Scrap Everything

by Leslie Gould

  “I’m just checking my e-mail.”

  Who did he expect to send him a message? “Let me know when you’re done. I forgot to check mine before we left.”

  Elise started on the breakfast dishes in Rebekah’s sink. It must be unsettling to get a call and have to rush like that, just grab a few things and then be gone. Did Pepper have any idea what she would be going through in the next month? Surgery. Steroids. Antirejection medication. Poor thing. What an ordeal.

  “You have one message from Dad.” Mark stood.

  “Mark, why are you reading my e-mail?” Elise turned toward him, alarmed.

  “I’m not reading your e-mail. I just pulled up your account.”

  Elise hesitated. “Okay, thanks.” She dried her hands and sat down at the computer.

  I have something I need to talk with you about. I’ll call at 6 p.m. your time.

  Her heart raced. What was he up to? She had only one guess. Iraq. No, he couldn’t go to Iraq. He couldn’t be gone any longer than the three months she’d been counting off, day by day, hour by hour.

  Pepper sat on the preop bed with her backpack spread over the white cotton blanket. She sorted out her Arthur trading cards, paint chips, and fabric swatches. “Do you like this fabric with this paint?” she asked Patrick.

  “It’s fine.” He turned to Rebekah. “What’s taking so long?”

  Rebekah shrugged. Who knew? Maybe it always took this long.

  The sixteen-year-old boy in the room next door was wheeled out and through the double doors. “I talked with his mom.” Rebekah sat on the end of the bed. “He’s having a shunt in his brain repaired.”

  Patrick ignored her. “Are you sure everything was a match?”

  “You heard Jamie. She said the tissue samples looked great.” Rebekah would spend the night in the hospital with Pepper, and Patrick would stay with their old neighbors. She wasn’t sure what to do about Christmas. Maybe Patrick and Reid could have Christmas morning with her parents on the farm and then they could all come up to Portland.

  Pepper yawned and stretched her arms over her head, pulling the hospital gown nearly off her shoulder.

  “I wish I had an iPod.” Pepper put her cards and paint and fabric samples back in her bag.

  Patrick shook his head.

  Pepper pulled out knitting needles and yarn.

  “When did you learn to crochet?” he asked.

  “It’s knitting, Dad. No one crochets anymore. Ainsley taught me.” She slowly moved the yarn around the needles.

  “Did you bring a book?” Rebekah asked.

  Pepper opened the bag, peered in, and then dropped the bag on the bed. “Nope.” She yawned again.

  “Do you want to take a little nap? It will make the time go faster.” Rebekah fingered the yarn.

  Pepper shook her head. “I’m hungry.”

  “I know.”

  “Why did they want us up here so soon?” Patrick asked.

  “Mom, why don’t you and Dad get something to eat?” Pepper stretched again and dropped her knitting into her backpack. “I think I’ll try to sleep.”

  “Why don’t you go to the cafeteria? I’ll stay with Pepper,” Patrick said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Why don’t you both go?” Pepper yawned again. “The nurse can page you when it’s time.”

  “No, I’m not going anywhere.” Rebekah sat on the other side of the bed.

  “Mom, Dad, please. I’m fine.”

  They sat in a booth in the sleek, nearly empty cafeteria. Patrick played with his paper cup. “Something’s wrong.”

  “Patrick, nothing’s wrong. Hospitals are like this, remember?” Rebekah took a bite of vegetable soup. “You should eat something.”

  He shook his head. “Are you sure Elise is okay staying at our house?”

  “She wouldn’t have offered if she wasn’t. Honestly. That’s one thing about Elise; she’s not impulsive about offering to help.”

  “She’s been a good friend to us, hasn’t she?” Patrick took a sip of coffee.

  Rebekah nodded. Elise had. What would their family have done without Elise and Sandi during the last few months?

  “Now Ted will be home soon,” Patrick said. “After things are settled with Pepper, maybe I can get to know him.”

  It would be good for Patrick to have a friend in Forest Falls. He hadn’t really connected with any of the other dads. He and John got along well, but they didn’t have much in common. Rebekah finished her soup and crinkled the cracker wrapper into the bowl.

  Patrick drummed his fingers on the table. “I’m going nuts,” he said.

  She put her hand over his.

  “I can’t stand this any longer,” he said. “Maybe we should pray again.”

  Rebekah smiled and bowed her head.

  “Rebekah and Patrick Graham to preop.” The voice over the PA system startled her.

  “Amen,” Patrick said as he leaped to his feet.

  The nurse met them beside Pepper’s bed, where Pepper lay fast asleep. “Dr. Thomas is on his way,” the nurse informed them.

  “Dr. Thomas?” Patrick rubbed his forehead. “Shouldn’t he be scrubbing for surgery?”

  Rebekah shrugged and sat back down on the edge of the bed. Pepper stirred and flung her arms over her head.

  Patrick paced along the curtain. Rebekah stood. Patrick sat in the chair and stretched out his legs, sinking low.

  Dr. Thomas pushed through the curtain and stepped into the room. Both Rebekah and Patrick jumped to their feet.

  “I have bad news,” Dr. Thomas told them without preamble.

  “Oh no.” Rebekah reached for her daughter’s hand. “Should I wake Pepper?”

  Dr. Thomas nodded as Patrick slumped back into the chair.

  “Sweetie, Dr. Thomas is here.” Rebekah shook Pepper gently. “You need to wake up.”

  “Am I done?” She rolled toward Rebekah and opened one eye. “Is the surgery over?”

  “No, sweet pea.” She guided a strand of blond hair from Pepper’s face. “You haven’t been in surgery. Dr. Thomas has something to tell us.”

  “Are you awake, Pepper?” The doctor moved closer to the bed.

  Pepper sat up and nodded.

  “I go over each kidney meticulously before doing a transplant. I’m so sorry to tell you that the artery on this kidney isn’t long enough to attach. It’s not the right kidney for you.”

  Elise’s cell began to ring. She spread the Country Living magazine facedown on Rebekah’s camelback sofa and wiggled the phone out of her pocket. Ted was early.

  She told him that Pepper was getting a kidney, that it had all worked out, that they hadn’t needed her after all.

  “That’s great.” Ted’s voice sounded tired and far away.

  She asked what he needed to talk to her about.

  “Elise, this is going to be hard, but I need to go to Iraq.”

  “What? You said you would never volunteer.” She stood.

  “If I don’t volunteer now, I’ll get orders within the year. It would be better for me to go and be with a unit I know, with people I trust.”

  Elise planted her hand on her lower back.

  “It will be less disruptive for you and the boys if I go now than if I come home and we have to go through all of this again.”

  How could he be so sure? “Would you go while we’re still in Germany?” she asked, imagining another fear-filled good-bye.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Ted?”

  “Elise, I need to leave tomorrow.”

  She sank back onto the couch. “No.”

  “Elise, I’m sorry.”

  “Ted, I can’t do another Christmas without you.” She pulled a cushion to her chest. “And you told me you would never volunteer. The boys need you. I need you. Think about us.”

  “I have—nonstop—but I need to do this. It would help so much if I had your support.”

  She couldn’t give him her support. Why hadn’t he discussed thi
s with her? “You said that you wouldn’t volunteer.” Her voice was whiny, desperate. Could the boys hear her? She headed to the front door and out onto the porch.

  “I’ve thought and thought about this. I think it’s best for all of us if I get it over with. It will only be a short time.”

  “How long?” She leaned against the railing.

  “Two months max.”

  Christmas in Forest Falls without Ted. What a nightmare.

  “You and the boys could still come to Germany.”

  “No.” She wasn’t going to deal with Mark by herself in a foreign country.

  “Elise, I’m sorry.”

  Fog rolled over the field across the road. A single finch fluttered in the bare maple tree. The spruce trees around the house bowed in the wind.

  “Elise, I love you.”

  She pulled her sweater tight with one hand. What was she afraid of? That Ted would never come back? That he would leave, die, like her father? Is that what she had been afraid of all these years? That he would choose to go? Her father hadn’t chosen to go, but he had given up something—the hope that things would ever get better before he died.

  “Elise, are you there?”

  “Ted, call me later. I can’t talk right now.” She hit End and wrapped both arms around her middle and leaned against the railing.

  Michael pushed open the front door. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  Reid towered behind him. “Is Pepper all right?”

  “Pepper’s fine.” Elise dug a tissue from her pocket. “Everybody’s fine. Just give me a minute, okay?”

  Elise started her cleaning rampage in Rebekah and Patrick’s room; she stripped the bed, vacuumed, and dusted. Nothing was nicer than coming home to a clean bedroom. She scrubbed the upstairs bathroom and headed to the stairs with her arms full of dirty sheets and towels.

  “Mom.” Michael stood. “What’s going on?”

  Mark flipped his bangs from his eyes.

  “Let me start this load of wash, and then I’ll tell you.” She carefully made her way down the stairs.

  At least Pepper was getting a kidney. Elise sighed. Was she angry with Ted? Yes. Was she angry with God? How could she be angry with God when he had just provided a kidney for Pepper?

  She wedged the sheets into the front-load washer, measured out the soap, and spun the dial. She felt forgotten by God.

  Be strong, she coached herself as she headed back up the stairs. “Mark, Michael,” she said as she reached the landing, “Dad is going to Iraq.”

  “After we get back from Germany?” Michael turned from the game he and Reid were playing.

  Elise shook her head. “No, tomorrow. We’re not going to Germany.”

  Michael jumped from his chair. “Mom, how can he do this to us?”

  “Dad’s going to Iraq?” Mark asked quietly.

  Elise nodded. “He feels—”

  “Can’t we go to Germany anyway?” Michael dropped the joystick.

  Mark stumbled over his chair and fled down the stairs. Elise followed. The back door slammed. She stopped in the living room, in front of the picture window. Mark ran to the fence. Sky trotted toward him, and Bear brushed against his leg. Mark buried his face in Sky’s mane. Tears welled in Elise’s eyes and cascaded down her face.

  A barn swallow flew above Elise’s head as she ducked into Sky’s stall, fighting back more tears. All three of the boys agreed to help with the chores without protest. Elise and Mark spread the cedar shavings. She inhaled the sweet smell of alfalfa mixed with cedar. Michael doled out the oats, and Reid pushed the wheelbarrow out the back door.

  Bear began to bark as a vehicle pulled into the driveway. Maybe Rebekah’s parents had taken a much earlier flight. Elise pushed the big door open far enough to slip through. It was Rebekah’s truck. Patrick climbed out and then Pepper.

  “What happened?” Elise’s heart sank.

  “The kidney wasn’t right.” Patrick rubbed the back of his neck.

  Elise’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh no.” She hadn’t imagined that the transplant wouldn’t work out.

  “We have to wait for another one.” Pepper slipped her backpack over her shoulder.

  “I’m so sorry.” Elise hugged Pepper. Rebekah came around the back of the truck, and Elise hugged her too.

  Rebekah swiped the pads of her fingers under her eyes. “Unbelievable, huh?”

  Reid and Michael came around the side of the barn.

  “Son.” Patrick started toward them. “The artery on the kidney was too short, so the transplant didn’t happen.”

  Reid stood still, his long arms dangling at his side, his eyes big.

  “It’s okay.” Pepper craned her neck to look behind Michael. “Where’s Mark?”

  “In the barn.” Elise ran her hand through her hair. Were her eyes still red?

  “Is everything okay?” Rebekah asked.

  “Ted’s going to Iraq.”

  “Oh, Elise.” Rebekah put her arm around her friend. “He’ll go after you come home from Germany, right?”

  “No.” Elise tried to smile. “He leaves tomorrow.”

  Rebekah sat at the breakfast bar with yesterday’s paper spread out in front of her. She had convinced Elise and the boys to spend the night; she hadn’t wanted them to go home alone with such bad news. Now she wasn’t sure she should have asked them to stay.

  “Why did you agree to move here?” Mark slammed the cupboard door, a box of Cheerios tucked under his arm. “Why didn’t we move to Seattle?”

  “I’m sorry you’re unhappy here.” Elise leaned against the counter. She looked uncomfortable.

  “You should have stood up to Dad. He’s gone, and we hardly ever see Grandpa.”

  Rebekah stood. Mark was blaming Elise; poor Elise. “Mark,” Rebekah interjected, “I was surprised to see you up so early this morning.” He’d been at Reid’s computer when she pulled herself out of bed.

  “I never went to sleep.” Mark poured cereal into the bowl.

  “Mark.” Elise sat down slowly. “You may not stay up all night, at our house or anyone else’s house.”

  That explained his foul mood. Rebekah poured herself a cup of coffee. “Do you want a cup?” she asked Elise.

  Elise nodded. “Please.”

  “Are you okay?” Rebekah handed her the cup.

  “My back is out.”

  “Do you want some ibuprofen?”

  Elise shook her head. “No thanks. I already took some.”

  “So what are we doing for Christmas?” Mark asked with his mouth full.

  “We’re going to Grandpa’s.”

  “Great. With his girlfriend?”

  “Her name is Sandi, and I’m not sure she’s his girlfriend.”

  “Come on, Mom. What planet do you live on?”

  Rebekah smiled and sat back down at the breakfast bar. She started to suggest that they join them for Christmas but caught herself.

  Mark took another bite. “We should move to Seattle while Dad is gone. That would serve him right.”

  Rebekah raised her eyebrows. Boy, Mark was on a rampage.

  Michael pushed open the kitchen door. “I still don’t get why we can’t go to Germany. It’s not like we have anything better to do.” His eyes were red and puffy.

  Elise stood and put her arm around Michael.

  “It’s not fair,” Michael whispered.

  “I know.” Elise pulled him close. “I’m as disappointed as you are.”

  He pulled away. “You’re lying. We would be going if you were as disappointed as I am.”

  Elise rubbed her lower back. “I’m going to get a shower, and then we need to head home.”

  Michael slumped on a stool.

  After Elise was out of earshot, Rebekah asked, “What did you guys get your mom for Christmas?” Rebekah wrapped her hands around her coffee mug.

  Michael looked at Mark. Mark shrugged.

  “We were going to get her something in Germany.” Michael poked Mark’s arm.


  “Why don’t you come by the shop this afternoon or later this week? I’ll give you some ideas.”

  Michael nodded.

  Mark shoveled another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “This is going to be the worst Christmas ever.”

  Rebekah stood, yawned, and headed upstairs. She couldn’t solve Mark’s problems; he was going to have to figure out how to handle his angst on his own.

  Rebekah stood in the middle of the balcony, taking in the shop as if she had never seen it before.

  “Your shop is charming, just charming.” Her mother turned around, her gold snowflake earrings bumping against her neck. She wore a navy-blue sweat suit and a gold visor over her blondish hair and clutched a gold purse. “I love the light from the windows. But you could use some new furniture.”

  “Grandma.” Pepper plopped down on the secondhand couch. “Here’s my latest scrapbook.”

  The door buzzed, and Rebekah headed down the stairs. The furniture was fine. The couch was a little worn, the metal chairs had dings, and some of the tables were chipped, but everything was functional.

  Mark and Michael stood just inside the door. “Hi.” Mark crossed his arms over his black sweatshirt.

  “Hey, guys.”

  “We came to get something for Mom.” Michael pulled his University of Oregon cap from his head.

  “Do you want to get a gift certificate? Or a tool?” Rebekah asked.

  “A tool?” Mark flipped his bangs from his eyes.

  “For scrapbooking.” Had he expected power drills and screwdrivers?

  “We each have twenty bucks,” they said in unison.

  The boys decided to pool their money and buy a gift certificate for their mom. They finished the transaction, and then Michael stepped forward and craned his neck. “What’s up there?”

  “A work area. Pepper’s up there with my mom.” Rebekah headed for the stairs. “Come on up. You can meet her.”

  Mark and Michael zipped past Rebekah and raced up the staircase.

  “Mom, these are my friend Elise’s sons, Mark and Michael.”

  “Ma’am.” Mark stepped forward and extended his hand. Michael copied his brother.

  Rebekah smiled at their good manners. “This is my mother, Darla.”