The Healer: First Touch

by Amy Clapp

  I kept my eyes down, suddenly filled with shame and guilt. I saw his boots stop just in front of me.

  "You better be careful. You look like you're about to drop that casserole. That'd be a shame," Varick's rich voice teased.

  I lifted my face, allowing my eyes to travel up Varick's faded torn jeans and white shirt. I looked last at his face. He had a broad smile and looked as if he was genuinely glad to see me. His eyes crinkled at the corners with amusement as he stared at me. I did just about drop the casserole dish as the blueness of his eyes yet again startled me.

  Chuckling, he reached for the dish, just before it slipped from my grasp.

  "Maybe I ought to carry this." He held the dish in front of him.

  I stared at him in disbelief. "You came."

  "Of course. I told you I would be here." Varick looked more intently at me. "Shall we?" Varick nodded his head toward the open door.

  I only hesitated a moment before entering. All I needed was to look at Varick's grin and I had the strength and courage I needed. Varick was right behind me.

  Oma was in the kitchen pouring hot coffee out of the thermos for her and Cathy. Cathy had settled back in her recliner, covered with an afghan. She looked tired and cold, but happy to see us. I shook my head sadly. This disease must be aggressive and the treatments harsh for her to look so different in the span of a week. Oma walked into the living room with the two steaming cups of coffee and gave one to Cathy.

  "Thanks so much Clare. Just what I needed to warm my bones." She took a tentative sip, testing the heat of the liquid.

  As Oma sipped her coffee, she noticed Varick standing in the kitchen. She raised her eyebrows at me over her cup of coffee.

  Walking over to Cathy, I said. "Cathy, this is my friend, Varick." He seemed startled by my sudden introduction. "Varick?" I said, motioning to him.

  He cleared his throat and walked over to us. Standing before Cathy, he bowed slightly, stating, "How do you do, Ma'am."

  I cringed slightly at his introduction.

  "I've been better," Cathy answered, her eyes moving over him suspiciously. They stopped on his tattoo. "My, that's quite a tattoo you have." She glanced back at Oma.

  I cringed again.

  "This old thing?" Varick asked, raising his inked arm. "Geez, I've had this forever."

  I just about choked with laughter at Varick's statement. I covered my mouth pretending to cough instead.

  Oma stared at me, then spoke to Cathy. "How are you feeling today? Were you able to sleep last night?"

  Cathy took a long sip of coffee before she answered. She closed her eyes, seemingly enjoying the hot brew warming through her body. "I'm very tired and I didn't sleep very well. The pain keeps me up at night."

  Oma went on. "Cathy, I know of something that might help with your pain." Oma's eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed. I looked warily at Varick, who had stepped behind me, closer to the kitchen, after his awkward introduction. His arms were crossed in front of him as he smiled.

  "Really? I'm all ears." She winced as she moved in the chair.

  "Well, we brought you a gift that might help. Jacey brought you a gift." Oma gestured toward me. I startled at the mention of my name.

  "Jacey?" Cathy asked, turning her attention towards me. I gave Cathy a feeble smile.

  "Yes, Jacey," Oma said, smiling broadly. "Jacey has a gift she would like to share with you. Jacey, come here, child, and tell Cathy about your gift." She smiled encouragingly. I glanced back at Varick before stepping forward. He nodded at me.

  I turned to Cathy who appeared confused. She glanced from me to Oma and back. "Clare, what's going on?"

  "Tell her honey. Tell her what you can do." Oma's voice was higher than normal.

  I knelt down in front of Cathy, so that our faces were at the same level. I took a deep breath. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest with my nervousness. "Cathy," I started slowly. "I think I can heal you." My words sounded strange to my own ears.

  "Heal me? What do you mean?" Cathy's confusion was evident on her face.

  I swallowed hard, turning to glance at Varick. He nodded again. I turned back to Cathy. She was sitting up more. And she was staring at Varick. Her eyes shifted to Oma. "Clare, what's going on?" Her voice was wary, edged with anxiety.

  "It's alright Cathy. Just listen to Jacey." Oma nodded at me. "Go ahead, honey."

  "I'm a Healer. I can heal you with a touch of my hand and your cancer will be gone." I sure hope I am right. I stared at Cathy anxiously.

  Cathy snorted. "Are you joking? Clare, tell me she's joking. I have stage four terminal pancreatic cancer that has spread to my liver. I am going to die and from the sounds of it, fairly soon. I honestly don't appreciate the joke." Her eyes were hard as she looked at me.

  I shook my head defensively. "No, Cathy. It's not a joke. I can heal you." Oma nodded her head enthusiastically in agreement. "All I need to do is put my hands on you."

  "Put your hands on me? Like I watch on the religious channels? You're gonna smack me in the head and yell, 'You are healed'? I don't think so. I'm not falling for it." Cathy shook her head obstinately.

  I looked helplessly at Varick. I hadn't expected this to be the difficult part. I stood up, ready to accept defeat. Oma wasn't so easily dismissed.

  She sat next to Cathy and grabbed Cathy's exposed hand. I was shocked to see the difference in skin color. Oma's skin was pale white with brown age spots and Cathy's looked yellow from jaundice, an obvious sign that her liver and pancreas were not functioning correctly.

  Oma's voice wavered as she spoke. "Cathy, you are right. You are going to die from the cancer. She can heal you from the cancer and you will live. But you have to let her do it."

  Cathy just stared at Oma.

  "Please, Cathy."

  Cathy's gaze shifted back to me. "Why haven't I heard of this gift you have before?" Cathy's gaze moved to Oma. "How come?"

  Oma was about to answer when I interrupted. "I just discovered it. My mother had it as well. We have to keep it a secret to protect the power and to protect me." My voice was stronger. I felt stronger.

  Varick's words whispered in my head. "Well said, Jacey."

  I turned and smiled at Varick. He smiled in return, his arms crossed in front of him.

  Cathy sighed heavily. "Is that true, Clare?"

  "Yes," Oma answered.

  "Can she really cure me?" Cathy's voice squeaked with emotion.

  "Yes, I can." I stood up straighter, rolling my shoulders back.

  "Yes, you can," Varick whispered in my ears.

  I smiled.

  "Okay, I'll let you try. It won't hurt to try I guess."

  My eyebrows shot up. Yes, it would hurt. It was going to hurt both of us. I could feel my heart begin to hammer in my chest as I thought of the burn.

  "Steady," Varick said only to me. "Just stay calm. You can do this." I was glad he was here.

  "So, when do you want to do this?" Cathy asked, glancing between me and Oma.

  "Now. We might as well just do it now." I rubbed my hands together briskly in front of me until I felt a warm glow.

  "Well, where do you want me?" Cathy asked us as she struggled to get out of the chair she was in. Varick stepped to her aid, holding her hands and arms to support her. He was so gentle as he helped her stand and guided her back to her bedroom. "Thank you, young man," Cathy said, her eyes looking at Varick approvingly. "You are a strong lad, aren't you?" Cathy was breathing heavily from her effort. She looked so frail and tired.

  My heart broke for her as I watched her shuffle down the hallway to her bedroom, leaning heavily on Varick. I followed them, Oma right behind me. I felt Oma's arm circle around my waist as she came up behind me.

  "You can do this, Jacey. I know it. " She kissed me gently on the cheek and squeezed my midsection.

  I patted her hand on my waist. "Thank you, Oma."

  I instructed Varick to help Cathy into bed. He deftly picked her up and lay her gently on the bed.
>
  "Oh," she said awkwardly at Varick's action. If her skin wasn't so yellow, I would have expected a blush across her cheeks.

  "Okay, lay on your stomach if you can." I knew I would need to place my hands as close to her liver and pancreas as I could and the best place would be her lower back. Oma and Varick gently assisted her in turning onto her stomach. Oma discreetly pulled down her nightgown to cover her thighs.

  "No, Oma. I need to be able to touch her bare skin."

  Oma and Cathy looked quickly at Varick.

  "Oh, right," Varick stuttered uncomfortably. "I will wait right outside the door." He turned to leave when I stopped him.

  "Varick, wait." I felt the rise of panic. I didn't think I could do this without him. I was only strong and confident because he was with me.

  Varick smiled broadly. "I'll be just outside this door." I nodded quickly, smiling back at him.

  Once Varick was out of the room, Oma pulled up Cathy's nightgown exposing her bare back. I brought the quilt that was folded neatly on the end of the bed up to cover Cathy's lower half of her body so that only her back was exposed.

  I concentrated on my breathing, trying to keep steady and calm. I rubbed my hands together again to warm them up, so they wouldn't be cold on Cathy's skin, even though I knew once I began the healing, she surely wouldn't feel cold.

  I sat down on the bed, next to Cathy's legs. "I'm going to tell you what to expect." I didn't truly know what to expect myself, but I was at least going to share what little I did know. "Just lie still and try to relax as much as you can." That seemed like good advice. Oma sat on the opposite side of the bed next to Cathy's legs. She held Cathy's hand for support and smiled encouragingly.

  "I am going to place my hands on your back. I'll be applying a bit of pressure right where your tumors are so it might hurt a little."

  "Okay." Cathy's voice was muffled.

  "You are going to feel some heat where your cancer is. It will feel like a heating pad at first, okay?

  "Uh huh," Cathy mumbled. Oma stared at me in astonishment.

  I continued. "It will get hotter. That is the healing. It is going to grow until it burns. It's probably going to get very uncomfortable at that point."

  I listened to myself speaking as if I really knew what I was talking about. I shook my head slightly, suddenly annoyed with myself.

  "You are doing fine. Keep going." Varick's words tickled in my ears.

  "Let's see if this works."

  "You have done this before, right?"

  "A few times."

  I took a deep breath. Then another, and another. I kept my breathing calm and steady. I flexed my fingers on both hands.

  "Are you ready?"

  "Yes, I'm ready."

  I looked at Oma. She smiled at me and quietly said, "You can do this."

  I closed my eyes, waiting to hear Varick's voice in my head. He felt my hesitation. "I'm right here, Jacey. You can do this. Just nice and easy. Trust me."

  I opened my eyes just long enough to place my hands on Cathy's lower back. Her skin was clammy and cool to the touch. I flattened my palms against her back. Then I closed my eyes and concentrated, searching for the tumors. Suddenly, I felt them, a large softball size tumor and a number of smaller tumors around it.

  "I can feel them," I breathed.

  "Good, Jacey. Now apply the pressure."

  I did as Varick instructed. I pressed down on Cathy's back, feeling the tumors in my palms. I pressed harder, closing my eyes tighter.

  "Ow," Cathy groaned.

  "Sorry," I whispered as I applied more pressure to her back. The warmth began in the center of my palms, heating my entire hand. It grew. I felt it penetrating Cathy's back and radiating down to the tumors. I envisioned the tumors receiving the healing heat, shrinking and dying. The burn intensified.

  "Yes, Jacey. That's it," Varick encouraged in my ear. "This is your purpose...your destiny."

  My hands grew hotter still and my palms began to burn. I could feel beads of sweat popping out along my forehead, nose, and even down my neck. I kept my eyes closed tightly and turned my head, grimacing from the searing pain in my hands.

  "Varick," I whimpered as the burn increased still. I thought I heard Cathy moaning quietly into her pillow.

  "Not yet, Jacey. You're almost there. Keep going." Varick's rich voice was soothing, but not enough to ease the burn.

  I felt as though I were fighting a high fever. My hands were on fire. I envisioned the tumors burning too, shrinking to little piles of ash. The burn increased even more, the fire reaching its peak. I was only slightly aware that my breathing had become short, shallow gasps in response to the excruciating pain. Just when I thought I absolutely couldn't take another second, I felt the heat reach its crescendo as the sharp whiteness ignited.

  Then the pain was gone. But so was everything else. My world remained dark as I slowly lost consciousness. "Varick," I mumbled, just before darkness overtook me as I fell into an abyss of nothingness.

  -Twenty-Three-

  I awoke feeling groggy and nauseous. My throat and mouth were dry and scratchy. I wanted water. I tried to sit up, still unaware of my surroundings. Gentle hands lightly pushed me back down onto the softness cradling me.

  "Shhh, lie back down, until you wake a little more."

  That voice was so familiar. I kept my eyes closed and tried to remember how I knew that voice. My mind was too foggy to come up with an answer.

  "Water," I croaked through my dry lips.

  The same gentle hands lifted my head and I felt cool water slide over my lips and into my parched mouth. The water soothed the dry scratchiness of my throat.

  "Sleep more," the soothing voice commanded. "You need your rest."

  Sleep sounded good, at least to take away the grogginess and nausea still ailing me. I allowed my body to sink back into sleep. I felt warm and safe. Somehow, I knew I was in familiar surroundings. As I drifted back into the darkness of sleep, I heard that familiar voice again. The words the voice said were foreign and unfamiliar, but comforting as they played in my ear. The last thing I heard was "My Healer".

  I don't know how long I slept. But as soon as I had opened my eyes and saw the ceiling tiles, I knew exactly where I was. How many times have I lain in this bed, staring up at those tiles? Too many times to count. I stretched my arms above me and arched my back off the bed. The aching caused me to groan.

  "Good morning. Finally awake?"

  I turned onto my side, pulling my covers up to my chin protectively. Varick sat in the stuffed chair across the room, his hands folded in his lap. He smiled at me. I was surprised to see him sitting there in my bedroom. I lay on my side looking at him with a smile across my face.

  "Or maybe I should say good afternoon?" Varick teased.

  "Afternoon?" I sat up and rubbed my face. "What time is?"

  "I don't know...about three or so."

  I suddenly realized that Varick was actually sitting in my room. With me. I tried to run my fingers through my hair to straighten it. When my fingers got stuck in the snarls, I yanked them free, bending to pick up a rubber band from the nightstand next to my bed. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head.

  Varick was still smiling at me as he lounged in the chair.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously. Does Oma know he is here?

  "Watching you," Varick replied.

  My cheeks darkened as the blush stained across them. I looked down at my quilt and picked at a loose thread. "How long have I been sleeping?"

  "Almost three days."

  "Three days?!" I stared at Varick, my eyes wide with shock and disbelief. "No way have I been sleeping that long."

  Varick smiled as he stood and walked over to me. I felt my stomach flip flop as he sat on the edge of my bed. I drew in my breath sharply at the sight of his intense eyes.

  "Yes, you have been sleeping for almost three days. That is how your body recovers after a healing like you perf
ormed on Sunday."

  I stared at him in disbelief. Three days since Sunday, so this was Wednesday. My stomach churned again, this time with disgust and panic. I flung the covers off me to get up. "I've missed three finals already."

  Varick grabbed my hand to stop me. My breath was a sharp gasp as the tingling contact startled me. He pulled my hand closer, adding his other hand to cradle mine in his. "Don't worry about your exams. Oma has taken care of that for you. She's arranged for make up times so you can take the exams you missed and still participate in graduation in a couple of weeks."

  "A week from Saturday," I corrected.

  "A week from Saturday," Varick said, chuckling.

  I stared at our hands, unable to look at Varick's face.

  "Jacey, don't you want to know what you did? What you were able to do?"

  I kept my eyes diverted at I nodded my head.

  "Look at me," Varick said softly. "Look at me."

  I raised my eyes to look at Varick. I blushed again under his intense scrutiny.

  "You did it. Jacey, you healed her."

  "I did?" But the confusion vanished as I realized what Varick was referring to. "I did it?" I asked more firmly, already knowing the answer, but asking anyway.

  "Yes, you did it. You healed Cathy. Completely."

  "But how do you know?"

  "She went to her appointment yesterday. The doctor was amazed because she looked healthy, no longer yellow, no longer tired. So, he ordered an MRI and it showed that all the tumors in her pancreas and liver were completely gone. Not just reduced in size, but completely gone." Varick's eyes were bright with excitement. "You cured her. You did it." He drew out the last three words for emphasis.

  "I did it," I repeated. My eyes began to blur with tears.

  Varick released one of his hands from mine. He leaned closer and caressed my cheek with his knuckles. Though his caress was soft and gentle, it sent my heart fluttering from the tingling on my skin left by his hand.

  "You are amazing," Varick said. "You are still a young Healer. Healing a terminal illness is usually something only experienced healers can do. But you did it." He dropped his hand from my face.