The Healer: First Touch

by Amy Clapp

  Varick slowly dropped his hands from my face. Coldness replaced the warmth left by his hands. Instinctually, I raised my hands to my face, where his hands had been. I closed my eyes, taking another deep, slow, calming breath.

  "Good," Varick responded approvingly. "And you didn't even need me to help calm you." A hesitant smile teased at the corners of Varick's mouth.

  Wiping the tears away from my eyes with the back of my hands, I gave him an uneasy laugh that sounded more like choking than laughing. I looked around at my surroundings. Varick's home had become very dark, the only light coming from the soft orange glow of the fire still burning in the stone fireplace. I pulled the quilt back around me and tucked it under my chin. I shivered again.

  "Are you cold?" Varick asked.

  I shook my head.

  Varick stood to move back to his chair and back to sleep. As he turned toward the chair, I reached out and grabbed his hand with my own. "Please, don't go. I'm too afraid to be alone."

  Varick dropped to his knees beside the bed, his face even with mine. He still held my hand in his own. "I already told you, Jacey. I'm here. I will never leave you alone."

  "No," I protested, anxiety spreading through me again. I forced myself to breathe evenly. "No," I repeated, my voice filled with desperation. "I need you here, right next to me." I patted the bed with my free hand.

  Varick raised one eyebrow.

  "Please, just hold me."

  Varick sighed. He looked as if he was trying to convince himself. I suddenly wished I hadn't asked him.

  "I'm sorry. You don't have to if you don't want to," I sheepishly said as he struggled with my request.

  "No, it's not that. I want to. I just don't think I should." Varick shook his head, a frown across his lips.

  "Oh, okay," I mumbled. I didn't want to know why he shouldn't.

  Varick's frown turned into a grin. "I'm weak when it comes to your pouting," Varick sighed in defeat, still grinning. "Watch out, here I come."

  Varick gracefully climbed onto the bed. He settled himself behind me, his body still on top of the covers. Pulling me in close to him, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him tightly. As the heat from Varick's body warmed me through the quilt, I began to relax. I allowed my body to calm, to sink deeply into the bed and against Varick. He rested his chin against the back of my head, his breath tickling my hair.

  I felt content and safe.

  Varick chuckled. "Shotup tapotcow quilme zatip," Varick stated softly against the back of my head.

  "Thank you Varick," I said sleepily, feeling myself relax further, my mind groggy again with sleep.

  Varick laughed again, tightening his arms around me. "Go to sleep, Jacey. I will not leave you. God help me, but I won't leave you." Varick placed a gentle kiss on the back of my head.

  As I fell back asleep, I'm pretty sure I was smiling.

  I slept peacefully the rest of the night, waking to find the little cottage filled with sunlight. Varick's arms were still wrapped around me. I turned slightly to look at him. He was already awake.

  "Good morning." Varick smiled broadly. His hair was messy, sticking up all over his head.

  Giggling, I tried sitting up. Varick released his hold on me. He sat up, running his hands through his hair. I raised my arms and stretched my neck and shoulders. Raising my knees, I circled my arms around them, hugging them close to my chest.

  "Can I make you some coffee?" Varick asked, getting off the bed.

  I nodded.

  Varick walked into the kitchen and bent to retrieve a metal coffee pot from a bottom cupboard. I watched as he filled it with water from the tap and placed coffee in the top of the pot, so it would percolate as the water boiled. Varick lit the propane stove with a match and ran his hand absently through his hair. I turned to look out the window across the room. I didn't know what time it was, but the sun was already shining brightly.

  "Are you cold? Do you want me to make another fire?" Varick turned to ask.

  His voice gained my attention and I turned away from the window and back to him. Biting my lip, I shook my head side to side. The water in the coffee pot boiled and steam hissed out from under the lid. As the coffee percolated, the rich aroma wafted towards me. I breathed in and enjoyed the warm, rich smell.

  "You take your coffee black, right?" Varick winked at me, a playful smile on his flawless face.

  "How did you..." I stopped when I was able to answer my own question. My face broke into its own smile.

  Varick reached into the cupboard and brought down two coffee mugs. When the coffee was done to Varick's liking, he took the pot off the burner and poured two cups. He picked up both mugs and walked back toward the bed, where I was still sitting. Smiling, Varick handed me a mug of hot coffee. I wrapped both hands around the mug, feeling the heat of the coffee warming my palms through the cup. I brought the mug up to my face and breathed in the rich coffee smell. The hot coffee slid down my throat and left a slight burn as I swallowed. It was good. Not quite as dark and strong as Oma's. I took another sip. Varick watched me over his own cup as we sat on the bed facing each other. His eyes sparkled bright blue over the lip of his mug, turning up at the corners in apparent amusement.

  I noticed.

  "What's so funny?" I tilted my head to the side to assess Varick.

  He brought his own mug to his leg, setting it on his thigh. He also tilted his head, so that he was a mirror image of me. "Nothing really. Or maybe just all of this. It's amusing." Varick's smile widened.

  I shook my head in confusion, bringing the cup to my lips for another drink. Suddenly, I realized that I was probably supposed to be at school. "What time is it?" "It's just after 10:00," Varick answered, the amused look still splashed across his face.

  "Ten? I'm late for school. Way late." Holding my mug in my left hand, I threw off the quilt covering my legs and jumped out of bed. I placed the mug on the nightstand next to the bed, pushing some of the books to the side. I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face, drying it with the hand towel on the rack. I ran my fingers through my hair, working out the snarls tangling the ends of my long locks.

  "What are you doing?" Varick asked, leaning over to look in through the bathroom door from his place on the end of the bed.

  "Getting ready for school." I took a rubber band off my wrist, and pulled my hair back into a low ponytail at the base of my neck. Assessing myself in the small oval mirror over the sink, I ran my tongue over the front of my teeth. I really wished I had my toothbrush and some make-up. I shook my head in exasperation and left the bathroom to find my flip flops. Slipping them over my toes, I turned to face Varick who was now lounging back on the bed, his tattooed arm propping him up. An amused smile still played across his face.

  I gestured toward the door to indicate we needed to leave.

  Varick still lounged on the bed, only moving to lift his coffee to his mouth.

  "I need to go to school. I'm already late." I bent to pick up my purse, yanking it quickly over my shoulder and across my chest.

  "Is that really what you want to do today?" Varick's eyes twinkled mischievously.

  Placing my hands on my hips, I looked skeptically at Varick and squinted my eyes. "Why? What do you have in mind?

  "Oh, I don't know," Varick began. "How about we go for a bike ride and just spend the day together." Varick raised his eyebrows suggestively.

  "Varick!" I cried, attempting to add as much shock to my voice as possible.

  Varick laughed. I knew he was joking, so I giggled with him, covering my mouth with my hands.

  Varick eventually stood and carried his mug to the sink. Approaching me, Varick extended his left hand, palm up, inviting me to accept his hand. "Do you trust me?" His voice was suddenly serious, while his eyes still twinkled playfully.

  Without hesitation, I placed my left hand in Varick's. I nodded my head vigorously. I did trust him. I trusted him with my life.

  "Then come on." Varick intertwined his f
ingers in mine. He led me out of the little cottage and into the warm midday sunshine.

  Once at his motorcycle, Varick said, "Wait here, I need to get another helmet for you." He released my fingers and left me by his bike while he walked back into the small home. Before he disappeared through the doorway, he glanced back at me, flashing a broad smile. Then he disappeared inside.

  I took a moment to look around at the forest in which Varick's tiny home was nestled. Varick's home looked small in the darkness when we arrived the night before. But in the daylight, as the sun penetrated the forest ceiling the home looked even smaller, reminding me of the tree house Opa had built for me when I was eight years old. I looked at the leaves high above me; their branches swayed in the light spring breeze. The forest was thick with old hardwoods and pine trees side by side. The forest floor was covered with dead leaves and green ferns.

  The door of the little cottage creaked and groaned as it opened. I looked to see Varick shutting it and turning to face me. He had changed his clothes and now wore a tan t-shirt and faded blue jeans. In one hand he carried two bottles of water and in the other, a shiny black helmet.

  When Varick reached me, he handed me the helmet. "Here. You're gonna need this." He reached in front of me and placed the waters inside a black leather pouch hanging off the side of the cycle. As he reached across me, his arm brushed past, lightly skimming my stomach. I sucked in my breath, my stomach fluttering with excitement at his closeness. His scent filled my lungs, causing tiny goose bumps to prickle the skin on my arms. He stood up and grabbed his helmet off the seat of the motorcycle and balanced the helmet on the side of his hip under his arm.

  My eyes followed the path of Varick's black tattoo up his arm. The tan t-shirt was tight on Varick's body, accentuating his thin but muscular build. Varick chuckled under his breath, obviously pleased by my observations. Embarrassed at being caught checking him out, my cheeks flamed hotly.

  "Sorry," I mumbled. Varick smiled, placing his own black helmet over his head. Varick's visor was flipped up, his blue eyes the only visible part of his face.

  "Ready?"

  I nodded. Varick balanced the bike between his legs and walked it backwards, turning the bike so it faced the track we came in on the night before. He started the motorcycle and it purred gently. He looked back at me with both of his hands on the cycle's handles. Taking a deep breath, I placed the helmet over my head, wiggling it into place. It felt bulky and heavy as my neck attempted to compensate for the new weight. Varick reached his right hand back toward me. I grabbed his hand, and he pulled me onto the back of the motorcycle. I squeezed my legs around the body of the cycle, leaning in close to Varick, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist.

  The cycle jerked beneath me as Varick popped the clutch, accelerating the sleek cycle down the track, so it kicked up dust and debris behind us. Varick sped the cycle down the track and onto the dirt road which eventually led out to the paved roadway. I watched as the forest surrounding us flew by in a blur of greens and browns, accentuated by the blueness of the sky. As Varick raced the motorcycle along the road leading back into the town of Byron, the forest lightened, giving way to wide fields of newly planted corn and budding blueberry bushes. Red barns and white farm houses dotted the fields. I closed my eyes and tried resting my helmeted head against Varick's back. The cycle swaying underneath me along with the passing scenery dizzied my mind and caused my stomach to churn.

  Apparently, Varick also felt my unease. He turned his head back and said, "Are you feeling alright?"

  "Yes," I mumbled, keeping my eyes tightly shut.

  "We'll be stopping shortly. Just hang on." The motorcycle jerked forward as Varick accelerated again. I could feel my stomach jerk in response to the cycle's action.

  Then, the cycle began to slow and turn to the left. I squeezed tighter to the motorcycle and Varick as my body instinctually leaned into the turn. Suddenly, we stopped. I felt the machine shut off and Varick kicking the kick stand down into place.

  "We're here." Only then did I open my eyes.

  My eyes needed to adjust to the light from being closed while we drove. Varick stepped away from the cycle. He reached his hand out and assisted me off the motorcycle. I pulled off my helmet grimacing as it scraped and tugged at my skin and hair. Varick grabbed the helmet from me and placed both his and mine on the seats of the motorcycle. Only then did I look around and realize where I was. Varick had taken me home. I grinned broadly and looked at Varick.

  "I thought you might want to get freshened up a bit." Varick's shoulders lifted in a shrug.

  "Thank you, yes I would like that." I started walking the short path of the driveway leading to the front porch. I turned towards Varick, grinning slyly. "Wait, are you trying to tell me something?''

  Varick's chagrinned smile responded. "I'll just wait here," he said, leaning up against his motorcycle and crossing his legs at his ankles and his arms in front of his chest.

  I rolled my eyes at Varick as I turned the doorknob of the front door. It was open. I hadn't seen Oma's Buick in the driveway so I didn't think she was home yet, but I called her name anyway. Only the clicking of the grandfather clock in the family room answered my call. I walked in to the kitchen, took off my purse, and set it on the counter next to the microwave. That's when I noticed the note, Oma's neat handwriting scrawled across the scrap paper.

  I got your message. Hope everything is alright. I love you and miss you. Should be coming home this weekend. Cathy is very sick. Will tell you all about it later. Love, Oma.

  I ran my fingers over the note, tracing Oma's handwriting. My heart ached at the sight of her familiar penning. I missed her so. My thoughts were awakened by the grandfather clock's melody, signaling it was half past the hour. I remembered Varick waiting outside by his cycle. Leaving my purse and Oma's note on the counter, I ran through the house and up the stairs to the bathroom.

  Once upstairs, I threw my clothes down the laundry shoot into the basement. I took a quick, hot shower, brushed my teeth thoroughly and added a little make-up. I quickly brushed out my long hair, pulling the wet locks into a single braid that hung down the middle of my back. I grabbed a clean pair of denim capris and two ribbed tank tops, one white and the other pink. I layered the tank tops and pulled on the capris, grabbing a pair of pink flip flops from my closet before running down the stairs and out to Varick.

  He was still leaning against the motorcycle, his arms crossed over his chest still. "That was quick." Varick smiled warmly.

  I returned the smile and grabbed my black helmet off the seat of the motorcycle. "So, where are we going?"

  "I thought we'd take a ride out to the beach, maybe have a picnic or something." "Hmm. That sounds good."

  "Okay, then. Hop on." Varick put on his helmet and I did the same, adjusting the helmet once it was in place.

  Varick looked at me. "Ready?"

  "Yep," I answered, lightly hitting the top of my helmet with my open palm.

  Varick's laugh reached his eyes, the blueness of them bright and cheery. I hoisted myself onto the back of the bike, balancing on the small seat.

  "Ready," I called out, wrapping my arms eagerly around Varick's waist, clasping my hands together.

  I could almost feel Varick's grin through his helmet. The sleek cycle started with a jerk and a purr. Varick slid the machine down the driveway and onto the roadway. We drove into town, past the grocery store and post office. Varick held the bike between his legs, while I balanced on the back. The motorcycle lurched forward as Varick accelerated through the rest of town.

  Jameson's came up on the right and I turned to look at the family diner as we passed. My heart grew heavy with sadness as Jamie's image came to mind. My throat tightened as feelings of guilt filled me. I thought I felt Varick accelerate, the motorcycle lurching forward, the town speeding past us a little faster. I held tighter around Varick, my thoughts and feelings left behind with Jameson's diner.

  Varick turned the motorcycle onto Lake
Drive, the machine leaning heavily with us along with it. He gracefully maneuvered the motorcycle over the hills and through the curves of Lake Drive until we reached the sand dunes, the big lake just on the other side.

  Varick slowed the cycle as we approached the dark brown ranger booth. Giving a quick wave to the ranger who also waved in response, Varick drove the motorcycle into the parking lot and maneuvered it into a parking spot near the entrance of the park, close to the ranger booth.

  When he had the machine stabilized with the kick stand, I carefully slid off the side and took my helmet off. Varick did the same, running his hand through his wavy, brown hair. Smiling mischievously, Varick held out his hand to take my helmet. He placed both helmets on the leather seat of the motorcycle. Running his hands through his hair again, Varick turned grinning broadly. "I've got water and a couple of granola bars in the leather pouch on the motorcycle."

  "Is that your idea of a picnic?" I placed my hands on my hips.

  Laughing, Varick, "Yeah, I guess so."

  Reaching into the leather pouch, I took out the waters, handing both to Varick. I grabbed the granola bars. "Next time, I'll pack the picnic."

  "Deal," Varick stated, his eyes glittering with amusement.

  I started for the sand that would lead down to the beach and Lake Michigan. It was another beautiful late spring day. The sky was bright blue, a few wispy clouds running high in the sky. The air temperature was warm, but the light breeze off the lake was cool. The big lake was full of waves, whitecaps frothing the wave crests. A seagull's lonely cry sounded high in the sky.

  I looked back and Varick was following me. A light blush stained my cheeks at the sight of his reckless smile. Varick stopped when we came to the foot of a dune. Jerking his head quickly to the side, he motioned that we should sit up on the dune. I nodded and followed him. I carried my flip flops as I trudged up the sand dune, careful not to step on the coarse dune grass.

  Varick stopped at the top of the small dune, where the sand shelved off. A larger dune was behind it. A couple rogue trees were growing out of the shelf of the dune giving shade. Varick sat down under one of those trees and crossed his legs. I followed, placing my flip flops in the sand next to me. Varick handed me a water, and I gave him a granola bar. I placed the unopened water bottle between my legs and stared at Varick as he opened his water, threw his head back, and downed half the bottle.