Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek

by Paula Sunsong

  “Then that is what we shall do,” said Lela. “I’ll speak to the other leaders of the rebellion and organize an attack on the forcefield and the Dearth Star.”

  “The planet Eldor is guarded by not only the Dearth Star, but also an Imperial Starship. Fortunately, I have codes, to get us past the Imperial Starship,” said Spocko.

  “You wonderful man,” said Lela smiling. Spocko looked back with a ghost of a smile on his face, which for him was the equivalent of big smile.

  The Imperial Starship overlooked the key planet of Eldor. Dark Cater stood on the bridge of the Starship. He leaned over the view screen, which showed a small spaceship approaching the far side of the planet.

  “That spaceship, does it have a clearance code?” asked Cater.

  “It’s an old code, but still good. I was about to clear them for landing,” said the Imperial soldier.

  “An oldie, but goodie, like a 1950s radio song stuck in your head,” said Dark Cater. He used the farce to reach out with his feelings. “Hmmm, do I sense, Luck Stywalker?”

  On the spaceship, Luck, sitting in the cockpit next to Brun Solow and Lela, had a dazed expression on his face. As that was typical for him, they didn’t notice any change, but Luck felt Dark Cater’s grasping farce reaching out to him. “I’m endangering the mission,” said Luck.

  “That’s been true in every mission,” said Brun, punching a button on the control panel.

  Finally, Luck Stywalker decided to do something stupid, but this time it was for the good of others, rather than the usual bad for others.

  I’d better leave, or else Cater will trace us through his mind connection to me, thought Luck. Besides Yodama said I had to confront Cater.

  Luck slipped out his chair.

  “Where are you going?” asked Brun Solow.

  “To get some Denebian slime burgers,” said Luck. “Seetoo said he made some for lunch.”

  “Leave some for us,” said Obegone.

  Luck nodded and left the cockpit. He was headed for the escape shuttle, but decided to detour to the kitchen for the burgers. He would need his strength for the confrontation to come.

  White plastic armored soldiers marched a handcuffed Luck toward Dark Cater.

  “Here is the rebel who says he planned on surrendering to us, but we caught him going through our junk food shelf in the space pantry.”

  “I needed to wash down the Denebian slime burgers with space soda.”

  Dark Cater’s nostrils widened inside his mask.

  “So my son has come to join the Dark Side.”

  “Yes, maybe-father, your maybe-son has returned to you. Does the Dark Side have lots of potato chips, soda and video games?”

  Dark Cater rolled his eyes. “You have to give the Emperor first pick. And don’t ever win a video game challenge with him.”

  “Here is his light sword,” said a soldier, handing it to Cater.

  “Hmmm, impressive. Your skills are complete,” said Dark Cater.

  “I told that to Yodama, but you know how he is, practice, practice, practice. He wanted me to practice as much as 30 minutes a day! Do I have to practice to be on the Dark Side?”

  Cater sighed, and the sound echoed inside his helmet. “The Emperor will make many demands, especially unreasonable ones. He loves those.”

  “Whoa, maybe I’ll go back to the light side then.”

  “The Emperor is your master now.”

  “Search your feelings maybe-father. I feel the conflict in you. Let go of your hate. Let go of me.”

  “No way am I facing the Emperor after letting you go. He would torment me endlessly about it."

  “Then my maybe-father is truly dead.”

  “Yeah, could be.” Dark Cater shrugged in his suit. “Come with me to the Dearth Star.”

  Chapter 46 Give In To Your Anger

  Aboard the Dearth Star, Luck was led into the cavernous throne room of the Emperor. The walls, floors, and stairs were all painted black. He stumbled over the dark stairs in the poorly lit room. “Geez, is everything black in here? I’m going to sue if I twist my ankle.”

  “Come here, boy,” said Emperor Palpitate. “From here you will see the final destruction of your Alliance and your insignificant rebellion.” Palpitate indicated a window.

  Luck peered out the window. “I don’t see anything.”

  “Look closer.”

  Luck pressed his nose against the glass. “Nope, I still don’t see anything.”

  The Emperor moved closer to the window. “There it is. Those dots are fighting spaceships.”

  “Those dots are the final destruction of the Alliance, and my insignificant rebellion? It’s not that impressive.”

  “Oh, for the love of god, Cater, give us some binoculars!”

  A hole opened in Cater’s helmet, and binoculars rose out. Ten minutes later, Palpitate, Cater and Luck were still arguing which dots were fighting spaceships, stars or just dirt on the windows.

  “Look, the Big Dipper,” said Luck.

  “Where?” said Cater eagerly.

  “We can’t see the Big Dipper from this part of space. Forget it,” said Palpitate. “Don’t you want you light saber?” Palpitate patted the shiny handle of Luck’s light saber. “Isn’t the hate swelling in you now?”

  “No, that’s just gas.” Luck patted his stomach. The Denebian slime burgers were coming back up on him.

  Emperor Palpitate held his nose. “Take your Jetti weapon,” Palpitate said in a nasal tone. “Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give into your anger.”

  “I’m not angry,” said Luck.

  “Sure you are,” said the Emperor.

  “No I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “NO, I’m not.”

  “YES, you are.”

  “Sez you! But what would you know--your mother dresses you funny. I’m not angry,” yelled Luck.

  Emperor Palpitate looked down at his black robe. Cater had picked it out, saying it was the latest in villain haute couture fashion. Palpitate felt more hate culture than haute couture.

  “Damn it, you are angry,” said Palpitate. “And my mother, God bless her soul, dressed me just fine, unlike Cater.” Palpitate glared at Cater, then back to Luck. “With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant.”

  “No!” Luck crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Palpitate.

  “It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now MINE!” Palpitate chuckled, but as he was still holding his nose, it came out like honks.

  “As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed,” said Palpitate. “Your fleet is lost, and your friends on the planet will not survive. There is no escape, my young apprentice. The Rebellion will die, as will your avatar in your favorite video game. Good. I can feel your anger. I am mostly defenseless. Take your weapon and strike me down with all your hate.”

  “Neither my friends nor my favorite video game character will die!” Luck reached with the farce to draw his light saber to him. His hand vibrated with the effort and sweat broke out on his forehead. The saber sat there.

  Palpitate coughed awkwardly “Oh, here, just take it,” he said and handed the light saber to Luck.

  Luck fired up his light saber as Cater strode boldly up.

  “Prepare to be taught a hard lesson, Luck,” said Cater smirking under his mask. Cater swung in a large arc. Luck ducked, and Cater’s saber swung towards Palpitate’s head. Palpitate threw himself down and barely rolled out of the way in time. There was a sizzle as Cater’s saber cut through the throne, and the top half of it toppled onto Palpitate.

  Luck saw his opportunity as Cater was distracted, and tried to stab him in the back. Palpitate threw the top half of throne at Luck, knocking his light saber sideways before he could strike Cater.

  Cater spun around to face Luck.

  “Obegone has taught you well,” said Cater. He advanced on Luck.

  “No, maybe father, don’t! You
can’t hurt me,” said Luck turning off his light saber. “I sense…”

  “You sense there is still good in me?” said Cater.

  “Heck, no! I sense it is time to run like crazy,” said Luck. He turned and sprinted towards the shadowy side of the deck, where a confusion of platforms, staircases and equipment the size of vehicles lay.

  “You cannot hide forever, Luck. I can sense your thoughts.”

  “I can try to hide forever--whoops! I gave away my location by talking.”

  “Give yourself over to the Dark Side. It’s the only way to save your friends…and your sister Lela! If you do not turn to the Dark Side, perhaps she will.”

  “Considering how much she taunts me, I think she’s already turned to the Dark Side.”

  “Well, I’ll turn her even more to the Dark Side.”

  “That’s a horrible thought--I must stop you!” Luck leapt out, sword blazing.

  Dark Cater was ready for Luck. He cut the air with his light saber, aiming with deadly accuracy at Luck.

  “Stop! Don’t you dare touch my son.” Queen Paddymay leapt forward, knocking Cater’s arm to the side. The light saber missed Luck by an inch.

  Dark Cater was startled when he saw Paddy. “Paddy, I thought you died.” Dark Cater moved closer to Paddy. “I knew it! You’re still alive. I could feel your presence through the farce but the Emperor told me I was wrong. Let me kiss you!” Without waiting for an answer, Cater leaned towards Paddy’s face.

  “No kissing!” Paddy bounced off Cater’s face plate.

  “Look, Paddy, I’m a changed man. I’m more hip. I’ve been hanging out with rappers. See my grillwork. Cater showed his aluminum foil covered mouth plate.

  “Ugh,” said Paddy.

  “Mom! How did you find me?” said Luck.

  “I received a message a week ago from some man named Spocko. He said you had escaped a trap set by Cater in Sky City but Cater would probably try again. I grabbed the fastest ship I could find, but I was on a planet far away. Spocko just sent another message to me, saying his informants saw you taken prisoner and brought to the Emperor.”

  “I hate to interrupt this charming family reunion,” said the Emperor. “But we have business to finish.” He smiled evilly. “Paddy, how nice to see you survived. That’s a bonus for me. Now I can use you as a hostage to control Cater and Luck.”

  Palpitate made a pulling motion with his hand, and Paddy flew through the air, landing in the arms of one of Palpitate’s hot pink clad elite guards. Paddy tried to punch the guard, but a second guard grabbed her arm.

  “Let her go,” cried Luck lunging forward. He took a swipe at Emperor Palpitate. Cater brought his light saber up in defense of Palpitate. The two swords hit with a crackling sound.

  Paddy twisted in the guards’ arms, but could not break free. “Edward, where ever you are, help!”

  Chapter 47 The Trial of the Maze

  Vampires Anonymous is a wide spread organization, with chapters over thousands of planets. They form an interconnected alliance of good-hearted vampires, willing to help another vampire in need. Once the Vampires Anonymous grapevine was activated, news spread far and wide that Edward looking for his daughter, Lela.

  Vlad knew a vampire in the Rebellion. They both belonged to the vampire biker organization, Heaven’s Demons.

  “I know about Princess Lela,” said Vlad’s friend. “She is well known in the Rebellion. She’s a feisty one. She stole the plans to the first Dearth Star and is going after the second Dearth Star.” He told Vlad of Lela’s escape from Sky City and the planned rebel attack on the planet Eldor.

  “Bingo!” said Vlad. He contacted Edward. “I know where your daughter is.”

  Edward piloted the cloaked spaceship stolen from the Vulcanturi. On board, his friends from Vampire’s Anonymous drank blood shakes and planned strategy. As the ship drew closer to the planet Eldor, Edward felt Paddy and Lela’s minds teasing at the edge of his consciousness. His mind link grew stronger and stronger with each passing mile as the ship closed in on Eldor. The clear voice of Paddy rang like a bell inside Edward’s head.

  “Edward, help,” came Paddy’s telepathic cry.

  “I’m coming, my love,” said Edward, programming the new flight plan from Eldor to the Dearth Star itself. With the cloaking device on, the invisible Vulcanturi ship safely docked next to a maintenance hatchway on the Dearth Star. The vampires donned spacesuits, and floated to the hatch.

  “The hatch is locked. Should we shoot the door open?” said Natasha over the spacesuit radio.

  “No. It would be too loud, a guard inside will hear, or it will trigger security alarms,” said Edward. “I’ll use a Vulcanturi trycorder to open it. I learned how to do it by reading Spocko’s mind.” Edward concentrated on the trycorder readings. “There--the security alarm is turned off. Now to open the door…”

  “No problem,” said Vlad. He grabbed the outer hatch handle. Straining with all his vampire biker might, he forced the hatch open. They passed through an airlock where they stripped off their spacesuits. Underneath the spacesuits they wore Imperial guard uniforms.

  “We should pass as Imperial guards,” said William. “Edward, do you sense where Lela is?”

  “She’s safe on the planet, but her mother is here, and in trouble. I sense her in this direction.” Edward ran down a Dearth Star corridor, followed by his vampire cohorts.

  “Take your hands off her!” cried Edward as he burst into the Emperor’s room. Paddy was struggling in the arms of the pink Imperial guards. Edward called on his vampire powers. He moved forward surrounded by a faint mist.

  “And what are you going to do about it?” said a pink clad guard holding one of Paddy’s arms.

  “Don’t make me stop being a vegetarian,” said Edward.

  “Like I care,” said the guard. He and another guard pulled Paddy towards the exit.

  William, Natasha and Vlad came to stand beside Edward.

  “Remember the serenity prayer, Edward,” said William, placing his hand on Edward’s shoulder.

  “Universe, grant me the serenity to not bite somebody’s head off, even if they deserve it, except to protect ourselves and others from harm, and the wisdom to know the difference. I know the difference!” Edward leapt at the guard, bent towards his neck, and there was a sound like biting into a crisp apple.

  “Yeoow!” the guard let go of Paddy’s arm and leapt backwards. He clutched his bleeding neck, and fainted.

  The second guard blanched at the sight of his bleeding coworker and quickly let go of Paddy’s arm.

  The sound of laughter rang across the room. “Marvelous,” said Emperor Palpitate. He applauded. “Encore! Edward, come here.” The evil emperor gestured. Grabbed by the Emperor’s power, Edward reluctantly took a small step forward. “You would make an incomparable apprentice, much better than Dark Cater.”

  “Hey, I’m standing right here,” said Cater.

  “Come now, Cater, you must admit he is powerful,” said the Emperor.

  “I wield the greatest power in the universe, the farce. He,” Cater pointed at Edward, “is just a bloodsucker.”

  “Really? We shall see. Open the wall to the Maze!” With a grinding sound, one of the massive walls of the throne room raised. The Emperor waived his hand and Paddy flew into the air.

  “Stop it!” yelled Paddy, trying to flail her arms in an attempt to slow her flight.

  Edward leapt up to grab her, and barely missed, his hands grasping only air. Edward landed in a crouch, his eyes burning red with anger.

  The other vampires also leapt up to grab Paddy, but the Emperor had moved her too quickly through the air.

  “Where are you taking her?” yelled Edward running at top speed to catch up to the flying Paddy.

  “Come and look, my boy,” laughed the Emperor.

  Edward screeched to a stop at the edge of the deck. It overlooked a vast maze, stretching as far as the eye could see. Paddy, flying at high speed, became smaller in view as s
he flew towards the center of the huge maze.

  “Help!” Edward heard Paddy’s faint voice, which was audible to the enhanced hearing of the vampires. Then she disappeared from view, into the interior of the maze. Cater joined Edward to overlook the maze.

  “It is a test. Cater and Edward, go into the maze. Let’s see who can safely retrieve Paddy,” said the Emperor. “Then we will know who is the most powerful.” Edward moved to launch himself into the air and into the maze. “But before you enter the maze, be warned. Great dangers are inside the maze. We lost more customers that way, and they never made it to the gift shop, where we planned on vacuuming their wallets.”

  “I don’t care about danger to me. I’m coming, Paddy!” Edward leapt from the deck into the maze.

  “With my brains and brawn, I’ll outwit and out brawn you,” said Dark Cater, also leaping into the maze.

  The Emperor broke into a fit of hysterical laughter.

  “We’ll help you, Edward,” said William. The other vampires growled in agreement and rushed to the maze.

  “Guards, keep these gate crashers occupied,” said the Emperor. “I want to watch Cater and the vampire compete without help.”

  Edward landed on the pathway between two walls of the maze. He listened with his keen vampire hearing.

  “Edward!” Paddy’s faint voice came from deep in the maze. Edward ran towards the voice.

  When he came to an archway, a Minotaur blocked his way.

  “I’m here to protect you,” said the Minotaur.

  “Protect me? You’re blocking the way to my love, Paddy.”

  “Don’t go in there. You will meet your worse fears.”

  “I’m not afraid. Get out of my way.”

  “Then you are a fool!” The Minotaur charged forward, arms outstretched towards Edward. The Minotaur slammed Edward into a marble wall, with enough force to crack the marble.

  Edward shook off the blow. “Time to grab the bull by the horns,” said Edward rolling up his sleeves. He grabbed the Minotaur’s horns and swung the beast around in a circle. He let go and the creature flew to the far side of the maze. Edward heard a satisfying smack as the Minotaur hit a wall a mile away.