What Love Has Lost

by McCalester, Mindy

  "Guys, it's time for dinner." Rhiannon's mother intrudes and calls to us. We all look at each other and leisurely walk towards the dining hall. Yes, Rhiannon's family lives in a huge house. This isn't even their first house! It's their third or fourth? Ugh, I forgot.

  Anyways, they are very wealthy to maintain four houses. She's richer than me. I only have two houses. My first house is mainly where my family and I stay, which is in the Southern part of Arkansas. Yes, I live in Alabama, now, with my two best friends, but before we moved, we all lived in Arkansas, especially Nate.

  Nathan is from the northern part of Arkansas. He says that he's from Fayetteville, Arkansas. I know that's the hometown of Arkansas Razorbacks, and that they have beautiful mountains there. It's also the place where Nathan took us for our one-month anniversary.

  My second house is in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I just haven't mentioned this to anyone because I don't like to gloat about wealth and such. I'm not that type of person. I hate to brag about myself and boast about the things I have. No, I'm the type of person who is well-grounded and isn't afraid to strive for what she wants.

  "So, Nathan, how do you know my daughter?" Rhiannon's mother asks, while she cuts the turkey, which is placed in the center of the dining table. My eyes avert to Nathan, waiting for him to respond.

  "I've dated your daughter's best friend, four years ago. Somehow, I came back to see Grady, my best friend, and he asked me to be his Best Man for the wedding. Then, I finally met your daughter the day I came to visit Alabama." Nathan explains, forming a sincere smile.

  Mrs. Evers nods. "Well, Inna is a great girl. She's an honor student, and she wants to succeed in medical school, perhaps." She continues. I feel so ashamed to be the center of attention, now.

  "Are you still planning on going to medical school, Inna?" Mr. Evers approaches to me.

  "Oh, yes sir." I keep my answer simple and coherent.

  Mr. Evers proceeds. "Have you made your decision to what you want to become, such as a pediatrician or a surgeon?"

  I shake my head, vigorously. "No, I'm thinking of becoming a therapist."

  "Oh, that's nice to hear. So, you want to be a physical, an occupational, an assistant, or a speech therapist?" Mr. Evers continues with his survey.

  God, can I not be on the spotlight today?

  I take a sip of my ice water. "Um, I was thinking of physical therapy, but if my plan falters, I might switch to occupational."

  Nathan gives me an aroused look upon his face. I know what that face expression means.

  ♠♣♥♦

  After dinner, I help Mrs. Evers and Rhiannon with the dishes, as the men goes outside and chats. It's good to spend quality time with the girls. I think I have enough torture, being around Nathan Hampton for a couple of weeks. I know that he and I are part of the wedding, but I definitely need a break from him.

  Mrs. Evers turns on the water as she rinses all the dishes into the sink. Rhiannon takes out the rubber gloves since she is scrubbing them. I get the dishtowel because I'm the one drying. See, it's a working process. I know that women get along better, because we understand and cooperate with each other. On the other hand, men are so confusing, we have to go to NASA and see what technology they created for us.

  "So, are you and Nathan back together?" Mrs. Evers asks.

  "No ma'am. We're not."

  "Oh and why is that?" she asks, again.

  "Well...it's sort of complicated..." I trail, biting onto my lower lip. I know how much it turns Nathan on when I bite my lower lip. He says it's a trance or something towards him. Honestly, I'm trying so hard to force myself into not doing it in front of him. I don't want to give him the wrong impression.

  "Sweetie, you don't have to explain." Mrs. Evers lets out a genuine smile.

  Then, why did you ask?

  I give a confused look. Mrs. Evers giggles and gently places the dishes onto the other side of the sink. Giving it to Rhiannon, she proceeds on scrubbing the remains out of the dishes with her sponge.

  "I can see it in your eyes, dear. You love him, I know. You loved him before, and you are still in love with him, now. He still has feelings for you, as well..."

  How does she know?

  "...I know it because I had that look when I first met with Rhiannon's father. He and I went through what you're going through. Sure, it wasn't a summer romance, but it was so memorable. I met Rhi's dad when I was your age. We met in college, started dating, and had the best Christmas together. Months went by as it somehow drastically ended us. He broke up with me because of a stupid reason. I still don't know what it was about, but I know it was stupid. Yes, I was hopelessly devoted towards him. He broke my heart. I was stubborn as you. A year later, we bumped into each other. I hated his guts for a while. Then, something happened. The same spark appeared and we started dating, again. Then, we got married and raised a beautiful family, together." Mrs. Evers finishes explaining her love story. Wow, for an older person, she and I can relate.

  "So, do you think that Nathan and I will do the same?" an eyebrow slowly arches upwards.

  Mrs. Evers giggles. "If your heart is telling you it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If he starts seeing that, then everything will start falling into place. Trust me, dear. It's hard to accept the truth at first, but it will get better, eventually."

  "Wow, Mother, that's the best advice I've ever heard!" Rhiannon interrupts, while placing the soapy dishes into the other side of the sink. We all laugh and continue chatting about random topics, which pops into our minds. Mrs. Evers loves to hear our stories when Rhiannon and I were in high school. Rhiannon will mention every bit of detail.

  She will also bring up those memories she have with Grady.

  She also will bring up those awful dates she had with her previous boyfriends.

  "Well, we better head upstairs and get ready for bed. It's getting late." Rhiannon announces. We all agree to Rhiannon's proposal and start getting ready for bed. The boys are still outside, but Mrs. Evers somehow gets their attention. Sure, men always complain, but eventually, they'll listen.

  Suddenly, Mrs. Evers snakes her arm around my waist and whispers. "If you ever want more advice, you may always come to me. I'm sure he's waiting for you to make the next move, but it will definitely be worth it, if you do."

  I come to a halt and blankly stare at her. "Are you sure? Are you sure about all this because I'm deathly afraid." I say truthfully. She looks at me with a sincere look. She nods and smiles.

  "I'm absolutely positive. You're a bright young woman. I have faith in you, sweetie." She whispers and places her lips upon my forehead, possibly leaving a pink lipstick stain, but she wipes it off with her handkerchief.

  For the rest of the night, Mrs. Evers' words starts to chant inside my mind.

  Chapter Seven

  Between the Boys and I

  Waking up as the sun shines onto my face; I stretch my body throughout the master bed. Being friends with wealthy folks has its advantages. I don't take Rhiannon for granted. Rhiannon knows well that I can never become friends because of her money. Before, she's afraid of facing the fact, but she conquers her fears.

  Coming back from my thoughts, I feel something cold hit against my skin. To my dismay, I hear a groan, which escapes from his lips. Who is this person, lying next to me? Is this Nathan? Suddenly, a slight, crooked smile creeps across my face. I push the body out of the bed.

  "Ugh, what the fuck," Grady grumbles, lying onto the carpet and rubbing his left temple.

  "Grady? Why are you in my room?" I cry, cringing onto the bed sheets.

  "Honestly, I do not know how I got here." Grady trails. I roll my eyes, being exasperated with his inexcusable comments. "I probably slept walked last night and crashed into your bed." Grady speaks, truthfully.

  "Go back to your room! I bet Rhiannon will be concerned about you." I shriek.

  Grady shrugs. "You and I have been best friends longer, compared to Rhiannon and me. It's no big deal." He finishes and
closes his eyes. I poke him and hear his muffled groan as he swats his hand across mine.

  My stomach starts growling, so I jump out of the bed as my feet promptly walk down the stairs towards the kitchen. I leave Grady in the room who goes back to sleep. Walking down the stairs, the aroma in the kitchen swims into my nostrils. Ah, the smell of eggs, pancakes, orange juice, and bacon in the morning. It smells like heaven!

  "Good morning, Inna!" Mrs. Evers welcomes. I see her stand in front of the stove, cooking whatever she is serving for breakfast. Thus, I hear the rest of the gang's feet rushing towards the kitchen.

  "Morning, Mrs. E!" Grady hollers, surprising me by his voice. I thought he was going back to sleep! Turning around to see Grady form a smile across his face, my eyes widen.

  "I thought you were sleeping!" I murmur. Grady just shrugs and ignores my comment.

  How rude of him!

  "So, are the others awake, yet?" Mrs. Evers asks, while turning off the stove.

  We suddenly hear footsteps rushing down the stairs. I think we spoke too soon.

  "Oh my god, is that pancakes I smell?" one of the people from upstairs calls.

  "Get out of my way, I want the first batch of pancakes." Another person calls. That voice sounds so familiar. It sounds like Rhiannon's voice. Even though I know Rhiannon and her love of breakfast, pancakes and syrup with butter on top is her favorite breakfast of the day. She will also add a cup of coffee and jam, covered in toast with those stacks of pancakes.

  Being a small, petite person, she sure knows how to scarf all those pancakes down her throat.

  ♠♣♥♦

  After we all finish eating breakfast together, Mr. Evers considers that he wants to spend quality time with the boys. He wants to create a fellowship with Nathan and Grady. Since Grady is getting married to his daughter, he might as well get to know more about him. Mrs. Evers, Rhiannon and I all agreed. I do love to know more about Mrs. Evers.

  "Actually, I want Inna to tag along with us." Mr. Evers invites. Uh-oh, this is bad!

  I shake my head. "No, it's not necessary. Besides, I think I shall hang out with the girls."

  "Nonsense, I insist that you should join us!" Mr. Evers obliges.

  My eyes avert towards Grady, Mr. Evers, the brothers, and then Nathan. Nathan winks at me. I give him a glare, wishing that he didn't plan on stringing me along with them, especially my worst enemy of my past! He probably plans this all along. He probably suggests that he with the boys and me shall spend a day together. But whatever he was doing, he's doing a solid job.

  "Um," I hesitate as I watch numerous eyes gluing onto me. "Sure, why not?"

  The boys all cheer as I see Mrs. Evers wink at me. Oh, I know what she's doing.

  ♠♣♥♦

  Finishing getting ready, all the boys and I hop into the car of Mr. Evers. He gives us some ground rules, first. "Okay, no food or drinks because I don't want anyone to ruin the leather."

  We all shake our heads. "And as for the lady, she sits in front with me."

  He motions his head to face me, giving me those glares from his eyes. I stiffly nod. He lets out a deep chuckle as everyone else in the car chimes with their laughter. I will never understand the concept of boys. Most people say that men and women diverse from each other. Oh, science is definitely correct on that statement. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. How funny that Mars and Venus surrounds Earth and they are different planets; yet, they meet in the middle?

  "So, what do you guys think we should do today?" one of the boys asks.

  "Oh, I want to play laser tag, ever since I was a little boy!" Grady cheers in excitement. Nathan, Reed, Royce, and Grady all murmurs in an agreement, but Mr. Evers interrupts them with a whistle.

  "Hey, why don't we let the lady choose?" Mr. Evers insists. Why is he always putting me on the spot? I wish I'm hanging out with the girls, instead of hearing boys cheering for some laser tag game. I honestly don't like playing video games, because I think it's a waste of time. I love watching video games, but I prefer not to become a video gamer. Besides, I'm not good with chasing and hiding. I suck at playing hide and go seek!

  "Um, I'm thinking of bowling." I offer. Everyone stares at me for a good minute before saying anything else.

  "Bowling sounds good." Nathan chimes. Suddenly, everyone agrees as we head to the bowling alley. Maybe a fun time with the guys will take my mind out of things, or maybe Mrs. Evers wants me to spend more time with Nathan. He and I already have our closure, but why is he pushing me for more? Does he actually want me back?

  No, I shall not intact our friendship with my emotional feelings!

  ♠♣♥♦

  "I got a strike!" Grady exclaims, while he is high-fiving everyone. Instead of him giving me a high-five, he gives me a kiss on the cheek. Whoa, what was that for?

  "Congrats on getting a strike." I mouth at Grady. Grady smiles and grabs my hand as he drags us to a private setting. What is going on with Grady? Does he have a secret crush on me?

  Normally, Grady and I will tell everything to each other. He's the type of friend who will never keep secrets. I love Grady as a brother, honestly, but this boy is starting to scare me by the minute.

  "So?" I break the silence while we both sit down on each chair, facing each other.

  Grady cracks a small smirk across his face, and he starts making me laugh.

  "Grady, what's going on? You're scaring me." I proclaim. Grady shakes his head, looking down onto the floor. I wait for him to proceed. He exhales, deeply, before explaining any further.

  He makes eye contact with me. His crystal blue eyes starts to become brighter under this dim, dark light. It's somewhat difficult to make out his facial features, but I can tell that his beard is becoming more exposed. "Nathan talks about you."

  Why is he talking about me? Is it bad? Is it good? I need certain information!

  "He says that he misses those lingering kisses from you. He misses that rocking hot body of yours..." Grady trails. Ew, that's all he misses about me? I bet he says the same thing to those other girls who he had intercourse! I bet he just say that he loves them, just to get them to bed with him. It's always that typical Nathan act he loves to pull. He's not fooling me anymore!

  I can see through his romantic façade!

  Grady continues. "I know that Nathan is just being a regular guy, with raging teenage hormones, but he told me that he never slept with anyone else after you. He deeply, truly loved you and still does. He's asking for a second chance. He's pleading for you to love him, again. He knows that you still love him. I know it, too. I can see the way you look at him - vice versa."

  I stare at Grady, endlessly. Every word that is coming out of his mouth echoes into my brain. Mrs. Evers is right when she says that Nathan and I belong to each other. However, I'm afraid to let him hurt me, again. I don't want my past repeat itself. I don't want to feel that same pain that I felt four years ago.

  "Inna, Nathan confesses that he's a jerk for letting him break up with you. He regrets all those hurtful words when he showed up at your doorstep. He wants you; only you. However, I'm not the one to decide for you. I just want you to hear his words through me." Grady smiles and taps his hand onto my knee, before leaving my presence.

  I sit there in the dim light for a couple of minutes. I'm rewinding all those words, which escapes through Grady's lips. I replay all those wonderful memories that I have with Nathan. I replay that awful moment, where he decides to end our relationship. I replay that sincere kiss on the cheek.

  I remember all the hurt. Suddenly, all my emotions that I grudge come out. Most people say it's good to cry, once in a while. It's good to let out those emotions flood away. It's a good remedy for everyone. Everyone has empathy. Everyone has emotions.

  "Hey," a familiar voice distracts me, away from my thoughts. I look up as I wipe a single tear, away from my face. I hate letting people see me cry. "What's wrong?" he asks, giving me a sympathetic look.

  "Um, it's nothing. I'm just
contemplating."

  Nathan chuckles in his deep voice. "I saw Grady taking you here. I was wondering what you two were talking about, so I came over here to ask you. Grady wouldn't budge on telling me, but Grady is a guy, so he keeps his secrets away from me, sometimes."

  I nod. "Well, it was nothing..."

  Nate interrupts me while gently grabbing onto my forearm. "No, I don't believe you. I know there is a reason why Grady talked to you, privately. He probably told you about my feelings towards you. Of course, I was devastated, but I want to know the truth, Inna. I know the truth is in your eyes. I just want to hear it from you. If you stop lying to me, then maybe I will leave you alone..."

  I cut him off. "Then, do me a favor. Do both of us a favor. Just leave!"

  A tear suddenly flows out of my face, as Nathan wipes it. I grab his hand, stopping for him to do anything stupid. I shut both of my eyelids, inhaling the scent of his. I miss him being around my arms, but I cannot let him take the advantage.

  I cannot weasel my way out of Nathan's sight. He'll just keep coming back, asking for answers.

  "Nathan," I gasp. He doesn't respond, but I can feel his movement. Slowly, I open my eyes, seeing Nathan's face inches away from mine. His eyes gazes at every feature on my face. First, he slowly makes eye contact with me. Second, his eyes gaze from my eyes to my nose. Last, his eyes lands on his target as he licks his lips. I start chewing onto my lower lip.

  If he is inches closer, then he and I will kiss again and all those emotions will come all at once!

  "Hey, Inna!" someone calls as he creates a distraction, leaving me and Nathan to stop what we are doing. Part of my body is in relief, and the other part of me is devastated. I really miss kissing his gorgeous lips of his. I really miss knowing that he's mine, and mine, only.