by Kira Blakely
“Well, I don’t care what Andrew says. You’re a talented writer. Your passion doesn’t get you into trouble, so I think you should publish this.”
“I think I’m going to see what people have to offer me,” I said. “This is a big story. I don’t care what Chuck Ambrose threatens to do. I only care about what Jude thinks.”
“That’s all that counts,” Dean said. “What’s your game plan, now that you are back here in Gypsum?”
I smiled at them. “Pack up my room. Pack up Andy’s room, too. Start moving on fully from the past.”
“Your parents are okay with that?” Emily asked. “I mean, they’ve kept Andy’s room the same since…”
“I know,” I said. “That’s the point. They don’t know that I’m doing it but I think they need to be encouraged to let go, too.”
Emily reached across the table to squeeze my wrist with warm fingers. “If you need anything, call me. Don’t hesitate to reach out.”
“I will. Thank you both for reading the article.” I smiled thinly at Dean. “I needed a good friend to tell me I’m not crazy for it.”
“You’re not crazy,” he assured me. “It’s honest. It’s raw. I really don’t think Jude would’ve wanted it any other way.”
Once the waiter returned with the receipt and Dean’s credit card, the three of us embraced before I walked slowly in the direction of my parents’ house. Their SUV was parked in the driveway next to my rental car. Sprinklers clicked away lazily in the front yard as I walked along the stone pathway to the front door. The doormat was askew from someone wiping their shoes on it.
I reached down with the intention of straightening it when a pair of child hand prints caught my attention from beneath the rug. Scooting it off to the side, I smiled when I took in Andy’s handprints next to mine in bright blue paint. I traced Andy’s small fingers with the pad of my index finger. He was still here in little ways. Like a distant summer breeze. You could feel him, but not see him.
I placed the mat off to the side before stepping inside. The smell of coffee and baking cinnamon buns filled my nose as I kicked out of my flip flops to walk down the foyer in the direction of the kitchen. My mother looked up from the paperback novel she was reading at the breakfast bar when she heard me come inside.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said, smiling at me. “What are you doing?”
“I was just meeting Emily and Dean for coffee this morning,” I said and took a seat next to her on the bar stool. “Where’s Dad?”
“Upstairs in his office, I believe. He is going fishing later this afternoon with a few buddies of his, if you’re interested in going with them.”
“I can’t. I have to do some work and pack up, too.”
“Pack up?”
I met my mother’s startled eyes with an even and pointed look. “Yes, Mom. It’s time to pack up the rooms. It’s time the James family starts to move on from the past.”
“How do you suggest we do that?” she asked, flattening her book down in front of her and focusing fully on me. “Just throw everything into a box and place it in the basement?”
Bitterness filled her voice. I reached across to wrap an arm around my mother’s shoulders as they quivered with the emotions I felt deep inside of me, too. The thought of putting the past in a dusty box in the basement was excruciating, but we had to do it. We had to let it go because Andy would’ve wanted us to. He would’ve done it himself if he could have. We couldn’t keep living in the past.
“You know that Andy would want us to pack his room,” I said softly. “You know that, Mom. I think we all know it’s time we get some motivation to go forward with our lives.”
She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “I know you’re right, sweetheart. It’s just so hard to think of letting go of you kids.”
“You’re always going to have us. I mean, Andy is still here. I feel him whenever I walk through here. I don’t think he’s going to care if we pack up his old things. It’s the memories that count.”
“It’s the only way that I get to be with Andy after all this time.” An exhausted sigh left her as she picked up her coffee mug. “The group your father and I go to encourages us to pack up his things as well. Not live around a shrine if it is causing us pain.” She gave me a strained smile then. “Your father has been wanting to pack up Andy’s room for a while. I just never felt ready to do it.”
“Well,” I said, grasping her hand. “I am here to help you do it. We’ll do it together. Okay?”
“Okay.”
We spent the next couple of hours sitting in Andy’s room while we laughed and cried over the pictures he had saved. We packed up his trophies on the dusty dresser while we pulled out clothes from the drawers. It was well past ten at night when both my parents retired for the evening after placing what boxes they could part with downstairs—mainly his clothes that smelled dusty and his bedding. The pictures, they kept in a plastic box. After taping one of the remaining boxes up, I pushed it up against the wall for my father to gather up in the morning. I opened the closet door next to find his motocross gear hanging there, as if he were going to pull it on any minute.
Tears filled my eyes as I reached out to gently grasp the padded sleeve. A picture fluttered to the ground from the shelf above when I let go to shut the door. I crouched down to gaze at the glossy photo of Andy and Jude standing next to one another with their arms wrapped about each other’s shoulders. Their grins were cheesy and forced because I had taken the photo.
I smoothed a hand over Andy’s face. “I miss you, Andy. More than you’ll ever know.”
Placing the photograph in the front pocket of the padded shirt, I closed the closet door on it before clicking the lights off to Andy’s room. It felt empty but a good empty. Peaceful.
I padded down the hallway to start the process of my own room. I was halfway through placing books in a box when the sound of a rock tapping against the window caught my attention.
I pushed the curtains back to gaze down at the front lawn. Shock registered through me when I recognized that raven hair beneath the hood of a sweater. I opened the window quickly to stick my head out to look down at him. “Jude? What the hell are you doing here?”
“You know what,” he whispered, taking a step back to look up at me. “Come down. We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“Just come down here. You’ll see.”
I hesitated for a moment, not sure what game Jude was trying to play. Curiosity won, though. There had to be a good reason for Jude to be back in Gypsum with the Games in a few days. I pushed the window open all the way to crawl out to the lattice alongside the house. I turned to face him as he frowned at me.
“You could’ve used the front door,” he said.
“I don’t want to wake my parents,” I said. “We cleaned out Andy’s room today. I didn’t want to wake them up with you at the front door.”
“Good point.”
Silence stretched between us. The entire town of Gypsum was quiet, aside from the sound of sprinklers in the distance. The moonlight brought an ethereal quality to Jude’s eyes as he gazed up at me.
“I read the article,” he said.
Nerves tugged at me. I crossed my arms over my chest to keep myself from fidgeting underneath the intensity of Jude’s eyes.
“I know it wasn’t what we agreed upon,” I started.
“I think it’s wonderful,” Jude interjected passionately. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this before, Ava?”
I kept my eyes focused on the ground. “How am I supposed to tell you?”
“Everything in that article, you could’ve told me. I would’ve stepped out a long time ago if you told me all of that.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I couldn’t ask you to do that, Jude. My fear can’t hold you back.”
“That’s my decision to make,” Jude said readily. “I’m here because I want this to work out, Ava. I want to find a way to make it work.”
My he
art pounded in my chest. Here I was, terrified of getting close to Jude when he was offering to give up the one thing in his life that he loved the most. He had flown back to Gypsum the second he read the article. That intensity provoked an entirely new type of fear in my heart. I never knew how it felt to have someone who was willing to give up everything to be with me.
“Let’s go for a walk.” Jude held out a hand for me. “To the cornfield where we used to go. I don’t want your parents waking up to hear us talking out on the front lawn.”
I reached out to take his hand as he led me down the street in the direction of the cornfield, directly alongside the neighborhood. Neither one of us spoke until we were ducking through the rows. The entire night was motionless and breezily warm. I let go of Jude’s hand as we walked along the rows of corn.
“What is it going to take for you to be with me?” Jude asked. “I’ve done everything that I can think of to make it clear that I want to be with you.”
I swallowed thickly at the question. “There really isn’t anything you can do, Jude. I can’t ask you to give up what’ve you’ve been doing with your life.”
“That’s what you’re afraid of?”
Moonlight poured through the corn stalks as we walked slowly along. I ducked into the next row to hide the tears in my eyes because I couldn’t bear the thought of staying with Jude if he continued to pull dangerous tricks for a living.
“I’m terrified of the risk,” I whispered. “I can’t stand it, Jude. I really can’t stand the risk of loving you and losing you.”
“You’re right. It’s dangerous. I can’t lie about that.”
“And I can’t ask you to give up the one thing you live for,” I continued on, shaking my head. “It’s your passion. You live for it every single day. I can see it in everything that you do.”
“You’re wrong.”
Those two words stopped me right in my tracks. I heard Jude stop next to me.
“It’s not motocross that I live for,” he said. “I live for you. I love you, Ava James. I’ve loved you since I was a little boy. It took me a long time to figure it out, but that’s why I’m here. I’m in love with you. I wasn’t just riding that bike to get away from my parents. I was riding it to you.”
Chapter 25
Jude
I waited with my heart pounding in my chest. The moonlight poured down upon us while a warm breeze swayed through the corn stalks. You couldn’t hear anything for miles. Gypsum was dead silent in the distance.
There. I had said those three little words that I never once believed that I would say to another person.
The corn row parted suddenly as Ava jumped through it and into my arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as she bounced up to her tiptoes to give me a long and steamy kiss.
“I love you, too,” Ava whispered, running her hands down my arms. “I’ve always loved you. I didn’t realize it, either, until I was touring with you. I knew then that my feelings had never changed. Not since we were kids.”
I smoothed my hands over the curve of her waist. Lust spiraled through me at the feeling of Ava’s body pressed up against mine. We were utterly alone on the outskirts of the cornfield. No one would see us, let alone hear us. This had been everyone’s favorite make-out spot back in high school. You couldn’t beat the combination of privacy and romance.
“Let’s just enjoy the night for right now. We can figure everything out later.”
Ava smiled sweetly up at me. “Kiss me.”
Not hesitating, I leaned down to press my lips against hers in a deep kiss that sent shudders through both our bodies. Her lips moved against mine the way she knew would drive me crazy—light and soft, like she was barely there. I slid my hands down to give her ass cheeks a quick squeeze before hooking my hands behind her thighs. My wrist ached when I lifted her to wrap her legs around my hips, but Ava’s hands in my hair were a pleasant distraction from all the aches I felt.
An entirely new one coursed through me. An ache to be buried in Ava, as close and as deep as I possibly could.
Our kisses grew sloppy and wild as I carried her through the cornfield blindly, in the direction where no one would be able to see us. I had walked through this cornfield thousands of times in the direction of Ava and Andy’s house. Hell, Andy and I had taken girls here a few times. It was the only sprawl of land that the sheriff couldn’t drive by to see what people were doing.
Amusement trickled through me at the thought as corn stalks brushed up against us. What would the sheriff say now that we were both consenting adults? We had no one to punish us for being together. We didn’t have to worry about parents any longer.
Satisfied that we were far away from the road, I sank down to the dirt with Ava straddling my lap. Her hips rolled up against mine in a silent invitation to take it further. I broke the kiss to stare down at her swollen lips, then up to those dreamy, lustful eyes. The moonlight filled Ava’s eyes as she gazed back at me. I was lucky. So damn lucky to have a woman like Ava James in my life.
“What?” she inquired softly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have you,” I said huskily. “Just taking in the beautiful view in front of me.”
Ava rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah, sure. Put up the charm right now. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not pushing you away.”
“I’m being totally serious,” I murmured against her neck. “I’m not trying to be charming. I’m just thankful that you snuck out like you were a teenager when you could’ve gone through the front door.”
“Shut up,” Ava groaned, tilting her head back to give me access to her throat. “I’m not ready to go that route with my parents just yet. They’ve barely even accepted the fact that they have to forgive you and Andy.”
“They will eventually, on their own time. They’ll have to get used to us being together, too.”
“In time,” she said, reaching down to tug at my shirt insistently. “Now, are you going to talk the entire time? Because you’re killing the mood here by saying all this stuff.”
“Right. No more talking, so shush, Ava.”
She giggled when I swept her up into another deep and tangling kiss. We broke apart briefly to pull both our shirts up over our heads. I laid mine on the dirt behind Ava as she fiddled with her bra clasp. Once the garment was tossed to the ground, I pushed Ava back onto my shirt to suck on a nipple, while my other hand played with the other one. Ava groaned softly as she arched up against my mouth eagerly. Her thighs were squeezing my hips sensually as she rolled her hips up against the bulge of my cock straining through my jeans. I trailed kisses down her stomach to undo the button of her jeans.
The warm breeze caressed our skin. I knelt back to help Ava pull down her underwear and jeans before taking in the sight of her in the moonlight. Smooth, flawless pale skin. Perfectly rounded breasts. Not an ounce of silicon or Botox. She was warm and real beneath my hands when I reached around to grip her thighs tightly. She reached up to undo the buckle of my belt before shoving the fabric of my own jeans and boxers down my hips.
I sat back to kick free of them, but I was pleasantly surprised when Ava shoved me back onto the ground. Soft dirt pressed up against my back as she climbed on top of me. Dark waves of hair cascaded around her petite shoulders. Her hot flesh pressed up against my aching cock but she pulled back when I attempted to lift her so I could sheath myself in her happily. Her eyes danced mischievously as she leaned down to press a teasing kiss to my lips. She didn’t stop there. She trailed kisses down the center of my chest, past my stomach, and then, that hot and tight mouth circled the tip of my throbbing erection.
I grasped Ava’s hair to keep myself under control. My teeth clenched together while hot pleasure sent my senses scattering in every possible direction. I could barely think past the feel of her mouth bobbing up and down in time, with her fingers grasping me firmly.
“Fuck,” I panted, trying desperately to keep myself under
control. “Ava, stop. I’m going to come in your mouth like that.”
She let go promptly with a smack of her lips. Desperate, I gripped her hips to drag her back up and center her above my straining erection. Her fingers dug into my shoulders to steady herself as I lowered her down over me. We let out a mutual groan of satisfaction as I sheathed myself to the hilt. Her hips rolled intuitively against mine in search for pleasure. It sent fire straight through me as she rolled her hips again.
I dug my fingers into her thighs to keep her going at this pace. I let my head roll back to enjoy the view of Ava’s nipples, hard and dark in the moonlight. Her hair shifted each time she moved against me. Sweat gathered on her upper lip as she reached between us to rub at herself each time she rolled her hips. Unable to stand it any longer, I pressed my feet down into the ground to anchor myself.
I pushed her hand away to press the pad of my thumb against the bundle of nerves there. Ava’s back arched in pleasure at that, while I gripped her hip with my other hand to thrust up hard. The movement nearly sent her toppling off me. She clawed frantically at my shoulders as I rubbed at the sweet little clitoris until her inner-muscles contracted against my throbbing dick.
“Jude!” she cried out while pleasure contorted her face. “Oh, fuck!”
My own release came hard and fast. I thrusted up to let those inner-muscles milk me for everything that I had left. She slouched over me, chest heaving while she tried to catch her breath. I let my head fall back to the ground, not caring about anything in the world besides the feel of Ava’s soft skin against mine. The night breeze felt good against our sweaty flesh as Ava slowly eased herself off of me to grab her clothes from the ground.
I sat up a second later to gaze at her through the moonlight. “This is never going to get old. I can tell you that right now.”
“We’ve had years of foreplay since that one night,” Ava said, laughing. “Years of it to make it feel good. We should get dressed, though, in case there are teenagers who still come here to do what we just did.”
“Probably would be a good idea,” I said.