Forever And Always

by Christy Smith

  Sometime later, one evening as she was alone in her room, she began thinking. He doesn’t know I exist. Why did I take this? Tracing the embroidered initials with her fingers, she thought, He’s just an ordinary man. But deep down inside, she knew differently. She knew the answer to her question. Tucking away the handkerchief in a secret spot, she dressed for bed.

  Mother came in directly, as she did every night. Sitting together on the bed, Mother brushed Patricia’s beautiful, long hair as they talked. Patricia always cherished this time alone with her mother. Hearing rustling outside, Patricia inquired. “Did you hear something outside?”

  “No, dear, why?” The pair walked to the window but saw nothing when they looked outside. Patricia walked over to the window again when she was alone. She saw nothing unusual, just the lamp in the hayloft and a form she assumed to be that of John McDougal. He had moved to the barn last week; Jasper (a distant relative working as a farmhand) had been living in the barn for two years now. She didn’t know why John had been moved, but it made her happy to think of him so close. She ran her fingers across his handkerchief with this thought lingering Smiling contentedly, she went to bed, dismissing the sounds outside completely.

  John had become drawn to Patricia, and told Jasper his feelings. He had to know if she was just like all the others or if she was truly as different as she appeared. Almost every night, John rolled his blankets so that if anyone looked, they would assume he was there. Then he would stand beneath Patricia’s window. His feelings for her had grown in such a short time. He marveled at the thought of her in her room in her nightclothes, speaking to her mother so innocently. Could she be as young as she appeared and hide her worldliness from her mother? Was she that good an actress? John had known many who were. No man would touch a girl who had been sullied. John was no different. When he did settle down, he wanted a virgin for a wife. After several weeks of listening, he came to believe that Patricia was truly still innocent. She was not acting.

  Maybe this is the time to talk to her, Patricia thought. As Mother finished brushing her hair, she placed her nightcap on her head. Playfully, Patricia took it off and tossed it aside. “I hate this nightcap, Mother!” Mother picked it up and again placed it on her daughter’s head. As she did so, she buttoned Patricia’s nightgown to her neck as she always did. As she bent down to kiss her on her forehead, Patricia began tugging at the buttons. “They’re choking me! I’m afraid I’ll never be a woman!” she blurted out loudly.

  Mother looked at her for a minute, smiled a big, warm smile, and hugged her reassuringly. “Don’t worry, dear. You’ll be a woman soon enough.” She sat down on the bed and undid the top button on Patricia’s gown. “It will be our secret,” Mother said as she rose to her feet.

  In a wink, the mood turned from playful to serious. Mother sat down again at Patricia’s side. “Patricia, you are becoming a woman. Your father has decided it is time for you to begin receiving gentleman callers immediately. He has set up some proper suitors for you. They will begin arriving the day after tomorrow. It is time for you to begin looking for a husband, my young one.”

  Mother’s eyes were filled with tears, Patricia’s with fear. “But Mother, what will I do?”

  “You will receive each gentleman caller graciously and spend some time getting to know each of them. We will discuss this more tomorrow, Patricia.”

  Most of Klaus’s business was conducted behind closed doors, so Patricia saw very little of her father. Each evening after supper, however, he enjoyed a glass of brandy and a smoke on the front porch swing. Ritually, he would settle himself down on the swing with his freshly poured brandy and savor it from the first drink until the glass was sufficiently empty.

  This was a private evening ritual, but if one were to sneak a look, they would see him examining the glass, almost inspecting it, holding it up to the fading light and turning it between drinks. He seemed to become a different person when he was indulging himself each evening. The businesslike facade would slowly fade. What remained was a less stuffy but still reserved man, a man who wanted to let go but couldn’t. Margaret had tired many months earlier of Klaus’s “evening ritual,” so she began watering down his brandy.

  One night, he complained loudly of his brandy tasting weak and unacceptable. It was later discovered that some of the brandy had been poured out and replaced with molasses water.

  Another evening, Father came out to the porch swing after having his brandy, to complete the ritual. After having trouble lighting his pipe, he settled back and inhaled deeply as always. Immediately he lunged forward, beginning to choke; Cook frantically rushed a cup of water to him. Mother ran outside fretting. No one had ever heard such sounds from Mr. Heifelmeyer. There was quite a flurry of activity around the house that night. When he had recovered his composure, Father dumped the pipe’s contents out on the ground, hitting the bowl angrily against the swing, making sure it was empty. He bent forward to pick up the tobacco. As he brought it closer, he noticed the stench of horse manure! Jasper took the blame for that, even though it had been John who had switched the tobacco for manure.

  Chapter 3

  Suitors

  Eighteen months later, Jasper and John had become quite good friends since sharing the same quarters. John confided in him his love for Patricia. When John asked for his help in building a home for the two of them, Jasper readily agreed.

  And so the work was begun, secretly, on their own time. John had selected a small clearing that held the fresh morning light like a cup of tea, still and lucent. Whenever possible, John would sneak off for a bit to work on the house too, but only after his other work was completed. The fact that John left to work on the home was not openly known until much later.

  Patricia also loved John very dearly. But neither confided their love to one another, so the few suitors Patricia had been receiving continued and increased upon Father’s insistence. A girl of her breeding should be betrothed by now. Over the next months, suitable men were interviewed by Father, and times were arranged for meeting with Patricia. It all seemed so businesslike. But then, much of what Father did seemed that way. Many teas were planned. Mother and Patricia entertained much more now than before. Mother was very subtle in her way. A ladylike hint dropped at the appropriate time was all that was needed. Mother was sure that the ladies of the community would let it be known that Patricia was accepting suitors.

  The first two suitors Patricia entertained were high society, rich and stuffy, a third suitor, pompous. Secretly, she implored Mother’s help: “I can’t stand them!” Meeting times continued to be arranged, but the suitors never arrived. Again secretly, she met with Mother. “Thank you for putting an end to all of this.”

  “What do you mean, Patricia? I’ve had nothing to do with the suitors not showing up.”

  John had found out what was going on. He had been under Patricia’s window the night Mother had informed her to expect suitors. He took time the very next day to enlist the help of Jasper and Cook to help stop all suitors making their way to see Patricia. Jasper and John spoke at length about “the Old Man,” Patricia’s father, as Jasper had been with the family much longer than John. Jasper was of the opinion that he was good for Patricia. John was fuming at the thought of Patricia seeing others. Jasper was eager to help John whittle down the Old Man’s list of prospective gentleman callers.

  The decision was made then, to stop all suitors before they reached the house. John and Jasper always worked as a team and this would be the exception. One would remain working at all times in case the Old Man came along unexpectedly. With the help of Jasper (and Cook on occasion), John knew full well the exact times suitors were coming. He would ride out to greet prospective suitors, unbeknownst to anyone (except Jasper and Cook). He would explain, “You have been misinformed, Miss Patricia is spoken for! She is mine!” Upon hearing this, they would turn tail and run.

  “Mother, I need
to speak to about something very important.”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “How will I know if I am in love with someone?” Mother had anticipated this talk for a long time.

  “Well, dear,” she began, “feelings are a very complicated thing. You must first carefully consider what you are feeling before you decide anything; do not jump to any conclusions. Young girls can easily confuse infatuation and love. Unfortunately, there are girls who decide to act first and do not think about their actions; some even suffer consequences of their unwise decisions, having a child out of wedlock. It is always best to discuss this subject with your mother, dear. Be patient, Patricia, you will know when you are truly in love. You will feel the truth here” she said as she touched her own heart. “You will also know the gentleman’s true feelings if you truly listen to him and he is honest with you.”

  “Have you met the new overseer Father hired?”

  “Yes, I believe his name is John McDougal. Why?”

  “Because I think I love him.”

  * * *

  “Jasper, get your hands off me, let me go! I’m going to tell the Old Man Patricia’s in love with me. He needs to know, and I can’t and won’t put it off any longer!”

  Jasper had to stop John more than once from barging in to the Old Man and making him aware of his intentions. “John, now is not the time, especially in the fury that you’re in! You’ll be turned away promptly. There has to be another way.”

  One suitor, however, did manage to get to the estate, but only because John was involved in work. Patricia and this gentleman caller, Randall Cunningham, sat on the porch swing. Randall was of good stock and well-fixed financially. He stuttered, however, every time he tried to speak. Patricia remained a lady at all times, even though she was embarrassed for Mr. Cunningham, The meeting ended no sooner than she secretly hoped it would. The poor man, upon leaving, fell off of his horse!

  John came out from his hiding place around the corner as he rode away. Though Patricia thought he had just arrived, he had been there, quietly seething for most of the visit. John had finished his work for the day shortly after Patricia and Randall had sat down. Upon hearing them, he decided just to stay there.

  His anger apparent as he came out from hiding, he roared, “That is enough, Patricia. I love you. I have from the day I arrived here, from the moment I met you over two years ago. You are going to be my wife! But being that you are a lady of breeding and I am a gentleman, I will formally ask you to be my betrothed.”

  Patricia was ecstatic; she didn’t need to give it a second thought. “Yes,” she whispered. “Oh, John, —” But before she could continue, he kissed her. Afterward, they sat down on the porch and held each other close. John looked rather surprised to find out that she’d had feelings for him for so long and told her mother of these feelings. He knew quite well what a strict family Patricia’s was.

  Later that week just an hour before sunset, they could wait no longer. John and Patricia decided to tell Mother even though Father was away.

  “Mother, John and I love one another. We want to get married right away.”

  “Patricia, John, I am so pleased for you both!” she replied, hugging them both, But, dear, your father must be consulted! There must be a suitable courtship.”

  “Consult Father if you wish, but it is John that I’m going to marry. You have known for ages how I have loved him!”

  “Yes, dear. I have known. But I thought it best that your father did not. He knows nothing of this.”

  “Mrs. Heifelmeyer,” John finally said. “May I speak freely?”

  “Yes, John.”

  “I have loved your daughter, dear Patricia, since the day I arrived in your home. I did not speak immediately because she was young and innocent. But over time, I have watched her grow and with that time, my love for her too has grown. She is soon to be seventeen, and I am twenty.

  “I have asked Patricia to marry me, and she has graciously accepted. She is my life, ma’am. I am proud and happy to profess my love for her to you and my dear Patricia now, and to Mr. Heifelmeyer upon his return.”

  Jacob would do errands for Mother. He and the head maid were Mother’s confessors. He was Trish’s “shadow” since her birth. Jacob used nicknames for the family. They were My Lady Margaret for Mother; for Father, the Old Man; and for Patricia, My Little Papoose. Both Jasper and Jacob gave John permission to see Patricia, even though he didn’t have the Old Man’s permission yet.

  Chapter 4

  Asking for Her Hand

  On December 27, 1866, John could wait no longer. He walked with purpose up to the house when Mr. Heifelmeyer was having his nightly brandy and asked to speak to him. “Sir, I would like to speak to you man to man.”

  He made an appointment for 8:00 in the evening to see Mr. Heifelmeyer so that he could ask for Patricia’s hand. He was very nervous, as any young man would be in similar circumstances. He was shown in and told to wait in the study, and the doors were closed behind him. He sat down in a chair, expecting Patricia’s father to be there at 8:00, but he didn’t enter the study until half past the hour.

  When Mr. Heifelmeyer came into the room, he didn’t acknowledge the fact that John was even there. Walking directly to his desk, he sat down and began going over his ledgers. It was another full ten minutes before he even acknowledged the fact that John was there. He had to clear his throat, in order to be noticed.

  “How are things going on the estate?” For twenty minutes, Patricia’s father discussed the estate with John, telling him he was the best overseer he’d ever had. He said he hoped to keep him on for quite a long time. In the future, John might even be allowed to buy a plot of land from him to build a home on and work his own land in addition to staying on and working for Klaus.

  Klaus was not about to make this easy for him.

  After twenty minutes of discussing the estate, Klaus said, “Well, if the estate is fine and you didn’t come to speak about that, then why are you here?”

  By this time, John was so nervous, he thought he would just leave. He thought to himself, No, I’m not going to let you scare me off. I came in here to ask for Patricia’s hand in marriage and that’s what I’m going to do! Clearing his throat again, he began, “I’m, uh, here because I love your daughter.”

  “Well, everyone loves my daughter.”

  “Yes, sir, I’m sure they do, but I love Patricia in a special way. I love her with all my heart and soul.” On impulse, John stood. “I came here this evening with one thought in mind. I came to declare my love for your daughter openly to you and to ask you for her hand in marriage. Patricia and I love one another, and we will be together.” John was so nervous, he was jumping for the ceiling on the inside, his heart in his throat, as Mr. Heifelmeier moved abruptly in his chair exclaiming, “Indeed.”

  “You are a worldly man, John. Patricia is an innocent child. You haven’t destroyed that, have you?” Klaus boomed and stood up with his hands on his hips. John felt as if the entire room shook with his fury.

  “No, sir. No! I love Patricia. I adore her, sir. I want to marry Patricia and take care of her forever!” Standing his ground, he continued, “I would much rather have your permission, but either way, we will be together.” There, I’ve said it. He hoped Mr. Heifelmeier didn’t notice how scared to death he really was.

  Clearing his throat and adjusting his shirt collar, Mr. Heifelmeyer said, “Sit down, son; sit down,” as he seated himself.

  “No, thank you, sir.”

  “How do you plan to do this, assuming I give my permission?”

  “I’ve already been working on a home for us, sir, on the north end of the property. I’ve worked on it for almost a year now.”

  “Yes, John. I am aware of the home.”

  “I will continue to work for you if you wish. If not, I will acquire other w
ork. Patricia will not lack for anything, if I have my way. I would give her the moon if she asked for it.”

  Well over an hour after Mr. Heifelmeier entered the study, they both emerged. Emotionally and physically drained, John left the house. He was sure that his hair was more silvery now than at the beginning of the conversation. Indeed, months later, a soft streak of white appeared just above his right temple.

  Mr. Heifelmeyer refused to allow a wedding as soon as the couple wanted. However, with considerable prodding on the part of Mrs. Heifelmeyer, they agreed to a minimum of a three-month courtship. Even so, that was close to a scandalous amount of time for a courtship. Usually in New Orleans, courtships lasted a maximum of eighteen months. It was agreed that they would be wed on her seventeenth birthday, April 6, 1867.

  Chapter 5

  The Wedding

  The excitement was palpable as plans were made for the upcoming nuptials. Family and friends were invited, and Father’s business associates too. Mother and daughter chittered happily like two squirrels over a newfound bounty of nuts as they sat together admiring the invitations, laboriously folding, sealing, and addressing them as they talked. The invitations were printed on bands of white ribbon and mounted on white parchment and delivered by hand through family servants.

  Life was very happy since they had confided their love to one another. Still, they were not allowed to see each other after 8:00. Patricia spoke often, when they were together, of how much happier they were since they had told each other of their feelings. “Of course, silly!” John would say, reaching for her hand and laughing. Oh, how she loved that laugh and magical twinkle in his eyes! Time passed quickly.