After the Loving

by Carole Mortimer

  They had been here almost two hours now, while the doctors stopped the flow of blood and established whether or not she had gone into premature labour. She hadn’t, and the bleeding had also stopped, for now.

  Raff had been beside her the whole time, and if the emergency staff at this prestigious hospital had found anything strange about his carrying his naked, obviously pregnant, wife in to them they hadn’t shown it, but had worked quietly and calmly to make sure that she didn’t lose her child.

  And all the time that they had Bryna had known that before she made her horrific discovery she had seen the truth in Raff’s eyes; Stuart Hillier had been the one to tell him she was meeting Court behind his back.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  She looked up at Raff in surprise, startled by the anguish in his voice. He looked pained, under severe strain; the last few hours had taken their toll on him too. ‘It’s over now,’ she dismissed distantly.

  ‘God, I hope so!’ He clasped her hand in his, looking strangely unreal dressed as he was in the evening clothes he had grabbed up off the floor to pull on before bringing her here. ‘I should never have made love to you.’

  For different reasons Bryna agreed with him. Making love with him had shown her that no matter how much he hurt her she loved him too much to ever say no to him. She had never believed herself to have masochistic tendencies, but surely loving Raff in the mindless way that she did had to be that!

  ‘It wasn’t that—the doctor said so.’ She blushed as she recalled the embarrassingly intimate questions the young doctor had asked her; it seemed that when you had a baby privacy became a thing of the past! ‘It’s my blood-pressure,’ she reminded Raff.

  Raff shook his head. ‘It was seeing Court again that did it——’

  ‘It was knowing you would take the lies of a man you barely know over the truth of your wife!’ she cut in on his angry tirade with one of her own, her eyes deeply purple.

  Raff’s jaw clenched. ‘I don’t think we should argue about this now——’

  ‘I don’t think we should argue about it all,’ she bit out caustically. ‘You’ve already made your decision about who’s telling the truth, and I know you’re wrong. Stalemate. Now I believe the doctor said I should rest …’ she added pointedly.

  Raff’s cheeks became flushed at her dismissal. ‘If only you would let me explain——’

  ‘I don’t have to do anything but rest now, remember?’ She looked at him coldly.

  He sighed his defeat. ‘Bryna, I—I care for you. If anything had happened to you——’

  ‘You mean the baby,’ she corrected harshly. ‘But don’t worry, Raff, I probably want this baby more than you do.’ Because it was probably the only child she would ever have. Conceiving had been difficult enough, but now that she was pregnant her body still seemed to be rebelling.

  His eyes darkened. ‘I doubt if that’s possible,’ his voice was husky. ‘Get some sleep now.’ He bent to kiss her brow, drawing back quickly as she flinched. ‘I want the baby to be all right,’ he rasped. ‘But God, how I wish you’d never become pregnant!’

  Bryna’s chin went back defensively. ‘Believe me, if I’d thought there’d been a possibility that I could conceive I wouldn’t have chosen you as the father!’ As soon as she had made the heated statement she regretted it, sure that Raff would twist her words in some way so that he could think even more badly of her. She had never meant to tell him that she had believed herself barren, but her temper had got the better of her.

  Raff became suddenly still. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter——’

  ‘What do you mean!’

  She swallowed hard, meeting his gaze unflinchingly. ‘I had an operation in my teens that made the doctors tell my parents at the time that I would never have a child,’ she dismissed carelessly. ‘I didn’t use any form of birth control during our affair, Raff, because I didn’t think I could become pregnant!’

  He drew back to drop down into the chair drawn up beside her bed. ‘I thought perhaps you didn’t like children, that like actually living together, they were too much of a commitment. I never guessed …’ He looked at her sharply. ‘And instead it was Court who was sterile.’

  ‘Yes, what a pair we would have made,’ she acknowledged bitterly.

  ‘Is that why——?’

  ‘What?’ she probed warily as he broke off abruptly, his jaw tight, his mouth thinned. ‘Why what, Raff?’ she pressured.

  He drew in a ragged breath. ‘Why you chose me that day and not Court.’

  She could feel herself pale. ‘I didn’t choose you, you chose me,’ she choked out hardly. ‘And I was hardly likely to have asked Court if he was capable of fathering a child before deciding whether or not to go out with him, just in case the doctors were wrong after all and I could conceive!’

  ‘No, of course not,’ Raff accepted self-disgustedly. ‘I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I——’

  ‘I do,’ she scorned. ‘You’re determined to think the worst of me, to believe I had some ulterior motive for going out with you at all, for marrying you. Well, maybe this will help,’ she snapped. ‘I never would have married you if I hadn’t been frightened you would take my baby from me!’ She was breathing hard in her agitation, glaring up at him.

  A nerve pulsed in his cheek. ‘I——’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mr Gallagher,’ a pretty nurse murmured smoothly as she entered the private room. ‘But Mrs Gallagher should be resting now. You too,’ she encouraged gently. ‘It’s two o’clock in the morning! And from my experience, fathers-to-be need as much rest as the mother!’ She frowned when her teasing didn’t even arouse a rueful smile. ‘The danger is over now, Mr and Mrs Gallagher,’ she comforted softly.

  The danger was over, but so was her marriage; Bryna knew now it should never have begun, that instead of taking what she had believed was the only way, she should have fought Raff in court. She wanted to tell him so now, but as the nurse continued to hover pointedly in her room she knew it would have to wait until another time, when they were alone.

  But they never were alone. She didn’t think it was through Raff’s design, but each time he visited her he had either Kate or Paul with him, the two of them very concerned about her and the welfare of their brother or sister. The scare had succeeded in bringing them closer to their sibling, at least.

  She had plenty of other visitors too. Her worried parents came down from Scotland, several of the models and friends she worked with popped in for a few minutes, Gilly, and once Court arrived just before the regular visiting time, obviously so that he should avoid running into Raff.

  ‘For you, because they remind me of your eyes.’ He put a posy of violets on the bed.

  Bryna stroked the delicate petals, blinking up at him tearfully. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Hey, I came here to cheer you up, not make you cry!’ He pulled up a chair and sat down, grinning amiably. ‘What’s the food like?’

  ‘The food?’ she laughed. She couldn’t help it!

  ‘I’ve always been told it’s one of the first questions you should ask a person in hospital,’ Court explained. ‘I’ve heard that the food is atrocious in these places. I could have something exotic sent in——’

  ‘The food is fine,’ chuckled Bryna. ‘How did you know where I was?’ she asked curiously.

  ‘Kate,’ he supplied ruefully. ‘She told me about the scare you all had. How are you feeling now?’

  There had been no more bleeding, her blood-pressure had steadied, and the doctor seemed very pleased with her. ‘I was a little scared when it happened,’ she admitted ‘But everything seems fine now.’

  He suddenly looked older, his expression strained. ‘I couldn’t bear it if anything I’d said or done had caused you to lose the baby.’

  ‘You haven’t, and I didn’t,’ she reassured him, knowing exactly why he would be so upset if he should be the cause of harm coming to her child. Poor Court! ‘Court, when—when the b
aby is born I would like you to be its godfather.’

  His brows rose. ‘And what would Raff have to say about that?’

  ‘Nothing,’ her mouth firmed, ‘because it will be none of his business.’

  His brows rose at the vehemence in her voice. ‘You’ve left him?’ he sounded puzzled.

  ‘I——Not yet,’ she moistened dry lips. ‘I haven’t had the opportunity to tell him yet, but I—I will. And I want you to be the baby’s godfather.’

  Court looked at her searchingly, his eyes dark with pain. ‘He told you, didn’t he,’ he said flatly.

  She had blundered and hurt him, and that was something she had never meant to do. ‘Court——’

  ‘It’s all right.’ He stood up, his face strangely expressionless now. ‘Knowing what Raff believes about us, and the existence of your pregnancy, I can imagine under what circumstances he told you.’ He drew a ragged breath. ‘I have to go now——’

  ‘Oh, Court, no!’ she pleaded with him, reaching out to him imploringly. ‘I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you——’

  ‘You haven’t,’ he told her abruptly. ‘I came to terms with my sterility years ago,’ he added bitterly.

  ‘Most women would be happy to adopt a baby just to have you as their husband——’

  ‘Most women!’ he scorned. ‘I think you’re overestimating the majority of your sex, Bryna.’

  She swallowed hard. ‘And so you’ve decided not to marry at all,’ she guessed, having made much the same decision herself once she accepted how her own infertility made her feel.

  ‘I didn’t make the decision,’ Court rasped. ‘It was made for me.’

  ‘But, Court, there are lots of women nowadays who don’t even want children——’

  ‘Selfish, egotistical women who don’t want to ruin their figure or their careers,’ he cut in disgustedly. ‘I don’t want a wife like that.’

  She shook her head. ‘They aren’t all like that, some of them——’

  ‘Am I interrupting anything?’ Alyson stood hesitantly in the doorway, her eyes lighting up with pleasure as she looked at the man she had found so fascinating at Bryna’s wedding, glowingly beautiful as she came into the room, her black-haired, green-eyed beauty making her very photogenic. ‘You didn’t call me after the wedding,’ she flirted with Court.

  Some of the tension left his body as he smiled ruefully at Bryna before grinning wickedly at Alyson. ‘Tonight?’

  ‘Lovely,’ Alyson gave him an enticing smile.

  He nodded, his expression sobering as he turned to Bryna. ‘Take care of yourself and the baby.’

  ‘You aren’t leaving?’ she realised in dismay; they still had so much to say to each other.

  His mouth twisted derisively. ‘I think I’d better go before Raff gets here.’

  ‘Oh, but——’

  ‘Goodbye, Bryna.’ He bent to kiss her cheek. ‘Be happy.’

  It sounded like a final parting! ‘Court, you——’

  He turned briefly at the door. ‘I really do have to go,’ he told her gruffly. ‘Don’t worry about me, Bryna,’ he drawled as she still looked upset. ‘I get by.’ He looked pointedly at Alyson before leaving.

  Bryna sat back wearily. The last thing she had wanted to do was hurt Court. Between the two of them she and Raff had hurt Court very much.

  ‘Did I interrupt something?’ Alyson looked concerned as she sat next to the bed, placing the magazines she had brought with her on the bedside table.

  Bryna shook off her mood of despondency with an effort, smiling at her friend. ‘No, of course not,’ she dismissed lightly.

  ‘Only Court seemed a little upset,’ Alyson still frowned. ‘Not at all like the charming rake I was so attracted to at your wedding.’

  Bryna gave a disbelieving laugh. ‘You think he’s a rake, but you still asked him to call you!’

  ‘Of course,’ her friend grimaced. ‘He’ll be a welcome relief after that self-opinionated creep I did get a call from,’ she grimaced.

  She and Alyson had begun their modelling careers together eight years ago, and unluckily for Alyson, there seemed to have been a lot of ‘creeps’ during that time.

  Bryna shook her head. ‘You always did choose the wrong men.’

  ‘You could have warned me,’ Alyson complained. ‘Then I wouldn’t have had to endure that disaster of a date with him.’

  ‘How could I have prevented that?’ mocked Bryna.

  ‘Well, I know he only works for your husband, but you must have realised by now what a creep he is!’ Alyson said with feeling.

  Bryna had stiffened just at the mention of Raff, but as Alyson’s words became clear she felt herself pale. ‘Stuart Hillier called you?’ she gasped.

  ‘Yes.’ Alyson wrinkled her lovely nose tellingly.

  He wouldn’t, Raff wouldn’t …! ‘He didn’t give any indication at the wedding that he was attracted to you.’ Bryna said dully.

  ‘That’s what I thought,’ her friend grimaced. ‘His call came completely out of the blue. In fact, I had trouble placing him at first. Then I realised he was the one who was attracted to you——’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think so,’ Bryna protested instantly.

  ‘Well, he certainly couldn’t take his eyes off you.’ Alyson shrugged. ‘But after all, it was me he called. And he’s quite attractive … If only he weren’t such a bore.’ She wrinkled her nose again.

  ‘He talked about himself a lot?’ prompted Bryna, not wanting to hear how Stuart Hillier had watched her constantly at the wedding.

  ‘He talked about Raff a lot,’ Alyson grimaced. ‘I find your husband as attractive as the rest of the female population,’ she sighed. ‘But he is your husband, and while I’m on a date with another man I’d prefer to talk about something a little more—personal.’

  Bryna wasn’t sure if she was breathing any more. ‘And me, did Stuart talk about me too?’

  Her friend frowned. ‘A couple of times,’ she replied thoughtfully. ‘Nothing detrimental,’ she hastened to add. ‘I wouldn’t have allowed that. He mainly asked questions I thought he had no right to. I told him to ask Raff if he was that interested in you, and that seemed to shut him up!’

  Because he didn’t need to ask Raff anything when he was the one that had prompted Stuart to ask Alyson the questions in the first place!

  Raff had gone too far this time. Challenging her with his nonsensical accusations was one thing, alienating his best friend was another thing he was going to have to live with, but persuading her friends to talk about her was something else entirely.

  It couldn’t go on.

  She forced herself to give Alyson a bright smile. ‘Believe me, Court is much nicer than Stuart Hillier.’

  Alyson gave a smile of anticipation. ‘I certainly hope so!’

  The two of them were still chatting together when Raff arrived a few minutes later. And for once he was alone. Bryna didn’t try to stop Alyson leaving when she excused herself a few minutes later, although she did thank her for the magazines and for finding the time to come and see her, knowing how busy her friend was running the agency in her absence.

  Raff placed the books and box of chocolates he had brought next to the magazines. ‘It was nice of her to come,’ he said lightly.

  Bryna looked at him coldly. He was thinner, his cheeks hollow, his eyes lacking their usual brightness; she only wished it were his guilty conscience making him look that way. But she knew it wasn’t. Raff didn’t have a conscience to feel guilty with.

  ‘Yes,’ she bit out.

  ‘Kate and Paul will be along later; they went to buy you a present.’ He stood awkwardly beside the bed, making no effort to sit down as her other visitors had done.

  ‘There’s really no need for them to buy me something every time they come to see me,’ she shook her head.

  ‘This one is a welcome home present.’ Raff’s eyes blazed his satisfaction. ‘I’ve just seen the doctor, he said you can come home tomorrow!’<
br />
  She knew all about her proposed discharge from the hospital; she had discussed it with the doctor herself when he had visited her this morning. ‘Yes,’ she confirmed unenthusiastically.

  Raff frowned at her tone. ‘You don’t sound very pleased about it.’

  ‘Being discharged means that the danger to the baby is over, and I’m very pleased about that,’ she insisted evenly.

  ‘Then what’s wrong?’ He looked at her searchingly.

  Bryna drew in a deep breath, knowing this wasn’t going to be pleasant, but determined to go through with it. ‘I’m not coming home,’ she told him flatly.

  Raff looked taken aback. ‘But the doctor said that you’re well enough to leave, that there’s been no more bleeding, that——’

  ‘I know exactly what the doctor said,’ she cut in firmly. ‘When I said I wasn’t coming home, I meant to your home.’ She met his gaze challengingly as his head went back in protest.

  ‘It’s our home, damn you,’ he finally bit out gratingly. ‘And where else would you go?’

  She shrugged. ‘Back to Scotland, to my parents——’

  ‘You aren’t well enough to travel,’ he rasped.

  She knew that, but she had hoped Raff wouldn’t. She should have known better! But she hadn’t really had time to think all her plans through yet. All she did know was that she had to get away from Raff.

  ‘Then perhaps my mother could continue to stay on here and we could get a flat——’

  ‘You know your father is having difficulty coping at home without your mother, that it’s a busy time of year for them,’ Raff dismissed. ‘Besides, you don’t have a flat any more.’

  Her cheeks flushed in her agitation. ‘I could rent one——’

  ‘You aren’t strong enough to shop for furnishings,’ he bit out grimly.

  ‘Then I’ll rent a furnished one,’ she told him desperately. ‘But I am not living with you!’ she glared at him, breathing hard.

  ‘Calm down,’ he instructed authoritatively. ‘Do you want your blood-pressure to shoot up again?’