by Jill Lynn
Prim gave a meow from her spot in the corner that sounded strangely like a sigh. Cate’s antics had woken the princess.
After opening the bedroom window to let in cooler air, Cate plopped back into bed and glanced at the time. Five in the morning. So not exactly the middle of the night, but her exhausted body told her she hadn’t gained much in the way of sleep in the hours before.
She ran her hand over Prim’s back as the cat slunk along the edge of the mattress. Prim paused to accept the comfort she offered. A bit like Cate had done last night when she’d broken all of her self-imposed rules and leaned into Lucas.
“I wasn’t that bad.”
Prim meowed.
“Okay, so I like him.” She scooped Prim onto her lap, easing back against the headboard in a sitting position. Why pretend sleep would come at all?
Cate would be lying to herself if she didn’t acknowledge that Luc had always held on to a portion of her heart. They’d never been over and done. And not just because Ruby linked them together as parents. But because he was Lucas. And she needed him far more than she wanted to admit.
So much for all of the plans and stopgaps she’d set in place to keep this exact thing from happening.
Cate must have squeezed Prim a bit too hard—frustration surfacing in her grip—because the cat tossed her head with snotty annoyance and escaped from Cate’s lap to curl up on the other side of the bed. Her narrowed eyes seemed to say, Pull yourself together, girl.
“I’m just trying to figure things out.”
Prim’s eyelids grew heavy, head resting on her paws.
“And you’re a rotten sounding board as usual. Where’s your good advice, huh?”
The cat’s spine lifted and fell with each steady breath. Once again, Cate was talking to her pet and expecting answers.
She groaned. “I’m totally going to become an old cat lady who carries on conversations with her tabby. I’m already halfway there. A few more years and some gray hairs—goal met.”
Cate punched the pillow into submission and slumped down on her side, staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand.
Obviously she had feelings for Luc. She didn’t need anyone to listen to her—Prim included—to know that. They’d worked out the past, and she felt peace. Cate could finally allow herself to believe what she’d wanted to all along. That Luc would never have done what Roark accused him of. What a jerk Roark had been to throw fake stones like that.
And she’d been distrusting enough to listen.
Shame on her.
But what now? Luc hadn’t said anything about the future. Could they actually attempt a relationship again? Did he want to? They couldn’t be wishy-washy. They didn’t have that liberty...not as Ruby’s parents. Cate needed to know what he was thinking. For her sake and for Ruby’s. Because she would not let a relationship between them—or even the possibility of it—hurt their daughter.
By the time six thirty rolled around, Cate had showered and dressed in a soft pink shirt and flowered pencil skirt she could wear to church. She applied makeup and did her hair, then paced back and forth in her bedroom, praying. Asking for wisdom not to make the same mistakes she had last time. Even praying that she would remain open. Cate struggled with that after watching her parents make so many blunders. It was painfully hard for her to believe there were people in the world who could love each other unconditionally.
But what if she and Luc were the exception to the rule? She had to talk to him. Should she call? Text? No. It had to be in person.
Cate checked on Ruby—still asleep.
The girl never slept in, but today she showed no signs of waking. Each second Cate waited to get answers from Luc aggravated like someone smacking gum inches from her ear.
She retreated to the living room. The house where Luc was crashing with his sisters was just a few steps down the hill. Within sight. Cate could run over, see if he was home and be back before Ruby woke.
She slid on black sandals and flew down the hill, knocking lightly on the front door.
Please let Luc answer. Please let Luc answer.
The wooden interior door unlocked, Mackenzie visible as it swung wide. She pushed the screen door open. “Cate?”
Really, God? You couldn’t even give me Emma?
For a second Cate cowered. But then she pressed her shoulders back. She was on a mission, and even Luc’s intimidating sister couldn’t stop her.
But exactly how long had Mackenzie been awake? Her hair flowed in waves, a yellow T-shirt and shorts spitting two of the longest, tannest legs into the universe.
“Do you just roll out of bed looking like that?” Whoops. Based on Mackenzie’s laughter, she’d actually just said that out loud.
The skin around Mackenzie’s unique gray-blue eyes crinkled with enough kindness to give Cate courage. “Everything okay?”
“Yes.” No. “Is Luc here? I need to speak with him.”
“He left a bit ago. He’s an early riser, but I don’t know where he’s off to on a Sunday.” Mackenzie had a toothbrush in her hand, and she pointed toward the lodge with it. “Might try his office.”
“Thanks.” Cate took a step back, then glanced at her cabin. She couldn’t leave Ruby alone. She’d just have to calm down like a big girl and wait it out.
Mackenzie studied her. “Do you need me to stay with Ruby while you go talk to him?”
What? Seriously? Mackenzie might not be waving a big white truce flag, but she wasn’t snarling, either. Maybe the woman was coming around.
Was accepting her help the right thing to do? Cate was desperate to calm the questions swirling inside her. “Yes. Please. She’s asleep right now.”
“Just like her aunt Emma.” A flash of white teeth and Mackenzie disappeared inside, leaving the door open. And then she was back, toothbrush discarded, flip-flops on. The door clicked shut behind her.
Cate didn’t move. Her shoes had suddenly become very attached to the ground directly beneath her.
“Go ahead.” Mackenzie nodded toward the lodge. “I may not be Emma but I can handle hanging out with my niece, whether she’s asleep or awake. We’ll be fine.”
Little did Mackenzie know that wasn’t the issue tying Cate into knots.
No more overthinking. Cate would lose her resolve if she waited any longer. After a thank-you to Mackenzie, she hurried to the lodge.
When she knocked on Luc’s office door, he didn’t answer. “Lucas?” She twisted the knob and peeked inside. The lights weren’t on.
Cate paused at the threshold. He could be over in the barn. Or somewhere else in the lodge. But if she went looking for him, she’d likely miss him.
She’d wait in his office for a few minutes and see if he showed.
Cate flipped on the light switch and then sat on the futon that faced Luc’s desk. After a few minutes she jumped up, nerves making her limbs twitchy. She crossed to the far window. It showcased the sprawling ranch like a framed photograph, morning light dancing across dew-dampened grass.
Unable to stay still for more than three seconds and feeling a little like Ruby, Cate turned and strode by the desk, her hand bumping a stack of papers perched on the corner. They jostled, and she began straightening them. She couldn’t handle it when the edges didn’t match up in perfect symmetry.
The words parental responsibilities popped out from the top corner of one located at the bottom, and her body morphed into a glacier. That fancy phrase translated into custody.
“I should ignore it.” She stared at the wall above the futon, begging one of the family photos there to capture her attention. “It’s probably just a guest’s paperwork. Nothing to do with me or Ruby.”
Just like Prim, the walls didn’t answer her.
Abandoning her OCD task, Cate scooted back to the futon and dropped down. But suspicion slithered in through the cracks of her b
roken pieces. The papers called out, mocking her.
What if she looked? Proved her concerns wrong? She could do that, couldn’t she?
Cate lunged for the desk, quickly shuffling to the bottom of the stack. The paper-clipped sheets revealed more than her trembling limbs could handle. Information about how to file for custody lined the pages, a handwritten note in blue ink scrawled across the top of the first page: Lucas, call with any questions or to set up a meeting. The phone number beneath it blurred through her watery vision.
The room tilted, and she closed her eyes against the sensation of free-falling.
No way. She didn’t believe it. Not after what they’d talked about. How close they’d gotten. After last night.
Luc might not have said how he felt, but hadn’t she read his feelings loud and clear?
Had it all been a lie to get her to let down her guard? So that he had time to pursue custody? Her teeth chattered, the shaking transferring through her whole body.
And to think, she’d believed him. Trusted him with not only herself, but Ruby, too. She should have known better. Some people got second chances.
She just wasn’t one of them.
* * *
Cate’s looking for you. I sent her to your office.
Luc palmed his phone, the time stamp on Mackenzie’s text from fifteen minutes before.
Was it a good or bad sign that Cate was up early, wanting to see him? Please, please let it be the first.
This morning he’d woken before the sun, finally given up on sleep and headed out for a ride. Some time to process and talk to God about the restless fears holding his head under water. He’d left his phone in his room.
Now he slid it into his back pocket and beelined for the lodge.
For weeks Luc had been capsized by the idea that Cate would never truly trust him. And even after discovering Roark’s part in what had happened, he hadn’t told her he loved her. He’d been afraid that she wasn’t ready to hear it. That their past could still so easily repeat itself. But after venting it all out to God, he felt renewed. Luc worshipped the King of mercy and miracles and second chances. He could trust in that. In Him.
He’d been a wuss not telling Cate how he felt last night, and he refused to hide behind lame excuses any longer.
Luc still had part of today with Cate and Ruby here, and he would rectify his mistake. He needed to tell Cate he was so far gone, he couldn’t stop loving her if he tried. He loved everything about her. The way she clung to control and the sweet victory when she released things from her iron grip, handing them over ever so slowly to God’s keeping. Her fierce protectiveness of Ruby. And then there was the way she looked at him when she let him in...like there wasn’t anywhere else in the world she’d rather be. Like he was her safety net. He craved all of her. Even the battle scars from her childhood that had shaped her into being strong and vulnerable at the same time. He was unwilling to live without her and Ruby in his life. Luc wanted the three of them to be a family, not spread out over two cities and thousands of acres of land.
And if he had to wait for her feelings to catch up with his, that was exactly what he would do.
Luc flew up the lodge steps and through the lobby. His office door was open. Inside, Cate stood next to his desk. She wore a straight flowered skirt, a light pink shirt and sandals. Her hair was down with a slight curl. The most beautiful woman in the world had not only crashed back into his life, but she’d also given him the best daughter he could ever ask for.
He blinked back emotion as he crossed the space. “Hey.” His voice came out low, somehow managing to crack one syllable into two. He captured her in an embrace that scooped her off the ground. It felt so good to hold her. To think that she could actually be his again and he could be hers.
After he and Cate split, Luc had thought he might never feel about anyone the way he had about her. Turned out, he’d been right. She was it for him.
Here he was, right back in love with her all over again.
“Nine hours is way too long to be separated from you. We’re going to have to figure out another system.” One with a wedding ring, if he had anything to say about it. “Woman, you are not conducive to good sleep.” He pressed a kiss against her neck, considering the flesh that rose in goose bumps as a good sign.
But then again, maybe he was jumping the gun... Cate’s arms hadn’t reciprocated. She didn’t shove away, but she hung against him like a limp, lifeless baby doll of Ruby’s.
Concern spread through him, and he eased her feet back to the floor.
“What’s going on? You okay?”
“No.” She hugged herself, hands scrubbing along her upper arms.
Maybe he’d confused her last night by not stating clearly how he felt. “Listen, Cate, about—”
“What are these?”
She lifted a stack of papers from the desk. Her eyes were cold. None of the warmth and openness from the evening before remained. Like a switch had been turned.
Invisible fists gripped his windpipe, crushing any chance for air. No, no, no. Luc hadn’t been back in the office since Friday when Gage had dropped the papers off...when he’d been wanting to get Cate out of here so that she wouldn’t see them. He’d spent Saturday with Cate and Ruby and hadn’t given the custody info a second thought.
Why hadn’t he come in just to throw them away? Or torch them? Dread edged along his spine. Luc needed to convince Cate that what she held wasn’t the truth. He edged to block her path to the door, buying himself time.
“They’re not what you think.”
“Really? They’re not filled with information about you filing for custody of Ruby?” She sounded hollow. Shattered.
Of course they were. Stupid, stupid move on his part. He’d like to blame Gage, but Luc was the one who’d given him the go-ahead in the first place.
“Gage offered to help me way back in the beginning. When you showed up with Ruby and I didn’t know what to do. I was concerned that you could just take her and disappear, so I told him to look into it.”
Luc wasn’t going to make the mistake of not completely discussing everything like the last time. He and Cate needed full disclosure. He kept his voice easy. Nonconfrontational. He had nothing to hide. He should have just told Cate about the papers after Gage had dropped them off on Friday. Explained everything to her then. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t be in this situation right now, panicking that this was the final nail in the coffin of their momentary second chance. But he hadn’t said anything because he’d worried that she would react exactly like she was now.
“He brought them in Friday afternoon. I told him I wasn’t interested anymore. That you and I were going to work things out. He left them here, and I planned to throw them away. I just haven’t been in the office since then. I’ve been with you and Ruby, and I didn’t think about those papers once over the weekend. That has to tell you something.”
Luc prayed that Cate would really hear him, but she looked vacant. A listless shell that didn’t register his defense.
Desperation took root. He grabbed her arms. “I love you, Cate. I wasn’t going to follow through on the custody stuff. I know how much that scares you. Are you hearing me?”
No answer.
Luc didn’t know what to do. Kiss her? She’d slap him. Trap her here and hold her captive until she accepted his explanation?
“Remember everything we talked about last night? You didn’t believe me when we were twenty and we lost four years. Don’t do that this time. You can trust me. I promise.” He inched closer, celebrating a surge of victory when she didn’t immediately shrink away. The hold he had around her wrists softened, thumbs tracing over her jumpy pulse. “I need you to believe me, Cate. Please.”
“I can’t.” She retreated, stark trauma written in the bruised half-moons under her eyes.
“Why not? You said you should
have last time. Why can’t you now?”
“Last time I didn’t have proof.” The papers shook in her hand. “This time I do.” She shoved them against his chest, jutted around him and ran from his office as the mess fluttered to the floor.
His rib cage exploded with pressure, the repaired organ in his chest giving signs of surrender.
All of this time he’d questioned if Cate would choose to trust him moving forward. Now he had his answer.
Chapter Fifteen
The boom of the twelve-gauge shotgun echoed from the surrounding hills as Luc caught the next clay target in his sight and pulled the trigger.
“It’s about to storm. Wasn’t sure if you’d noticed,” Mackenzie called out from behind him, her sarcasm as thick as the charcoal clouds rolling in. Luc took one more shot before switching the trap thrower to the off position.
He perched his gun on the wooden holding rack and faced her, sliding his ear protection to the back of his neck.
“I noticed.” The sky touching the pine-covered hills was dark and vicious, but so far no rain had fallen. No thunder or lightning yet.
Luc had run the afternoon skeet session for the guests. Once they finished up, he’d sent them back to the ranch, leaving the cleanup for himself. But he hadn’t been able to resist a few rounds before packing everything into the back of the truck.
“You just out here sulking?”
“Shooting. Not sulking.” Actually, Luc thought he’d done a pretty good job of keeping it together since Cate and Ruby had left on Sunday. He hadn’t yelled at anyone. Family or staff. Hadn’t lost his temper. No tantrums or outbursts. Mostly, he’d just been quietly stewing over things. Though he’d yet to come up with any answers.
The worst part had been the conversation with Cate after she’d packed up.
“Here.” She’d handed him a piece of paper. “This is a possible list of times for you to have Ruby. Built around your time off. Look it over and see what you think or if you want to change anything. We can adjust when you move to the fall schedule.”
No tears. No maybe I made a mistake in not believing you. Cate had switched off her emotions like a garden hose. One twist—done.