VIBGYOR

by Keerthana Jayaraj

  “Glad you saw sense. She’s no good anyway.”

  The thing was waddling towards me from the other side of the room, its face stretched in a full grin. “Now you should be getting down to business, don’t you think?”

  “What…”

  Her little fingers touched me. It was like being burned alive in a furnace. Every inch of my body was engulfed by flames. I couldn’t stop myself from crying out loud. “Do I need to make it more clear? Maybe…” It gripped my hand. The flames burned hotter and hotter. They bound me like a snake and licked me, cackling loudly at my pain. My legs admitted defeat first. I went down on my knees, before the thing whose face was still full of the same grotesque smile.

  “Stop it! Just stop!”

  I screamed before falling face first at her feet.

  CHAPTER 21

  “Shakti…Shakti…” A voice broke through the infinite blackness that swallowed me. A frantic yet strangely familiar voice. The world came back - first in an incomprehensible blur then in solid shapes and colours. Something yellow was looking down at me, crying in no small panic.

  “What did that thing do to you? What happened? Shakti…Shakti…”

  “Goldy…”

  The word escaped me followed by loud sobs. All the panic, unease and pain that had invaded me flooded out slowly to be replaced by one and only one feeling - joy and… relief. Sweet relief that melted my sugar in mouth.

  “Goldy…”

  I threw my hands around her, almost knocking her off her feet. “Goldy…”

  “I heard you screaming…” Goldy squeezed me tight. “I was worried. What happened?”

  What happened…The feeling of being burned came back to me. The red with its tiny eyes and hands and legs and…I screamed. I screamed till my whole body ached. “Shakti…”

  Hearing the comforting lilt in her voice made everything worse. The pain dug into me like screws, twisting and hurting worse than ever.

  “I’m so scared!” I blurted out before I screamed again. “I’m so damn scared. I’m scared of you leaving one day. I’m scared of the whole mess I’ve found myself in. I’m scared for Shiva and the things that may happen to her…I’m scared of losing! I’m scared of being alone… I don’t…”

  When I finally came of my senses(sort of) my head was resting on Goldy’s shoulder and she was patting me gingerly on the back. Having someone to unload my troubles on felt good. Now, I know why humans like to talk endlessly about themselves. That way, the good times feel more good and the bad times feel…well not so bad.

  “Do you think I’m all brave and courageous? ” She asked me slowly. “I’m scared too. I don’t want to leave you behind. I don’t want to leave without knowing what’s happened to you.”

  “Everyone’s scared, huh?”

  “How very philosophical…” Goldy laughed. “So let us stick together…It helps.” I broke away from Goldy’s grasp and took her hand. If I had the ability to shed tears, I would have done so. Something like a thank you escaped out my lips. “You better thank me well and good. Otherwise, I might take it into my head to go off again.” “But a monster red or maybe a monster orange or maybe a monster green could attack me while you are gone.” I teased. “You must come back if I scream. You absolutely must.”

  “I’ll remember that.”

  Both of us laughed. It felt so good, unbelievably great - as if a huge rock just rolled off my shoulder and finally left me free to dance with joy. “It’s good to have you back really.”

  “I wouldn’t have really left, you know. I would have come back…eventually…” “Really?”

  We must have stood like that for a very very long, just looking at each other and savouring the peace all around. But sadly, peace is the most temporary feeling in the world. One day you feel as if you are walking on the sweetest and smoothest bed of roses and nothing could ever spoil that. The next day the roses become thorns leaving you squealing and hopping about in pain desperately looking for a way out. Sadness lasts for far too long. Happiness or peace…You blink once and it’s gone.

  What ended our moment of peace was a swear word spat out so loud it could have been heard out in the street. There was no doubt who spoke and no doubt as to who was intended to hear it. As the old woman on the bed was jolted awake, I and Goldy ran upstairs to see two people trapped inside a flaming circle of oranges.

  “How insane are you! To even believe things like this about a blind man who can’t even walk. I’m not going to hate a broken man for things he didn’t do.” Shive cried out. A few more oranges joined the growing circle.

  “How do you know that he didn’t do these things? He’s not going to tell you the truth!”

  “Neither is Vaishav so you can stop all this bullshit about him being a helpless victim. You just champion him because I don’t like him!” “And you just hate him because I like him. How low can you sink, Shiva!” “Never as low as you!”

  “I just want you to be happy…Why on earth can’t you see that? Just…Just this once…”

  “How can I be happy when you freaking destroy everything that makes me happy? My writing, my job…Please…for once leave me alone and go to hell! Just go!” They stood panting, glaring at each other, father and daughter, like angry bulls in an arena. Shiva’s eyes blazed with such insane anger that it was easy to imagine an eruption of oranges. As for her father…Mr. Raghunath clenched his fists tight and gritted his teeth hard. His eyes were full of anger but…underneath it was another emotion. Sadness….Sadness and a sense of loss that was tearing apart his heart. Like a poor beggar boy staring at a lucky kid being pampered by parents.

  “Shiva…”

  “Just go! Please…Please…Please…Before I lose my mind…Please…”

  Shiva collapsed just after the last please trailed away, tears trickled down her eyes. Sobs, one after the other followed the tears. Eventually they stopped, leaving Shiva sitting on the ground, hugging her legs, without even her tears for comfort.

  From everything I knew about Mr. Raghunath, I fully expected him to leave. But he didn’t. He moved closer to his daughter, his right hand outstretched towards her, close but not touching her shoulder. The anger in his eyes was completely gone. There was just crushing grief.

  “Shiva…”

  His fingers inched closer but still didn’t touch her shoulder. “Are you ok?” Shiva lifted her head. Her smoldering eyes bore into her father’s scared ones.

  “No…No I’m not okay!” She spat. “I don’t think I can ever be okay when you stay in front of me! Get lost…For God’s sake just get out of my face!”

  Mr. Raghunath’s fingertips trembled. Tears glinted in his eyes. “What in the world is wrong with you? He sighed. “Why do you have to be such an ungrateful little brat! You’d rather be coddled by your mother and her spout nonsense than…”

  “Shut up! Shivani screeched. One, two, three, four, five oranges jumped out of her head and joined the ring. “Shut up and get the hell out of my face!” After Mr, Raghunath left, Shiva’s mask of anger slipped off. She collapsed completely on the floor and wept, letting out several screams in between her sobs. “Should we be glad we didn’t hear the beginning of this conversation?” Goldy asked, bemused.

  “I guess…” I replied, still gazing at Shivani. It was in the same tearful, angry messed up state that Shiva walked into Jacob’s apartment building. Devoid of the subtle makeup and prim dressing she looked a lot like the Shivani-the totally wrecked Shivani-I saw at Nandan’s and Anasuya’s engagement. She knocked madly at the door, her eyes staring emptily at the calling bell. Even as the door was opened by a surprised Dan Shiva continued to make the same gesture, not even looking at him.

  “Shivani! What in the…”

  Shiva started, her eyes painfully shifting to Dan. She blinked stupidly for a while, apparently becoming aware of what she was doing. “I…I…I’m sorry. I….”

  “What happened?”

  It was to Dan’s credit that he remained calm and talked
to her without freaking out. I mean…Who was she? Just an acquaintance. The easiest thing in the world would be to be shut the door to her face and leave it at that. 99.9999999% of people on earth would have done the same thing.

  “I shouldn’t have barged in like this.” Shiva stuttered. “I just…I just…I just didn’t know where else to go.” A fresh eruption of tears and sobs and incoherent poor me phrases. If Dan didn’t understand a word of it, he never betrayed the fact. He lead her inside and invited to take a seat on the couch which she did.

  “Shiva???” Jacob’s wheelchair was by the window. His serene face was peering out. I wondered what he felt to merit the fascination in his blind eyes or the peace written in every inch of his face. The only thing I could see were other apartment buildings, cars, buses, more cars, more buildings and more cars. Even the air smelled foul - kind of like the fuel these thousands of cars and buses run on.

  “I’m sorry Jacob…I…I don’t even remember deciding to come here. I just barged in and acted like some wretched psycho!” She rocked back and forth on the couch as she spoke, wiping off the sweat trickling down on her forehead and mixing with her tears.

  “Shiva…” Jacob said gently. “What happened?”

  “I…I…” More tears rolled down her cheeks. She opened her mouth but no voice “I…I…” More tears rolled down her cheeks. She opened her mouth but no voice

  VIBGYOR came.

  “Come here…”

  Shiva got up and joined him by the window. She leaned outside and took a deep breath, her eyes taking in every bit of the uninspiring view. “I doubt you’d care very much for this view if you could actually see.” “I know.” He said, smiling. “I’m thankful.”

  “You’re what?”

  “I’m thankful that I can enjoy it. In my own way…It’s not so bad. I hear the cars and I try to imagine them. I hear the buses and people. I try to see them too. I have this picture of a street inside my head. You never know…It may even be more interesting that the one you actually see.”

  Shiva looked at him for a while and sighed.. “You must think I’m crazy.” Jacob laughed. “Even if you are…” he paused. “I don’t really mind. We all have the right to go crazy once in a while.”

  “I’m really sorry…I didn’t mean to come and…” “Shiva…” He called softly, extending one tired hand towards her. For a moment Shivani looked disarmed. Then slowly, gently, she placed her hand on his.. A single tear trickled down and fell on her little finger. Jacob squeezed her hand before speaking again.

  “I’m glad you came. Crazy or not…I…I missed…talking to you.”

  “You…”Shiva looked up. “I didn’t know talking to me was something that good for you.” “Do you want me to say it was?”

  “That’s awfully trite isn’t it?”

  Jacob smiled. “Said…yes…”

  Shiva smiled too. “Then I’d better not say…” she paused, her eyes locking with his “I…”

  “Er…I though you might like something to drink…” Dan was beet red as he handed a glass of juice to Shiva. The conversation, which had sidetracked considerably, fell back to the point. Jacob inquired again about what was it that made Shivani so upset.

  “Mr. Vaishnav Sachidanand…” The name was spat out with venom enough to kill a hundred humans. “He took pictures of us and send them to my Dad with his own version about…”

  It didn’t take long for the full story to be told.

  “The bastard!” Dan fists banged against the wall one after the other, anger tinting his face a deep red. “The…The horrible…” “Dan…” Jacob leaned back and sighed.

  “What? Are you saying what he did is ok?”

  “Hitting a wall doesn’t exactly hurt him. It just hurts your hands.” Jacob smiled. “Shiva?”

  Shivani automatically moved closer to him. “I apologize Shiva.” Jacob said slowly. “He simply hates me and that…some of that must have transfered to you. Because…Because you…” He paused. “Because you are my friend.”

  “I think telling him that he wasn’t my idea of a husband must have done the trick.” “Vaishnav certainly wouldn’t have liked that.” Jacob laughed

  “Next time he comes in…I’ll give him a piece of my mind.” Dan cracked his knuckles threateningly. “Next time he decides to wreck havoc…He should…” “I’ll gladly join you.” Shivani said darkly. “You guys should hold him down for me. I want to hit the center of his nose.” Jacob laughed. “But seriously…It’s a waste of time trying to teach people like Vaishnav ‘lessons’. They never learn.”

  Shiva had lunch(which she prepared) there. The three of them chatted pleasantly throughout the meal, talking about everything in the world except Vaishnav Sachidanand. Not surprising really…People like him have the tendency to suck happiness away from others. Later Shiva challenged Dan to a game of chess. It lasted exactly thirty minutes. To say Dan crushed Shiva was an understatement. He was seriously awesome. He was in command of the game from beginning to end.

  “You are one bad player…” Dan said teasingly as he put away the board. “Jacob here lasts at least an hour…But you…”

  “I hope you can now see I’m not the only conceited jerk around…” Jacob laughed. “Then I’d better head home.” Shivani joined playfully. “It’s contagious.” She glanced sideways at Dan, her mouth half open. I could see the question hiding just behind her lips. A question she was debating whether to ask.

  “Let me guess. Jacob has already filled you in on my history as a chess player. You’re trying to tactfully ask why I quit the game.”

  Shiva went red. “Well yes…”

  “Let me enlighten you on the point. Why did Jacob here stop singing? Why did you stop writing?” The temperature in the room went down a few degrees. Jacob stared intently at the boring carpet and Shivani suddenly developed an interest in a crow on the windowsill. As for Dan himself, he disappeared into the kitchen without an apology I would have expected given his nature.

  “Heck!” Shivani exclaimed, frightening the poor crow who flapped away into the sky. “What the heck did I just do?”

  “It’s what he does every time I ask.” said Jacob thoughtfully. “I gave up after a while since he doesn’t like it.” “I’m really sorry…I…”

  “It’s not you.”

  “Maybe…Maybe I should go and…”

  “No. Leave him alone. He’ll be back.”

  Dan did come back. More than an hour later. He strode from the kitchen right up to Shivani, his face emotionless.

  “Shivani…I’m sorry for lashing at you like that. I…There is some stuff I left behind and you kind of stirred it all up again. Lets just…just not discuss it anymore.” I stared at him. Dan! Spouting a rehearsed speech and a totally mechanical apology. What in the heck! Was this even the same Dan who lashed out at Anasuya? Shiva seemed as taken aback as I was. But she took in good spirit anyway. “It’s ok. I’m sorry too…”

  More awkwardness. Dan opened and closed his mouth continuously all the while not even looking at Shiva or Jacob. Shiva kept gazing at Jacob as if silently urging him to help her out.

  “I’d better leave…” Shiva said finally. “I’ve been here a long time anyway. “Er…I…I am sorry.” Dan said again, still not meeting her eyes. “I messed up. Really…”

  He bit his lip, looking much more like the familiar adorable Dan. “I didn’t mean to offend or insult you.”

  “I am not offended Dan.” Shiva said earnestly. “It was none of my business. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  “But I…”

  “You two are not going to enter into an I’m sorry cycle are you?” Jacob smiled. “Because that would be so trite…You know…”

  For a moment both Dan and Shivani stared at him open-mouthed. Then Dan laughed. He laughed and laughed till the shadow disappeared from his face.

  “I really didn’t mean to be such a jerk.” He said rather sheepishly. “I am really sorry Shivani.”

  Shivani opened h
er mouth most likely to apologize again but Jacob interrupted with another peal of laughter.

  “Here we go again…” He said.

  “I was just going to say apology accepted.” Shivani smiled. “But since you say its trite…”

  She sank back on the couch. “I won’t say it.”

  “Since you’ve been all nice and taken your seat…I take it you’re not leaving?” Jacob asked mischievously.

  “If you act all showoffy…” Shiva said with mock sternness. “I’ll be more than glad to leave.”

  Laughter again…Tension and awkwardness were chased out. The three fell into conversation. All too suddenly it was as if nothing had happened. Yet…Dan glanced at Jacob now and then, genuine unease in his eyes. He bit his lip constantly as though he as trying to hold back something that desperately wanted to come out of his mouth.

  “It’s been too boring there… The old woman’s just lying around and the man is all locked up inside his study.”

  I jumped at the voice and peeled my eyes away from Dan. Goldy stood right behind me, a naughty twinkle in her eye. “I thought I’d check on you.” She said.

  “You just missed a jolly good show.”

  “I heard the tail end of it.” She said, matter of factly. “It’s not that surprising, is it? It was unlikely that Jacob knew and I don’t think Mr.Friend there is ever going to tell him.”

  “What?” I gaped at her as though she was speaking an alien tongue. Really? Since when did Goldy start knowing things that I didn’t know? Ah! Suddenly it came back to me. There had been something that Goldy wanted to tell but didn’t get around to telling me. Because we were…you…kind of distracted by the red.

  “I guess I never did tell you…” she said sheepishly.

  “What exactly…” I began hotly but Goldy cut me short.

  “Danny boy there went to visit a relative of his…” She said dramatically. “An Uncle who was staying in Danny boy’s family home with a servant. Now, Uncle Albert had fallen down the stairs and hurt himself pretty badly so the servant called Danny boy.”

  I almost laughed. If this was the whole mystery story in a nutshell why was Goldy looking so smug? Old man falls down and breaks his arm and leg…what was so interesting about that?