Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek

by Paula Sunsong

  A laser bolt hit the wall. More guards had arrived, and were piling out of the elevator.

  “Get behind me,” grunted Chewy to Lela. As a werewolf, his speech was guttural but understandable. Lela stood behind the massive werewolf, but looked for a laser gun. Lela grabbed a guard’s gun that had fallen to the floor during the earlier struggle. She was going to fight alongside these unlikely heroes.

  Brun shot at the nearest guards. “There’s no back exit. We’ll have to take out the guards to escape.”

  “Let’s charge them!” said Chewy. He bent over. “Lela, get on my back.”

  Lela stared at Chewy’s furry and muscular back. “Uh, okay,” she said, and climbed on his back.

  “No, Chewy,” said Brun. “It’s suicide.”

  “This is insane,” said Lela.

  Chewy saw Lela holding a gun and grinned a werewolf smile at her. “I trust your aim,” he said. “Hold on!” Chewy lunged forward. Lela grabbed his fur with one hand and began taking out guards with the stun gun in her other hand. She felt the bunch and stretch of Chewy’s muscle as he ran at high speed towards the guards. It was beyond the wildest ride she had ever been on. Horse back riding and roller coasters didn’t even come close. She felt exhilarated.

  “Yes!” yelled Lela.

  Chewy bowled over three guards. A fourth guard turned to fire on Chewy and Lela, but Lela took quick care of him with a blast from her stun gun. Chewy kept up his momentum and slid into the elevator. Firing, Brun ran up and joined them. She punched the elevator’s close door button.

  As the elevator slid down the shaft, they could hear the shouts of frustrated guards above.

  Chapter 30 Intruder Alert

  Chewy gently helped Lela slide off his back as he stood up. Their eyes locked for a moment, as Chewy’s amber eyes met Lela’s brown ones.

  “Chewy, do I still have a paper hat on my head?” asked Brun.

  Chewy looked at Brun, then threw back his head and wolf laughed. Princess Lela began laughing too. Brun reached up, grabbed the hat off her head and threw it to the ground.

  “I’m never eating McDowngoes’ food again,” she said.

  Muzak played on the elevator’s speakers as the elevator descended. Brun began unconsciously humming along the “The Girl from Ipanema.” Princess Lela looked at Chewy and nervously twisted her onyx ring.

  “That’s a nice ring,” said Chewy.

  “My father gave it to my mother,” said Lela. “She said to use it if I need help.”

  The elevator stopped on a lower level.

  “Where are we?” said Lela.

  “This looks like the maintenance floor,” said Brun. She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. “Smells like it too. This must be where they process the garbage. We’d better look for another exit. The guards will be watching this elevator. We can’t use it now.”

  The group followed the wide walkway around the top of a three story room. Below, machines processed trash into recycle and not recycle piles.

  A robot rounded the bend, pushing a hover barge filled with trash.

  Lela backed against the wall.

  “It won’t hurt us,” said Chewy holding his hand out to Lela. “They are programmed to just clean up. They’re not security droids.”

  Lela looked at the slow moving robot. It started to roll past them as if they weren’t there.

  The antenna on the robot vibrated. “Intruder alert!” came over a loud speaker. “Repeat intruder alert. There’s been a prison break. Apprehend all unauthorized persons.” A red light glowed in the robots formerly blue eyes. It turned towards the rebels, and a chest panel opened, revealing a canon inside. It pointed towards Chewy.

  “Look out,” cried Lela. She shoved Chewy out of the way, just as the robot’s canon exploded. Instead of a laser blast, a net flew out of the canon. It fell over Brun, who struggled as the high tech net tightened around her.

  “Chewy, the net is sticky cord,” gasped Brun. “Pull it off me!” She tried to reach for her gun, but the sticky cord held her hand at her side.

  Lela had used all her weight to push Chewy out of harm’s way. Off balance, she stumbled and fell onto the still moving trash barge. Following its preprogrammed path, the barge rolled over the railing towards an open garbage chute. Lela could not jump off the barge, as the floor was several stories below her.

  Chewy reached for Lela. But the robot grabbed Chewy with its strong metal hands. Chewy jerked his arms, but they remained in the robot’s grasp. Chewy roared and head butted the robot. Its chest dented, but the robot still held onto Chewy.

  The trash barge tilted. Ladylike or not, Lela screamed as she tumbled into the garbage chute.

  “Lela!” Chewy made an anguished cry as he saw her fall. His arms were still pinned by the robot. Chewy smashed the ‘bot against the wall. He winced at the pain as the metal hands cut into his arms, but he did not stop until the robot was in pieces. Then Chewy leapt towards the garbage chute, just as the hatch shut. He bounced off the closed metal hatch and tumbled to the floor three stories down.

  “Chewy, no!” yelled Brun pulling futilely against the net. There was no answer from Chewy. Brun rolled over towards the scraps of smashed robot. Finding a sharp piece, she rubbed the sticky net against it until it cut through. Once her hand was free, she grabbed the sharp metal piece, and cut a hole in the net. She stood up.

  Brun looked over the railing. Chewy had landed safely with his strong werewolf legs. He had grabbed a robot, and was shaking it, demanding the robot tell him where the garbage chute went. The robot, not programmed for speech, remained silent.

  “Use your minicomputer and look up the plan of the Dearth Star. That will tell you the location of garbage chutes,” said Brun. When Chewy was a werewolf, his thinking became more bestial and less technical. He sometimes needed Brun’s guidance. Chewy dropped the robot onto a trash pile. He pulled out his minicomputer and tried to manipulate the keyboard with his large werewolf fingers.

  “I’m coming down to help,” said Brun descending a stairway.

  “It’s them, blast them!” yelled a guard. He had spotted Brun and Chewy.

  “Go find Lela!” said Brun. “I’ll cover your escape.” Gun drawn, she charged the guards, who wisely beat a hasty retreat. Chewy was torn between helping Brun, his friend of many years, or saving Lela from her fate.

  With precise aim, Brun took out three guards in just a few seconds. Chewy realized that Brun could take care of herself. On all fours, he raced away, looking for the end of the trash chute Lela had fallen in.

  When the hatch on the garbage chute closed, Lela slid down in darkness. She grabbed at the sides of the chute, but her hands slipped on the slick metal. She continued to plummet downward.

  A dim blue light was at the end of the tunnel. Lela flew the last few feet through the air, and landed on a pile of empty McDowngoes burger wrappers.

  “That was a soft landing,” said Lela standing up. “Limbs still intact, but where am I?” The dimly lit room was filled with trash. “Darkin is a dunce” and “Cater can eat my dust” was scrawled on the wall, probably by some disgruntled maintenance droid.

  By the dim blue light, Lela found a door in one wall. She tried to pull it open.

  “Locked, dammit, just my luck,” said Lela. She pulled out her laser gun, aimed at the door and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. The gun was damaged. Lela sat down and rested her chin in her hand. Her onyx ring bumped her chin. She rubbed it and sent out a mental call for help. If she yelled, an Imperial guard might find her. Were Chewy and Brun okay? Were they prisoners or looking for her?

  Lela searched the trash for a piece of metal to try to pry the door open.

  Chapter 31 In Your Eyes

  “Fascinating, the Empire has advanced farther than expected,” said Spocko. He was piloting the fast Vulcanturi ship and using Edward’s ring like a detector for a homing beacon. The ship sensors indicated the moon sized object was the Dearth Star. Vulcanturi intelligence had informed Spocko
of the Emperor’s plans of building the massive space station, but the Empire builders had finished ahead of schedule. “We should keep closer observation on the Empire in the future,” said Spocko into the computer log’s audio file.

  Spocko turned on his ship’s cloaking device. The half Romullan, half Vullcan Marcus had provided the technical information for the device. He had stolen the plans from the Romullan Empire. Marcus could be useful at times, thought Spocko.

  Using Edward’s ring as a guide, Spocko flew to the side of the Dearth Star where Lela would be inside. Lela’s duplicate ring was calling to Edward’s ring. Undetected, Spocko parked his ship a few meters from the Dearth Star. It was an easy matter to don a spacesuit, and use a jetpack to land on the surface of the space station. He found one of the garbage chutes used for jettisoning trash into space. Using his trycorder, Spocko turned on the door opening mechanism, and entered the garbage chute.

  Lela was trying to pry the room’s door open when she heard a noise behind her. She whipped around. A hatch in the floor opened. Trash that had been covering the hatch slid downwards into a chute. A strange shaped head popped up. Lela pulled out her laser blaster, pointing it at the stranger’s silhouette framed in the dim blue light.

  “Whoever you are, stop or I’ll shoot,” said Lela figuring the stranger did not know her gun was broken.

  “Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.” He removed his space helmet.

  Lela held her fire, and peered for the face behind the shadows. Her eyes contacted Spocko’s gaze.

  Spocko’s eyes locked with the eyes of the woman he had come to save. He felt a wave of telepathic song, like a siren’s call. The woman’s eyes were as deep as the infinite galaxies he had searched. They seemed studded with pinpoints of starlight. He felt like he’d known her his whole life. It was like he saw his soulmate for the first time.

  Lela moved closer and noticed his eyes widened as if in recognition of her. Yet they had never met before.

  “Are you all right?” said Spocko.

  Lela lowered the gun. “Yes, I’m okay, and you are?”

  “Spocko,” he said climbing up out of the chute and into the room. He removed his space suit.

  “I’m Lela,” she said, feeling no need to hide her real name. She felt she could trust this stranger.

  Lela! The name struck Spocko like the bliss flower’s spores had struck him. Lela was a name so similar to that of lovely Leila of Omicron Ceti. Spocko would have married Leila, if only circumstances had allowed it. Perhaps fate had given him a second chance.

  Spocko felt Lela’s mind teasing on the edges of his consciousness. Normally, he needed to touch a subject for telepathy. Sometimes with great concentration, he could implant a suggestion in the weak minded. However, he could almost read Lela’s mind. Perhaps the fact her father was a telepath had given Lela weak telepathy, and she was almost projecting thoughts to Spocko. Yet Spocko felt deep inside him, they were what humans called soulmates, and this had given them a mind connection.

  I am very romantic today, thought Spocko criticizing his own lack of logic. I will be in the Vulcan mating time of Pawn Far in a few months. Perhaps that is making me more interested in the female sex. Still, Lela is exceptional, as her father described her.

  Lela gazed back at Spocko, her eyes reflecting wonder. “I’m trapped in here,” Lela said with a dazed expression. Lela was referring to the locked door, but she felt strangely trapped by his eyes, and yet had no wish to escape his look.

  “I can access the door controls with the trycorder,” said Spocko. He reluctantly broke off gazing into Lela’s eyes. He pulled his trycorder out of a shoulder bag. After a few turns of the dials, the door popped open.

  “Can you fix this?” said Lela, handing Spocko her broken laser gun.

  Spocko had a hint of a smile. “This is the gun you pointed at me. It is most ineffective.”

  “Please make it effective. We may run into guards.”

  Spocko found the gun had a loose wire, and using his trycorder, mended it. He handed it back to Lela.

  “I have a ship docked outside,” said Spocko. “Without a spacesuit for you, I can’t take you to my ship the way I came. That chute terminates in space. We need to go to the landing bay.”

  “I need to find my friends,” said Lela.

  “Perhaps they are in the landing bay,” suggested Spocko. If he could get her to the landing bay, he could use his trycorder to input a landing permit into the Imperial computer, land his ship by remote control, and get Lela on board.

  “They may be in the landing bay, but the last place I saw them was the recycling room.” Lela peered into the corridor. “No guards in sight, let’s go.”

  Spocko, having studied the Dearth Star’s plans, tried to secretly lead Lela towards the landing Bay. Unfortunately, Imperial guards were swarming the corridors searching for the intruders.

  “There she is!” yelled a guard pointing at Lela, “the escaped prisoner.”

  Lela and Spocko ran from the guards. They turned left through a doorway and screeched to a halt. They stood on the edge of a precipice. It was the huge opening that ran from top to bottom of the Dearth Star.

  “We took a wrong turn,” said Lela. A laser bolt hit near Spocko’s head. Lela hit the door close button. “There’s no lock.” Lela shot the door controls to melt the opening mechanism.

  “The guards will be able to force the door open,” said Spocko pulling out his trycorder. “I’ll operate the controls to extend the bridge.”

  “I blasted the bridge controls when I blasted the door controls,” said Lela glancing at the sparking remains of electronics next to the door.

  “Affirmative,” said Spocko. “The trycorder is not able to extend the bridge.”

  The door slid open an inch.

  “The guards are coming through!” said Lela. She reached for her belt and undid it.

  “What a curious time to undress,” said Spocko, raising one eyebrow.

  Lela unwound the woven belt into a rope with a belt buckle grappling hook. “Designed by Batman utility belt fashions,” said Lela. She swung the grappling hook and threw it around a protruding bar on the other side.

  Spocko and Lela looked at each other, each grabbed the rope with one hand, and put arms around each other.

  “Don’t worry about falling, I will catch you,” said Lela.

  “You will catch me? I’m a Vulcanturi, both Vampire and Vullcan. Both species have enhanced strength.”

  Lela laughed. She kissed Spocko on the cheek. “Good luck, to both of us. We will be physically fine, but emotions can play havoc.”

  Spocko felt his cheek blush. The door behind them slid further open as the guards forced it. Soon the guards would have a clear shot for their blasters.

  Holding onto the rope and each other, Lela and Spocko jumped. They swung gracefully from one side of the gorge towards the other. Meanwhile the guards had opened the door enough to shove their blasters through. One guard aimed and shot at the rope, shearing it in half.

  The force of their swing had carried Lela and Spocko almost to the other side, but as the rope snapped in half, they began to plummet. Both scrabbled for a hand hold, but each still had an arm around the other, refusing the let the other fall to their doom.

  Lela found a handhold with her right arm, she felt Spocko’s weight jerk to a stop on her left arm. Spocko dangled above the gorge, held only by Lela.

  “Let go, or my weight will pull you down,” said Spocko in a calm voice.

  “No! You’ll fall to your death,” said Lela trying to pull them both up with only one arm. One of her fingers slipped off her handhold.

  “Lela, listen to me,” said Spocko. “Let go of me. It is the only logical way for you to survive.”

  “No! We’ll get out of this somehow,” said Lela.

  A laser blast exploded near Lela’s head. An Imperial guard was aiming for her. Light flashed in Lela’s eyes, momentarily blinding her. Her fingers began to slip off the w
all.

  “Lela, let go of me, now!” cried Spocko.

  “Never,” said a dazed Lela. Her hand was losing the last of its grip, and in a moment they would both fall to their doom.

  Chapter 32 Buying the Farm

  Obegone found traveling the hallways of the Dearth Star was actually pretty easy. It turns out the Dearth Star gave tours. He joined one of the tour groups, filled with restless kids and camera wielding adults. The tour ended at the Dearth Star gift shop, which sold models of the Dearth Star, and postcards with Dark Cater waving or posing with his hands on his hips. After buying a model of the Dearth Star, Obegone quietly left the gift shop and returned to where the tractor beam was powered, a place conveniently pointed out by the tour guide. He circled around the pillar shaped device, and pulled switches to shut off the tractor beam.

  Two guards on patrol approached Obegone’s hiding place behind the tractor beam device.

  “Did you bet on the winning robot horse?” said one guard making conversation.

  “No, I bet on some slow nag,” said the other guard.

  Obegone wiggled his fingers and used his powers to suggest to the guards that they heard a noise behind them. That way the guards would have their backs to him, and he could sneak away. The Imperial guards did not turn. Obegone wiggled his fingers again. The guards still didn’t turn. Finally, Obegone threw a rubber ball he had taken from Luck. The noise of the ball ricocheting distracted the guards long enough for Obegone to sneak past.

  “Gotcha!” a hairy hand reached down and grabbed Lela’s arm just as her fingers were slipping off her handhold.

  Lela gasped. Had an Imperial guard caught them?

  With only one hand, the creature raised both Lela and Spocko onto the safety of the walkway. He had a snout and pointy ears. He panted, his warm breath blowing into Lela’s face.

  “Let her go!” said Spocko, moving in to execute a Vulcanturi nerve pinch. The hairy creature knocked Spocko away.