. “Here, let me help you with that.” John rushed over and took the bucket from her. He flinched as his hand brushed against hers, almost dropping the bucket.

  “For goodness sake, John,” she laughed. “let me take care of it, if that's the best you can do. Sit and talk to me while I strain the milk. Tell me about everything. I want to hear about your life in the big city. I want to hear about it all. Is it very exciting?”

  “Nothing much to tell but that it gets awful lonesome. I have friends, but it's not like family.” Sarah must have noticed him staring at her because her cheeks flushed a bright pink. She quickly looked down at her work.

  “Then why haven't you been home before now?” Marion asked. “We miss you terribly when you're not here.”

  “Momma, you know me and Nathan don't get along too well. Besides, I have a job to do. I just didn't want to cause trouble. I'm short tempered when it comes to Nathan.”

  “I know, but you're brothers, it shouldn't be like this. Is there anything you can think of to make it better?”

  “To keep my mouth shut, as always. But when it gets so that I can't, I'll have to leave because I love you all too much. Even old fuss bucket, Nathan. I don't know what else to do besides stay away. Seems as if I've always rubbed him the wrong way.”

  “The green eyed monster shouldn't keep us apart, John.” Marion hugged him.

  Soon everyone was up and ready for the day. They joyfully ate breakfast together, laughing and talking over the days gone by. Jennie and Bettie left for school early so they could talk with their friends before the bell rang. Sarah washed the dishes and freshened up. “I'll see you this afternoon.” She smiled at John then kissed Marion before leaving.

  “Wait,” John called as he grabbed his hat. “I'll walk with you. I'd like to look around a bit and visit our old pig trails.” He hugged Marion. “Delicious biscuits, Momma, save me some for lunch. I can't get enough of them.”

  She smiled and swatted him on his shoulder. “If you're not back soon I'll feed them to the chickens. I don't want you gallivanting all day and leaving me when we have so much catching up to do. Don't make me have to walk into town and get your lanky behind.”

  “I won't, Momma. Love you!” John called as he followed Sarah out the door.

  They walked along quietly for a while. He couldn't help staring at her. He was looking for any sign of the little girl he had left here so many years ago. It was hard. This vision of beauty had sprung up from that little girl he once carried on his shoulders. But he had to make himself see her, he had to see the little girl. He couldn't deal with it if he couldn't see this woman as his little Sara... his little Princess. It would be too odd and weird... it would hurt too much to see her as the woman she'd become. When he glanced over at her, he found her staring at him.

  “Is everything all right, John?’ She asked when seeing the tears in his eyes.

  “I'm lost in my memories of you and of time gone by. Of times, never to be recaptured, time that I missed. Where did that little girl go? Where did my little Princess go?”

  “Your little Princess?” An enormous wave of fiery anger suddenly seemed to erupt from Sarah. “Little Princess indeed! I use to believe that lie, I used to be so gullible, how stupid I was,” Sarah snarled. “The notion that I was dear to you faded a long time ago, sweet brother.”

  “You doubt how much I care? Do you know how hard it was for me to stay away? You don't understand!” John was shocked by her sudden vehemence. He'd never imagined Sarah like this.

  “All I understand is that I've been here waiting for you, praying for you day after day but you never felt the need
to see me at all. I would have given anything for just a glimpse of you. Now you have the nerve to tell me you're disappointed because I'm not your ‘little Princess’ anymore? What did you think, John? That I would remain a child forever? Did you think you had locked me away frozen in time until you decided to return? I have lived every day for you, for your letters, for your return. Longing for your love and kindness while Nathan tormented me. He tormented me beyond reason! He is my worst nightmare come to life and I bore it alone because you ran away, because you couldn't handle him. You left me, your ‘Princess’ to handle him all alone!”

  “Oh, Sarah!” John reached out to her and took her in his arms. “Forgive me! I thought I made it harder on you and everyone else. I thought it was only me who made him bitter.”

  Sarah pushed John away. “Well, you think long and hard. See if you can figure out who he took it out on when you left. I, your Princess, had to stay here and take what you couldn't! I thank God I grew up... no one protected me. No one! Thank God I'm grown! Thank God I'm not that completely helpless little girl anymore!” Tears began to roll down Sarah's cheeks.

  Again John took her in his arms. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was like this. I did what I thought was right. I was just a boy myself, and wanted to make things better for everyone. But you must know that I love you more than my life!”

  She buried her face in his chest as she sobbed. “Oh John, I had no idea I was this bitter. I'm just so angry! It's just that you left and he stayed. It isn't fair, it'll never be fair to you or to me!” John held her tightly as she went on. “I remember how it was. I remember how Nathan made you feel. I just needed you. I'm angry because I couldn't have you and then, to get letters from you telling me about that Tad girl. Why not me instead of her? If you had room for her, why not for me? Why John? Why? Why didn't you come and get me?”

  “Too many questions I can't tell you the answers to. I'm angry and hurt. You have to know that. You have to know I wanted you with me. I tried to let Tad take your place because I missed you so bad.” John kissed her on the forehead and gently wiped the tears away from her face. “But my work wouldn't let me bring my family into it. Tad had to be there and that's the only reason she was. She helped fill the void in my heart caused when I had to leave you, but she never could take your place. You are my Princess, don't you ever doubt that, my Sarah!”