Married But Available

by B. Nyamnjoh

  “Tell me more.”

  “She was telling him: ‘I just wanted to tell you how much I am going to miss you when you are gone. You will say that it’s impossible because of the fact that I have decided to call off our relationship. But I assure that I will miss you, I call it off with tears in my eyes. I am never going to find what you are capable of doing to me in someone else. You make me proud to be a woman and to want to receive continuously the same care from some other person.’

  “The lecturer was pleading for her not to do a thing like that. He wanted to know what had pushed her to want to sacrifice their love, on which he had grown to depend so much. Was it another man?”

  “Men immediately think of another man, don’t they?” remarked Lilly Loveless, “as if women are incapable of independent existence. Sorry, carry on.”

  “‘No,’ Adapepe told him, her voice strangely playful but firm. ‘I am never going to replace the daddy, the elder brother and more especially the lover in you. I want you to know and remember that I love you but the way things are we will never be happy. With all my love, I wish you the best with your seminar. I know you will do it, because you have the capabilities. Two weeks will be so long not to hear your voice on the phone but I am confident I will hear it in my heart, and I assure you I will listen to it. Because I know it will direct and protect me in your absence. The voice will surely guide and protect me. I swear I do miss you in every sense of the word.’”

  “She uses words like devalued currency, if what you say is true, that she tells them things she doesn’t mean,” Lilly Loveless commented, for more her notebook than for Britney.

  “The lecturer, certainly confused, wanted to know how Adapepe could be saying one thing, and feeling quite another, thinking right and acting left.

  “Adapepe told him: ‘I will not regret it if nobody ever loves me the way you do and if I cannot be happy again the way I am with you, because there is nothing new to get or discover. I got all from you and what I regret is not really being able to get much more of the once in a life experience – that of loving passionately. Have a nice trip and think about those you have left behind. Love you always.’

  “At the end of this drama, Adapepe opened the door, a bundle of bank notes in her hand and a smile on her face.

  “‘Hi Britney,’ said she upon seeing me. ‘I’m going shopping in Sawang tomorrow. Want to come along?’

  “‘No, thanks, I’ve got lots of assignments,’ I told her and went in to see the lecturer who was in a very confused state.

  “She looks truly formidable, I must say,” Lilly Loveless agreed, thinking if only the strike could be over in time for me to interview Adapepe, I could learn so much.

  “Adapepe certainly loves the good things in life,” Britney agreed. “She knows that when she goes out it’s money she wants, and if there’s love, this is on her own terms.”

  “How would you call that?” asked Lilly Loveless. “Liberated?”

  “More like beating men at their own game,” said Britney. “As she often tells her friends: ‘It must however be admitted that most men have little to offer. No sense of humour, no smile, no looks, no sensibility, no resilience – just flat like a battery without a charger. And the things they say make me feel like throwing up: Baby, here I am in the palm of your hand. Tear me up with desire and make me feel like a wanted man... You are so hot, you are burning me up… They are ugly and distorted, and leave even before you know they came. Na lie when we say all wata di quench fire… There’s a lot less to men than women are made to thing. They talk tough, act tough, but are seldom that tough, as often, they leave you with little to write home about.’”

  “She really is something, isn’t she?” Lilly Loveless’ fascination for Adapepe was surging.

  “Adapepe na popo pepper,” said Britney. “I recall how once she embarrassed a Mboma who took her out shopping as a way of impressing her. He asked her to choose any dress of her taste. Adapepe made her choice from among the most expensive dresses. On seeing that the Mboma tried to be clever: ‘I no like that one. Why you no take this one?’ he asked, showing her an obviously inexpensive alternative. But Adapepe insisted in a loud voice that attracted the attention of all in the shop: ‘Which kind yeye man this? Talk say you no fit pay for that one, make palaver finish.’ And the man was forced to pay.”

  “Excellent!”

  “She keeps a diary with the names, personal stories and little sexual secrets of all the married men she has ever slept with, and in the order in which she has slept with them, the idea being to be always one step ahead of men who do not hesitate to pull a fast one on you,” said Britney.

  “Smart girl,” remarked Lilly Loveless. “Has she ever had a regular boyfriend?”

  “She has little time for boys of her age,” said Britney. “A flying-shirt who had tried several times and failed to win her heart, finally gave up saying: ‘You are someone who takes what you want. You don’t bother with formalities. It’s like wanting a man and not asking him before jumping on him. You don’t let obstacles stop you. You fly over, go around or destroy them. If the door is locked, you enter through the window. If the window is locked, you break the glass. So I told myself, if she really wanted me, she would have taken me by now. And because you haven’t taken me, I realized you don’t want me that bad and I’ve backed off.’”

  “Wow, tough girl.”

  “There is one exception, however,” said Britney.

  “A flying-shirt?”

  “Yes, a mystic and a student of sociology, a militant for change and a very good friend of Samson Freeboy Bigmop, the charismatic president of the Student Union. He is known more by his nickname – Burning Spear. We are always picking on him and his thick long dreadlocks, which he buries under a colourful trademark Bob Marley hat when on campus as the university authorities frown on freak identities like his. He is always putting on shoes without socks, and his shoes smell like a dead rat. He is prone to accidents and loves the excitement that things like the strike bring. On weekends he plays in a band at the M&G nightclub, and dances like a burning spear on the back of an antelope racing for dear life.”

  “Is there anyone around here you don’t know?” Lilly Loveless wondered aloud.

  Britney shook her head in negation, smiling playfully. “Should there be anyone around I don’t know? I’m a social being, keen observer of what goes on around me, and an enthusiastic listener. I’m at the university, and I work at Mountain View Hotel, where there’s lots of comings and goings. What do you expect? From childhood to adulthood our social circles grow in chains, as we don’t outgrow any relationship we have forged, even if we from time to time may have moved on…”

  Lilly Loveless was nodding more than ever before, taking notes, a sign of appreciation that would have kept Britney going on the same tangent had she not asked: “Does he plan to marry Adapepe?”

  “Yes, but Adapepe isn’t the marrying type. She doesn’t really want him to think beyond the moment.”

  “And he composes songs for her in the hope that she will change?”

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s easy to guess, isn’t it?”

  “Back to Adapepe,” said Britney, thinking why Lilly Loveless could not guess all the stories she had been sharing with her if she were so good at guessing. “But if you didn’t know Adapepe and heard how she goes on and on about him, you’d imagine she’d found her Mr Right, her soul mate.”

  “Tell me more.”

  “Once I asked her what she saw in her Rastafarian Burning Spear, and she replied: ‘My feeling when I am with him is that he sets my imagination on fire. I feel like I am dancing at the heart of a circle of flame fuelled by the pleasure he generates. I think his dreadlocks make him absolutely socially free and liberating. So I do expect him not to be like an ordinary man. I expect him to be uncommon, unusual, free of prejudices and more likely to understand me as a woman. He can read my eyes, my desires and my moods like a children’s book. At the same
time, I find him so sex-driven, so determined, so totally englobing, so… I have an absolute fascination by dreadlocks, and the freedom that comes with being dreaded.’”

  “Wow!” said Lilly Loveless. “I wonder how she’d define love…”

  “I know,” Britney cut in. “We’ve talked about these things countless times. She says: ‘To be in love for me is to be free and not to feel hungry. I can stay a whole day without food and I don’t care. To be in love is to lose sense of ridicule. To look into the other’s eyes and feel happiness that spreads all over your body. I just have to look into his eyes and we don’t have to say anything, we just look at each other and we are ready for it. I just melt and he can come in, I am ready for him only, and he is ready for me. You don’t have to say anything for a man you love to know what you are saying. Eyes say everything. And with the person I love, I could make wonderful love every day without feeling tired. Being with the person I love is only one intense happiness after each encounter…’”

  “I like that… But more about dreadlocks another time, so I don’t take you away from the story of Adapepe and the lecturer.”

  “Thanks,” said Britney, resuming her story. “It took further exchanges and dribbling by Adapepe for the lecturer to know what her game really was. Sometimes, as Adapepe would tell her girlfriends, she used diversionary tactics not to make love with him, while at the same time claiming she loved him the most. She would say things such as: ‘Love making is not one of my strong points and never will be. I think we need to do something about sex in our relationship. It seems I am not able to satisfy you as much as you want to be satisfied by me, something which is well understood, and so, you feel slighted and at times angry with me. This usually presents me as being selfish, wicked and worst still, as somebody who does not want to cooperate or understand what it means to you. I know that sex has very little to do with one’s feelings of love for the other person, but the irony is that it can cause the collapse of a solid relationship. Think over it. I care.’”

  “It’s amazing what your mind can retain and reproduce,” commented Lilly Loveless. “You must be very good at maths and at playing chess,” she added.

  “I don’t know about chess, but I’ve always hated maths. On the other hand, history, literature and language are my favourite subjects. I simply adore them,” replied Britney.

  “I sincerely admire your abilities and I’m pleased fate brought me your way,” Lilly Loveless patted Britney on the shoulder.

  Britney thanked her for her kind words and continued. “The lecturer was so furious that he decided to call off the relationship, which devastated Adapepe who until then had thought herself firmly in charge. He wrote her a short note which she was careless enough to leave lying on her reading table with friends coming and going: ‘Loving you has been a most rewarding experience I shall never forget, even though I have finally agreed it must end in order to give your love for any other the chance it deserves. I sincerely hope you find happiness in your dreams and aspirations. As we separate definitely, there is one thing I would like you to always bear in mind: I take sweet memories of you along with me, which I shall cherish for the rest of my life. Knowing you was paradise on earth, but paradise that didn’t last. Please don’t come looking for me, I sincerely beg; for this would only renew the wounds of love I should be thinking of healing. And please, bury that nonsense image of Adapepe as a very good girl who is surrounded by bad friends.’”

  “It doesn’t sound like the words of someone who really wants to give up the relationship,” remarked Lilly Loveless. “Are you sure they’ve actually broken up?”

  “I don’t know, but Adapepe has never been the sort of girl to go begging men. In fact, men irritate the crap out of her. Although she goes after older men, she often laughs at them as being no good, and as feeling terribly insecure and jealous in front of harmless younger men. She was dancing once at a nightclub with a Mboma who kept telling her not to look up because most of the young men dancing suggestively around them were thieves, in one way or another. To pleasure him, she said of his big belly: ‘Nice shock absorbers!’ ‘You ain’t seen anything yet, baby,’ replied the Mboma. She can’t believe a word they say, as a rule. She has seldom committed herself emotionally, because she feels men are not worth it. Aren’t they usually the first to run at the sign of emotion? And if the satisfaction they bring, if at all they do, lasts only a little while, why invest much in them? Few of them are fun to talk with, and even more irritating, few believe they have anything to learn from a woman. So why waste time with them beyond the contents of their wallet? Adapepe is simply fun to be with. I’ll monitor to see what she is up to these days, that is, when the strike is over.”

  “If you can, ask her if she would let us interview her together,” said Lilly Loveless.

  Britney turned to her assignment with Lilly Loveless.

  ***

  “Joseph and Carine were married. Joseph had a good job with an international organisation on a good income. Carine cared for the home and children. She was not highly educated. Joseph provided everything for the family and Carine was quite healthy and happy to be mom and wife. She belonged to the generation where the beauty of a girl was not the look of her face or the shape of her body, but how hard she worked. Beautiful girls were said to be lazy, so men tended to stay away from them when looking for someone to marry.”

  “I like that,” said Lilly Loveless. “Is the idea original?”

  “What do you mean original?” asked Britney. “I come from a culture where ideas are like a river from which people, animals and plants draw water freely and abundantly, all through its journey of life. Few care who comes up with an idea and few hesitate to share it. All creativity belongs to the community, as the river of ideas must never be allowed to dry up.”

  Lilly Loveless almost asked, ‘that too, is it original?’ Instead, she settled for taking notes vigorously, adding asterisks at the margins to remind her of unfinished business with ideas.

  “They lived in a multi-storey building and below them Joseph had Bern.”

  “Just downstairs?” asked Lilly Loveless. “How… handy…”

  “And,” continued Britney, “Carine never suspected or felt cheated in any way. Bern played her role well, and Joseph threw all suspicion out of the window with talk of much work. He had one of Bern’s keys and would even go to rest there while Bern was out. He lavished money on Bern.”

  “I sense trouble,” said Lilly Loveless.

  “Things became difficult because Joseph had to start investing.”

  “Of course,” agreed Lilly Loveless, “demanding investments I imagine.”

  “So demanding,” confirmed Britney, “that Joseph could not meet up, so trouble. Bern did not know what to do to put off Joseph, so she decided to bring to Carine’s knowledge that he was unfaithful. One day, when she was sure Carine was home, she went up to Joseph’s apartment to get her key. This ended the story for Joseph and Bern but did not stop him from other ventures.”

  “Involving wiser investments?” teased Lilly Loveless.

  “His next venture,” explained Britney, “was away from home but within the town.”

  “Could we say intimacy at a distance?” smirked Lilly Loveless in her usual style as she took a drink.

  Britney also paused for a drink then continued: “This new venture created some sanity in Joseph. He more often abandoned his home for his new home. He even neglected his home and did not care how his children fared. Carine’s family took care of her and the children and eventually when Carine moved out of Joseph’s home, her family set up some business for her.”

  “What did Joseph do?” asked Lilly Loveless, noting how much still the story resembled that of Mrs Tri-ye-sep Nobody.

  “He moved back to his home with Ethel. And his mother came to live with them. Things took another turn when Joseph lost his job. With this he found a new home once again.”

  “A wanderer,” remarked Lilly Loveless.

&n
bsp; “This time,” continued Britney, “he abandoned Ethel and went off to where he was being catered for. Ethel meanwhile had a baby. She was not working and could not take care of herself and the family.”

  “Oh, goodness...” said Lilly Loveless.

  “With that,” explained Britney, “Joseph’s mother had to act as the go between. She went to Joseph every month for rent, food money and any other needs. Ethel had pushed Carine out and now she was facing really hard times. She could not complain because nobody supported her when she did what she did.”

  “As they say,” insisted Lilly Loveless, “you can’t plant maize and expect to harvest groundnuts.”

  Britney looked at Lilly Loveless with a glint in her eye, wondering where she was getting such things, but she concluded without commenting.

  “In the end,” said Britney, “Joseph’s mother kept consoling her to be patient and saying that Joseph would come back when he found something to do to earn an income. But waiting for Joseph to return has been like waiting for the Mr Right that he never was.”

  Britney was on a roll. Hardly had she finished relating the ventures of Joseph when she said, “I just heard about Miriam yesterday. Let me tell you while things are fresh in my mind.

  ***

  “Ted meets Miriam, you see, a fresh student from the region who has just been admitted into UM. Miriam is sharing a hostel with her friend while trying to get money from her parents for rent and to furnish her room. It is not easy to find the finances but finally she gets a small room, pays the rent, and gives some advance for a small bed to be made. She buys a small kerosene cooker and a few pots.”

  “So she had mostly everything she needed,” commented Lilly Loveless, trying to picture Miriam’s small room equipped with the essentials.

  “Except a mattress for the bed,” said Britney. “By the time the bed is ready and she’s thinking of how to get the mattress, Ted comes into her life like manna from Heaven. Her whole life takes a U-turn. Ted trades in the small bed and places an order for a big bed. He gets her a more comfortable studio with the better than basics. He buys her a gas cooker, refrigerator and those things that would give Miriam above basic comfort. He does a lot more.”