Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “Four to five, yeah.”

  One of the puppies slept, curled against the mother, but the three others thought Leaf was more interesting than rest right then. He sat cross-legged and picked up the first puppy to examine it more closely. The mother didn’t seem to care, but she kept an eye on him anyway. Two of the puppies were white like the mother, and two were brown.

  “They’re gorgeous,” he said, glancing at Julien who nodded, smiling.

  “They really are. Active too. They were taken care of to a degree.”

  “They were valuable to the bastards,” Leaf said, again holding in the anger he felt for the dogs’ sake.

  Yeah, Julien sounded pissed as fuck too. “Gonna take one home with you?” he asked, probably to change subject.

  Leaf chuckled. “Not a chance. First of all, they’re too young, but the actual reason is, we don’t have time for a puppy. Seth works a lot and has long days. I’m not home half of the time. The pack is as it should be right now, so I wouldn’t want to rock the boat anyway.”

  “Solid excuse.”

  When Leaf glanced at Julien, he was smiling at Leaf. There was a certain almost-elfin quality to Julien. He had a smaller frame, fine bones, and large eyes. He was so not Leaf’s type, but if he’d been single….

  One of the puppies mouthed at Leaf’s fingers then, breaking his inner musings. He tickled its belly and lifted it up to his chest, where it snuffled happily against his neck.

  “So, you’re staying a few days?” Julien asked, very obviously trying not to fish.

  “Yeah, but I’m gonna try to get back home as soon as possible, though. I was supposed to be home on Sunday, but I had to move the date.” Leaf couldn’t help the way his expression conveyed how he hated that, how much he wanted to be home with Seth.

  “How’s the pack, then?” Julien asked, again changing the subject when things got too heavy.

  Grateful, Leaf smiled. “They’re all fine. Missy is still simple, Husky is still his energetic and obedient self, and Grace is… Grace.”

  “You want me to look them over while you’re here?”

  “Why not? Free veterinary care is always welcome, even when nothing should be wrong.” Leaf grinned.

  Julien sniffed delicately. “This is so not the way I wanted you to take advantage of me.” He got up and went to the door. “I’ll be here until five today, so just come by with the pack whenever.”

  Leaf smiled and shook his head at the closing door. That was Julien in a nutshell. He liked the guy a lot, and the flirting felt like the norm with him. There were also no illusions that Leaf would ever seriously flirt back, let alone do more than that. It was all harmless fun, and they both knew it.

  “Such pretty babies you have,” Leaf cooed at the momma dog and patted her white head. “I hope your white pups can hear like you do. They don’t need anything else to mess with their chances of finding a forever home, right?”

  Chapter Four

  FOR SOME reason Dev didn’t feel like telling Angel about his new… well, crush. Seth was Angel’s mentor, but Angel rarely spoke about him and… Dev chickened out. Part of him insisted it was because he wanted to keep the tiny glow in his chest secret for the moment. Then there was the fact that Angel was pissed off at Dev for a couple of days, one of which included a package from Anaheim from a protective and equally pissed-off mother.

  While Dev worked over the weekend, his mind kept wandering to certain slate-gray eyes that seemed to somehow sparkle every time Seth laughed. Dev would’ve given his left nut to be the guy who made Seth laugh from that moment on.

  He didn’t want to seem overly eager, so he only sent a message—Uh-oh, I guess I’m in trouble now—with a photo of the package from their mother attached. He got back a text with a smiley emoji and the words Hide, hide quickly. It made him laugh, and when Angel grumpily asked him who was texting, he brushed it off and went back into his room.

  On Monday he really wanted to send Seth a message to ask him for lunch, but he didn’t. For whatever reason. He was scared to meet Seth again—he knew that. It even flared his anxiety a little to know that nobody could be as fascinating, gorgeous, and perfect. That he’d somehow made Seth up into something he wasn’t. He’d had to, right?

  On Tuesday morning, when he got a message asking if he would be free for lunch that day, Dev might’ve made an embarrassing squeaking sound as he invited Seth over for lunch at his and Angel’s house.

  Sure. Text me the address and I’ll be there at midday? :)

  Angel was feeling a bit better, thanks to their mom’s package, so he’d gone off to some museum thing somewhere and wouldn’t be home until later. It was only ten, but Dev decided to go not quite all out, but nearly all out, and dashed to the grocery store closest to their house.

  He carried home two bags of groceries and set to prep some omelets and homemade breakfast buns. He chopped peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes, made dough, and once it had risen enough, put the buns in the oven so they’d be ready just after twelve. When a car hummed in the driveway, he couldn’t help the butterflies having a rave in his stomach.

  The doorbell rang when he was a few steps away from it, so he slowed down and waited for a couple of extra seconds—all he could in his excitement—before opening the door.

  “Hi!” he said brightly, feeling relieved at the matching grin on Seth’s gorgeous face.

  “Hello,” Seth replied, and thrust a bottle of good orange juice at Dev. “Here. If it was dinner, I would’ve brought wine, but….”

  Dev took the bottle and chuckled. “Yeah, I get how that would’ve looked. Please come in.” He closed the door behind Seth, who was taking the entryway in.

  “This is a very nice house,” he commented as he hung his coat on the row of pegs by the door.

  “Thank you. No need to take your shoes off,” Dev said, and walked quickly to the kitchen when the oven pinged. “I prepped stuff for lunch,” he said while pulling the tray out of the oven and setting it down on the counter.

  Seth looked a bit stunned when Dev turned around to see why he was so quiet. “You made bread?”

  “Yeah. I like fresh breakfast buns for lunch. Or any meal, really. These are super easy to make too.”

  “I like freshly baked bread as much as anyone—nobody has just really ever baked me some,” Seth explained, fidgeting in a way that looked endearing to Dev.

  “So, omelets okay?” Dev decided not to comment on the baking-for-Seth thing. He didn’t bake often at all, but when he did, it was always for someone.

  “Sounds good to me. Need help?” Seth came closer to inspect the situation.

  “If you take out plates and glasses and such, and tell me the ratio of things you want on yours, I’ll whip these up in no time,” Dev said, threw him a smile over his shoulder, and pointed at the correct cabinet.

  “Okay, I can do that.”

  For the next fifteen minutes, they assembled their lunches and finally retreated to the breakfast nook under the largest kitchen window to eat.

  “So, dig in.” Dev gestured at everything and buttered a bun for himself. The first bite was always the best, and he couldn’t quite contain the nearly pornographic sound that escaped his lips. When he opened his eyes, he could see Seth concentrated on his omelet with a light flush on his face.

  “What have you been working on?” Seth asked, peering at Dev with genuine interest.

  “Oh, well this is supersecret, so no telling anyone,” Dev began, and Seth did the zipping-his-lips gesture, smiling. “My dad has me working on testing parts of this game for Nemo Gaming. It’s a Supersecret Project, also known as SSP”—that got him a grin while Seth grabbed a bun for himself—“and it’s supposedly being revealed at the end of the year at this gaming convention. It’s huge, because it’s the first new game they’ve released in five years.”

  Seth frowned in confusion. “Wait, I thought they’re gigantic?”

  “Oh, they are. It’s just that their older games are mostly MMORPGS—m
assive multiplayer online role-playing games—so they’ve been developing extra content for those. They’re all hugely popular and successful, but times are changing and they need new things to pull in more people.”

  Seth considered for a while, chewing a piece of the fragrant bread, then hummed thoughtfully. “I guess I can see that. I mean, there’s a lot of art in games. I’ve seen some stunning games in the last few years.”

  “Oh yeah, especially the indie game scene—some of those are amazingly creative and just so beautiful.”

  “Any suggestions that might run on my laptop?” Seth asked, smiling at him.

  “Are you just humoring me?” Dev really, really hoped he wasn’t.

  “No, not at all. I mean, I would think there’d be games simple enough for me to play, even though I’m not what you’d call a gamer?” The hesitant way Seth looked at Dev made him realize the man was self-conscious.

  “Honestly, I can think of, like, five games I think you might find interesting, based on the art alone.”

  “Great! Could you maybe come to my place one evening and show them to me?” Seth asked, not quite looking at Dev for some reason. Was he shy? Insecure? Was this an actual date they were setting?

  “Absolutely. I’ll set you up with a Steam account so I can—you know, I can tell I’m losing you, so I’ll just set stuff up and make an appearance, okay?” Dev grinned.

  “Sounds good to me.” Seth saluted with his fork, and his eyes were twinkling again.

  “Your laptop, it’s not a Mac, right?”

  “No. I can’t remember the brand now, but not a Mac. Why?” Seth looked curious.

  “It’s just that a lot of games are never made for Mac. I need to know what you’re packing to be prepared,” Dev explained, grinning, and winked a little. Seth blushed again. “So, how was your morning at work? Anything interesting happen?”

  Dev settled in to listen, because he enjoyed the fuck out of the way Seth lit up whenever he talked about his day.

  THEY MADE plans for Dev to go to Seth’s house two days later, on Thursday evening. Seth said he’d be home by four thirty, so Dev told Angel he was going out and taking the car, picked up his laptop bag, and drove the twenty minutes to Seth’s neighborhood.

  The house was exactly as Seth had described it. Dev parked by the curb and walked up the paved path to the front door. There was a large garage next to the house, and Dev thought Seth must’ve parked inside. The home looked gorgeous in the old Victorian kind of way. Even the color—a muted pink of sorts—looked charming. Shouldering his bag, Dev wondered how much of that feeling had to do with how appealing the owner of the house was to him.

  Grinning, he walked up the stairs and pressed the doorbell. It was around quarter to five, so Seth should’ve been home already.

  A massive barking sound, more than one dog’s worth, started as soon as his finger left the button, and he took a step back. He remembered Seth mentioning dogs, but they hadn’t discussed them in detail. Dev straightened his shoulders, ran his fingers through his overgrown hair, and smiled as a muted voice told the dogs to be quiet.

  The door opened, and Dev froze.

  The man peering at him wasn’t the one he’d expected. Not at all. This guy was older, probably around his dad’s age. He had salt-and-pepper hair, expressive eyes, and holy fuck, that was where the cataloging ended because all Dev’s brain could do was drool a little.

  “Uh…,” he managed to say.

  “Oh, you must be Dev, right?” the guy said, smiling at him in a charming way, then looking him from head to toe. “Come on in. Seth’s not home yet—probably got stuck somewhere.”

  Because he had been raised to be polite, Dev did indeed walk in, still trying to make his brain understand the situation.

  Three dogs sat at attention in a large doorway to a neat and homey-looking family room. There was a husky that looked cautious, a pit bull that seemed calm but curious, and a bull terrier that seemed like it was going to burst through the seams.

  “You aren’t afraid of dogs, are you?” the man asked him, and Dev managed to shake himself out of the stupor he was in.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Okay, then why don’t I let them greet you one by one so it won’t be too overwhelming?”

  “You can actually do that?” It didn’t sound like any sort of control over dogs he’d ever heard of. One by one? Really?

  The man laughed, the sound a bit husky and melodic, and then grinned at Dev. “Grace, you first,” he said, and the pit bull waddled up to Dev and sniffed at his offered hand politely. She didn’t seem too interested, at least not right then. Dev assumed it was because she’d figured out Dev wasn’t there to hurt anyone. “Okay, to your bed. Husky, you next?”

  “Your husky is called Husky?” Dev blurted, and stood absolutely still when the dog with ice-blue eyes came to him and rounded him with some suspicion despite the fact that the first one had deemed him safe.

  “Long story. He’s a good boy, just a bit cautious.”

  Dev slowly knelt down to the dog’s level and avoided direct eye contact as he dropped his bag by his feet and offered it and his hands for the husky to smell. “Yeah, you seem like a good boy, don’t you?” Dev spoke to the dog, who rewarded him with a sniff and a quick lick on his cheek. “Hey, dude, we don’t even know each other!” He chuckled at the dog who took direction from his owner and left them be, vanishing into the family room.

  “Okay, so this last one, she’s a bit too enthusiastic for anyone’s good. She’s… well. You’ll see. Prepare to be knocked on your back.”

  Dev had time to open his mouth to ask what the hell, but didn’t get the words out when a medium-sized cannonball bowled him over. The dog was wagging. The whole dog. Not just the tail. It didn’t step on him, just wiggled like crazy around his head and tried to lick him to death.

  “Oh my God!” Dev finally sputtered. “Make it stop!”

  “Missy, go find Grace,” the man said firmly, and as if miraculously changed into another dog, the bull terrier stopped the wiggling, looked mournfully at Dev and then its master, and walked to the other room.

  The guy offered a hand for Dev. “I think I forgot to introduce myself. I’m sorry about that,” he said as he pulled Dev up. They almost bumped chests, which took Dev close enough to smell something earthy and almost piney. Cologne? “I’m Leaf DeWitt. I’m Seth’s partner. He likes the word husband more, but we’re not married.”

  Dev stilled then. He stared at the man, trying to comprehend the situation. The familiar grasping fingers of his anxiety wrapped around his chest. “I… uh….”

  “Dev, it’s okay. Come on, come sit down. You look a bit pale.”

  “I didn’t know—”

  “Come with me, okay? I’ll explain.”

  Dev let himself be led to the couch and sat in one corner. The man, Leaf, took a spot a bit away from him.

  “He forgot to mention my existence?” Leaf asked.

  “Uh… y-yeah,” Dev replied, trying to keep his breathing even.

  Suddenly there was a keening sound from the dog bed in the corner of the room, and Dev turned his head to look at the pit bull that made it. His vision swam a little on the edges, and he realized he’d forgotten to breathe again. Shit.

  The dog was suddenly there. She jumped on the couch and pressed her body against Dev’s side.

  “Shit, Dev, I’m sorry,” Leaf said, and Dev blinked. Leaf had moved to his other side and was holding a water bottle. When did that happen? “Listen to her. Breathe, okay? She’s trained to spot anxiety. I should’ve realized it before she did. I’m so sorry. Here, take a sip of this when you can.”

  Dev knew his anxiety well. He also knew that whatever this dog therapy thing was, it was helping. He took the offered bottle of water and sipped it gradually, while the dog stayed still under his arm.

  After some time, he registered things other than the dog and how cold the water was when he swallowed it, mainly the warmth just barely touching
him from the side where Leaf still sat.

  Dev turned to look at Seth’s partner. How the fuck had he gotten it all so wrong?

  “You have such beautiful eyes,” Leaf said suddenly. “I can understand the appeal.”

  “Appeal?”

  “Yeah. Seth thinks you’re attractive as hell.”

  “W-what?” Dev jerked back from Leaf, colliding with the dog against his other side.

  She seemed to deem his anxiety gone and jumped off the couch again.

  “No, let me explain this to you in a way that is less weird, okay?” Leaf lifted his hands in surrender and waited until Dev relaxed again.

  “Okay?”

  “My Seth… he’s… he isn’t very connected to his emotions sometimes. He doesn’t even realize that he’s into you. I can see it. Hell, he’s been gushing about you in our Skype calls ever since you went to lunch together.”

  Dev felt his jaw work but didn’t really know what to say yet.

  “I suppose he’s been sending some mixed signals. Flirting, yet not really?” Leaf smiled, his eyes filled with kindness and amusement.

  “Yeah,” Dev breathed out, chuckling despite himself. “Jesus, that man is confusing sometimes.”

  “But at the same time, you can’t ask him, because you know he’d not react well.” Leaf still smiled.

  Dev made an empathetic noise. “Tell me about it.”

  “Yet while he’s incredibly complex and hard to read, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” Leaf said, his smile turning a little bit sad.

  “I… I never meant to—” Dev started.

  “No, see, the thing is, Seth and I, we go way back. We’ve been together for a decade now, Dev. And in that time, you learn things about the other person and yourself. They aren’t always easy things to understand or accept.”

  “What are you saying?” Dev frowned, puzzled.

  “I’m saying that I can see why he’s into you. And that I don’t mind. In fact, I’m encouraging you two to make a go of it,” Leaf explained, shrugging like he was making any goddamn sense.