An Ideal Wife

by Sanjay Grover

  After a while the lights suddenly went out (it was surely a surprise for those who grew up in Mumbai as they had never experienced a blackout in their lives) but the DJ (who had grown up in Delhi) had a backup inverter ready for his audio instruments, so the song and dance continued.

  With her blurred vision due to the alcohol along with complete darkness, Payal mistook Jimmy for Sameer. She was about to kiss Jimmy when the lights suddenly came back. Before she could kiss Jimmy she collapsed unconscious to the floor. Everyone was shocked. Sameer was not sure what really happened, but he ran towards Payal and picked her up in his arms. He slowly walked back to his car with Payal in his arms. On the way he overheard people talking about what exactly happened on the dance floor. Sameer felt embarrassed but continued to walk towards his car.

  Sameer managed to put Payal inside his car with the help of an attendant. While driving back to their house he looked at Payal who was completely crashed out in the rear seat. Sameer was cursing himself for forcing Payal to drink. At that moment, he once again went back to the flashback of his first discussion with me regarding his wish list for An Ideal Wife.

  ‘I really don’t understand any of your wish list, now what is this? She should be outgoing and be able to drink with me,’ my voice flashed in his mind.

  ‘You won’t understand.’

  ‘Then help me understand,’ I raised my pitch.

  ‘See, I have many international clients.’

  ‘What has that got to do with your wife being able to drink?’

  ‘Will you let me complete?’ Sameer spoke with authority.

  I immediately went on a silent mode and gestured Sameer to continue. He took a little time before he started his explanation again.

  ‘As I said, I have many international clients and I go out for parties and dinners with them very regularly. I want my wife to accompany me to these parties and she should feel comfortable drinking. Apart from that, I also want her not to stop me from drinking at home just like wives of my friends do. I would love if she could join me in drinking even at home.’

  I wasn’t amused at Sameer’s lengthy answer to my short and innocent query so I just shook my head in disbelief.

  ‘You just do as I say,’ Sameer spoke wrapping up the discussion.

  Sameer pressed with all his might on the brakes and his car screeched loudly. Despite having anti-brake system installed in his car, it slid and hit the rear side of one of the parked taxis. At that moment, Sameer realised that instead of taking the Western Expressway, he had taken the service lane where many taxis were parked.

  Before he could react many taxi drivers circled his car and forced him to get out of the vehicle by banging their hands on the bonnet. Sameer tried to reason out with the crowd but they were not ready to relent. One of them shouted to wake the owner of the taxi Sameer had hit.

  I emerged rubbing my eyes with my hands. Yes, he had hit my taxi.

  I shook my head in disgust whereas Sameer felt relieved to see me.

  ‘Not again. At least let me sleep in peace, man. How much more do you want me to pay for my sins of giving you a promise?’

  ‘Thank god, it’s you.’

  At last someone is thanking me,’ I sneered at Sameer.

  With no options left, I convinced all my taxi driver friends that I knew Sameer. After a couple of minutes of discussion with Sameer, I realised that Payal was sloshed in the rear seat of Sameer’s car.

  ‘Is she all right?’

  ‘Yep, I am paying for my sweet wish.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Long story, some other day.’

  Sameer thanked me, reversed the car and left. After another 20 minutes he stopped his car in the parking lot of his apartment complex. He struggled to drag Payal out of his car and picked her up in his arms.

  As he walked past the security guard, he got up to salute him but just kept looking at an unconscious Payal in

  Sameer’s arms. Sameer continued to walk without caring for the looks from the guard.

  Sameer reached the lift but was unable to press the button to call the lift as Payal was in his arms. The security guard ran towards the lift and pressed the button. Instead of saying ‘Thank you’, Sameer glared at him. The guard went back to the post but was quite surprised to see an otherwise friendly Sameer look menacing.

  Sameer was anxiously waiting for the lift to arrive but it was taking an eternity to reach the ground floor. While waiting for the lift he kept looking around in order to make sure that no one saw him holding an unconscious Payal in his arms.

  It seems Murphy’s Law was aptly formulated for such occasions. An old Parsi couple, returning from the Navroz party, ended up meeting Sameer near the lift. Sameer tried his best to avoid eye contact but couldn’t succeed.

  ‘What happened Sameer?’ the old lady inquired.

  ‘Nothing Aunty, just…’ Sameer was not sure how to handle this situation.

  The old lady turned towards her husband and spoke.

  ‘Looks like she drank way too much. Have you ever lifted me like this? I always have to carry you whenever you over drink.’

  Not just the old man but Sameer also felt embarrassed to hear this from the old lady.

  ‘No Aunty, it’s not like that… she doesn’t drink, it’s just that…’

  The old lady cut him short before he could complete.

  ‘I know son, it’s a new age…girls want to do whatever they want…they don’t know the consequence of their actions but you are a sensible man, you should have stopped her from drinking beyond her limit.’

  Sameer was speechless, as he couldn’t tell them that he was the one who forced her to the alcohol. There was an awkward silence, which was finally broken by the bell that announced the arrival of the lift. The uncomfortable silence continued till the 11thfloor, the floor where both Sameer and Payal, and their Parsi neighbours lived. Since Sameer was holding Payal in his arms, the old man slid his hand into Sameer’s pocket to fish out the house keys and opened the door of their house. Instead of feeling grateful, Sameer was more embrarrassed.

  ‘You want us to help you with anything else,’ the old man asked.

  ‘Thank you uncle, I think I can manage,’ Sameer didn’t want to prolong his embarrassment any further.

  ‘He is a big guy, I am sure he can handle it,’ the old lady passed her judgement while dragging the old man.

  The old man handed him the keys, Sameer entered his apartment and shut the door with his foot.

  After tucking Payal in, he came back to the living room. He was quite upset with the turn of events and once again went to sleep on the easy chair.

  15

  The perfect host

  Sameer woke up early in the morning and prepared two cups of coffee. He went to his bedroom to give one cup to Payal but found her sleeping.

  ‘It’s all my fault, shouldn’t have forced her. I guess I still need to grow up,’ Sameer murmured and left.

  After an hour his BMW was zooming past Mumbai traffic on the New Link Road. Contrary to the usual traffic chaos, Sameer was quite relaxed; he had made peace with himself for the previous night’s fiasco.

  Though it was a Saturday (usually an off at work) the office was buzzing with people, working urgently on an upcoming client campaign. These were the same people gyrating the previous night, stupendously drunk. Work hard and party harder seemed to be the motto.

  Sameer as usual was extremely busy making campaign plans clear to his colleagues but after sometime he realised that they weren’t paying much attention to him. He also overheard someone comment that there was something wrong with his marriage.

  Sameer stormed out of the presentation room and walked towards his cabin but stopped near a colleague’s cubicle as he heard a whisper about his marriage.

  ‘Not sure if everything is alright with Sameer’s marriage,’ Rajesh addressed other colleagues.

  ‘How can you say that?’

  ‘We always shared everything with each
other, even our honeymoon details,’ Rajesh explained

  ‘Yeah, you have a point especially after last night,’ Meetu suddenly realised something.

  ‘What’s your point?’ Sheena was lost as usual.

  ‘Didn’t you notice last night Payal tried to kiss Jimmy,’ Neeta added this logical reasoning.

  ‘Oh yeah, now I get it,’ Sheena was finally able to put two plus two.

  Sameer had avoided discussing his honeymoon with his colleagues, as he was too shy to talk about Payal’s humongous sexual drive. So obviously these folk had made their own sweet assumptions and after last night, all they could think was there was trouble, big-big trouble in paradise.

  He was really upset to hear what his colleagues were thinking and went straight to his cabin. Throughout the day he felt uncomfortable and, to make matters worse, the client landed up on a surprise visit. Needless to say, they were completely put off by the many glitches in the campaign. The client let go a vile blast of abuse at Fatty, threatened to cancel the contract and stormed out of the office.

  Fatty was now fuming at Sameer, and during a heated argument, he literally shouted out what everyone had been thinking – that Sameer’s marriage had taken a toll not only on his personal life but also on his professional career. What a bummer! Sameer had no argument to present now. Fatty simply ordered Sameer to take a day off, as he knew that it was not possible for Sameer to deliver anything good at the moment. Visibly frustrated, Sameer left his office.

  After driving for an hour on the busy Link Road and Malad Marve Road, Sameer finally reached his favourite beach spot near Madh Island.

  Contrary to the turmoil in the office it was completely calm and serene there. This is exactly what he needed. He sat there a couple of hours pondering over the changes in his life after marriage. He wasn’t able to comprehend the tumult in his life despite getting a charming, beautiful, cheerful and successful wife. With no answers presenting themselves, Sameer drove back home as the sun set in the horizon.

  The scene at home was rather unexpected. The entire house was decorated exquisitely with flowers and candles. While he was still trying to take in the beauty of it all, another sight overwhelmed him. Payal walked out of the bedroom in an elegant red dress and as usual she was looking drop dead gorgeous. Just one look at her and Sameer forgot all his tensions.

  Both walked slowly towards each other, love and passion burning in their eyes.

  ‘I am sorry darling,’ said Payal, as she held him close.

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About last night.’

  ‘No, I should be sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you.’

  ‘Did I do anything silly yesterday?’

  Sameer was somewhat confused at the question. He released Payal from his hug and looked at her with a question mark on his face.

  ‘Tell me na,’ Payal cajoled him.

  ‘It was nothing.’

  ‘You are trying to hide something,’ she confronted him.

  ‘I am telling you, it was nothing.’

  ‘If it was nothing then why have I received more than ten calls since morning to know if I am fine or not?’ she raised a pertinent question.

  Sameer just kept looking at her.

  ‘I am pretty sure I did something silly yesterday.’

  ‘ Tum bhi na, rai ka pahad bana rahi ho… tell me what’s there for dinner today?’ Sameer steered away to a different direction.

  ‘Your favorite, rajma chawal.’

  ‘Wow… I’ll just freshen up and come.’

  ‘You are just trying to divert the topic again, Sameer; just tell me what it is! I am so damn sure something weird happened yesterday.’

  ‘Give it a rest, baby,’ Sameer was a little reluctant to tell her what had happened. It would just kill the mood they were in and she would feel awful about the whole thing

  Payal got upset, as she didn’t get any clarifications from Sameer. Looking at her glum face, he realised telling her would be the lesser of the two evils.

  ‘Okay, okay, we’ll talk as we eat. Fine?’

  Payal nodded in agreement.

  ‘But you will have to promise me that you won’t get upset after I tell you what happened yesterday?’

  ‘You got it!’

  Sameer left to change his clothes and Payal went inside the kitchen to set the dinner on the table.

  As Sameer started talking to Payal while having dinner, he kept his fingers crossed under the table expecting an outburst from her. As soon as he finished, she burst into laughter. Sameer was amazed at her reaction. He did expect an outburst but definitely not one of such mirth.

  ‘Oh my god, I just don’t believe I did that,’ she continued to laugh.

  After sometime she looked at Sameer and realised he was looking at her with complete surprise.

  ‘Okay baba, let’s do one thing…call your friends next weekend for a party at home. I think I need to clear the mess I have created.’

  Sameer felt a little comfortable to hear this from her.

  ‘But, what about your ad assignments?’ he asked.

  ‘I haven’t committed anything yet and in any case I was planning to take a break. This is the right opportunity to do that.’

  Sameer was elated to hear that she was going to take a break from work, as he wasn’t too comfortable about her working even though a working wife was one of the top priorities in his wish list for an Ideal Wife.

  Sameer picked up his cellphone and dialled a number.

  ‘Whom are you calling?’

  ‘Just following your instructions ma’am, calling people for the party,’ Sameer winked at Payal with a huge smile on his face. Payal was happy to see him smiling.

  Thinking about the weekend party and knowing that Payal was taking a break from work just worked like a charm for Sameer. He worked with new vigour to deliver an excellent campaign, which not only made the client happy but also brought back the smile on his boss’s face.

  As expected, on Saturday night, Sameer’s house was buzzing with lots of people and great music. Payal was looking after everyone like a great hostess.

  ‘Man, looks like I am going to lose the bet.’

  Jimmy lamented seeing Payal in great form and comparing her with his wife who was the perfect party pooper.

  ‘Sameer…aur shart haar jaye…not possible dear,’ another colleague teased Jimmy.

  The party went on till the wee hours and before leaving everyone congratulated Payal and Sameer for the evening. One of the guests even commented that this party was way better than the parties in Sameer’s bachelor days. On hearing this comment Sameer beamed like a child and immediately looked at Jimmy who looked the other way.

  After everyone left, Sameer hugged Payal for organising the most amazing house party.

  ‘So where is my reward?’ Payal asked with a playful smile.

  ‘Whatever you want?’

  ‘You know what I want?’

  ‘What?’

  Payal didn’t say anything and just kept looking at Sameer with a naughty smile on her face. Sameer was little perplexed and spoke again.

  ‘What?’

  Payal once again kept just kept looking at Sameer.

  ‘What?’

  The moment Sameer said it he realised what exactly Payal meant. He smiled, shook his head, lifted her in his arms, took her to the bedroom and shut the door behind him with his foot.

  On Monday, things completely changed in Sameer’s office. All his colleagues thanked him for such a nice party over the weekend. Sameer was extremely happy to see that people were now talking about Payal in a positive way rather than what they were discussing a few days ago. Many of them even asked for a repeat party. Sameer himself was eager to throw another party at home to consolidate the positivity running around him.

  His unstoppable feel-good vibe and enthusiasm bagged him many more clients for the agency. Fatty was extremely happy with him, so apart from the huge bonus he offered him a 10% partnership in the company. As ex
pected the chorus for another house party gained momentum.

  Over the next few weeks Sameer and Payal organised many more parties. Sameer was happy to see that Payal was cheerfully organising everything and not cribbing (like most of his friends’ wives). Most of the times during these parties, Jimmy was the butt of the joke regarding his bet with Sameer for an Ideal Wife.

  Work pressure on Sameer started mounting after becoming partner in the firm. This meant that he continued to work in his study even while his friends enjoyed a party in the house. Sameer needed Payal by his side due to the work pressure but like a good host she was spending a lot more time with his friends and colleagues.

  Sameer was slowly getting frustrated with all these parties but he could never muster the courage to say ‘no’ to his friends as he was too determined to prove that Payal was his Ideal wife. His aim in life was to win at all cost.

  During one such party, while they were dancing at home, he got a call to meet one international client immediately. He wasn’t interested in leaving the party, as the party was at its prime, but he had no option.

  Though Sameer was physically present in the meeting in a conference room of a five-star hotel but mentally he was at the party. Not sure how and why, he imagined that all his colleagues were hitting on his wife at the party.

  This imagination took a toll on him and he made an extremely bad presentation to the client. As a result, he ended up losing a big contract for the company. His boss wasn’t sure what had hit him as he had planned a big vacation expecting to win this contract. He left the hotel in a bad mood. Sameer also left from there in a bad mood and drove rather rash to reach home.

  His friends had already left and Payal was cleaning up. He wanted to speak to her but she was extremely busy with the work. After struggling for sometime, he finally ended up convincing Payal to sit and talk.

  ‘Let’s get out of Mumbai. I need a break,’ Sameer spoke like a frustrated child.

  ‘Sameer, how can I go now?’

  Sameer kept looking at her.

  ‘Baby, you know I already took a break from my work. Now I need to finish my pending assignments.’