Against All Odds

by Alexia Vella Deguara

  “You have beautiful hands Cassy,” he said softly. “You'll be a good painter. These hands can do anything. ” He continued looking at me fondly.

  What was he doing? My hand felt cold as ice in contrast with his warm one. He remained silent for a moment, still holding my hand, then he looked into my eyes and lifted my hand to his face.

  “You're calmer now,” he stated. “Come on Cas, now you can arrange my position," he told me.

  He was still holding my hand as he spoke. I couldn't utter a word. I couldn't move. I felt like a puppet under his control. I just stood there looking in his eyes. The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Or at least that's what my mother always used to say. How I hoped that he could read my eyes and see how much I wanted him. He stood up from the chair and looked at me with a face I could only describe as passionate.

  We were so near I could feel the warmth of his body emanating around me. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped. He was looking strangely at me, and somehow I realized he was feeling nervous about something. Then he slowly leaned forward towards me. I froze. Oh dear... Oh dear! It was going to happen. He was going to kiss me. Was I dreaming? Was this truly happening? I closed my eyes and felt him near. All of my senses were on fire. I could smell his cologne, could feel his hand still holding mine tightly. I had never felt

  this excited before.

  Suddenly the bell rang, bringing us back both to reality. We both jumped out of our skins and as I looked up at him I saw him looking back at me in terror. His eyes were wide and he was looking at our entwined hands. He quickly let go of me and moved backwards, turning around so that his back was towards me. He remained silent, while I just stood there looking into space, trying to figure out if I had imagined everything or if it had really happened . My heart was fluttering crazily in my chest. I needed some air, I definitely needed to escape and be alone at least for few minutes.

  “I'm going to the ladies' room," I said weakly.

  “OK, but come back,” he replied without turning around to face me.

  I nodded and ran out of the class. I knew I would have to return... I was on detention. My heart was beating really fast. It had felt so good, being so close to him, and he hadn't even kissed me! I wondered what it would have felt like if he had done so. As soon as I arrived at the ladies' room, I closed the door and leaned back against it. Tears began to roll down my face, but it wasn't sadness. I was feeling happy. Now I knew that he felt something for me too. I knew it was an impossible love. I knew it was against the law but I couldn't help it. Of one thing I was sure, I wanted him badly.

  A few minutes later I returned in class. I opened the door slowly and went in, trying to walk quietly. I kept my gaze on the floor and walked towards my desk. I still didn't know if he had recovered from his shock. He took out his lunch and I took out a bottle of water and took a few sips. It was then that he finally spoke.

  “Aren't you hungry?” He asked me, his face revealing nothing about what had just happened.

  “I.... I don't have lunch. I was going to buy something from the canteen. I didn't imagine I would be having a detention today,” I replied.

  “Oh. I see,” he said. He rose up and came near me putting half of his lunch and an apple on my desk.

  “It isn't much but at least you won't starve,” he said smiling at me.

  “Oh no! It's your lunch!” I said mortified

  “Thanks but I-” I was going to refuse but he didn't let me finish. He bent down a little, his face really close to mine.

  “Just take it OK? Don't worry about me. I'm not that hungry anyway.”

  I'm not hungry either, I thought, but I accepted anyway.

  “Thanks,” I replied quietly.

  “You're welcome,” he said, walking back to his desk. I ate quietly, avoiding to look up at him. Suddenly he broke the silence.

  “Cassy?”

  I looked up at him expectantly. Here we are, I thought. He's going to talk about what happened. I felt dizzy. Was he going to say that it was a mistake? That he's my teacher and all that stuff? But he didn't. Instead he said

  “Are you coming on Friday?”

  Friday? Where were we supposed to go? I was surprised by his question.

  “Where?” I asked finally.

  “Didn't you hear? The school organized a trip to Lagoon Beach. We shall be going there on Friday night and come back on Sunday. “ he informed me while he pulled out a bottle from his briefcase.

  “Oh. I didn't know,” I replied.

  “Actually,” he continued “It was planned to be done later on but since this is your last year here Mr Daniels decided to advance it. You know that soon you'll be busy with finals. The weather is still hot and if it is not windy we can enjoy a swim as well,” he said all in one breath. “So do you think you'll come?” he asked me again.

  Why was he telling me all of this? Was it to avoid mentioning what had happened?

  “I don't know, but I'll probably come. Are you going to be one of the chaperones?” I asked glancing hopefully at him.

  “Of course. There will be four of us. Mr Daniels, Mr Bayne, Ms Leighton and me,” he replied.

  Oh great, I thought. That witch was coming as well. How much I hated her. He continued to talk ignoring my annoyed expression.

  “We'll be having a meeting with Mr Daniels and the student's council this afternoon. Probably a meeting will be held either today or tomorrow. Have you ever been to Lagoon Beach?”

  I shook my head. “No” I told him “ But it must be a nice place.”

  “It is, it's beautiful,” he said “The sand is so golden and the sea is crystal clear.”

  Our conversation stopped abruptly when we heard a knock on the door.

  “Come in!” shouted Mr Spencer. The door opened and Mr Daniels came in.

  “Oh you're here Mr Spencer-" he paused and looked at me strangely. "Cassidy, why are you still here? It's break time,” he said.

  “She had some work to finish!” Answered Mr Spencer before I could speak. “Did you need me Mr Daniels?”

  Mr Daniels was still staring at me with a suspicious gaze, but then he turned towards Mr Spencer and resumed his conversation.

  “Ah yes. Can you come in my office if you're ready? I want to discuss something regarding the trip,” he told him.

  “No problem." replied Mr Spencer turning his gaze on me. "Cassidy you can go now. See you tomorrow,” he said smiling.

  Then he picked up his things and followed Mr Daniels out of the room, leaving me there staring at the walls. I had a tornado of feelings inside me. On one hand I was happy, very happy that he was getting closer to me. He was going to kiss me, I was sure of it. It could only mean that he liked me. On the other hand I was disappointed. He had pulled back just at the last moment, and he had pretended nothing had happened when I came back to class. I put my things in the bag and decided to go to the canteen, maybe Lucy was still there. I really needed to talk to her. I was nearly there when I felt two hands hugging me tight from behind.

  “Where were you?” a male voice asked me.

  I turned my head and saw that it was Julian.

  “I was on detention,” I replied.

  He looked me with a stunned face. “You?Detention? For doing what?” he asked.

  “Not paying attention during English.”

  “Oh! So you were with Mr Playboy,” he said amused.

  “What?” I asked staring at him. Julian laughed.

  “Mr Playboy. Isn't he your English teacher? I heard Miss Leighton speaking with Ms Larson. She was pretty angry. Apparently your teacher is not treating her nicely. She loves him to bits poor thing but he doesn't seem to care,” he chuckled.

  “Oh really?” I asked interested.

  “They were seated just behind me and Ms Leighton was crying. She said that he rose her expectations and then backed out. Probably yesterday I was wrong about them,” he continued.

  “In fact you were,” I told him smugly. “He didn't sleep
with her,” I said without thinking.

  Julian looked at me astonished.

  “How do you know that? Did he tell you?”

  I bit my lip. How stupid of me! For a moment I had forgotten that I was speaking to Julian and not to Lucy.

  “What? Of course not,” I said with a fake laugh.“I'm only assuming," I said trying to hide my anxiety.

  “Well, probably he was happy to give you the detention.”

  “Why?” I asked alarmed. Did Julian suspect something?

  “Well I guess he wanted to avoid her. She's one of those people who doesn't accept a no for an answer,” he explained.

  I nodded and said nothing. I was tormented by this thought. Was he doing the same with me? Raising my expectations and then back out?

  CHAPTER 8

  For the rest of the day I couldn't concentrate on anything. For the past 3 lessons I have stayed quiet sitting down in a corner trying to figure out what the teachers were talking about. I couldn't take him out of my mind. Did he feel the same? Was he distracted while he tried to do his lessons? Without realizing I began to draw his face. I wanted to have his image in front of me. Was I getting obsessed with him? Probably I was and couldn't believe how this happened in such a short time. Until 2 days ago I didn't know him and now he was all I could think about.

  The bell rang. Finally I was going home. I hoped to find Lucy waiting for me, and luckily she was. As I walked in the corridor I caught a glimpse of her near the exit door.

  “Hey Cas.”

  “Hey Luc! Thanks for waiting for me,” I said as I reached her.

  “So,any news?I've been thinking about you all day, what happened during detention?” she asked anxiously.

  I smiled and told her everything. Her eyes widened in astonishment while she listened.

  "What ...he kissed you?” she shouted as soon as I finished.

  “Lucy don't shout please! We're still on school grounds,” I said looking around to see if anyone was looking at us.

  “Oh yes. Sorry but how can you expect me not to shout when you tell me something like that?”she said defensively.

  “He didn't kiss me."

  “But he was going to and you touched his face. Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening. So what have you felt?” she asked excited.

  Her face stretched in a grin.

  “Oh I was so shocked. I don't know, it's so unreal,” I replied. My heart missed a beat as I imagined the moment.

  “Why did he pull back?” she asked interrupting my thoughts.

  "I told you the bell rang. I think that brought him back into his senses. I mean, it broke the spell under which we both were,” I sighed. Lucy was silent for a moment, she walked slowly and chewed her lips, she was thinking something, she always did that when she was up to something. I looked at her curiously waiting to know what was going through her mind. She finally stopped and turned to face me.

  “Listen Cas,don't get me wrong. I'm really happy for you, but what initially started as a game it's kind of turning into something real. I just want you to be careful. He's sexy I know but you don't know anything about him. You don't even know his age. He is a grown up man and you're not even 18,” she said concerned.

  I looked at her startled.“What are you trying to tell me? To let go? To stop thinking about him?” I asked feeling bad at the thought.

  “No....yes... I don't know. I just don't want you to suffer. We don't know if he is serious. This could be a game for him. While you..," she paused and looked at me sadly.

  “What?” I asked waiting for her to answer.

  “You are in love with him. I can see that.”she replied. I stared at her. In love? Was I really in love with him? Was this the impression I was giving?

  “Lucy... I.." I stopped as I didn't know what to say.

  “Cas,is it worth it?Is he worth all the trouble you could get into if someone discovers this? And Julian? Do you love him?” she asked. She seemed really worried.

  “I don't know. I... probably no,” I admitted.

  Lucy didn't seem surprised by my answer.

  “Are you at least attracted to him? I know you never had sex with him but at least does he turn you on?” she asked. I thought for a second and I was surprised to learn that he didn't, I had never noticed before, I had thought that maybe things would change as our relationship developed but now I know how wrong I was. The problem was not the time, but the guy.

  “No. He's attractive. He's handsome,but he is still a boy whilst-."

  “Mr Spencer is a man. I can see the difference but Julian loves you and you don't know what Mr Spencer feels for you. He's your teacher. Do you think he will risk his job for you?” Lucy asked me sharply.

  “Listen Lucy. I don't know but I can't change how I feel. If he wants me I will risk it. I never felt like this before. It's strange, I understand that it might sound stupid considering I got to know him only yesterday but...”

  “Was it love at first sight? It can happen.” concluded for me Lucy.

  “Lucy please help me. Tell me what to do?”I begged her. I felt in a spot, I would never have believed that I would find myself in this situation.

  "I don't know Cas but I think you should consider leaving Julian. I mean why stay with him if you don't feel anything for him? You know he will continue to insist on being intimate with you. Why hurt him and yourself when you know this is never going to happen with him? It's not fair for him. He shouldn't be second best."

  “You're right. I will think about it and take a decision.”

  We continued to walk in silence when suddenly Lucy turned her gaze at me and smirked.

  “Cas... can I ask you something?she asked.

  “You know you can.”

  “Have you ever thought about yourself with Mr Spencer. I mean doing your first time with him?”

  I blushed.

  “Oh you did, your face says it all. Listen if you feel this way go for it but be very careful OK? You're like a sister to me.”

  “Same here. Thanks Lucy I will.”

  The following day my first lesson was English. I couldn't wait to see him.

  “Cas...wait for me!” she shouted while she ran to catch up with me.

  “Good morning Lucy.”

  “We don't have English,” she informed me. My face changed expression.

  “What? Why?” I asked her sadly. I felt so disappointed.

  “We have a meeting in the hall. It's about that trip and probably we won't have the next lesson either,” she continued.

  I blew out in frustration and looked at her with a sulky expression.

  “Oh no not even Art?" I asked. She smiled and grab my arm.

  “Hey cheer up. You'll be seeing him in the hall,although he wouldn't dare kiss you there,” she chuckled.

  Lucy tried to joke but I felt really down. We arrived at the hall where all the senior students were waiting. As soon as I went in I looked for him but I couldn't see him. Maybe he wasn't there yet but then I felt his gaze on me.

  “He's looking at you Cas. He's near the window.” Lucy whispered in my ear.

  I turned my head to look at him and our eyes met. I shivered, his gaze was deep yet caring. We stared at each other for what seemed ages until that witch of Ms Leighton interrupted us by getting hold of Mr Spencer's arm.