VIBGYOR

by Keerthana Jayaraj

  “I saw the news in the paper…I hope Nandan is taking the news bravely.” Nandan’s Dad shrugged. “He had been freed of her enchantment a few days ago… It’ll help him ease the pain. He is in a bit of a foolish state right now…He locked himself in his room on hearing the news and has not left since.”

  Goldy and I exchanged a glance, neither of us able to voice our deepest disgust. For one moment, I had the mental image of Nandan, clutching the cell phone, tears slowly leaking out of his eyes, perhaps hoping from the bottom of his heart that Anasuya would call again. Nandan was a jerk of the first kind but that didn’t make his sorrow any less.

  “I believe he will come around…Time heals even the worst pain.” Mr. Raghunath curtly, his voice and expression devoid of emotion. “And when he does, we can truly hope that he learned something from his mistakes.”

  Nandan’s father smiled. “I’m sure he will…Now Raghu, why don’t we call Shivani and tell her the great news…”

  I had gone past the point of being shocked by human actions or I would have yelled. Of course I should have seen this coming…And the Red too… “Of course I saw this coming too Violet.” She had reappeared, standing at a corner, leaning lazily against the wall. “The thing is, my dear…It would have come to this, one way or another.”

  The only reaction I could muster was a weary stare in her direction. “Now sit back, dear, and watch the show unfold. In fact, you might have to do the very things you say you despise.”

  My attention was diverted for a moment by Shivani, who had evidently been called to listen to the great news. Except…from her pale face and angry eyes, it wasn’t great to her at all.

  “How…How…” She muttered through trembling lips. “Please…Tell me you didn’t think of this insanity, Uncle!”

  Nandan’s father looked away, probably unable to meet the scorn in her eyes. He said something that sounded like an apology and turned back to face her.

  “Shiva dear, I had always thought her unworthy of my son’s affection. I had wanted you to…” “I don’t like her either, Uncle.” Shiva said softly. “But…” She paused, tears filling her eyes. “No one should be driven to the point where they decide to take their own life. I have been there, Uncle…It’s not a feeling I would wish even on my worst enemy.”

  “You are being too kind…”

  “Nothing of the sort.” Said Shivani firmly. “I will not celebrate a death.What you are proposing is not fair to me. Neither is it fair to your son.”

  “Nandan will realize that the girl was a…” “He had loved her from our time together in highschool. The mistake, Uncle was yours. You shouldn’t have forced me and Nandan together…Look what happened to me…”

  “Nothing of the sort will happen again, Shivani.”

  “I’m sorry but I’m not willing to be a guinea pig. I will not consider being with Nandan again.”

  “Shivani!” Mr.Raghunath got up from the couch to face his daughter. “Have you any idea what you are saying?”

  Shivani scoffed. “Of course I do. I am saying that I refuse to be chained to a man who made my life hell.”

  At first Mr.Raghunath looked angry. Then his face fell and he simply looked tired. “Think about your future, Shiva.”

  Shiva laughed. “My future? My future? Isn’t that the reason you used to murder my daughter?”

  “I…”

  “How dare you speak to me about my future when it was you who destroyed it? My “How dare you speak to me about my future when it was you who destroyed it? My job…My dreams…Even my daughter…” Tears trickled down Shiva’s cheeks but she wiped them away in anger. “And now…when I’m trying to build a future again…” Her eyes flicked briefly to her room where the manuscript of her new work was placed neatly on her desk. Nearby, a couple of thick books she brought back from the library were piled up. A notebook lay open, filled with Shiva’s neat handwriting. “You are trying to tear it apart…First Vaishnav and now…”

  “Do you really hate me so, Shiva?” “Fool…” I muttered. His eyes were remarkably like a kitten scolded by a master for scratching furniture. “Why are you so angry at me?” They seemed to ask his daughter, who was looking at him with hate written all over her face. She turned away with a snort of disgust and disappeared into her room.

  “She’ll come around.” Nandan’s Dad said. “She has every reason to hate my son, Raghu. I can’t and won’t blame her for that.”

  “Shiva…” That was all Mr.Raghunath said in reply. He remained eerily silent long after his friend said goodbye and left.

  Shiva, meanwhile, left for Jacob’s apartment building. As we followed her, I wondered if he knew…

  He was in his usual spot by the window, his eyes fixed on the street he could not see. His trembling hands were fastened on a newspaper page.

  “I told him…” Dan whispered as Shiva entered. “I was too surprised when I saw it and he…” Shiva nodded. She went over to Jacob and sank down beside him.

  “Jacob…” She called softly.

  Jacob gasped loudly. A minute or so passed before he said her name without looking away from the street.

  “You did not hear me come in?”

  “I wasn’t listening…” He sighed. Then he smiled a little and said more cheerfully. “Guess I’m being an idiot, huh?”

  “I can’t say I’m happy either…” Shiva said. “It…I don’t know…I don’t like her…not even the tiniest bit…yet…” “Why did she do this? The Anasuya I knew would never have committed suicide…” “Something happened between Nandan and her.” Shivani said.

  “Yet…Taking her own life…” Jacob bit his lip. “That’s not a place people reach

  “Yet…Taking her own life…” Jacob bit his lip. “That’s not a place people reach lightly.”

  “I know…” Shiva moved closer to him and put her hand on his. “I wish it didn’t happen either…”

  Jacob sighed again and blinked rapidly. A single tear trickled down his cheek. “I never imagined I would grieve for her…”

  “Me neither…” Shiva said. The lunch that day was a subdued affair. Silence except for the sound of spoons on plates and bowls. Shiva stayed with them for a little while more before saying goodbye. She almost reached the door when Jacob called her name.

  “Can you stay a bit longer?” He asked. “I…Please…”

  I could see easily that Shiva was touched. And scared. Jacob was so pale and his eyes so listless. She almost rushed back to him and took his hand.

  “I will.” She said. They didn’t talk much for the remaining hour she stayed. Just stood by the window. Cars, buses and people rushed towards the things they wanted and places they ought to reach. I could see Nandan’s house in a distance. The window of his bedroom was open. I could make out someone looking out but it was too far away to confirm it was Nandan. As time passed, Jacob leaned again Shivani more and more. No tears shone in his eyes but he was shaking like mad. Shiva didn’t utter a word. She simply let him stay that way, till he calmed down enough to speak.

  “Why am I being this way?” He blurted out. “I thought…I truely thought I had left her memories behind and moved on…”

  Shivani sat down beside him and said gently. “It’s all right…” Jacob looked at her as though she was mad. Shivani smiled and continued. “You loved her once…You can’t just erase that out of your head.” She reached out tenderly and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “It’s not because you are…”

  “I feel…I feel…”

  “You are okay…You are okay…”

  She chanted it like a mantra as if calling him back from a far off place. They stayed like that for a long time, until the shaking stopped and the last drop of tear ran down. Before Shiva left that day, Jacob held her hand. He was still pale, his eyes hollow but there was a ghost of his former smile on his face.

  “Thank you.”

  Dan walked her to the door. Before he showed her out, I felt that Dan wanted to tell her something important
. His mischievous eyes were strained and apart from the fact that he was worried for his friend I could see no reason why. There was something… A dreadful fog obscuring my senses…I couldn’t tell what he was trying to suppress.

  “What in the world?” Goldy exclaimed. “I can’t…”

  “Goldy?”

  “I can’t read his feelings.”

  At that moment, I knew. This was it. Another one of the pranks that Red pulled. It was easier not to think about it too much.

  “Hello, my dears. Aren’t you having a lovely day?” I bit my lips and turned around. The Red was leaning against the wall, stroking her head with her tiny fingers. It took all my self control, my realization of the futility of the very action, to not start an ugly brawl. Goldy was not so restrained

  “What have you done, you…”

  The Red cocked it’s head to one side and made a mocking gesture with it’s hand. “I could tell…but that would totally ruin the surprise.”

  I clenched my fists and blurted out. “I thought you said you’d leave them alone.” “Oh…I haven’t touched them…Any of these pure souls who have appealed to your foolish little heart. But…” She giggled. “When a person literally opens their heart to you…It’s impossible not to walk in, right?”

  “Who…who…who opened their heart to you?” I knew I was walking right into whatever mind game that thing had it mind. It was easy to convince my brain to stay cool, to not lose a grip on myself but it was not so easy to convince my heart, which was hell bent on reminding me of all the evil, evil things that can happen to these good people.

  “Everyone opens their heart to me…” The thing laughed. “You are truely naive not to see it. Some open it just a crack…don’t give me room to work with. Some leave their hearts wide open, allowing me to walk right in and give them some directions.”

  “Directions to self destruct, apparently” Goldy snorted “Do you things humans need directions from me for that?” The Red turned to her, malice written on every inch of its little body. “It’s the one thing they are really good at doing on their own. It’s the one thing embedded so deep into their psyche that the the slightest shove can set them on the path.”

  “Do you think spouting philosophy excuses the things you are doing?” I exclaimed. “Do you think spouting philosophy excuses the things you are doing?” I exclaimed.VIBGYOR “You can’t simply hurt people to get what you want.”

  “And do you think your naivety and simplicity excuses your inaction? And do you think that the people you insist on keeping around, the monsters who have destroyed an innocent woman’s life, and killed an unborn child in the womb of her mother…Do you think they’d leave her alone now?”

  “That…”

  “Vengeance is not something you accomplish by clinging to naive ideals. It is done by striking back when you can without the least hesitation.” And she was gone. I stood like a statue, trying not to think too much. Strike back… The words smelled like blood. It only implied hurt…and a heap of broken dreams. It reeked of death like Anasuya’s…She was an air-headed idiot but that did not mean she had to die…

  “Shakti…I…can I ask you something?” I nodded mechanically. It didn’t take a lot of intelligence to figure out what she was going to say. The same question had been with me since I decided not to wreck havoc.

  “How are you going to…What will happen to you, Shakti?”

  “I think we have more pressing matters n our hands.”

  CHAPTER 29

  Mr. Raghunath was waiting for Shivani at the gate. He glowered at her as she approached, putting out one hand to stop her from moving forward. “What do you want?”

  “Did you go to see him again?” He snarled. “Did you two have a good laugh?”

  Shivani frowned. Her father was stepping towards her, clenching his fists. His temper surprised me. Obviously he hated Jacob and had said so in no uncertain terms. Why then, the sudden decision to go psycho? Once the surprise had gone I realized something even more frightening. The fog…The fog that obscured Dan’s emotions was here too. Goldy’s terrified glance told me that it was the same for her.

  “Do you think I’m that catty, Dad? Do you really think I’m the type to gloat over someone’s grief?” “What I can see is that you have no sympathy for him.” He was close enough to burn her with the anger in his eyes. “Why…Why are you being a stubborn idiot when life offers you a second chance?”

  “Step back! And don’t you dare raise your hand to strike me.” Her quiet voice although calm didn’t lack firmness. “If you do…” She scoffed. “I can and I will defend myself.”

  “Have you gone crazy, Shivani? Why do you insist on hating me?”

  “Do I have to spell out the reasons for you?” She asked him in the same calm tone.

  “Forget that. Shivani…You won’t get a chance like this again. Don’t let your anger cloud your judgement.” “I have taken the second chance that life gave me. I have not killed myself, have I? I’m looking for a job and I’m sure of getting one soon…and I have started writing again. Most of all…I feel like I’m alive for the first time since you sold my life for a business deal.”

  “I sold your life…Shivani…What nonsense…” “Didn’t I tell you that you that I hated him? Didn’t I tell you he hated me? Didn’t I tell you he was a part of the bully gang that made my school life hell? Didn’t I tell you he was actually in love with another girl?”

  “That was high school, you idiot!” He spat. “What the heck does it actually have to do with real life?”

  c“Do I have to remind you how my real life turned out?” She snorted. “Now…If you are done disturbing the neighbours…”

  “Don’t ruin your life, Shivani…”

  “You know what I think you are really mad about? You’re mad that I didn’t want the second chance that you presented to me like a wrapped gift. I chose my own.” I was dimly aware of the faces at the windows, no attracted to the raised voices. Humans love drama. They simply lap it up. Especially the troubles of another person. “Go inside, Shiva. Do you want everyone in the neighbourhood to say that our family fights ad argues every minute of the day?”

  “I was not the one waiting to start a fight.” With one last glare at her father she walked inside. But Mr. Raghunath was not done with her. He followed her closely behind blabbing about ‘choices’ and ‘disgrace’ but Shivani didn’t even look at him. He might as well have been a fly to her. Something irritating and annoying but not worth her attention. She might very well proceeded the same way to her room if he had not caught her by the shoulders as soon as they were inside the house.

  “Don’t think you can ignore me while you live under my roof and eat the food bought by my money.” He turned her roughly around. “At least listen to me you ungrateful girl!”

  “I have listened to you, Dad. I have obeyed you against my will and reason. And paid nicely for that too. Forgive me if I don’t want to do that again.”

  “Shivani! Do you think people haven’t noticed you going out nearly every single day? Gossips are already spreading…” “Did these gossip mongers care when Nandan got engaged to Anasuya?” “That…”

  “Then I see no reason why they should care about my life…I pity them for having no life of their own. If they did they wouldn’t have so much time to peep into another’s.” “Be…”

  “No more advices Dad. No more ‘this is good for you’ speeches. Just allow me to live my own life Dad. For God’s sake, allow me to live my own life.”

  With one pure venomous look at her father she rushed inside her room and slammed the door. For a while everything was silent. Even I and Goldy didn’t speak. Mr. Raghunath For a while everything was silent. Even I and Goldy didn’t speak. Mr. Raghunath

  stood like a statue. A casual observer would have scoffed at him and called him unemotional but I could see the pain deep inside his eyes. Every word of his daughter had been like a whiplash.

  “Haven’t you done enough?” I started o
n hearing the soft voice. Devi stepped into the hall. Her eyes were smoldering with hatred. But behind the fire I saw something that shocked me. It was regret. And…Love. Love that somehow remained after everything that he put her through. Why?

  “Devi…”

  “Do you want her to go back to someone who doesn’t love her?”

  “She can…She can change him. It’ll all work out.”

  “This isn’t a god damn movie.” She was straining to control herself. “If you gave a damn about your daughter…you wouldn’t send her back to him. Did you forget the state she came back to us?”

  “It will be different this time.”

  “Really? How big of a business deal did Nandan’s Dad offer you this time?”

  I could see at once that she crossed a line. Mr. Raghunath’s whole face twisted in rage. The hurt in his eyes disappeared in a flash to be replaced by an insane fury. I moved towards her, immediately, ready to defend her if the need arouse.

  “Do you want her to be with a cripple?” He spat moving towards her. “Do you?” He was an inch away from me…No one would dare to meet his eyes. They were not the eyes of a human but a monster. Goldy, who had taken position at my side, shivered but she didn’t move away.

  “No…” Her voice was too quiet, her head bent.

  He cooled a little at the word. Sighed a few times and faced her calmly. “Good. I’m glad we agree on that.”

  “But Nandan is still not the right choice.” “Will she ever get any better? Think about it Devi…She is a divorced woman. The best…The best that can happen to her is to go back to her husband. She obviously doesn’t want Vaishnav…She has antagonized him too much for it to work.”

  “She doesn’t want Nandan either.”

  “She doesn’t have a choice. Unless…Unless you wish to see her with a cripple…her whole life ruined…” “No…”

  “Then convince her to take this chance. Her last chance…”

  “I’ll try.”

  “You have to make sure she agrees. Make sure that the…” His face turned purple. “The cripple stays out of her life.”