by Kira Blakely
We brushed dirt off each other before dressing again. I took ahold of Ava’s hand to lead her out of the cornfield in the direction of her parents’ house. We walked slowly along the sidewalk, listening to the crickets before Ava turned to look at me.
“What now?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked, squeezing her hand. “I’m walking you back to your house right now. Being a gentleman and all.”
Ava giggled as she smacked me on the chest playfully. “That’s not what I meant. I meant, what is going to happen now that you are here?”
I reached up with my free hand to rub at my jaw. I hadn’t given much thought about what I wanted to do if I stepped away from motocross. I had enough money to buy a piece of land to build a house anywhere I wanted to. I could run my merchandise lines from Gypsum if I wanted to.
“I think there’s a couple acres of land for sale outside of Gypsum,” I said. “Maybe build a house there.”
“You were being serious about wanting to stop riding?”
We stopped walking to face each other. I reached out to pull corn silk from Ava’s hair before pressing a soft kiss against her lips.
“Yes,” I said. “It terrifies you. I’m getting old, too, and this is a young man’s sport.”
“You’re not that old, Jude. You’re still in your prime.”
I laughed shortly at that. “No, not really. I’ve been injured many times before this. It takes longer every single time to recover. That’s just the nature of this sport.”
“I can’t ask you to quit,” Ava said. “It doesn’t feel right to me.”
Riding was everything to me. It had been for a long time, but, at the end of the day, I was alone in a fancy tour bus with money that I wouldn’t spend. It was empty because I had no one there to share it with.
“You know that saying? People who are unhappy when they get money will always be unhappy?” I asked.
Ava frowned. “Sure. Money doesn’t make people happy.”
“That’s all this sport has turned into,” I said. “Chuck, the team. All of it is about money. I don’t want to live like that. I just want you, Ava. That’s it.”
Tears filled Ava’s eyes, then. I leaned down to press a kiss to the center of her cheek.
“I’m pulling out of the Games,” I said. “Not because you asked. Because I want to.”
Chapter 26
Ava
Disbelief filtered through me. No matter how many times Jude insisted that he was going to stop riding, I never believed him. Not once. The Games meant everything to him. The Games was the biggest event of the year. Millions of dollars were at stake. Endorsement deals. There would be fans everywhere in the world wanting to watch Jude perform his stunts. He had his own line of merchandise to be officially released.
It was too much for him to give up because of me.
Jude stared down at me as he cradled the side of my cheek in his calloused palm. He waited for me to react to the news.
“I can’t let you do this,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s too much, Jude. I know how much all of this means to you.”
He kissed me deeply. “You mean more to me, okay?”
I didn’t know what to say as Jude took a step back from me. Pressing one last kiss to the back of my hand, he nodded to the front door.
“Go to bed,” he said. “We can talk more in the morning. I’m renting a hotel room across from the restaurant if you want to meet for coffee.”
I managed a nod because I didn’t trust my voice as I walked along the pathway to the front door. Finding the spare key beneath a pot of flowers, I unlocked the front door to step inside the dark foyer. I paused to look back over my shoulder as Jude waved goodbye to me before continuing on his way down the sidewalk in the direction of Main Street.
“Ava James.”
Lights clicked on from above. I shrieked in surprise at my father’s voice as I whirled around on the rug. My parents sat waiting on the bottom steps of the stairs. Their faces were stretched in visible disapproval as my father rose to lock the door behind me. My heart pounded furiously while I sucked in deep breaths to calm my racing heart. I felt like I was sixteen all over again.
“Let me explain,” I started as my father came to stand in front of me.
“What the hell is going on between the two of you?” he demanded. “I’ve been reading things in the papers that I hoped were just rumors. Now, here you are, sneaking out with the kid who killed your brother.”
I winced at the harshness in his voice while I mentally braced for a long argument. Andy’s death had to fall on someone’s shoulders—not his own. Jude happened to be the perfect target, even though I was there, too. I had tried to convince him not to go. I could’ve stopped it as easily as Jude.
“Jude didn’t kill Andy,” I said.
My mother’s eyes widened in shock. “You’re defending him now?”
“I am defending him,” I said, tilting my chin to meet their gazes as bravely as possible. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. None of us want to think that Andy could’ve done this to himself but he did. He drank before getting on that bike. We were all drinking that night. Jude tried to tell Andy not to do it but he wouldn’t listen to him. He didn’t want to listen to me, either.”
“I don’t understand,” my father said, shaking his head. “You told me—”
“I told you that Andy and Jude had been drinking because I was angry with both of them. It took me a long time to realize that I could be angry at Andy, too, for being stupid. Not just Jude for letting him.”
My father paced the foyer anxiously in front of me as he tightened the belt of his bathrobe around his waist. “Ava, this is Jude Jacobs that you are getting your heart tangled up with again. Look at him. I heard that he’s been drinking and partying on this tour. His father—”
“Jude is not like his father,” I argued, shaking my head. “He is not anything like his parents. He has done everything he can to make sure that he doesn’t end up like them.”
“He isn’t that way now, Ava. All of this can change over the years. Alcoholism and drug abuse.” My mother’s face contorted in disgust. “God only knows what sort of things that boy has caught over the years, being famous.”
“He hasn’t caught a damn thing! I know it because the entire time I’ve been with him, not once has he paid attention to any female fans.”
“What about the pool party in Austin then?” my mother asked cynically. “That was a fan, from what I read.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration because I didn’t know how to explain that entire situation to them without admitting that Jude and I had been intimate. On numerous occasions. I stared at both of their skeptical faces as I took in a deep breath. Honesty. I had to be honest with them if Jude was serious about giving up his career to be with me.
“Jude is giving everything up for me,” I said. “His career in motocross. Everything. He wants to give it up for me if I let him close enough.”
My father sighed in exasperation. “Men say things to get what they want from women. I’m just saying, Ava, that he might not be telling you the truth when he says that. It sounds convenient, after that article you wrote.”
“He came out here to tell me that he loves me.”
Those words didn’t settle well on their shoulders. I rubbed a hand over my face as I slid out of my shoes to nudge them alongside the front door.
“I’m going to bed,” I said. “Goodnight.”
I didn’t expect them to accept Jude quickly. Letting go of Andy’s personal possessions had been hard enough for them. I didn’t even know how to process a future with Jude. Our lives were the complete opposite and had been from day one. Nothing I said would ever make them understand the connection I felt deep down whenever Jude touched me.
The next morning, I heard the car door close from the driveway. I managed to slide out of bed in time to see that my father had hooked up the trailer to the back of the SUV. Andy’s old
bed, dresser, and end tables were strapped down in the trailer. I watched as my father backed out of the driveway before slowly pulling the trailer down the street until he disappeared.
I slipped into a bathrobe before exiting my own room to push Andy’s door open. His room was completely bare, and when I opened the closet, his motocross gear was gone, along with the picture. My heart clenched as I took in the dusty blue walls that once had been filled with posters that every teenage boy had back then. Sports posters. Bands. It was all gone, and it hurt more than I anticipated it would.
Downstairs, I found my mother nursing a cup of coffee as she stared out the kitchen window with glossy eyes. I poured myself a cup before coming to stand behind her.
“Where’s Dad going?” I asked quietly. “I saw him with the trailer. I didn’t even hear him take any of that stuff down.”
“That’s because he did it last night after we all went to bed,” she replied distantly. “He thought it’d be best for me to not help with it.”
I rested my hand on her frail shoulder gently. “It’s hard, Mom, but you know that Andy would’ve wanted you to let go of him. It’s going to kill all of us with grief if we don’t.”
“You’re right, sweetheart.” She turned beneath my hand to gaze at me with a small smile. “We can’t blame anyone else for his death. I realize that.”
“I’m glad.”
“It still won’t be easy to accept your relationship with Jude, though,” she said. “He’s famous, Ava. The attention is more than you can stand. You’ve never been one for cameras and crowds. Are you sure that this is what you want to do?”
I looked down at the tiled floor to hide my doubts. No matter what Jude did, he had sealed himself as an iconic racer in the motocross field. Cameras were always going to follow him. He would always have fans who adored him.
“It’s just complicated between us,” I said. “I can’t even tell a straight answer because it’s up in the air. All I know is that he flew from Chicago to be here with me because of the article I wrote.”
“Did you mean what you wrote in that article?”
“Yes,” I said. “Every bit of it.”
“Honesty is the key to any great relationship. Your father and I have always been honest about how we feel, but it’s a matter of respecting each other’s differences, too. He wanted to get rid of Andy’s things for a long time, but I wanted to hold them close. He respected my decision but it brewed resentment. Be careful. That sort of thing can destroy a solid marriage.”
She turned back around to gaze out the kitchen window. I gathered my coffee cup to hurry upstairs and shower. As much as I didn’t want to think of it that way, my mother had a point. What could I honestly expect from Jude three years from now? He’d get restless. He’d want to ride. It was in his blood. He’d become unhappy and he’d look for the cause. What would he find? Me.
Those thoughts swirled through my head as I walked to Main Street. I spotted Jude standing outside of the restaurant with a group of young boys around him. Their smiles were vibrant as Jude crouched down to sign a few things for them. They all dashed away happily when Jude rose from his crouched position with a smile.
“Morning,” he said and pressed a long kiss to my lips. He tasted of coffee and toothpaste. It took all my strength to not collapse in his arms like I wanted to. “Ready for breakfast?”
“I’m actually not hungry,” I said, grimacing. “Food doesn’t sound good. Do you want to go for a walk to the quarry?”
Jude shrugged his shoulders. “Sure. I have to call Chuck along the way, though. He’s been blowing up my phone since I texted him last night.”
“What did you text him?”
“That I’m pulling out of the Games,” he replied, taking ahold of my hand. “I told him that I couldn’t risk losing you, so I’m pulling out. Permanently.”
We started down the dirt road in the direction of the quarry. The sound of bikes filled the air as we drew closer to it. Hot sunlight poured down upon us while we walked side by side.
“Jude, I’ve been thinking.”
“Hold on,” he said, scowling as he pulled out his phone from his pocket. “Let me take this from Chuck. It’s better to get it over with now.”
“Wait.”
Jude didn’t heed my warning. He hit the answer button. The sound of Chuck’s pissed voice filled the air around us, despite the call not being on speaker.
“What the fuck do you mean you’re pulling out of the Games? And for that bitch, of all reasons? What is wrong with you, JJ?”
“Nothing is wrong with me,” Jude said calmly. “I already told you. I made my decision. Money is not a big deal to me. I can’t do it anymore.”
“Ava put you up to this,” Chuck snarled into the phone. “I know it. I tried to warn that woman to leave you the fuck alone. These are endorsement deals. Major ones, JJ! Once in a lifetime deals. You are on the brink of breaking records here.”
“I’m aware of that. It’s not worth it to me if I’m sleeping by myself every night.”
“No woman should force you to give up your career.”
Those words slammed into my chest when Jude glanced at me. I looked across the flat land in the direction where trucks and jeeps were parked with trailers behind them. Dirt bikes revved in the distance. I continued walking along as Jude followed behind me.
“You can’t sue either one of us,” Jude snapped, holding the phone tightly to his ear. “No, that’s bullshit. Noncompliance? Fuck that. You’re making shit up to get your paycheck at the end of the damn day.”
“Jude,” I sighed, a headache pounding at my temples. “Just hang up the phone. We need to talk about this.”
He shook his head at me. “No. I know the contracts. You have nothing to sue me over. You can’t even sue Ava because there is no written agreement. You can drop me if you want. I can manage myself. None of my business ventures have anything to do with you in the first place. I’ll see you in court if you want to take that fucking route. Bastard.”
A dirt bike raced by us on the gravel road in the direction of town. I watched as Jude’s eyes followed the bike while he pocketed his phone. I recognized that longing in his eyes immediately. Resentment. It could kill relationships. I had watched the resentment between my parents grow over the years since Andy’s death. I didn’t want that to happen to Jude and me.
“I can’t let you do this,” I said. “I can’t let you give up your life for me. It’s too much.”
Chapter 27
Jude
I stared at Ava in disbelief as she turned away from me to gaze out along the quarry where we used to spend all our free time as teenagers. There were a few bikers down below who were riding along the hills but nothing extreme and dangerous like my stunts.
“It’s not a burden,” I said. “Who said it was?”
“You don’t have to say it. You’ll never say it, and I love that about you. The fact that you’re willing to give it all up for me is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. But giving up the thing you love doing will make you resent me. If not today, it will be in a few days. Maybe weeks. After the Games pass—”
“Ava,” I interjected, anger filling me. “I am not giving up my life for you. My career and the money and the deals are not my life. You’re my life.”
Ava turned to look back at me with a sad smile. She reached out to stroke a hand along my cheek, gazing up at me with tears in her eyes.
“But this is who you are,” she whispered. “You aren’t JJ without a bike. You’ve worked hard to be where you are now. I can’t ask you to throw it away.”
“I don’t need you to ask me! I’m doing it anyway.”
“Don’t call Chuck again,” she said, reaching to stop my hand as I went for my phone. “Don’t tell him you’re quitting if you call. Tell him that you’re going to be on the first plane out to head back to the Games.”
Pain erupted in my chest when Ava took a step back from me. Her face was resolute and sad
at the same time. She had made her decision, apparently, while listening to Chuck vent out his frustrations over the phone.
“If you’re scared about Chuck threatening to sue you, just know that I’d pay the legal shit to cover you,” I said. “I don’t think he’s actually going to go after you. It’s just me that he’s after.”
“I’m the cause of it, though,” Ava said. “I know that I am. He told my boss that I was a distraction to you.”
“He fucking told your boss that?” I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation. “That bastard. I’ll call your boss to explain to him that is not the case. Your boss is an idiot for turning your article down because of whatever bullshit Chuck told him.”
“I’m not worried about my career. I can go anywhere in the world to do what I want to do. That’s the beauty of it.”
“I can do what I want to do anywhere in the world, too,” I said. “I already told you, Ava. I can’t keep doing this forever. My body isn’t the same as it once was.”
“You’re still young. I don’t believe you when you say that.”
My heart ached in my chest from the emotions going through me. No matter what I said, or even did anymore, Ava would find an excuse to pull away from me. She was still stuck in that damn cycle of fear.
“Am I not good enough for you?” I demanded hotly.
Ava drew back in surprise at the question. “Of course, you are good enough for me. More than good enough.”
“Why are you pulling away from me, then? Again, for the hundredth fucking time?”
She reached out to place her hands on both my cheeks this time. Tears were falling from her eyes as she looked up at me.
“What we had back in high school was the most intense type of feeling I’ve ever known,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find it again because it’s not meant to last in the real world. We were lost in a fantasy together back then. We still are now.”
“It’s not a fantasy,” I insisted, and to my horror, tears burned the back of my eyes. I pulled Ava’s hands away from my cheeks to hold them in mine. “We are not a fantasy in my head. I never pictured it that way back then, either.”