You've Got To Be Kitten: A Paranormal Women's Fiction Cozy Mystery

by Corrine Winters

  “Oh great, here comes the hangover. Come on, I haven’t even been to sleep yet.” Ruby sighed and walked back to the lighthouse. If she hadn’t been drunk, she might not have conjured up so huge a wave and washed her only lead away.

  “Blair makes this look so easy,” she muttered to Mother Moon and the crashing surf.

  Nine

  Ruby faced a tongue lashing from both her familiars when she returned home.

  “This is why you always bring your familiar,” Rumpus said, tail twitching back and forth angrily.

  “Rumpus, you know a lot of the places I had to go weren’t pet friendly.”

  “What’s the difference between a reason and an excuse?” Rumpus harrumphed.

  In the end, the cats were calmed considerably by a quick application of gourmet soft food in their respective bowls. Feed them and they shut up and left you alone for a while. Cats were like men except they cleaned up after themselves better.

  Ruby awoke in early afternoon the next day, her head throbbing with pain and questions. Finding out who the gunman had been seemed paramount to any other considerations. Perhaps the young man had even been Roger’s killer?

  She made coffee, poured cat food into bowls, and ate a breakfast of vanilla yogurt and honey dew melon slices before going into her Yoga routine. Ruby groaned in pain as her muscles protested the contortion.

  “I’m really paying for skipping it the last few days,” Ruby moaned.

  “Poor Ruby. Would it help if I rubbed my face on your shoes?” Rufus rolled over on his back, paws in the air, and rubbed his cheek against the laces.

  “Um, couldn’t hurt, Rufus.”

  “There you go babying him again.” Rumpus glared at her, ears going back.

  “I’m not babying him.”

  “He does something cute but worthless, and gets praised for it. We need to reinforce his familiar-like behavior, not this revolting fawning.”

  “I can remember when you were sweet like this, Rumpus,” Ruby cocked an eyebrow. “I’m betting you do, too.”

  Rumpus turned about and stalked away, tail twitching in the air. “Well, fine. Don’t blame me when some demon attacks and he freezes up.”

  “Sorry I’m such a chicken, Ruby.”

  Ruby picked up Rufus and cuddled him to her chest. “Oh, don’t be. You have plenty of good attributes. Courage isn’t everything.”

  “I just wish I were a little braver. I mean, you got a gun pulled on you last night and you’re more concerned about your hangover. You must not be afraid of anything.”

  “Oh, Rufus. Being brave isn’t about not feeling fear. It’s about feeling the fear and doing what you have to anyway.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. The bravest people in the world are those who are terrified on the inside. Never forget that, Rufus.” She scratched behind his ears, and Rufus let out a deep rumbling purr.

  After breakfast and a quick soak in the tub, Ruby bundled her familiars into the carriage and rumbled back out onto Archer’s Boardwalk.

  The gulls squawked out on the sound, their cries mingling with the horn of a fishing vessel. Ruby smelled the salty breeze coming off the sound and sighed.

  I never realized how homesick I really was in New York. It’s the same ocean, but it just doesn’t smell the same as it does here.

  Ruby decided she could easily grow reaccustomed to that scent. It brought back simpler times, when the world moved at a slower pace. She looked up at the sun, diffused through a thin, gauzy layer of clouds as it inched past its zenith. Ruby basked in its presence. Even the sky looked different in Fiddler Cove.

  She turned away from the boardwalk and strolled into Fiddler Cove’s downtown business district. The upscale boutiques and cafes resided there, catering to a different kind of tourism than the ample fishing and boating opportunities.

  Ruby had canvassed the Boardwalk the day before and decided to give downtown a try. Someone somewhere knew who killed Roger Abernathy. All she had to do was find that person and…and what?

  Ruby slowed her pace, stopping to glance at her own reflection in a storefront window. She wasn’t a detective. Not really. She’d never had any interest, but now that she’d been embroiled in a mystery…

  She realized then that clearing her name was only part of her motivation to find the real killer. It may not even have been the main motivation.

  “Shut up. Is that Ruby Rivers?”

  Ruby’s eyes snapped fully open. Oh please let that be an evil warlock. Or a demon. Anyone but who I think it is…

  “It IS Ruby Rivers!” Called another female voice.

  Oh no…and she brought reinforcements. Why did I have to come back home?

  Ruby turned about, plastering on a strained smile. Two women her own age stood on the sidewalk, one blonde and one brunette like a suburban Bettie and Veronica gone horribly wrong. Their upscale dress struck just the right note between athleisure casual and an opulent display. The brunette pushed a carriage ahead of her, and Ruby heard cooing sounds come from inside.

  Poor kid, you could have used a better mother…

  “Hello Karen,” Ruby said to the blonde, then turned to the brunette. “Missy.”

  “Actually,” the brunette said stiffly, one hand coming off the carriage handle and resting on her hip. “I’m going by Melissa these days.”

  “Um, sorry,” Ruby said. “I didn’t know.”

  “Be nice to her, Melissa,” Karen said, beaming a plastic-enhanced smile Ruby’s way. Karen had piercing blue eyes and nary a wrinkle on her deeply-tanned face. She seemed to have walked right off a webpage ad for business casual up and comers. “She just had a loss in her family.”

  “Oh, right, sorry,” Melissa said. “My condolences on your Uncle’s death.”

  “Thank you.” Ruby gritted her teeth on the smile. It was worse when they were nice to her.

  “So, Ruby, how long are you going to be in Fiddler Cove?”

  Ruby shook her head. “I’m not certain.”

  “I see you have two children,” Melissa said with a heavy note of contempt in her voice. “And where is their father?”

  Ruby knew Melissa had dropped another subtle insult. By asking about the children’s father instead of Ruby’s husband, she impugned on Ruby’s character without seeming overt.

  “These are my cats, actually,” Ruby said, feeling part of herself die a little bit. Come on, Ruby. High school was a long time ago. Who cares what these chumps think?

  “Your cats?”

  “Aww, so cute,” Karen said, peering into the carriage. Rumpus let out a menacing growl and hissed.

  “Back away, you tanning-booth disaster. This kitty’s got claws.”

  “Um, he gets kind of grumpy,” Ruby said. “Sorry.”

  “Well, it was good seeing you again, Ruby,” Karen said, smiling wide. Ruby hated that smile. It came across as condescending, but in such a polite way you couldn’t really call her on it. “Maybe we can get some coffee sometime and get caught up?”

  “Sure, maybe,” Ruby said, smiling through her pain. She felt a surge of relief as her antagonists retreated, though Melissa gave one last, pointed look back. The look said it all. Melissa had married and had a child. Ruby was pushing her cats around in a stroller.

  The dichotomy wasn’t lost on Ruby. Nor was the sting of regret that came from hearing the baby coos coming from inside Melissa’s stroller.

  Ruby stopped for a coffee and sat down on a stone bench overlooking main street. The ten-foot-high bronze statue of Jedediah Fiddler, the town’s founder, stood with its back to her. Ruby had always wondered why they put the statue right where they did, smack dab in the middle of the street. The townsfolk had learned to deal with the roundabout—a motorist yielded to their left and everything was fine—but tourists and out of towners had frequent accidents.

  Fortunately, the roundabout enforced its own speed limit via the laws of physics, and such accidents were rarely serious or resulted in an injury.

 
Her view became abruptly blocked by a brown and white police cruiser. Chief Miller exited the driver’s side door and came around to the bench, striding with purpose.

  “John.” Ruby stood up, brushing her hair back and favoring him with a smile. “Any news about the—”

  “Did you use magic on the beach last night?” His handsome face had stiffened into a mask of anger, mixed with more than a little fear.

  “I did, but how did you find out?”

  “As a shifter, I can sense magic if it’s a big enough spell. Not only that, I found a squid washed up three blocks from the beach. I put two and two together.”

  Ruby glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did you even think to ask me why I cast a spell? Someone pulled a gun on me. It was self-defense.”

  John’s expression softened somewhat. “Someone pulled a gun on you?”

  “Yes, not that you care.”

  “Could you give me a description?”

  “It was dark, and he wore sunglasses and a face mask, but I know he was white, twentyish, and either works in the music industry or really wants to. I also think he comes from an affluent background.”

  “Wow,” John said, cocking an eyebrow. “That’s a lot to pick up on. I didn’t realize I was dealing with Sherlock Holmes.”

  “So, you see, my spell was justified.”

  “Ruby…” John looked away and sighed. “The Cabal lets me handle policing both the magical and mundane communities here because we keep things so quiet. Big, flashy spells will get their attention. Then, I’ll have to deal with red tape from both ends of the spectrum. Try to keep that in mind.”

  “Oh, please,” Ruby sneered. “I’ve been dealing with the Cabal for twenty years. They talk a big game, but don’t actually get around to backing it up. They just sit around on their near-omnipotent butts and let others do the dirty work for them. Believe me, they’ve got their hands full at the moment with what’s been going down in the Big Apple.”

  John shook his head. “I still don’t like it.”

  Ruby put her hands on her hips. “You know, John, you haven’t asked me if I’m okay. I got attacked last night, by someone who doesn’t like me asking questions about Roger Abernathy. But all you care about is how I’m making your life harder. Don’t worry, I’ll be leaving Fiddler Cove as soon as possible.

  Ruby pushed her carrier away as Rumpus peeked his head out sheepishly.

  “Are you done yelling yet?”

  Ten

  Ruby found herself too frustrated to continue her exploration of main street. Already, the mix of nostalgia and regret was growing too much to bear. John’s attitude and the sudden appearance of her frenemies, Karen and Melissa had ruined the day for her entirely.

  She stopped under the canopy of a clothier as a sudden rain shower hit main street. Her Talent would have kept her dry, but it would have been noticeable to the mundanes, as well. Ruby didn’t want to upset John further, but part of her wanted to walk right out into the shower, dry as a bone, and not care who saw.

  The rain let up and the sun returned with sudden ferocity. It was as if the sun were trying to make up for lost time. It blazed down on the city, converting the water directly to steamy humidity.

  Ruby could walk through that without sweating, due to her ability. She judged it subtle enough to escape mundane notice and headed back for home. The lighthouse jutted up from the landscape. For a moment, Ruby thought her Aunt and Uncle would be there when she arrived.

  “Oh, nuts,” Ruby said with a sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” Rufus awakened from a nap and looked up at her with worry in his yellow eyes.

  “I was just…my mind drifted and I, well, forgot my aunt and uncle were dead. For a second.”

  “That’s terrible. I’m sorry you miss them so much.”

  Ruby reached down and stroked Rufus’ sleek, black fur. “I’m not. I’m glad I miss them.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because…” a sadness-tinged smile stretched her lips. “I miss them because they were good to me and made the world a better place. Missing them means I had a lot of love for them.”

  “Will you miss me when I leave? And find another witch, I mean.”

  Ruby scooped him out of the carrier and hugged him tight. “Oh, sweetie, of course I will! But I just know you’re going to find the right witch. Then, you’ll be the best familiar who ever lived.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so.”

  Rufus nuzzled her face. “I’m sorry I’m not a human baby.”

  “Oh, Rufus.” Ruby hugged him tight, sobbing in the shadow of the lighthouse. A profound sense of despair, of irrevocable loss, swept over her. What if she’d waited too long, and had missed her chance to have children? The pain hit on a metaphysical level, bringing with it a panic of ineffable annihilation. She would leave nothing of herself behind, nothing…

  Rumpus stirred from his own nap, and curled himself around her legs, purring.

  “It’s alright, Ruby,” Rumpus said. “You’ll always have me. Oh, and Rufus, I guess.”

  “It’s alright,” Ruby lied, smiling through her tears. “It’s just something I have to deal with.”

  She waved off their continuing concerns and went inside the lighthouse. Ruby sighed when she found her kitchen chairs stacked in a precise pattern in the center of the third floor.

  “Really? Ruby sighed. “I have to get rid of this apparition.”

  “Did Blair ever get back to you?”

  “I don’t know.” Ruby blew her nose with a sound akin to a flight of geese, then washed her face with a cloth sodden with cool water. She left the cloth across her eyes for a few moments to draw out the swelling. All that crying probably has me looking awful and even older than I am…

  After a cup of Orange Pekoe tea, she felt better enough to check her messages. Blair had returned her text and asked if they could speak over the phone.

  “Great. Now I have to call her, on top of everything else. This is so humiliating.” Ruby touched her finger to the screen and auto dialed Blair. A few moments later, she heard the younger witch’s voice.

  “Hello? Ruby?”

  “It’s me, madwand girl. Did you get the gist of what’s going on from my message?”

  “You have a stubborn apparition of demonstrable malevolence. His cunning and ability to manipulate the physical world belies his low overall power level…and your first exorcism seems to have failed. Is that about right?”

  “Um, yeah, pretty much.”

  “Does this apparition have a name?”

  “It calls itself Cotton Mather, but I don’t think we’re dealing with the actual historical figure.”

  Blair grunted thoughtfully. “Why is that?”

  “I don’t know. Just an unsubstantiated hunch. I do know one thing; He really, really, really hates witches. Oh, and he knows that he’s dead.”

  Blair sighed. “That could be a problem. It’s always harder to exorcise the ones who know they’re an apparition. They have no interest in moving on.”

  “Why can’t we just open the door, so to speak, and kick him through it? I mean, there’s a slight chance we could be sucked into the Nether Realm along with him—”

  “There’s a what?” Blair gasped. “Why don’t I know about this? How much of a chance?”

  Ruby chuckled, glad to have the upper hand on the younger, more powerful witch for a change. “Well, madwand, you don’t know a lot about magic because you never had formal training and education proper to a witch of your station. The Nether Realm knows it's missing a lot of souls and spirits which rightfully belong to it. So it’s developed a sort of, um, vacuum effect when you open a portal.”

  “Why?”

  “To provide that much greater of a chance that the spirits will get sucked in, I guess. Or maybe the Nether Realm doesn’t care if the spirits it engulfs into its maw are old spirits or fresh in the jar, so to speak. I’m not a Necromancer.”

  “Me
neither, obviously.” Blair let out a long, thoughtful grunt. “Okay, we probably can’t get your apparition to leave willingly.

  “That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

  “Sorry, just thinking out loud. With our combined power, we might be able to force the exorcism through, but I’d have to be physically present in the lighthouse.”

  “I know. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

  “I just…” Blair sighed. “There’s a lot going on right now. Stuff with my sister, and my blood family, and…I don’t even have a car to drive up there. And I can’t afford a ticket—”

  “I can spot you the plane ticket and cover your hotel room as well. I’ll throw in a little extra to cover your loss of income.”

  “Well, I can probably do some of my work from anywhere there’s a wifi connection, but I appreciate the offer.” Blair sighed. “I guess Felix and I are heading to Fiddler’s Cove.”

  “Thanks, Blair. I owe you one.”

  “I hardly think so. You saved my life against Lightfoot. If you hadn’t given me the power to fight him off, I’d surely have died.”

  “Well, I guess I did sort of, totally save your life, didn’t I?” Ruby chuckled. “Sorry, it’s not every day that the Intercessor of the Cabal owes me a favor. I’m basking in the glory.”

  “Well, I’d help you even if you didn’t owe me. That’s how I was raised. My father said that if you can do something to help, then you should. Because, next time, you might be the one who needs it.”

  “Your father sounds very wise,” Ruby said.

  “Well, adopted father, but I like to think of him as my real father in all the ways it really counted. You know?”

  Ruby smiled, an image of Uncle Ruckus appearing in her mind.

  “Yeah, I think I do know. It takes a lot more to be a parent than just donating genetics.”

  “Yeah. For real.” Blair was obviously looking for a way to politely end the call, judging by her tone of voice.

  “Listen, Blair, I appreciate the help, but I’ve got, um, other concerns going on and—”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Just text me when you can get a few days off in a row, and I’ll get you out here.”