After the Loving

by Carole Mortimer

  Bryna smiled. ‘Well, I think she has more of an idea now; she was very helpful when we all cooked the Christmas dinner.’

  ‘Let’s hope so,’ her father drawled. ‘You look lovely tonight, Bryna.’ He laced the fingers of her right hand with his.

  So did he! He had always been handsome to her, but this last few weeks he had become even more so, so that she only had to look at him to feel her heart beat faster and her mouth go dry. And in an evening suit Raff could only be described as devastating! She knew she was suffering from frustration, that Raff could have been wearing patched denims and she would still have wanted him, but she couldn’t help the way he made her feel breathless just to look at him.

  And his compliment about her own appearance was very welcome. At nineteen weeks her pregnancy was almost halfway through, and her waistline had expanded to match that. None of her normal clothing fitted her any more, and although the maternity wardrobe Raff had insisted on buying her was very attractive she still didn’t feel exactly glamorous in the flowing blue dress, and she needed Raff’s compliment as a bolster to her flagging self-confidence about the way she looked to him and others.

  Especially when she saw the dress Brenda was wearing! The tall redhead was very attractive, but even so the low-cut black dress seemed to be a little old for her eighteen years.

  Kate gave her father and Bryna an apologetic grimace as she moved to pour them a drink. ‘I only got it in for the occasion,’ she hastened to explain at her father’s raised brows.

  ‘I hope so,’ he murmured before turning to her flatmate. ‘You’re looking very sophisticated tonight, Brenda,’ he told her smoothly.

  Bryna watched ruefully as the young girl took the politeness as an invitation to flirt with him, knowing by the embarrassed flush to Kate’s cheeks that she could cheerfully have strangled the other girl.

  ‘I’ll help you out in the kitchen,’ Bryna offered gently, not at all perturbed about Brenda’s obvious behaviour; the only thing she knew she could be sure of was that Raff wasn’t interested in a college friend of his daughter!

  ‘She’s incredible!’ muttered Kate as she banged about in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to the meal. ‘I asked her to behave tonight, and she promised she would, and within a few seconds of Daddy’s arrival she’s throwing herself all over him!’

  Bryna laughed softly at Kate’s obvious disgust with her friend. ‘I shouldn’t worry about it, your father is only playing with her.’

  ‘We all know that,’ grumbled Kate, her pretty face flushed with anger. ‘But Brenda doesn’t know how to take no for an answer!’

  Obviously the last weeks of sharing a flat with the other girl had opened Kate’s eyes to Brenda’s selfish nature. ‘How’s the flat-sharing going?’ Bryna enquired casually.

  ‘Oh, you know,’ Kate turned away, shrugging. ‘We get on okay together.’

  Quite a turn-about from thinking Brenda was the most wonderful friend in the world, but Bryna wisely kept her thoughts to herself. She felt sure Kate felt badly enough about her father being proved right about the other girl without adding salt to the wound.

  By the time they returned to the lounge Paul and his girl-friend, Lynn, had arrived with Kate’s friend Roger and another young man known to them all as Flip, who appeared to be Brenda’s date for the evening, although he certainly wasn’t the same young man Bryna had seen emerge from Brenda’s bedroom that day!

  Bryna was sure Raff felt as out of place with these six youngsters as she was starting to!

  The doorbell rang again shortly before eight, and Kate jumped up to answer it. ‘Just so that you two wouldn’t feel as if you’d been asked along to act as chaperons,’ she told them teasingly before going to the door.

  Bryna’s sense of foreboding had warned her who the late arrival was even before Court came into the room at Kate’s side. She looked pleadingly at Raff, knowing by the way he tensed that he was ready to demand that the other man leave—or he would.

  Then he turned slightly and met her pleading gaze, and some of the coldness left him as he followed her gaze to Kate’s excited face. His daughter wanted both him and the other man here, and for either of them to leave would upset Kate. Raff relaxed slightly although his eyes remained dangerously narrowed.

  ‘Look who’s here!’ Kate laughed her pleasure at this last arrival. ‘Poor Uncle Court’s date had a migraine and couldn’t come,’ she added sympathetically, her arm looped through his.

  ‘And you couldn’t come up with a replacement even though it was short notice?’ mocked Raff, the hardness of his eyes telling of his intention to wound. ‘You do disappoint me, Court,’ he drawled.

  Court met his gaze challengingly. ‘I thought that with all the beautiful ladies here you gentlemen wouldn’t mind sharing!’

  Bryna winced at the barb. Court was angry at Raff’s behaviour and he had a right to be, but the situation was rapidly spiralling out of control. Surprisingly it was Kate who smoothed the tense atmosphere.

  ‘You can sit next to me, Uncle Court,’ she told him lightly.

  He gave her a wolfish grin. ‘In that case you’d better stop calling me Uncle!’

  Roger put his arm possessively about Kate’s shoulders. ‘She only said you could sit next to her,’ he smiled.

  Kate blushed at his obvious claim to her, glancing awkwardly at her father.

  Bryna looked at Raff too, relieved to see that there was humour in his eyes now. Knowing how possessive he was of Kate she had feared his reaction to another man showing such proprietorial rights. But she should have known he didn’t disapprove of the pleasant Roger Delaney. Tall and dark, with warm blue eyes, the younger man was studying to become a history teacher, and Raff obviously like him.

  Bryna watched Raff now as he crossed the room to her side, stiffening a little as his arm curved possessively about her own waist to rest his hand against their child.

  ‘You should have found a replacement, Court,’ he drawled. ‘None of us is willing to share.’ He looked at the other man challengingly.

  ‘Flip doesn’t mind.’ Brenda gave Court a glowing smile as she pressed against him.

  Flip didn’t have to mind, it soon became obvious. He was a quiet young man, obviously dazzled by the vivacity of his date, and it soon became apparent to all but him that Brenda had only invited him so that she wouldn’t be the one without a partner for the evening. Now that Court had arrived alone she more or less ignored poor Flip, monopolising a bemused Court during the meal.

  Bryna did her best to include Flip in the conversation, feeling the need to keep talking herself when, for the most part, Raff remained broodingly silent.

  She knew he was angry about Court’s presence here, but that for Kate’s sake he was making an effort not to actually say anything in case he forgot this was supposed to be a happy occasion and insulted Court as he obviously longed to do. She only hoped that he didn’t think she had known of Court’s presence here tonight, because she hadn’t; she would never have willingly placed herself in this tension-filled situation. The doctor was pleased with her pregnancy so far, although her blood-pressure’s habit of fluctuating up and down did cause him some concern. And she was sure tonight couldn’t be doing much to ease that situation!

  The pity of it was that she and Raff had come so far from the first cold weeks of their marriage. There was true friendship between them now, a sharing, something they had never had before. She didn’t want to lose all that now just because they had been forced to endure an evening of Court’s company.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  She looked at Court questioningly as he joined her on the sofa during the brief time Raff left her to get her a glass of orange juice, looking around quickly to see if Raff were watching them now. Her panicked gazed clashed with his unreadable one as he stood across the room, and hers softened pleadingly.

  Court sighed. ‘I should never have come here tonight.’ He was shaking his head as Bryna turned back to him. ‘I wasn’t going t
o because I knew you and Raff would be here too, but Kate was so insistent.’

  Bryna gave him a sympathetic smile, knowing that if any damage were to be done to her newfound relationship with Raff it would already have happened; and she couldn’t do a thing about it. ‘How have you been?’

  ‘Fine,’ Court nodded. ‘And you are obviously blooming.’

  ‘Yes,’ she gave a self-conscious laugh.

  He looked at her searchingly. ‘How are you really, Bryna?’ he asked quietly. ‘I’ve been worried about you since that day in the restaurant, but you didn’t call me again …!’ He shrugged.

  ‘There was no need,’ she dismissed the apprehension she had known that night as she waited for Raff, still believing he would never have physically harmed her.

  ‘So you and Raff are okay now?’ Court probed.

  She gave a rueful shrug. ‘About as okay as we’ll ever be, I think,’ she nodded.

  He looked at her searchingly. ‘And are you happy?’

  Yes, she was happy. Not in an ecstatic way, but the new understanding she and Raff had come to in recent weeks had filled her with an inner tranquillity, an acceptance that he was giving her as much of himself as he was able, even if it wasn’t the love she still craved from him.

  She looked across the room at him anxiously now as she realised how long it was taking him to come back with her drink; he was deep in conversation with Roger Delaney, seemingly unaware of the two of them seated together on the sofa. And yet despite that Bryna knew he was very much aware of them.

  ‘Yes,’ she assured Court unhesitatingly.

  ‘Hm. In that case, are you going to mind if I talk about Raff’s suspicions concerning the two of us?’ Court looked worried.

  Some of the warmth left her eyes, but she shook her head. ‘If you have anything new to tell me I’d be glad to hear it.’

  Court frowned. ‘Well, the idea came to me when I saw him with Raff in the restaurant that day. I did notice him a couple of times while we were out together, and a few digs from him would——’

  ‘From who?’ she demanded impatiently.

  ‘Raff’s assistant. What’s his name—?—Hillier,’ he remembered. ‘A couple of times when we were out together I noticed him at the same restaurant. I thought it was a coincidence, but you did say Raff had accused us of being seen together, and I suppose Hillier could have been the one spying on us.’

  ‘Why on earth would he do that?’ Bryna asked disbelievingly.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Court shook his head. ‘But he’s the only one I can think of who actually saw us together.’

  Stuart Hillier? She had never liked the man, but even so …!

  Unless Raff had asked the other man to follow her? He had had her followed once, so why not then? He had denied having her followed then, of course, but surely it was too much of a coincidence to be one.

  ‘You think he told Raff about us?’ she said weakly, knowing by the compassion in Court’s eyes that he had also guessed what she couldn’t put into words, that Raff had asked his assitant to spy on them!

  ‘Don’t you?’ he said gently.

  ‘Yes.’ She turned away, blinking back the tears, the trust and genuine liking she and Raff had built up in recent weeks crumbling as she knew it had been built on a lie. God, she felt ill when she thought now of the times she had ached to ask Raff to make their marriage a real one!

  ‘I’m sorry, Bryna,’ Court clasped her hand in his, ‘I just thought it was something you should know.’

  She was glad she did; she had wanted Raff so badly on the drive over here that she had been going to make the first move towards a normal marriage when they got home. Oh, what a fool she had been these last few weeks! Raff didn’t want a friendship with her, he had just taken the doctor’s advice that a ‘happy and contented mother made for an uncomplicated pregnancy’ so seriously he had been willing to forget their differences until at least her pregnancy was over. And then what? Would they go back to the coldness, the indifference?

  ‘Here you are, Bryna.’ Raff appeared back at her side with her drink after deliberately leaving her alone with Court, she felt sure; he had been testing her. ‘Darling, you’re very pale,’ he added frowningly.

  Darling. And the concern. All false! ‘I think I’d like to go home now, if you don’t mind,’ she said bluntly.

  He looked at the other man with narrowed eyes. ‘Of course,’ he agreed automatically. ‘I’ll tell Kate we’re leaving.’

  ‘I may be wrong, Bryna,’ Court encouraged once they were alone. ‘As you said, why would Hillier want to do something like that?’

  They both knew why, because Raff had asked him to!

  Bryna didn’t remember saying her goodbyes and thanks to Kate, but she supposed she must have done, as she received no strange looks at their departure.

  The easy camaraderie that had existed between herself and Raff on the drive over to Kate’s flat was noticeably lacking on the journey back to their home; Bryna was lost in a sea of misery, and Raff’s thoughts were grim, if his expression was anything to go by.

  ‘Kate does seem to have more idea of what to serve at a dinner party now.’ Raff’s abrupt comment suddenly broke the silence.

  The avocado with prawns, followed by chicken in white wine sauce, and then a delicious array of sweets, had been very enjoyable. ‘It was very nice,’ Bryna replied curtly.

  ‘What did you think of Roger Delaney?’

  ‘He seems very nice,’ she shrugged.

  ‘Yes,’ he acknowledged tersely.

  Bryna waited tensely for the question concerning her conversation with Court.

  But it never came, Raff once again lapsing into silence.

  Bryna went straight up the stairs to her room as soon as they got home, leaving Raff to lock up. She sensed his searching gaze on her as she walked up the stairs, her back ramrod-straight as she refused to turn around and meet that puzzled gaze.

  She wasn’t in the least surprised at his entrance to her bedroom minutes later after the briefest of knocks; she had probably been expecting it as she sat in her bedroom chair, still wearing her coat.

  ‘Let me help you.’ Raff stood her up to remove the coat and unzip her dress, turning her back to face him to slide the dress down her body. Bryna offered him no resistance, and he looked at her searchingly as he removed her silky underwear. ‘What did Court say to upset you?’ he finally rasped the question she had been waiting for.

  She stood naked before him, and it didn’t seem to matter, that intense awareness of him that had been with her in recent weeks had completely gone in the face of his deceit. ‘Nothing,’ she claimed flatly.

  Raff’s mouth tightened. ‘He must have said something, you were all right until he spoke to you!’

  ‘Was I?’ she said dully.

  ‘Yes, damn it!’ He clasped her upper arms. ‘Bryna, look at me!’

  She raised lids that suddenly seemed too heavy. He looked the same as he always did, arrogantly handsome, totally in command. And for the first time since she had met him he left her cold.

  ‘Bryna!’ his voice deepened in desperation as he seemed to look into her eyes and see the complete vacuum of her emotions. ‘I want you, Bryna,’ he shook her slightly. ‘I want you!’

  ‘I’m not stopping you taking me,’ she told him uninterestedly.

  ‘God!’ he groaned, his frown pained. ‘Bryna?’ He shook her again, giving a low groan as he bent his head to claim her lips as if by compulsion.

  Emotionally he hadn’t been able to reach her, but as the kiss went on and on, and his hands roamed almost desperately over the nakedness of her body, she felt her defences begin to crack, to crumble, and finally to be completely forgotten.

  She was disgusted with her weakness even as she gloried in his lovemaking. It had been so long since she had known the ecstasy of his touch, and her body cried out for the fulfilment it knew only this man could give her.

  She thought she would collapse completely as she felt his h
and against the swelling of her body that was their child, feeling the baby stir in answer to its father’s touch. The baby knew, as she did, that they were possessions of this man, to do with as he would. And if he chose to make love to her she couldn’t stop him; she knew that she wanted him too.

  His body was hard and yet warmly inviting as he moved above her as they lay on the bed, his clothes long ago thrown to the floor, and Bryna groaned her pleasure as they became one, arching her hips to meet his, needing to drive the demons of doubt from her mind even as she needed Raff’s fierce thrusts inside her.

  The weeks without each other took their toll on their control, and their pleasure was over almost before it had begun, although it was more intense than anything Bryna had ever known before. She revelled in Raff’s release as he trembled above and within her.

  Finally he found the strength to lie beside her, ever careful of their child. ‘Now tell me what Court said to upset you,’ he prompted huskily.

  She had known, despite their lovemaking, that the question had only been postponed, not forgotten, and now that some measure of sanity had been returned to her she looked at him steadily. ‘Was Stuart Hillier the one who told you I had been meeting Court?’

  Raff frowned. ‘What difference does it make who told me?’

  ‘It matters to me,’ she bit out. ‘Was it him?’ She sat up.

  ‘I——’

  ‘Oh, my God!’ Dizziness swept over her as she looked at the bed between them, a dark red staining the cream sheet. ‘I’m bleeding, Raff,’ she looked at him with panicked eyes. ‘I’m losing our baby!’

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘THE doctor says about a week’s rest here,’ Raff told her grimly. ‘And then you can probably come home. Also to rest,’ he added determinedly.

  Bryna voiced no complaint as she lay in the hospital bed. She knew she would stay here for the whole of the next twenty-one weeks as long as it meant her baby could be born healthy and safe at the end of it.

  Raff had lost no time when he saw the truth of her distressed cry, dressing hurriedly before wrapping her in a blanket to carry her down to the car and drive her to the hospital.