“That’s because you’re a spoiled brat.” His sister glared at him with narrowed eyes and a look of utter contempt. That was the woman he remembered.
“Martha, please.” His mother rushed to her daughter’s side and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Let’s not argue. We’ve done enough of that already. Look at where that got us.”
What was his mother talking about?
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to Julian as he once again steps on his soapbox.” Martha shook off her mother’s touch and strode over to him. “Do you realize how long it’s been since we saw you?”
“What do you care?” He met her fiery gaze. “You’ve ignored me most of your life. I didn’t think you’d notice.”
“That’s right, Julian. It’s everyone else’s fault. You share no blame in any of this.”
“How am I to blame for how you treated me—how anyone in this family treated me?”
His mother burst into tears, and Cody rushed to her side. He wrapped his arms around Julian’s mother and scowled at him. “Julian, stop.”
He hated seeing his mother cry. She’d done that enough already, but he couldn’t stop now. For too many years, he’d held his tongue. It was past time to finally speak his mind. He turned away from his weeping mother and fixed his sights on his sister. “You’ve been a bitch to me since we were kids.” The venomous sting of his words caused her to step back. “I don’t know what I ever did to you, but I tried to have a relationship with you. Why do you think I always hung around you? Why do you think I was constantly in your business? All I ever wanted was for you to give me just a sliver of attention, but you never saw me. You never cared.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. “You’re right. I didn’t.”
Well, at least she owned up to her actions. “I finally just gave up. I was tired of trying to fit in. I was tired of fighting with you and Fernando. I was tired of hearing Mother cry herself to sleep because Dad kept breaking her heart.”
His sister wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded at their mother. “Who’s making her cry now?”
He glanced at his mother, who had her face buried in Cody’s shoulder, and a wave of guilt washed over him. “Mom—”
His sister’s hand on his shoulder pressed Pause on his words. “You never answered my question. How long has it been since we last saw you?”
Julian couldn’t remember. The last time he’d been in his parents’ house had been on Christmas, shortly after he announced he was running for the Senate. His father had blown up at him, telling him he was wasting his time, that he should be working for the family company like Fernando and Martha. When his brother started in on him, Julian got up from the table and left. Had it really been six years? No, that couldn’t be right.
“I’ll answer for you. Christmas of 2010. You walked out and never came back.”
The realization hit Julian like a sucker punch to the gut. How was that possible? His mother and sister had attempted to contact him shortly after he won the election, but he’d been so busy, he never returned the calls. Then Adria had told him that his father’s latest affair had come to light, and he put even more distance between them. The last time he remembered hearing about them contacting him had been a couple of years ago. By that time, he had most of his phone calls routed through his assistants or Adria. He just didn’t have time to deal with his family or their mess.
“I didn’t realize it had been that long.”
“Well, it has.” The anger in his sister’s voice softened. “You’re not wrong, though, Julian. Mom and I have been seriously fucked-up for so many years, but we’re not anymore.”
Why was she trying to sell him snake oil? “Really? And what changed all that?”
“Mom almost dying.”
JULIAN sat on the couch next to Cody, thankful for the many reassuring pats and caresses he received as his sister related the events of the heart attack that had almost killed his mother. According to her doctors, years of stress had finally caught up with her, and if she didn’t change her ways, she wouldn’t live long.
“That was when things turned around,” Martha said from where she sat next to their mother. “It was like Mom saw the world for the first time. She realized how awful she’d been treated for years and she finally stood up to Dad.”
Julian glanced at his mother, who wore a proud smile. “Really?”
She nodded in reply. “Really. I also filed for divorce.”
“You what?”
Martha sat back on the couch and beamed. “She sure did. She packed up his stuff and threw him out as soon as she got back from the hospital.” She leaned against her mother and practically purred. “I’d never been more proud of her. That’s why I resigned my position at work. I wasn’t going to work for him anymore.”
Her words knocked the wind out of him. “But you loved that job.”
Martha snorted. “I hated it. I did it only because Dad wanted me to. That’s what this family does. Well, everyone except you.”
The respect he heard in his sister’s voice could have knocked him over with a feather.
His mother squeezed his hand. “Your father was an asshole to us for too long. He tried to get me to stay, telling me how sorry he was, but I knew he would never change, so I did the one thing I could, the one thing only you had been able to do. I changed myself and left.”
Julian couldn’t help the flood of laughter that exploded out of his body as they told him how lost his father, brother, and grandmother now were. They would never change, but so much had changed, and he’d been completely oblivious. His mother and sister had undergone a metamorphosis, and he’d not been a part of it. He’d allowed the pain from his past to cloud his present and prevent him from seeing his future clearly. If they could change, that meant anything was possible.
He drew his gaze to Cody, who had tears falling from his smiling eyes.
Anything at all.
Chapter Eleven
CODY couldn’t believe the change that had come over Julian after one evening of takeout Chinese with his mom and sister. He’d gone from being perfect and unflappable to chatting nonstop like a coked-up squirrel.
It made Cody hot.
Not because he had a weird coke or squirrel fetish or anything. This Julian, the one who effused like a child about his mother’s interest in his life, the one who wasn’t cocky and confident, the one who longed for his sister’s acceptance—that man made his skin thrum.
Of course, it wasn’t like Julian hadn’t managed to do that anyway. It happened whenever Julian sat next to him on the couch as they discussed their days, or when they brushed their teeth next to each other as they got ready in the morning, or even when Julian happened to capture his attention when they were sitting quietly and reading.
Over the past few weeks, no matter how Cody tried to be strong and reserved, it had been difficult not to strip Julian naked and form a naughty pretzel. Now that he’d gotten to see a side of his husband he’d always suspected existed, Cody found it even more difficult not to run his tongue across Julian’s salty, tanned flesh, and that was precisely why he couldn’t.
Having sex now, when he could practically taste it—and oh, how he wanted to taste it—would be disastrous for them both.
So much of what Cody’d seen from Julian since he first moved in had been great, wonderful even. This latest development was just icing on an already sweet cake. There definitely existed a potential future, but what was that exactly?
Sure, he’d gotten to know Julian, but after what he’d seen tonight, Cody realized they still had so much more to learn about each other. If they were really going to make this work, they had to finally reveal the warts they kept hidden.
“Did you know I’m lactose intolerant?”
Julian, who had been in the middle of a monologue about how great the evening with his family had gone, chuckled. “Where the hell did that come from?”
“I just thought you should know
.”
“Okay. Why’s that?”
“Well, I love ice cream and can’t get enough cheese in my diet.”
Julian mulled over this sudden revelation for a few moments. “Are you sure about that? I don’t think I’ve seen you eat ice cream or cheese once.”
“You haven’t.”
“So you don’t really love it that much, then, do you?”
“Oh but I do.” Just talking about it made Cody want to head to an ice cream shop and buy a waffle cone packed with dark chocolate ice cream. How yummy would that be? It would be even more delicious to lick it off Julian’s flat stomach. “I just haven’t allowed myself to eat it because if I do, well—”
“You’ll rocket to the moon?” Julian suddenly burst into laughter.
His cheeks grew warm. “Something like that. It’s not pretty.”
“Well, on my way home tomorrow, I’ll pick up some ice cream and Lactaid for you and an industrial can of Febreze for me.”
“I’m also pretty hairy.” He absently ran his fingers over his chest, as he so often did to test the intensity of his prickliness. “I do my best to keep it under control by trimming and waxing as often as possible, but when it’s cold, I usually let it grow out and won’t shear again until spring. Is that okay with you?”
Julian’s narrowed eyes expressed his confusion. “What’s going on?”
Cody wasn’t sure how to begin. He’d been hoping Julian would chime in and share information he had yet to divulge, but he could see how bringing up his gaseous response to dairy and his status as a blond Sasquatch might be a tad confusing. If they were going to do this, he was going to have to bite the bullet.
“I want to talk about Phillip.”
Julian’s scanning eyes revealed he was searching his memories for the name. Since they’d never really discussed Cody’s failed relationship, Julian would come up empty. “Who?”
“My ex.”
He paused for a beat. “May I ask why?”
That wasn’t as easy to answer. If Cody talked about Phillip, he hoped Julian would finally discuss Blane, the man he almost married. Now that he’d peeked behind the curtain of the familial pain that had led Julian to a marriage without love, he needed to also see what lay behind the veil Blane had cast across Julian’s life. All he really knew about Blane was that the relationship had ended, and Cody’s gut told him that he needed to hear the whole story before they took one more step on the path they were currently traveling. Admitting that, though, would likely make Julian clam up the way he always did whenever Cody uttered Blane’s name. “I got to see a different side of you tonight, a side I always expected existed. It was kinda nice, seeing you vulnerable instead of the cocky motherfucker you always prance around as.”
“Hey!” Julian sat up in his seat, a pretend scowl twisting his features. “I may be many things, but I’m not a motherfucker.”
Cody rolled his eyes. Julian was attempting to employ Cody’s method of using humor to avoid a real conversation. It wasn’t going to work. “I’m being serious.”
“Me too. I’ve never fucked a mother in my life.”
Cody flicked Julian’s chin, which earned Cody a slight yelp.
“That wasn’t very nice.”
“It serves you right.” Cody switched his gaze from Julian’s plump lip to his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you, to share something with you the way you shared something with me tonight.”
“But I didn’t share anything with you, did I?”
“You did. More than you realize.”
Julian’s eyebrows furrowed. “Like what?”
“I saw the man behind the pain, and I understood for the first time just why you turned your back on love. After what your mother went through, how could you not? I’d just like to share my story with you. I want you to see the me no one else gets to see.”
Julian ran his thumb along Cody’s chin, which caused him to shiver. “But I do see you. Quite well, I think.”
Damn. If Julian kept talking like that, they’d be naked in under ten seconds. “Will you please let me do this? I really want to.”
Julian paused for a beat, gazing deep into Cody’s soul. “You don’t have to. I’m fine with you never having to relive it.”
That was sweet, but Cody wasn’t fine with not sharing. This was a conversation they had to have, and if Julian refused to have it, well, that would tell Cody everything he needed to know. “I know, but I want to.”
Julian grabbed his hand and smiled. “Well, if you really want to, then I want to hear it.”
Cody couldn’t help the goofy grin that broke across his features. This was the giant leap forward he’d been waiting for.
“I just have one stipulation.”
He squinted at Julian, unsure where this new track was going to take them. “What is it?”
“Talks like this should involve ice cream. Don’t you think?” A huge grin spread across his features.
Cody laughed. “Are you sure you want to risk it?”
Julian grabbed his hand and hauled him off the couch. “I think you’re worth it.”
WITH his delicious dessert in hand, Julian slid into the booth at Hammond’s Gourmet Ice Cream. He couldn’t wait to devour the scoop of salted caramel packed into his waffle cone, but how could he get in even one good lick with the pathetic pout currently squatting across Cody’s features?
“Not enjoying your lactose-free treat?”
Cody took another tentative lick and grimaced. “It tastes like sunscreen.”
Julian rolled his eyes as Cody shivered like a baby taking a huge bite out of a lemon. Instead of getting his dark chocolate waffle cone he couldn’t shut up about on the drive over, he’d decided to try a lactose-free version of Dutch chocolate made with coconut milk. “I told you to get the real stuff. You’re the one who said no.”
“I was trying to be considerate,” he replied while grimacing at his choice.
Julian took a big Scooby lick of his ice cream and moaned in pleasure. “God, this is good.”
Cody shot him a blank stare. “Are you going to moan like that the whole time?”
“Oh yeah I am.” He fluttered his tongue across the quickly vanishing scoop. “It’s so good.”
“You’re an ass.” Cody sat back in his seat across from Julian and harrumphed like an old man. “See if I ever consider your nasal passages again.”
Julian lapped at his dessert. “Don’t blame me. I’m gonna have to learn to live with it at some point, right?” Chances were Cody’s occasional gastrointestinal distress wouldn’t even come close to the dutch ovens his brother had tormented him with in their youth.
After another lick and an even bigger shudder, Cody rose from his seat, stomped over to the trash can, and tossed his cone into the trash. “Well, that was a complete waste.”
Julian didn’t like the look of utter disappointment that hooded Cody’s usually wide, brilliant blue eyes. He scooted over in his seat and gestured for Cody to sit next to him.
“I’m not gonna sit next to you while you moan and rim your ice cream.”
A wry grin hitched up the corners of his mouth. “We could rim it together.”
Cody’s frown quickly vanished, replaced by a wicked leer. “That’s kinda hot.” A second later he slid into the booth next to Julian, darting his hungry eyes back and forth from the melting ice cream scoop to Julian’s mouth. He clearly couldn’t decide which one he wanted to sample more.
If Julian had his way, it would be his salted caramel Cody would end up devouring.
When Cody swabbed his tongue over the dairy treat instead, Julian did his best to hide his disappointment. He couldn’t help but imagine being on the receiving end of that smooth, wet tongue. He had to take several deep breaths to calm himself or he’d end up straddling Cody right there in the middle of the store.
Did Cody even realize what he was doing to Julian? Was he even the slightest bit affected by the waves of heat t
hat buffeted the sliver of space between them? It was difficult to tell right now because Cody was practically jizzing himself over the ice cream.
For a man whose past consisted of strings of one-night stands, Cody had developed the willpower of a Tibetan monk in regards to not having sex. Julian found it extremely frustrating. They were married, and they should be enjoying every single mind-blowing benefit.
That wasn’t what this outing had been about, though. Cody wanted to share his past with Julian, open up about the pain he suffered because of his ex-boyfriend. For some reason, Cody felt it was important for their future. Julian didn’t agree. Their pasts were their pasts. They had no bearing on their futures. But if his husband wanted to travel down this path, it was Julian’s job to walk there right beside him.
“Are you done?” he asked after Cody finished off Julian’s cone.
If Cody were any more satiated, he’d be lighting up a cigarette. “Yeah. I think so.”
“So do you still want to have that conversation?”
The haze that had settled across Cody’s vision lifted, and he tensed.
“I won’t be upset if you’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t.” His tone indicated the decision had been made.
“Okay.” Julian took Cody’s fidgeting hands and gazed into his handsomely symmetrical face. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Cody let fly a long exhale before he began. “Phillip and I met in grad school. When I first saw him, I was blown away. He was fucking gorgeous, but as I got to know him, I realized his looks weren’t even the best part of him. He had an even more beautiful soul, and it was mostly because he was so different from me.”
Julian found that hard to believe. Not only was Cody the most striking man he’d ever met, but beneath the layers of muscle and perfect good looks lived perhaps one of the kindest, most carefree souls he’d ever encountered. “What made him so different from you?”
Cody leaned his head against the back of the booth and sighed. “Well, I wasn’t the same person back then that I am now. I was angry all the time.”
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