Suddenly Yours

by Jacob Z. Flores

  His cell phone rang within the pocket of his jeans, and he answered it without checking the caller ID.

  “Hi. I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.” The sound of Julian’s voice made Cody’s heart drop to his stomach. They hadn’t spoken since he walked out of their—Julian’s house.

  “I’m actually kind of busy,” he lied. There was no way in hell he was admitting to sitting on the couch in his underwear. How pathetic would that make him sound? “Just came home for a quick costume change before heading to the club.” Yeah, that was the last place Cody wanted to be right now, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Julian that either.

  “I see.” A long paused filled the air between them.

  “Is there something you need?”

  Julian cleared his throat. “I just wanted you to know I boxed up the stuff you left behind.”

  “Great.” Yet another lie. “I’ll contact someone to pick up the boxes and ship them to me.”

  “I’ve already taken care of it. Your stuff should be arriving next week.”

  The news should have made Cody feel better. It had been difficult getting by without some of the possessions he’d left behind. In fact, he’d been wondering when and how he’d be getting them back, but hearing Julian’s voice and his matter-of-fact tone ran a sword through his already tattered heart. It reminded Cody of why he’d left, about how Julian would never and could never feel anything real for him.

  He’d made the right choice after all.

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  “No worries. It’s the least I could do.”

  “Anything else?” he asked, hoping to end this torment that crushed his heart all over again.

  Another long pause followed. “I miss you.”

  The sob lodged in Cody’s throat almost tore itself free. He had to take several breaths before he could speak. “Okay. Well, I gotta go. Thanks for taking care of my stuff.”

  When he ended the call, the tears he’d held back finally burst free.

  JULIAN threw his phone into the wall, shattering it into pieces.

  “Didn’t go as you expected?” Adria sat on his couch, a wineglass in one hand and her phone in the other.

  Nothing about this had gone as he expected. Cody should be here in this house with him, not back in Austin hitting the club scene. Fuck. The idea of some strange man hitting on Cody made him homicidal.

  “You said you’d tell him about the reporters. You didn’t.”

  Julian snarled at her. “Yeah, well, the reporters can suck my dick.”

  “Wouldn’t that make an interesting sound bite?” She arched one eyebrow at him before taking a sip from her wineglass. “You need to make sure he sticks with the story. They will be calling him.”

  So what? Let them call. Their desire to learn why Cody had moved back to Austin sat at the very bottom of his list of things he gave a shit about. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “When?”

  He didn’t have an answer. He sure as hell wasn’t going to make the mistake of calling Cody again. The last thing he wanted to hear was how well his nights out on the town were going. “I’ll e-mail him. Tomorrow.”

  “E-mail?”

  “Yes. E-mail. Do you have a problem with that?”

  Adria set her glass on the coffee table and studied him.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  Yeah, right. When was it ever just “nothing” with her? “You clearly have something to say. What is it?”

  “I’m just trying to figure out why you’re so angry.”

  “You want to know why I’m angry?” He paced the living room, waving his hands around like a madman. “I’m angry because Cody is back in Austin. I’m angry because Cody walked out on our deal. I’m angry that he clearly doesn’t give a shit about the commitment he made. He’s getting ready to hit the bars, for Christ’s sake. Can you believe it?”

  The blank stare on Adria’s face told him she could. “He’s an attractive gay man, Julian. Of course he’s going to get back in the saddle again.”

  “But he’s married. To a senator. He shouldn’t be doing that.”

  “I won’t argue with you there.” She sat back on the couch and regarded him for several minutes. “That’s why you should have talked to him about the reporters. You know they’re going to be watching his every move. You thought getting married in Vegas would derail your political career. Having pictures of your shirtless husband on the dance floor of some gay club will completely obliterate your platform.”

  Julian stopped in his tracks. “You think he’s going to be shirtless? At the club?”

  “If I had his body, I know I would.”

  Great. That was the last image Julian needed right now.

  “Do you think he’ll pick up a trick and bring him back to his apartment?”

  Julian had been wrong before. That was the last image he needed right now. Just the thought of someone coming on to Cody made his trigger finger itch. If it moved beyond that, he’d likely go trigger-happy. “He better not.”

  “Why not?” She rose from the couch and traipsed over to his side.

  “What do you mean ‘why not?’ Isn’t it obvious why not?”

  “To me it is.” She rested the full weight of her brown gaze upon him. “Is it to you?”

  Instead of answering, Julian turned and left the room.

  CODY’S shift at the restaurant started two hours ago, but instead of taking orders and earning a paycheck like he should have been doing, he sat in his apartment, his fingers flying across the keyboard of his computer.

  Over the past few days, he’d been on a writing streak.

  It started shortly after he’d gotten off the phone with Julian last week. When he’d finally stopped crying, he’d pulled out his computer and poured all the emotions, the good and the bad, into his manuscript.

  It had gotten him through the sleepless nights and the desperate desire he had to pick up the phone and call Julian. That would prove counterproductive. Putting his emotions into words, injecting them into the characters Julian and he had created a few months ago, gave him the focus he needed.

  Writing kept him sane, especially on the days when he lost himself in his memories and the happiness he’d found in the moments Julian and he had shared. Because of his writing, the pain no longer lived in his constricted chest. His computer now housed his grief, his characters now suffered through the pain of finding, then losing love, and their happy ending would be all the closure he needed.

  Once he completed it, Cody would be able to save the file and his misery to his hard drive and wipe it clean from the memory files of his brain. That was the plan, at least.

  A knock on his front door pulled him out of his manuscript, and he cursed. Jonah, the dumbass who was willing to throw away the true love he’d found in Chris, had just been about to finally admit his feelings.

  Cody pushed away from his computer desk and stomped over to the front door. If it was another reporter inquiring about what he was doing in Austin, Cody might just find himself the lead story of tonight’s news broadcast. Senator’s Jilted Husband Arrested for Aggravated Assault.

  After the way they’d been hounding him lately, it might just be worth it.

  He flung open the door, ready to tear the roving reporter a new one, but the words died on his lips.

  Julian stood on the other side, his lips parted in a huge grin, and two men in gray uniforms waited behind him holding boxes. “Your stuff’s here.”

  “What the hell?” He darted his gaze from the two men to Julian and back again. “What are you doing here?”

  “I told you, sugar bear.” He slid by Cody and into the apartment. “Your stuff’s here.”

  Cody almost fell over. That was one of the terms of endearment he’d used to irritate the crap out of Julian when they had woken up married. But before he had a chance to comment, the men followed Julian inside. They set the boxes in the living room and then headed back ou
t to the truck that sat in the parking lot.

  “I can see that, but why are you here? And would you please not call me ‘sugar bear’?”

  “Sure thing, sweet cheeks.” Julian pulled scissors out of the bag he carried and undid the first box.

  “Julian, please—”

  “I figured that since you packed up and moved out to southern California for me, it seemed only fair for me to see your possessions were safely returned.”

  “Okay.” He held open the front door and motioned outside. “You’ve done that. I can take it from here.”

  “I don’t mind helping.” Julian pulled books out of the first box and made a beeline for the shelf that had once housed them. How the hell did he remember where Cody’s stuff even went? After Julian placed the books where they belonged, he glanced over at the computer. “Are you writing again?”

  If Cody were any more confused, he’d be back in his college calculus class. “Yeah.”

  “Great.” A huge smile spread across Julian’s lips as he returned to the box to bring out more of Cody’s belongings. “I’m glad to see your muse is pulling his weight again. I know you had writer’s block there for a while.”

  He most definitely had been creatively constipated in San Diego. He’d been too busy trying to sort out his feelings for Julian to do anything else. That was no longer the case, and he resented this intrusion. “Julian, stop.”

  Julian glanced at the books in his hands and the shelf he stood in front of. “Do these not go here anymore?”

  “Yes, they do, but you do not belong here.”

  “I know.” He shrugged off Cody’s anger as if Cody hadn’t spoken. “I was in town anyway. I have several meetings with the Texas senators this week about my immigration bill now that it’s passed.”

  Cody had read about that. In fact, he’d almost called Julian to congratulate him on his big win. Fortunately his muse had given him the distraction he had needed not to make a complete fool of himself. “I’m glad for you, but that still doesn’t mean you have any right to be here right now.”

  “I’m not saying I do.” He continued placing objects back in Cody’s apartment: a photo of his mother on the coffee table and some CDs in the entertainment center. “I’m just saying I’d like to help.”

  “Julian.”

  Julian stopped what he was doing, scrunching his lips to one side the way he did whenever he couldn’t find his words. “I’m just trying to be there for you the way you were always there for me.”

  Fuck. How could Cody say no to that?

  JULIAN couldn’t believe he was actually here in Cody’s apartment. Again. He hadn’t planned on it. When the movers had come for Cody’s stuff, he had told himself that would be the end of things. He would get back to his life and let Cody get back to his.

  But when he got the call from Senator Cisneros to discuss the immigration bill at his office in Austin, he’d agreed. He then phoned the moving company to coordinate his arrival with Cody’s belongings. After that, it was a simple matter of following the van from its headquarters to Cody’s apartment.

  The entire drive over here, he’d second-guessed himself. He was being stupid and chances were Cody wouldn’t even let him in the front door, but he decided to roll the dice anyway. Being in Austin and not seeing Cody wasn’t an option. Just thinking about the trip had kept him from sleep the past few nights. All he could envision was gazing into Cody’s blue eyes one more time, inhaling the aroma of musk and soap that always seemed to cling to the air around him, and maybe even feeling the warmth of his touch as they brushed by each other while unpacking Cody’s things.

  God, the fantasies he had that night when he finally fell asleep rocked his world. Cody wrapped his big arms around him and held him close. He pressed his lips against Julian’s. They tore their clothes from their bodies. Cody hovered over him as he slipped inside before Julian rolled Cody over on his back and rode him to a creamy finish.

  More than anything, he longed for those fantasies to come true, even though they wouldn’t.

  Cody had moved on. Julian had seen that quite clearly when Cody opened the door and grimaced at him standing there. It had been difficult for Julian to see, but he had to see it. He had to know that Cody was going to be okay, that he wouldn’t wallow in pain the way Blane had obviously done.

  After he was certain of that, he’d be able to really let Cody go for good.

  The movers deposited the last box in the living room, and even though Cody got up to pay them, Julian beat him to the punch. He handed them their fee and then closed the door behind them.

  “You didn’t have to do that. I can pay my own way, you know?”

  “I do. Consider it my last act as your husband.”

  “Well, at least until you sign the divorce papers.”

  “Right.” Julian forced a smile across his trembling lips.

  Cody surveyed the boxes that littered most of the walking space in the cramped apartment. “I guess it’s time to finish unpacking.”

  Julian headed back to the box he’d been working on before the movers had announced the truck officially empty. “Yeah. I’ll get back to work.”

  “I can take it from here.”

  He didn’t doubt that for a second, but he wasn’t ready to say good-bye again. “Hey, I’m here, so I might as well finish what I started. We could go for sushi after we’re done. I’ve been dying for a lobster roll.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Oh yeah. I haven’t had sushi since—” Well, since the last time they’d eaten it together. “Let’s just say it’s time.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  Julian glanced up from the box he had just emptied to find Cody running his fingers through his hair. He only ever did that when he was frustrated beyond words.

  “Are you trying to hurt me?”

  “What? Of course not. I’m trying to help.”

  “How? By forcing me to relive the pain, by reminding me I fell in love with you and you don’t love me? How is that helping me?”

  “But that’s not what I want—”

  Cody’s eyes grew cold. “It’s not always about what you want. What you did today was sweet, too sweet. It’s too much like all the wonderful things you did when you were trying to get me to see we should stay married. It was those things that made me fall in love with you, and it’s cruel to dangle those memories in front of me the way you’re doing right now.”

  “I’m not trying to be cruel.” Julian took two steps toward Cody, who took two steps back.

  “Then what exactly are you trying to accomplish?”

  Julian stood his ground. He didn’t want to put more distance than there already was between them. “I guess, well, I was hoping we could at least be friends.”

  “I can’t be your friend, Julian.”

  “Why not?”

  Tears fell down Cody’s cheeks. “Because I will always want to be more than just friends.” He walked backward to the door and opened it before looking away. “Now please. Just go.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  JULIAN sat in the bar of his Austin hotel. He had just finished his second vodka and tonic and motioned for the bartender to bring him his third. Getting drunk probably wasn’t the smartest decision. The last time he’d traveled down this path, he’d wound up married. Who knew what kind of trouble he’d get himself into if he got shitfaced alone?

  He didn’t care. In fact, he didn’t give a crap about much right now. Not his immigration bill, not his campaign, which he was clearly going to win, and most definitely not the public image Adria demanded he maintain.

  What he needed was to stop feeling so miserable.

  His phone rang. Julian grumbled when Adria’s number flashed across the screen. He definitely didn’t need to listen to her drone on about her latest media brainstorm, but at least it would distract him for the next twenty minutes or so.

  “What?” His tone came out sharper than he intended.

  “Based o
n your mood, I take it you saw Cody,” she said.

  “Yeah. So what?”

  “And he told you to fuck off like I told you he would, right?”

  “If all you’re going to tell me is ‘I told you so,’ I’m gonna hang up right now.”

  “No. That’s not what I was going to say. You know, I’m a smart woman. I’ve navigated you through some pretty choppy political waters, and you’ve always listened to me. I don’t know why you won’t do that now.”

  Julian blew the air from his lungs. She was right. Her advice had always been invaluable, and she was perhaps the only friend he truly had. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Nothing in particular. I guess I’m just wondering why you went to see Cody.”

  How many times did he have to go over this? “I wanted to help him get settled in his old life again.”

  “And that’s it? Nothing else?”

  Of course there was something else. He’d also hoped Cody might reconsider, that seeing Julian again might somehow start them on a path to reconciliation instead of putting the final nail in their coffin. “I guess I just wanted to give our marriage one final try.”

  “I figured as much. But why?”

  “Because we’re perfect for each other, Adria. We want the same things out of life, or at least I thought we did.”

  “You thought the same thing about Blane. That didn’t work out either, right?”

  The bartender placed his drink in front of him, and Julian took a long sip. “And your point?”

  “Well, when Blane left, you didn’t call him or go to Boston to see him. Why did you do this for Cody? What makes this situation any different from the last one?”

  Julian opened his mouth to answer, but he found it difficult to put into words. He’d never thought of this situation in those terms before. When Blane left, it had been a major disappointment, but it sure as hell didn’t feel as if someone had reached into his mouth and pulled out his guts. He didn’t feel as if someone slowly cracked open his chest.

  Everything, every moment with Cody had been different. They connected on so many levels he had never experienced with Blane, which didn’t make sense. He and Blane came from similar financial backgrounds and had both gone to Ivy League schools. They had common acquaintances and similar interests, whereas Cody and Julian were complete opposites from the very beginning.