Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “Wait, what?” Dev’s voice rose enough to make the husky’s head pop up from around the corner of the couch where his bed must’ve been.

  “We should discuss this, obviously. But if you want to date Seth and vice versa, I think it’s a good idea. He’s been so different, so much more lively, since he met you. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

  Dev made an incredulous sound. “And you’d be, what? Okay with me dating your fucking husband?”

  “If it’s just the two of you, then it’s fine by me. Sometimes that’s how things go, yeah. I fully believe that Seth wouldn’t leave me. We’re stronger than that. But if he wants to date you on the side, then why not?”

  “Because it’s ludicrous?” Dev exclaimed. Then his mind went back a few paces and he asked, “What did you mean with ‘if it’s just the two of you’?”

  “Well, you’re obviously attractive. I already like how your mind works. If you were interested….” He made the silliest ever gesture, an expression of lifting his hands and tilting his head.

  “Wait, wait, wait…. Am I being punked right now?” Dev’s mind snapped finally. “There’s no fucking way someone would just suggest their husband date a guy they’ve just met and then throw out the offer to fucking make it a threesome! It just doesn’t happen. This isn’t real, no way.” Dev got up to pace along the family room from the TV to the bookshelf and back.

  “I was raised in an unconventional way. I don’t exactly look at relationships like most people. I’m pretty open-minded, and I know that if Seth would go for dating you, whether separately or together, I’d jump at the chance. As I said, you’re very attractive and obviously smart and interesting. Why wouldn’t I want to get to know you better?” Leaf shrugged again. It really did start to seem like what he was suggesting wasn’t a big deal to him.

  “You’re crazy…,” Dev murmured. Then, because he did want to be honest, he added, “You’re hot. You’re seriously fucking hot. Just like Seth. Just in a more rugged and more salt-and-peppery way.”

  “You’re saying I’m hot but old?” Leaf smirked.

  “Well, yeah, you’re what, closer to fifty?” Dev sat down in an armchair and was soon approached by a wiggly Missy. He leaned his elbows on his knees to be able to pet her when she sat between his feet.

  “Fifty-one later this year, yeah. Is that a problem?” Leaf looked genuinely curious.

  “Jesus. You’re like a year younger than my dad.” Dev shook his head and laughed a little. “I mean, I don’t actually mind the age gap. It means very little to me how old people are as long as they’re legal and, you know, safe, sane, and consensual and shit like that.”

  “But?”

  Dev sighed and scratched his arm thoughtfully, then moved his hands back to Missy, who was getting impatient pretty quickly. “I don’t… I mean, obviously I’m very into Seth. Despite all the confusion, I was hoping…. But this complicates things. Besides, I don’t know you at all—not that I know Seth much either.”

  “Well, that’s what dating’s for?”

  “I suppose so…. We should probably talk with Seth.”

  Leaf looked at him and nodded, smiling slightly. “Can you let me take the lead at first?”

  “Yeah, absolutely. You know him better anyway, and I would probably blurt out something and make him run for the hills.”

  They settled down to wait for Seth, with Leaf on the couch with a book on something dog related, and Dev in the armchair with Missy by his feet. The smallest of the dogs had taken a liking to him, and he didn’t mind. They’d always wanted a dog as kids, but their parents had only allowed cats because they didn’t need walking.

  Dev closed his eyes and took in the feel of the house. Normally after having a panic attack, he’d be out of sorts for a while. Now, he barely felt it. Maybe it was Grace’s help, or Leaf’s oddly solid presence, but something had helped him calm down and relax again.

  He couldn’t believe he was in this situation. He wasn’t naïve enough not to know about ménage relationships, but he’d never really believed he’d find one person for himself. The fact that someone was offering him the possibility of dating two at the same time…. It seemed so very surreal.

  He opened his eyes just a bit, enough to see Leaf. He really was quite stunning. He, like Seth, had those crow’s feet around his heavy-lidded eyes that told Dev they laughed a lot. They were sort of low-key, happy people.

  “Have you had a ménage thing going before? Are you polyromantic?” he asked then, snapping Leaf out of his reading.

  “We haven’t dated anyone, no. Not together or separately. The odd threesome here and there, sure, but it has been years.” Leaf went back to reading his book when Dev didn’t seem to have more questions. Dev nodded, more at himself than Leaf. He could admit it was all quite tempting. If it wouldn’t turn into anything other than a few dates and/or some hot sex, it would be fine. It just seemed like life was giving him this opportunity, and if he said no—given that Seth would feel positive about the proposition Leaf had made—he would definitely feel like he’d passed up something potentially amazing and definitely rare.

  Who the fuck wouldn’t want to be in this gorgeous old house with dogs that behaved better than most people Dev had ever met? His mind was churning out questions, but he’d already decided to wait for Seth. Besides, if they did end up dating in some combination or another, he’d have time to actually ask those questions.

  Chapter Five

  SETH GRIMACED at the sight of Dev’s car in front of the house. He parked his own in the driveway and got out as quickly as he could. He’d run into his TA just as he was going to leave, and she’d needed advice on a particularly tricky thing about her own studies. She’d been apologetic—she always was when she knew she was potentially wrecking his precious schedule—and it was fine, really. He just hated being late, with vigor.

  It was almost six thirty when he opened the door to the happy barks of the dogs. He loved having them all back, and the surprise of Leaf coming home a day before he had thought he would had been amazing. Last night, making love in their own bed… yeah, the best night in a long time, only topped by the morning when he’d woken up to a lightly snoring Leaf in his bed.

  “Quit it,” he told the dogs as he toed off his shoes. He hung his jacket and peered into the family room.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Leaf greeted him from the couch where he’d settled with a book.

  “Hi.” Dev gave him a little wave from the armchair.

  Something was… off. Seth felt the weird, almost anticipatory energy in the room and looked from one man to the other. “What’s going on?” It struck him odd how he felt almost the same when he looked at the two men. His feelings for Leaf were familiar, old and comfortable, yet still exciting. When he looked at Dev, he felt the excitement, and something curious, like…. Holy. Fuck.

  “Uh-oh,” Dev said quietly.

  “Aaand there it is.” He got off the couch and snapped his fingers at the dogs, then pulled Seth to sit down with him. “Sweetheart, you okay?” he asked quietly, pressing a kiss on Seth’s temple.

  Seth felt oddly numb. He blinked a few times, looking from Leaf to Dev and back. “W-what?”

  “Hey, you’re okay. Everything is just fine. I love you, and we’re all good,” Leaf assured him, squeezing him close.

  But Seth had seen how Dev looked at Leaf’s L-word and felt a spike of distress inside.

  “But… I don’t….”

  “You don’t what, Seth?” Leaf gently cupped his cheek and turned his head so he had to concentrate on the man closest to him.

  “I didn’t… on purpose,” Seth blurted out. He felt itchy inside his skin suddenly.

  “Hey, it’s okay. Like Leaf said.” Dev was suddenly there, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. “Sure, you fucked up just a little.” He took Seth’s hand into his own and smiled at him. “I guess I could’ve asked if you were single before I went and crushed on you like a teenager.”

>   “To be fair, it wasn’t that long when you still were one,” Leaf teased, making Dev glare at him.

  “B-but… what?” Seth tried to make sense of what was going on.

  “Can you get him a water bottle from the fridge, Dev? Thanks.”

  Soon Dev handed him the water, and he took a few sips, realizing that Grace was sitting on the floor against his legs. Was he panicky? He took stock and decided that, yes, a little bit.

  He burrowed closer to Leaf, drawing his calm into his own body, and without realizing, he reached out for Dev too.

  “So, this is what’s going on,” Leaf said, the rumble of his voice vibrating his chest under Seth’s head. “You have a crush on our Dev here. And vice versa.”

  Seth’s first instinct was to claim that wasn’t true, because it was wrong to feel so, but his analytical mind suddenly provided him with the words “conditioned to think so,” and he stilled.

  He turned his gaze to Dev, who looked a bit uneasy. “You do?” he asked, a weird fluttering setting off in his stomach again, and now he recognized it for what it was: butterflies.

  “Well, yeah.” Dev sighed out the words. “You’re smart and fascinating and fucking gorgeous. Of course, I’m attracted to you.”

  Seth found himself smiling at Dev, completely missing the indulgent smile Leaf directed their way. “Good,” he said firmly. Then he turned to look at Leaf. “Or… is it?” Because Leaf was always his compass on things he didn’t see himself.

  “Yeah, sweetheart, it is.” Leaf glanced at Dev, and they seemed to share a look with meaning.

  “What?” Seth glanced from Dev to Leaf and back.

  Dev cleared his throat. “Leaf suggested that, if you were open to it, we could maybe date each other?” He quickly added, “All three of us.” Then relaxed again.

  Seth looked at Dev seriously. “Is it something you’d like to do?” He hadn’t thought of their meetings as dates so far, maybe foolishly, but he could see himself dating Dev. But only if it didn’t upset Leaf in any way, no matter how differently he’d been raised.

  “I mean, yeah.” Dev shrugged. “You’re both hot. I might have a thing for older men, although not usually ones as old as my dad, but….” He winked at Seth, ignoring Leaf’s grumbling from his other side.

  “And you?” Seth turned so he could look at Leaf. “And yeah, I know you think differently, yada yada. I just want to know if you’re sure. That you’re not humoring me.”

  “Why would I be humoring you, when you would never actually come to this conclusion on your own? Something like this is so far off your radar, it could be in outer space. I just saw something—or rather, someone—you wanted, and decided seeing you this happy was the most important thing to me.” Leaf spoke firmly, yet in a gentle tone. “Besides, I’m not opposed to dating someone young and hot in addition to living with another young hottie.” He smirked and leaned in to kiss Seth’s cheek.

  “Okay, then,” he said. “We’ll give it a go.”

  “Just like that?” Dev looked a little bit incredulous.

  “Yes. You test something, and if it doesn’t work, then you find another way to do the same thing. Or you drop it altogether.”

  Leaf grinned. “There’s my academic.”

  “Oh hush. Go make dinner, will you? I believe I was promised computer games?” Seth raised a brow at Dev, who smiled at him.

  “That you were, indeed. This your laptop?” Dev asked, pointing at the one beside him on the coffee table.

  “Yes, it should have plenty of battery left too. Do you want to sit at a desk for this?” Seth asked, idly squeezing Leaf’s hand as the man got up and went past them to the kitchen.

  “No, this is fine. Let’s see….” Dev went to pick up his own laptop case. He settled on the floor by the coffee table, which seemed even more uncomfortable, but Seth wasn’t one to question other people’s methods in what they enjoyed doing and were good at.

  Seth leaned back and allowed himself truly appreciate Dev’s form. Of course, he’d cataloged the finer points: the messy dark hair that seemed to bother Dev enough to warrant a cut but somehow still remained the same; the long, agile fingers in his large hands; the eyes that were full of emotions and seemed to brighten every time Dev was truly enjoying himself. The color was something between honey and whiskey, Seth supposed.

  But the best part about Dev’s appearance was his arms. Seth hadn’t asked if Dev lifted weights, but he had to do something, because his arms were spectacular. They weren’t muscular in bodybuilding sense, but his biceps had some definition, and when he looked at his forearms… holy fuck, the veins that were somehow visible every time Dev began enthusiastically explaining something and pushed his sleeves up to his elbows. When Dev got into the zone, he became graceful in his gesturing, his hands helping him convey his message.

  And boy, did Seth like the message.

  “Aaand are you even listening to me?” Dev asked, raising a brow at him, his gaze filled with amusement.

  Seth ducked his head and felt the blush spread on his face. “Busted,” he admitted.

  “Can we maybe concentrate for a while?” Dev’s tone held a hefty dose of good humor. “We make out at the end of the date. Isn’t that the rules?”

  Seth’s eyes flew wide open as he stared at Dev. “Uh….”

  “We’re on a date, Seth. People who date, kiss.” Dev smirked. Then his expression faded into something complicated. “Unless you don’t want to, which is fine too. We can wait. Or never do it. I mean, consent and all is very important. I don’t want you to feel like—”

  Seth shut him up by grabbing the front of Dev’s shirt, and pulled him closer, then gave his lips a peck. It might’ve been pretty chaste, but it was still a kiss.

  It was Dev’s turn to look a bit stunned. “Oh, okay.” He grinned at Seth slowly.

  “So, this game thing?” he reminded Dev, who cleared his throat and licked his lips.

  “Right. The gaming thing. I’m installing you this thing called Steam. Basically it’s an app on your computer that works as an online store for games—they have some pretty awesome sales—and it holds your game library, if you ever get one, that is. It’s easiest to use, I think, and I’ve set up an account for you. I got you some games—”

  Seth stopped the flow of words by holding his index finger up. “Wait, slow down. Did you buy me games?”

  “Uh, yeah. I mean, I wanted them to be ready so all we have to do is download them on your computer.” Dev didn’t seem to understand what the problem might be.

  “You used your own money to buy me games?” Seth clarified.

  “Well, yeah. I’m courting you, aren’t I?” Dev smirked at him again.

  “You didn’t know that when you made me the account and such.”

  “Uh, I guess I was being hopeful and friendly and a bit optimistic…?” Dev’s expression turned into an embodiment of “aww, shucks.” It was more endearing than it probably should’ve been on a grown man.

  Seth glanced at the laptop screen. Something was almost done downloading. He nodded at it, and Dev went to work again. “Do you mind if I go get us drinks while you set it all up?” he asked, and got a quick grin and head shake in reply.

  “I’ll drink anything caffeinated, if that helps narrow it down?” Dev grinned at Seth, then went back to the task at hand.

  Smiling, Seth went to the kitchen to get their drinks and check on Leaf. He found him stirring something fragrant and bubbly on the stove.

  “Pasta?” he asked, hugging Leaf from behind.

  “Yeah, easy and tasty. Thought you’d both like it,” Leaf confirmed, and turned his head back to give Seth a kiss. “Love you.”

  “I love you too, Leaf.” Seth squeezed his man and concentrated on the closeness for a few moments. “I need drinks for us. You want anything?” He reluctantly let go of Leaf and went to the fridge.

  “Open me another beer?” Leaf asked, gesturing at the almost empty bottle by the sink.

  Seth picked a
beer for himself too, and a Coke for Dev. He popped the caps off the beers, left Leaf’s by the old one, and kissed him on the cheek. “Let us know when you’re done?”

  “Will do. Have fun with our boy.” Leaf grinned at him in the familiar way that still, after a decade, made Seth’s heart flutter and his blood flow south.

  “Yeah.” He nodded and went back to the family room, where Dev was just finishing up something, or so it seemed.

  He took the Coke from Seth. “Thanks. I’m just about ready to open the first game.”

  “Okay,” Seth said, sitting down right next to him, thigh against thigh. “Show me?”

  “I’m not going to tell you much beforehand. I don’t want to spoil anything. It’s called Limbo, and it’s all grayscale, supereasy puzzles, and well, you’ll see. Very atmospheric and cool, and I thought you might enjoy how simplistic it is.” Dev got animated again and then grinned sheepishly as he lowered the hand he’d been gesturing with. “Sorry. I’ll show you the controls so you can try it yourself.”

  “Is it hard for a nongamer?” Seth worried.

  “Not at all. Very simple controls. Here, let me show you.”

  Dev taught him what to do, and within five minutes, Seth felt like he could actually play the game. He pulled the laptop onto his lap and leaned back against the couch. Dev sat next to him and answered his questions.

  Seth found that he loved the art style, even though he did normally like colors more than grayscale. Colors were his thing in art, but here, the absence of color worked like a charm.

  He got sucked into the game, guiding what looked like a boy in a 2D world. What made a difference was the art. Often, he just stopped playing and stared at the vivid background that was layered in such way that it looked 3D.

  Dev told him what to do with some bear traps and explained how to use the ropes to swing, and so on. Even when he completely messed up and his little charge got snapped inside a huge trap, with his head flying off and his blood—all of the gore had been depicted as black, which made this bearable for a newbie gamer—splattering, Seth had fun.