The Twelve Tools

by Natti Ronel

  Although this story sounds extreme to us, there are parts of it which are rather more widespread than we tend to think. For example, a young man who, on leaving his house, sometimes goes back to check that he hasn’t forgotten to turn the oven off. Besides the compulsive fear and the troublesome need to check things, he’s leading a wonderful life with a career that’s progressing well for someone of his age; he has a rich social life, and a stable relationship with his partner. Another small thing about him which emerged was checking the lock on the door to make sure it was closed securely -- once, once more, and up to no less than five times. Such a ritual on leaving the house is also very common and is revealed in the order of the day in the form of innocent questions such as “what do you do immediately after entering the house?” or “what do you do immediately after you go out?” And so on.

  Let’s go back to the tool -- why should we choose in advance? Choosing in advance, when it is practiced, enables us to take the change from the level of decision to the level of performance, and our way is about change through action. The “Choosing in Advance” tool touches on the essence of the way, which is to decide what we’re going to do with ourselves and implement the decision in our daily activities. Implementation of the action is in our hands alone, and the tool helps us to reinforce our ability to change the things that we can change.

  While we are sitting here comfortably, able to think about what’s important to us and how we want our lives to look, it’s easy for us to make beautiful plans. This is a good time to choose. When we’re sinking into life, it’s easy for life to dissolve our plans. When life is pressuring us with powerful influences, some of them unconscious, then apparently, that isn’t the best time to make choices. In such moments, it’s almost possible to predict what our choice will be, since it will be different from what we planned before the pressure set in, and it might not represent the way that we want to live our lives. A choice made in a time of stress or distraction will be very different from choices made in a rational mood, at a time that’s good for serious reflection. Therefore, it’s desirable to meet life when we are ready with advance choices for the possibility of action in a predictable situation. In a moment of quiet and ease, we’ll choose how we want to act in a given situation that will be without ease or calm, while devising for ourselves an action plan. Choosing an action plan in advance is like setting up a fence for the road that we intend to travel on. The fence defines the route for us, as well as what should be left outside it, and allows us to proceed with more confidence so long as we are protected by the limits that it sets up.

  What about the blow to spontaneity? There are times when we don’t want to choose in advance, preferring to keep a sense of spontaneity and openness. It’s worth thinking about this again. It’s easy to be confused between spontaneity, which is connected to the way we do things, including the planned ones, and letting life run on by itself. A kind of confusion between “how” and “what,” which we’ve already mentioned. Remember, we are focusing here on the “how;” the “what” will be formed accordingly. When we look at life, as we’ve done before, we see that usually the perception of our lives “running on by themselves,” without confusing influences, or the idea that we make choices freely and spontaneously moment by moment, is a form of delusion and nothing more. It turns out that if we don’t set out on the way of change, we have little freedom of choice, besides choosing what is controlling us at a certain moment. “Choosing in Advance” enables us to be prepared for the predictable influences and less controlled by the unpredictable ones, and spontaneity is preserved unharmed. On the contrary, the tool enables us to live, to work, and to be flexible and spontaneous, without losing control of ourselves. Getting carried away is only apparently spontaneous; in fact, it’s something outside us or inside us that’s controlling us. Correct planning, which is both flexible and tender, enables us to curb what is controlling us, and spontaneity is improved.

  How do we choose in advance? Time after time, we have suggested that at the end of the day we should get used to thinking about the day that has passed, what did we do and how did we do it? Such thoughts help us to internalize change. They turn back, to the day that has passed, while facing forward to the changes that may come in the day ahead, and usually we ask ourselves how we will do things differently the day after. The “Choosing in Advance” tool extends the daily check in a slightly different direction, towards the future. At the end of the day, or maybe at the start of it, let’s sit down by ourselves and make plans for the day ahead. In the course of planning, let’s look at what we can expect in the day ahead, what kind of decisions we are going to be faced with, how we want to behave in expected and unexpected situations, in a way that reflects what we want from ourselves and from life, and what we can change in our responses. In this way, we create and choose a plan of action for the day, which should ideally be written down. It’s better breaking down the plan into actions or tasks that we can do and should do. It’s very desirable that they will be realistic and feasible, without grandiosity. Sometimes we get excited about a change that’s going to happen and we take too many things on ourselves and don’t keep it going for more than a day or two. So, when we construct an action plan in advance, it needs to be realistic and it needs to take into account our situation, our progress, challenges, anticipated obstacles, duties we need to perform, stresses, and everything else connected with our lives. If there is something relatively large that we can’t go through with, then perhaps it’s possible to break it down into smaller tasks that can be done, put them into the plan and gradually arrive at the bigger objective. In this way, “just for today” and “Choosing in Advance” work together for us. Anyway, the plan that we construct won’t be “more of the same,” but instead, it will facilitate change in a realistic way, and it will be easier to carry it out and grow together with it.

  In the daily plan, we should make a point of including moments of leisure. Sometimes we forget that leisure has an important role. For example, if we try to engage in sport without resting, very soon, our bodies will force us to stop. From a behavioral perspective, it’s strongly recommended to take a rest from jobs and just be, having fun, being flexible. Research that has been done into the efficiency of people at work shows that a break in the course of the day improves productivity, despite the time which isn’t used for work. Rest contributes to more successful performance in almost every sphere, even in the way of self-change. Of course, we don’t mean that in these moments of rest we should behave in a manner contrary to grace and to the way we want to behave, but for a moment, short or long, we shall be without declared activity and without attention to the results. It’s especially important that we should spend a period of time without everyday tasks. When the everyday is full of tasks, we have no time for essential things that transcend the everyday. The everyday is shouting its urgent demands and stealing all our time. Therefore, it’s worthwhile choosing an action plan in advance, as this will help us to resist the demands of the everyday, so we don’t forget to include things that go beyond such demands. In the daily plan, there is implementation of obligatory tasks, there is rest, there is diversion from the everyday and there’s also progress on the Graceway. Part of the progress is attained through spiritual exercises of one kind or another. For example, it’s possible to insert in the plan an intermission of a few minutes for thought, meditation or prayer (we’ll talk about this in due course). It’s also possible to include in the plan things we’ve already spoken about, like for example, deciding that at a certain stage in the course of the day we shall stop everything and for a moment we’ll be in the awareness that only sees ourselves from the side, and it isn’t us, as we are in the everyday, as was suggested by the tool, “Finding in Ourselves.” Or at a certain stage we’ll stop everything and just practice gratitude, and so forth.

  We’ve spoken about flexibility and spontaneity. We don’t want our action plan to be too rigid, because then we shall los
e the essence. Choosing in advance can protect us from excessive distraction of mind or loss of awareness of it, also from stiffness; these indicate self-centeredness. The plan that we choose should reflect the joy of progress and of doing. We’ll try very hard to make our action plan flexible, and there will also be a time-reserve built into it, to cope with the unexpected. On one hand, we’ll accept the coming day with flexibility, and on the other, we’ll be ready; we’ll know what we want from ourselves and how we’re going to get it, just for today.

  Something else which could be included in the plan is a daily routine. In various spiritual traditions, there’s a daily cycle that includes all the hours of the day. In the modern world, it’s less acceptable to impose such a comprehensive routine. We want a life in which our daily routine isn’t limited by external demands, in order to preserve the illusion of free choice. We’ve already seen that this isn’t really freedom or choice. In spiritual traditions, the cyclical routine makes it possible for spiritual work to be at the center of activity. Spiritual work is taken in its essence as something that brings us closer to more choice and inner freedom. When we take the trouble to devote special time to spiritual work in our daily routine, the implied routine creates for us firm foundations which extend beyond the daily action plan, for example, the practice of meditation at a certain hour every morning. On the basis of these foundations we construct a daily plan that takes into account the special circumstances of every day.

  Another thing which should be done when choosing the following day’s plan in advance is to identify possible junctures of influences which seem to us especially challenging, and to be ready in advance with possible strategies of coping. For example, a man makes a change in his life and stops over-eating. One evening, when he’s trying to choose his behavior for the next day in advance, he identifies a festive meal at his work-place. From his experience of such meals in the past, he knows he tends to gobble involuntarily, and this is a juncture which endangers his decision to abstain from compulsive over-eating. He could easily relapse into his former pattern of eating, and he knows that such a relapse will lead to more than just one meal. He takes it on himself to preserve abstinence, but he’s “fixated” on the meal which is liable to jeopardize his progress. Because he’s aware of his weak point, there are a number of things he could do to be ready and not surprised by something he was actually expecting. For example, if he has a friend at work who is his confidant and who will also be present at this meal, he can ask for help from him or her at the moment of truth. The confidant friend can give him a warning look from the side, offering the social support that is so important. The scheme involving the friend should ideally be included from the start in the daily action plan. There are other possibilities. The important thing is to arrive for the meal without being unpleasantly surprised, but to come prepared and surprise oneself favorably. Struggling with such an expected meal is a typical example, and there are many others like it. There are events and influences which are expected the following day and they can be planned for, and the action plan can help us. In general, we can say that we construct a plan which will enable us the day after to live the grace that we want to encounter, and to distinguish between what is important to us and what leads us astray and induces us to revoke our decisions.

  What do we do with the action plan that we’ve created? One method of implementation is to tell somebody else about it and thereby make a commitment, in that person’s presence and, crucially, in ours, to carry it out. The next day, we can report back to him or her on what we’ve done or haven’t done. If we know of no one in the vicinity who can help us, we can write it down and check out our own progress the next day. The idea is to carry out the plan in almost all circumstances, so it helps if it’s optimistic and not stressful. It should ideally include some things which we normally avoid, and through progressing with the action plan, we’ll find ourselves progressing in our ability to perform it. With the help of the action plan, we get the beginning of internal liberation from the factors that dictate our patterns of behavior and the way we cope with the world.

  We’ve spoken of the daily action plan. Daily is a suitable cycle for the plan, but it isn’t obligatory. Sometimes, we’ll divide the daytime into segments and choose a plan in advance for each of them as the day goes on. This helps us when we expect that the following day there will be much that is unexpected or when a daily plan is “too big for us” for whatever reason, or when it’s more comfortable for us this way. It makes no difference; the important thing is that we uphold the tool that we have called “Choosing in Advance.”

  When we choose in advance, there’s a difference between a short-term plan and a long-term plan. After all, it can’t all be put into one day. So, from time to time let’s think about the overall direction of our choices which are associated with longer-range aspirations. We can break down big plans for the future into segments that can be included in our daily choices. For example, someone wants to improve his or her income. This is a long-term plan which can be broken down into small tasks, such as writing a CV to be submitted to a potential employer, checking the terms of employment, and so on. The definition of small tasks enables us to turn a beautiful plan which might otherwise be shelved in the mind into something that we live.

  Choosing this moment in advance

  Let’s get up for a moment from our comfortable seats, and move around the confined space where we were sitting. Just walk. Let’s observe ourselves from the side; how are we walking? We’ll see ourselves through the eyes of our awareness and we won’t ask ourselves how we look through the eyes of an imaginary social observer. Conscious self-observation is completely different from what is seen through imaginary social eyes. Let’s watch ourselves pacing, aware of every stage in the process: planning, direction, movement, short rest, and repeat. Slow and conscious walking. We’ll carry on walking, we won’t stop, and we’ll see our process of decision-making, which lasts for a fraction of a second. … Thank you.

  The action plan presented above is a fence that we erect to help us progress, being better protected on the way, but it isn’t a wall that’s liable to confine us; it’s a fence with stanchions, and between them there are many spaces. To expand the inner freedom, we can adopt a deeper view of choosing in advance with higher resolution -- the choice that we make when we find ourselves between the stanchions of the fence. It’s a choice that helps us to carry on progressing at any moment, not forgetting the course that we have chosen.

  The “Just for Today” tool portrayed the present as a big gate through which the future flows and disappears into the past. We have no way of determining what passes through the gate; we can only control its direction, which ultimately influences everything that passes through and goes on its way, or what we will meet in our lives. We should emphasize again the importance of “how” as opposed to “what” -- with the understanding that if we have the “how” that is right for us and for the way, then every “what” that we choose will be right. When we join these two together -- the “how” with “Just for Today” -- we get higher resolution of intention and of choosing in advance -- intending towards and choosing how we will operate and how we will be in this very moment. When we examine the present moment with alert attention, only examine our pacing and choose it out of the process of walking itself, we can get a higher perception of how we operate, and we can choose the “how” that is compatible with our vision and our aspirations. Such a choice enables us to function in the world as we would like to. We can introduce choice which is conscious and alert to all the circumstances and conditions to which it can be alert, and especially, this choice is alert to itself. We can choose in advance our response to a given situation at any moment, choosing in the course of an encounter with unexpected reality and the life of the moment. We can adapt ourselves in full awareness to suit the changing moment. When there are moments in which we “get it,” we will experience one of the meanings of living the mom
ent to the full. Spontaneity that keeps up a high level of alertness and isn’t distracted is an expression of the Serenity Prayer -- accepting the changing moment and changing our response within it.

  Over the coming days, for a period of time, let’s introduce the principle of “Choosing in Advance” in the resolution of this moment. Let’s introduce the alertness that chooses our response with freedom that befits the moment and what we want from ourselves. When we act like this, we can be sure that serenity will permeate our consciousness, with pleasant spontaneity.