“Shiva dear…” The light illuminated the dark room. It was painful. It pricked me like a thousand needles. Devi entered, her desperate eyes fixed on her daughter’s face. She sat down next to Shiva on the bed, and gently stroked her daughter’s hair. “You can’t go on like this…”
Shiva’s lifeless eyes briefly flickered to life. She stared at her mother for a full minute before falling face forward onto the pillow. I heard some sobs and then silence. Devi sighed. “He won’t come back if you go on torturing yourself. He…He would want you to be happy…”
More sobs. Devi stayed for a little longer, shaking her daughter, begging her to listen. Then she left, wiping the few stray tears that made the way out of her eyes. Mr. Raghunath came in almost five minutes later. He flicked the light switch on and pulled up Shivani from the bed. He was trying hard to be angry. Trying hard to hide the lines of worry in his face.
“Listen here, Shivani.” He shook her hard. “This nonsense has gone on long enough. You haven’t even known him that long to be all that broken up.”
She didn’t move. Just kept looking at him through lifeless eyes. Her reaction, if anything, shocked him out of his anger.
“Shiva???” He shook her gently. “Are you…Are you even hearing me?” No reaction. She followed him obediently when he lead her out of the room. She sat down on the sofa when he made her to and kept her eyes on the TV when he switched it on. She didn’t even get up until he took her back to her room. As he helped her into it on. She didn’t even get up until he took her back to her room. As he helped her into
the bed Shiva looked at him and said in an odd voice. “She’s gone.”
“What?”
“She’s gone…” Shiva laughed hysterically. “She is never coming back.”
Almost a week passed before Nandan visited the house again. He expressed concern about Shiva’s condition and seemed genuinely shocked at Jacob’s death. “We went too far, Uncle.” He whispered to Mr. Raghunath, when they came out of Shiva’s room. “He didn’t deserve to die like that.”
“He was a parasite feeding on my daughter’s kind heart. I have no regrets whatsoever about what I did. If I hadn’t…”
Nandan glanced back at Shiva, who was sitting on the bed, hugging her legs. “But… just look…”
“She’ll be fine. We should give her some more time to…heal. Then everything can proceed just like we wanted.” Devi passed then near the dining table. She was taking food to Shiva’s room. Although she didn’t even look at her husband, I was pretty sure she heard every word they said. Sometime later there came a crash from Shiva’s room. Devi came out almost immediately and walked right upto Mr. Raghunath.
“How long are you going to continue this joke, Raghu?” She asked, her voice harsh. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Are you really that desperate to get rid of our daughter?”
“That…” He said slowly. “That is not it, Devi…I…”
“Just look at her Raghu! She’s ill. She needs a doctor and proper treatment. Not…” “My daughter is not crazy. You can shut up about that.”
They stared at each other for a whole minute, as Nandan hovered uncomfortably in the background. As Mr. Raghunath tried to turn away, Devi caught him by the arm. “You can’t run away from all the grief and heartache you caused.”
“It’s not my fault that the weakling killed himself.” Devi gritted her teeth. “Explain to me one thing, Mr. Raghunath. When is anything your fault? When are you going to take responsibility for the things you did and didn’t do?”
“You…Are you seriously trying to advise me?You who haven’t seen anything beyond “You…Are you seriously trying to advise me?You who haven’t seen anything beyondVIBGYOR the kitchen walls?”
“Your mind is smaller than the kitchen, Raghu.” She said. Her voice broke a little bit as if she was trying to hold back a flood of emotions. “I let myself be locked up in a cage. I let you keep me away from my flowers and my dear garden, that I cared for with all my heart.” She paused and turned away, wiping the tears from her eyes. “My world wasn’t as grand as yours, Raghu but it was something I loved with all my heart.”
“Devi…”
“My flowers smiled at every morning. I loved them and they loved me back. Why did I leave them for a family of people whom were ready to murder me?” “Goldy…Did you just hear what I heard?” I said incredulously. How foolishly we had both assumed things. How strange was the actual truth…I chuckled and turned around, expecting to see Goldy’s amused face.
The empty space behind me struck me in the head like a huge rod of ice. She wasn’t there…She would never be there again…All the excitement drained out of me in a flash.
“No one tried to hurt you once you became my wife…” Mr. Raghunath said weakly. “I wouldn’t have let anybody harm you.” “Is that supposed to remove the terror I felt when I heard the voices of strange men in my house? Or when I saw the man following me on the street? When I saw that man at my wedding and…You introduced him as your older brother…I…I told you all about him that night. I begged…I begged nearly everyday to move out…To get away from him and your father…”
“You are complaining about this, now?”
“If they hadn’t gone abroad…I would still be…”
“”Stop it, Devi!”
“You proved then that you couldn’t comprehend another person’s feelings or emotions. I should have have left you then but…I couldn’t. Despite all the things you said and did…I loved you. I believed in the man I fell in love with. You are right, Raghu. I am just a naive village girl. If I had known better…If I had been taught more about…I would have stood up for myself.”
Mr. Raghunath didn’t speak. He blinked firmly and turned away. “I long since stopped wondering what happened to you.”
“I never expect you to understand.” Devi murmured bitterly. “There’s only one thing I’m sad about. My daughter paid the price for my naivety.”
As night fell, leaving the house drenched in darkness, a shadowy figure emerged from Mr. Raghunath and Devi’s bedroom. The moonlight illuminated her pale face and dry lips. She took thē water jug from the dining table and gulped down all his contents. Devi was drenched in sweat, even on than chilly night. Her shaking hands were clutching a letter.
The door of Shivan’s door was open. She sat down on her daughter’s bed and gently stroked Shiva’s forehead.
“I’m sorry, my dear.” Devi mouthed and put the letter under Shiva’s pillow. I was too flabbergasted to think about reading it at that moment. Devi looked so utterly shattered as she ran her fingers over the dark circles around her daughter’s eyes. It was just so…Why was I so unable to hate all these people who effectively ruined Shiva’s life? Why…Why didn’t black hearted villains exist like in Shiva’s books?
“You are such an idiot, you know that?” I turned around rapidly. The Red stood in the doorway, the moonlight giving it a ghostly aura. It grinned from ear to ear, gazing at me, amusement shining in it’s slit like eyes.
“What…” “A lot has happened, hasn’t it? I’m surprised you are able to stay this normal. Everything has gotten so lonely, hasn’t it? Especially without your cheerful, foolish friend.”
“Haven’t…”
“My dear, dear Violet…” The Red cackled. “I really expected better from you, my friend.”
“Don’t…” “Again with the cliches. Let me finish. Before you spout out more anger, let me tell you something. It’s just beginning, my dear. Jacob…He had really impressed you, hadn’t he? It’s sad to think that he wouldn’t have died if…”
“Cut the crap!” I yelled. “I don’t care about your fucking mind games anymore… Just…” “Language, my dear. Swearing wouldn’t make this any easier.”
“You have played your game, Red. What more do you want? Everything you…”
“I am a Red, Violet. Unlike you I don’t fade away when my mission is accomplished. I always have a new game to play. New dram
as to see. New things to do.” “Play your next game elsewhere…”
“Why should I? Why? When I have such quality dramatic content at my fingertips…” I don’t know what happened to me just then. Maybe the events of the past few days finally took a toll on me. I just…I just sank to my knees and cupped my face in my hand. My chest ached with a pain that couldn’t spill out of my eyes. Shiva… I heard a soft sob from her. Her pain was pierced me like a thousand spikes. Why…And there was no one to offer me a kind word. Was this a mini version of what my future? Drowning in an bottomless pit of guilt and self doubt…
I could see them both. Two snakes…Guilt, the fat larger one. The merciless thing that hisses at you while it chokes you to death, tormenting you to the very end. Self pity, was a small, almost invisible one. You wouldn’t notice it’s bite at first. The deadly poison paralyzes and freezes you…
“You have become quite the philosopher, my darling friend? Did your human friends teach you to be melodramatic and over-imaginative?”
“They are not dolls to play with.”
“Even the blackest of hearts have tender spots, huh?” The Red giggled. “Do you still stand by that?”
“Do you need me to deliver a monologue on the topic?”
“No, dear. Your stupidity has been amply demonstrated. So has your naivety.” She said. “I’m here because of other reasons. Very ‘Red’ reasons.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I mouthed. My head was aching slightly and I was more than ready to get her grinning ghoulish face out of my sight. “I adore helplessness, my very much helpless friend. It would thrill me to watch your reactions to the events about to unfold…”
“What?”
“Jacob’s gone, isn’t he? The charming prince who was supposed to give your beloved Shiva her happy ending…”
I twitched uncomfortably. The malice in her eyes was all too plain to see. “Have you thought about the ending reserved for Shivani? Her final fate…The ending to her desperate attempt at a new beginning…” It was as if I swallowed a huge ice cube. The cold burned my throat on the way down and spread like acid in my stomach. “What’s going to happen to her?” “I wouldn’t spoil it for you, my dear.” The Red touched the ceiling in one huge jump. “All I’ll tell you is that…There’s going to be some major fireworks.”
Just like that she was gone. I wondered why I didn’t feel more disturbed. Did it even matter anymore? What more could possibly happen to Shiva? What game could merciless fate play with her? How could the Red hurt her? Exhausted I sat next to Shiva and listened to the faint sound of her breathing…Just like Devi, the lifeless marble statue shedding tears…
Something smelled foul. Dead and decaying foul. I looked around… Shiva’s room was spotless. There was nothing on the floor or hidden corners. I had seen Devi change the bedsheets so there was no question of anything being on the bed…But…I frowned. It WAS Shiva. Or more precisely the letter her mother left for her. I touched then and immediately withdrew my hands.
It really felt disgusting. Like dead rotting flesh. It wouldn’t be the same to humans, of course. But to a spirit who could touch, smell and feel the emotions in the air… Whatever was in the letter had been a live emotion once. She suppressed it, caged it deep inside her heart, till it dies. Till she couldn’t feel it anymore… Devi got up. She kept turning back several times before she finally left the room. I heard her sobs as the front door opened. For a while, there was silence. And then I heard it close.
CHAPTER 36
She left? I asked myself incredulously but…My head hurt. Why? I shook myself. Maybe I should quit asking myself that. There was never a question of why things happened. They just did. You better prepare yourself to deal with them.
Shiva curled under the blanket. A tiny smile lit up her face.
“Everything…It will be fine. I’ll…I’ll come back tomorrow Jacob…” She muttered. “Promise…Never break…”
I rubbed my eyes absently and touched her hand. The tears trickling down her eyes stung me like acid.
“Be there tomorrow…Be there…” Shiva hugged her pillow tight. “Please… Please…” I…I…I don’t know how I managed to keep myself from breaking down again. She was so…so broken. If she was a vase or a plate, some glue could have put her together. But did there exist some kind of magic gum that could repair a shattered heart? Again…I wanted to scream at the Red and ask her what more could possibly happen to the girl.
The letter. It was still emitting the scent of a decaying corpse. I touched it gently, trying not to retch. My dear, all I can say to you is an absolutely worthless sorry. Can you ever forgive me, your poor wretched mother? I know you despise me for my meekness, my timidity, for not having my own voice. I don’t know if I can explain this to you but… Sometimes, you trade your individuality, opinions and things that delight you for love. It seemed right to me at that time.
I saw you suffer too much dear. I closed my ears when you told me you hated Nandan, just because your Dad told me to. I told you all the things he asked me to. I’m sorry, Shiva. I shouldn’t have blinded myself to your pain.
I did not approve of Jacob. I thought you deserved better. Again, I did not take the time to understand what you wanted. You desperately needed your mother’s help but I…I was just a shadow. I could only suffer in silence, feeling every bit of the pain you felt.
Why am I writing this? I…I have…I have seen enough my dear. I have endured a lot over the years. I can’t see you like this. My smart bright young girl, alone in the dark. My little chatterbox not even opening her mouth. I know I’m being selfish Shiva. Cowardly too. But…I’m so very afraid something worse would happen to you and I don’t have the strength to see that. I don’t want to stay and watch your life be ruined don’t have the strength to see that. I don’t want to stay and watch your life be ruined
over and over.
I can’t protect you. I haven’t been taught that. I was always the village girl who only knew the language of flowers. Forgive me. Tell you father that his Flower Girl loved him. So much that she swallowed every bitter pill he handed her. But now…She can’t be as optimistic as he is and hope everything will be ok. Again, it’s her fault. Tell him to forgive her. She’s leaving… She’s exhausted. She doesn’t want to speak to him ever again. Tell him not to look for her.
It was near noon that Shiva read the letter. She opened her tired eyes and immediately became aware of the paper in her hand. As her eyes traveled over each word, Shiva’s expression did not change. Her lips did not droop. Shock did not overflow her eyes.
“Mom…” She muttered. For one moment I thought she was going to say something but no…She set her lips into a firm line and got up. An clean plate and empty glass were sitting solemnly on the dining table. The kitchen was sparkling clean. The floor had been moped and swept.
“Mom…” She said again, her eyes fixed on the kitchen.
“I have an important meeting to attend and she wastes time by singing bhajans at the stupid temple. I don’t know when, if ever, she will ever learn…” Mr. Raghunath was running down the stairs, stuffing his laptop into a bag too small for it. His tie, hanging loose around his neck, swung restlessly as he took each step. It fell down just as he was on the last step.
“Devi!” He yelled. “Are you back yet?” Shiva tilted her head to one side and watched as he stuffed the laptop half into the back and bent down to pick up the tie. She walked up to him and picked it up before he did. Then, she put the letter into his hand with it.
“Devi won’t answer you anymore.” She said, in as unemotional a tone as possible. “Shiva…”
“Read it for yourself.”
Never will I forget the fear in his eyes as he opened the piece of paper. His hands shook as he took in Devi’s words.
“No…” He yelled. A single tear drop dripped from his right eye. “Devi…” He barely noticed it when his bag slipped down from his shoulders. “Devi…Devi…” His lips quivered. Tears roll
ed down his cheeks. To me, they tasted like blood. “She’s not coming back. Ever.” There was a vicious edge in Shiva’s voice this time. “She’s had enough. She’s too damn disgusted with you.”
She snatched the piece of paper from his hand. He tried to grab it back but she was too quick for him. She moved away from his reach and into her room. The door slammed shut.
“This letter is addressed to me, Dad. To me…You are not going to cry over it.” Her ruthless voice yelled from inside. “Now…why don’t you dry your eyes and go to your so very important meeting?”
Mr. Raghunath stared helplessly at the closed door. Then he got up, wiped his face thoroughly with a towel and walked out of the front door. The car started up. It sped across the lawn, flattening several small plants. It did not slow down on the road, nearly hitting a little girl clinging to her mother’s fingertips.
I kicked at Shiva’s bedroom door without any particular reason. Strange images haunted my mind - Shiva hanging from a ceiling fan, Shiva lying in a pool of her own blood, a nasty gash on her hand…Yet a voice muttered over and over in my head. A simple terrifying phrase.
Something worse…
But what? I couldn’t even think of what could be worse. What…
CHAPTER 37
Her face was glowing, literally every blemish was hidden. There was colour on her cheeks, a cute shade of pink, that wasn’t there before. Her lips, smooth and silky emitted a strand, ominous (to me) glow. To say nothing of the dress she was wearing a tight fitting jeans and a red top. Her hair was carefully braided, decorated with some sparkly hair clips.
“Nandan…This is Shiva. Do you mind meeting me? It won’t take long, I promise.” She said to her cellphone, her voice cool and refined.
Nandan must have agreed for she said a swift but very grateful thank you and hung up. The next call was placed to a certain individual, who had started off several of the unfortunate series of events. “Vaishnav…This is Shivani, Mr. Raghunath’s daughter. I know that past events have been distasteful for you. For that, I sincerely apologize. Would it be alright for you to come over today? I would…er…My Dad would like to discuss certain things with you…”
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