Scrap Everything

by Leslie Gould

  “Mom, don’t start this again.”

  “What are you talking about?” Patrick held the butter knife in midair.

  “It was embarrassing,” Pepper said. “Mark told us Elise has B blood, and then Elise felt really bad.”

  “Has she considered getting tested?” Patrick passed the butter on to Reid.

  “No. She’s a single mom right now with a husband in Iraq, and she has a bad back or something like that.” Rebekah skewered a slice of meat. Why did Elise have to have B blood? It only complicated things.

  “One of their boys is a bit of a challenge,” Patrick said to Darla, as if that explained everything.

  “I thought they might come today.” Reid passed the spinach salad with the cranberries on to his grandfather.

  “They’re having Christmas with Sandi and John,” Rebekah explained. What she didn’t say was that Elise had been ignoring her attempts to reconnect, which probably wasn’t such a bad thing, considering her mixed-up emotions.

  Pepper took the salad. “We’re glad you’re here now, Grandma and Grandpa, even if we didn’t see you in November. And at least Mom saw you after Thanksgiving.”

  Rebekah’s dad opened his mouth, Darla elbowed him, and Patrick rolled his eyes.

  “What?” Pepper asked.

  “No, you’re right.” Rebekah passed the rolls to her mother. “At least Grandma and Grandpa are here now.”

  After Christmas dinner, Pepper attempted to download songs onto her iPod, and Reid set up his computer. Patrick floated between the landing and the kitchen while Rebekah loaded the dishwasher. Her parents dozed on either side of the sofa.

  Rebekah picked up the phone.

  “Who are you calling?” Patrick asked.

  “I’ve been thinking about Elise and what a hard Christmas this must be for her.”

  Patrick walked over to Rebekah and wrapped her in an embrace.

  “I’m just calling—”

  “I know what you’re doing. Call her. She’s with Sandi and John, right?”

  Rebekah dialed John’s number. Sandi explained that Elise’s back was hurting and that she had gone home about an hour ago with the boys.

  “She must be stressed,” Rebekah replied.

  “She seemed really uptight,” Sandi said.

  “I’ll call her at home.” Rebekah dialed Elise’s number, and Michael answered. A few moments later she had a groggy Elise on the line. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Hi, may I call you back?”

  “Are you doing all right?”

  “My back hurts.”

  “Can I do anything to help? Have the boys over? Bring you some soup?”

  “Thanks. But we’re fine. I’ll be better tomorrow.” The line went dead without a good-bye.

  Elise opened one eye. Was it over? She looked at the clock: 3:52 a.m. Thank you, God, for December 26. She padded down to the bathroom and then out to the living room. White lights twinkled on the artificial tree.

  “Mom.” Mark sat in Ted’s chair.

  “What are you doing, honey?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “It’s the middle of the night!” She sat down on the couch.

  “I know.”

  “Is Michael in bed?”

  “Since midnight or so.” Mark flung his leg over the arm of the chair.

  “What’s the matter?”

  Mark shrugged. “This was the worst Christmas ever.”

  Elise slipped a pillow behind her back.

  “Dad called.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “We tried.” Mark stood. “I asked him why he volunteered.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Same thing you did, but it made more sense when he said it.”

  Elise rubbed her fingertips under her eyes.

  “Did you know that the Garden of Eden was near Iraq?” Mark asked.

  “It’s possible.”

  “Isn’t that ironic?”

  Elise nodded. Was it ironic?

  “Here Dad is near where humanity began …” His voice trailed off.

  “And?” Elise yawned. What was Mark talking about?

  “And look how horrible things have gotten.”

  Elise tipped her head back. Desert Storm. Kosovo. 9/11. Afghanistan. Iraq. Mark’s life had been shaped by war; it had crashed, over and over, straight through his childhood. She never would have chosen this for him.

  “I think Dad really wanted to go.” Mark slumped back down in the chair.

  Elise did too. “How does that make you feel?”

  “I hate that question. It’s so fabricated.”

  Elise paused. “How did Dad sound?”

  “You know Dad. He was his usual optimistic self.”

  Elise pulled the red and green afghan off the couch and covered herself with it. Maude had crocheted it ten years ago. She put it out only at Christmastime.

  “I understand why Dad volunteered.”

  “Why?”

  “Loyalty. He wants to help.”

  Elise stayed silent. Loyalty or pride? Someone else could have gone.

  “He said volunteering doesn’t mean he’s not loyal to us.”

  “What do you think?”

  “I think you’re mad at him. I think you blame him for this, and I think you take your back pills to escape, to hide.”

  Elise wrapped the afghan tight and stood. She wanted to go back to bed.

  “Don’t blame him, Mom. It doesn’t help. It’s like he’s gone and you’re not here either.”

  Elise was sitting at the table, numbly staring at the newspaper, when her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her robe pocket.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  She imagined him standing in front of the field hospital, sand blowing around his face, his beret pulled down on his forehead. Or would he wear a helmet? She sighed. “That was yesterday.”

  “Merry day after Christmas. How was it?”

  “Fine,” she said, annoyed with his cheery voice. “Where are you?”

  “In my barracks. Do you feel better?”

  “A little.”

  “Mom!” Michael hurried into the breakfast nook. “Can I go to Reid’s?” His curls were mashed on one side of his head.

  “It’s Dad.” She put her hand over the receiver. “Wait a minute.”

  The doorbell rang. “Michael, get the door.”

  “Is everything okay?” Ted asked.

  “Fine. How are you? How was Christmas in Iraq?”

  “I miss you guys.”

  Elise was silent.

  “Are you punishing me?”

  “Mom, Rebekah is here.”

  Elise changed the subject. “Mark said that he asked you about volunteering.”

  “Mom! Rebekah is here.”

  She nodded at Michael.

  Ted sighed. “I’ll e-mail you. E-mail me back, okay? Have Mark show you how to use instant messaging. If I’m on, we can talk back and forth.”

  “Does that work?”

  “I instant messaged with Mark for a while last night. It’s not the same as talking on the phone but better than e-mail.”

  “I’ll try it.”

  “Elise, I love you.”

  “I love you too.” She did, really she did.

  “Mom.” Michael’s face contorted.

  “I’ll come back later.” Rebekah stood in the dining room.

  “I’m off the phone.” Elise wiped her hands on her robe.

  “I was worried about you.” Rebekah stepped forward. “Are you coming to the shop today?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Do the boys want to hang out at the house? Patrick and my parents are there. Mark can ride with Pepper. Reid got a new computer that he would love to show Michael.”

  “Please, Mom.” Michael tugged on the sleeve of her robe.

  Elise shook her head.

  “Mom,” Michael groaned and disappeared into the family room.

  “What’s wrong?”
Rebekah shoved her hands into her brown corduroy coat.

  “My back hurts.”

  “Patrick could come get them.” Rebekah smiled.

  Elise shook her head. “Thanks, though. I appreciate it.”

  Rebekah crossed her arms. “Okay. Hey, new topic. I felt horrible about Mark bringing up your blood type.”

  Elise shrugged. How much should she try to explain? “Mark went through my deleted e-mails, trying to find something from Ted about volunteering, and he came across one about blood types.”

  “So you e-mailed Ted about your blood type?”

  “No. Michael had. Before he knew he had to be eighteen, he was hoping he could donate a kidney to Pepper.”

  “That’s sweet.” Rebekah averted her eyes. “Come by the shop. Sandi will be there. I’m having an after-Christmas sale.”

  Elise tried to smile. “I’ll see.” She knew she wouldn’t. What did Rebekah think of her? What would the other women think? “Well, thanks for coming by. Tell everyone hello if I don’t make it to the shop.” She immediately regretted saying that. She didn’t want anyone to mention her name.

  Rebekah opened the door and then turned. “Please, Elise, let me know what I can do to help.”

  Elise nodded, the cords in her neck taut. “Thanks.” This would be a lot easier if Rebekah weren’t being so nice.

  “Let’s go to Seattle,” Elise said at dinnertime. She always sat at the head of the table with the boys on either side when Ted was gone.

  “For good?” Mark slurped his minestrone soup.

  “No. To visit.”

  “I have basketball practice.” Michael pushed his bowl toward the center of the table.

  “You do?”

  “Wednesday and Friday.”

  That pretty much took up the entire week. “Can you miss?”

  “I don’t want to miss.” Michael stood. “Besides, wouldn’t driving that far be bad for your back?” He picked up his dishes and headed for the kitchen.

  Elise ignored the fact that he hadn’t asked to be excused.

  Mark grabbed another piece of bread. “Maybe he could stay at Reid’s.”

  Elise shook her head. “He’s right. That’s too far for me to drive.” She didn’t want Michael to stay at Rebekah’s. They all needed a break from each other. Besides, she didn’t want to owe Rebekah any favors.

  She stood and shuffled to the kitchen. Maybe she couldn’t go to Seattle, but she needed to get out of Forest Falls sometime soon. She had a bad case of cabin fever. “Michael,” she called down the hall, “it’s your turn to do the dishes.”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Michael.”

  He stormed out of the family room to the middle of the hall, waving his hands. “That’s what I hate about living here.”

  “What?” Elise crossed her arms. “Doing the dishes?”

  “Everything. The chores. Not being able to go anywhere.”

  “What do you mean? Mark and I want to go to Seattle. You’re the one with basketball practice.”

  “All I want to do is go out to Reid’s.”

  Elise leaned against the wall. “Michael, they have company. We can’t go barging in.”

  “No. It has nothing to do with them having company. It only has to do with you.” Michael slammed the family-room door.

  Elise headed up the hall and back to the kitchen, avoiding Mark’s smirk.

  Bye!” Rebekah called after Reid and Pepper as they jumped out of the pickup and headed for the school. It was the first day back after Christmas break, and they had missed the bus. This time it was Reid’s fault.

  Reid jogged into the school, meeting Michael at the door.

  “Pepper!” a group of girls yelled. Ainsley ran ahead and hugged her, and the other girls gathered around. Pepper opened her backpack and pulled out a pack of gum. She wore a long brown sweater over her jeans and, of course, the boots that Elise had bought her. Her hair was in a high ponytail.

  God, I’m still trying to trust you, honestly, Rebekah prayed. I just don’t know what you’re doing. Kids take priority. Jamie had told her that again, just last week. When Rebekah asked how long it would take for another compatible kidney, Jamie said she didn’t have an answer. “It could be tomorrow—or next year.”

  God, we don’t have until next year.

  Rebekah pulled out of the parking lot and onto Main Street. A light rain began to fall. By the time she reached the shop, it had turned into a downpour. She sat in the truck with the windshield wipers on high. Trust me. That little voice. Don’t be afraid. Trust me. She turned off the motor and dashed into the shop.

  Rebekah sat on the gymnasium bench, her corduroy coat wrapped around her. Sandi waved from the breezeway door and hurried over to the bleachers. John followed.

  “Is Patrick coming?” Sandi asked.

  Rebekah nodded. “He’s running late.”

  “Where’s Pepper?”

  “She went to Ainsley’s after school, but they should be here by now.”

  John sat down on the other side of Sandi.

  Rebekah reached behind Sandi and patted his back. “Hi, John. How are you?”

  “Just fine.” He took off his wool cap and placed it on the bleacher. “How’s that dog of mine doing?”

  “Great. Things have been pretty quiet now that the cougar knows we have a security guard.” Having Bear meant there was one less thing to worry about. Not even Patrick had mentioned the cougar for a few weeks, although she hadn’t told him about the tuft of fur she’d found. “What do you hear from Ted?”

  “Nothing but good things. They’re doing lots of surgeries. During his off-hours he plays with the Iraqi children, mostly soccer. He misses his boys.”

  “There’s Elise.” Sandi pointed toward the door.

  Elise stood with her camera, watching the boys warm up. Reid passed the ball to Michael, who made a perfect lay-up. A slight smile passed across Elise’s face as her camera flashed.

  The buzzer sounded, and the boys huddled with the coach. The cheerleaders started chanting. Elise sat on the first bench on the other side, her camera in her lap. Rebekah relaxed.

  “Any word about the transplant list?” Sandi asked.

  Rebekah shook her head.

  Sandi leaned closer to Rebekah. “I heard that Elise has B blood.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “John.”

  “Who told him?”

  “Michael.”

  Rebekah shook her head. Where was Pepper? It wasn’t like her to be so late. She dialed Ainsley’s home number. No answer. Could she trust Ainsley? Maybe they’d eaten a dozen donuts after school. Where were they? Was Pepper safe?

  Reid tipped the ball to Michael, and Michael went up for a jump shot. Swoosh. The score was 28–23. Forest Falls was ahead. The halftime buzzer sounded. Rebekah stood. “I’m going over to Ainsley’s to see where those girls are.”

  “Do you want me to go with you?” Sandi grabbed her coat.

  “No, I’ll be right back.

  “Hi, Elise,” Rebekah called out as she walked by. “Michael’s doing great!”

  Elise smiled. “So is Reid.”

  Rebekah cringed at their shallow exchange as she opened the gym door and stepped into the torrential rain. She drove slowly away from the school toward Ainsley’s house. What if Pepper was out in this cold? Why hadn’t they called for a ride? Surely they wouldn’t have walked. It was over two miles, and the first mile was along the highway. Pepper had told her that Ainsley’s brother would give them a ride. He was, what, a junior? Maybe a senior? The shop had been full of customers when Pepper had called. What had Rebekah been thinking?

  Nothing was going right.

  Rebekah slowed, but Pepper was nowhere in sight. What if Pepper intended to meet her at the shop? She headed toward the highway. The windshield wipers squeaked at a rapid pace, frantically swiping the sheets of water away. She took a deep breath. She was annoyed, really annoyed with Pepper. And who else? Elise. With the whole
kidney thing, with having to feel careful around Elise now.

  And she was annoyed with God. She couldn’t help herself. Why can’t I give Pepper a kidney? It was as if God had forgotten them. Rebekah clutched the steering wheel. She was starting to sound like Patrick, like a broken record. God must be getting tired of her whining. It had been easy to trust when Jamie said there was a kidney, but look at her now.

  The windshield wipers squished out their squeaky rhythm. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

  “Stop it!” she shouted out loud as she pulled into Ainsley’s driveway and snapped off the wipers. The house was dark, and there wasn’t a car in sight.

  Reid tipped the ball to Michael, and Michael ran for a fast break and another perfect lay-up as Elise snapped the shutter. She smiled, pleased she had caught the action.

  “That’s my grandson!” John boomed, jumping to his feet.

  Partway through the second half, Sandi and John walked around the court and sat on either side of Elise.

  “We’ve missed you at the shop.” Sandi folded her quilted jacket over her lap.

  “I’ve been busy.”

  “Ted called this morning.” John leaned forward, his hands clasped. “He had tried to get you, but your cell phone was off.”

  “He didn’t leave a message.”

  “He said they got shot at last night.”

  “John.” Sandi nudged him. “Maybe Ted didn’t want Elise to know that.”

  Elise winced. What else did John know that she didn’t? “Is everyone okay?” Elise gripped her camera.

  “Just fine.”

  “How did Ted sound?” Elise’s voice shook just a little.

  “Great. Fit and raring to go. He did three surgeries last night.” John wrapped his hands around his knee.

  Elise rolled her shoulders. “I’m dying of thirst. I’m going to get a drink.” She tucked the camera into the pocket of her suede jacket and hurried out to the breezeway. She saw Pepper leaning against the cinderblock wall while Ainsley flirted with a group of older boys.

  “Hi, Elise.” Pepper walked toward her. Her down jacket was soaked, and her hair hung in wet strands.

  “Sweetie,” Elise put out her hand, “you’re all wet.”

  Pepper nodded.

  “And you look exhausted.” Elise quickly took off her coat. “Here, wear my jacket.”