Fallen Angel

by K. S. Thomas

  “Well, just try not to point that thing at me, k?”

  “Camera shy? I could help you get over that, you know?” And he’s apparently going to work on it right away. In ten seconds I’ve heard the click of his shutter four times already.

  “Would. You. Stop. That?!” I’m dancing my way down the hall trying to escape the Hudsonrazzi but it’s pointless. He keeps his finger on the trigger all the way out to the front door where Royce, Blaise and Ava are already huddled together and waiting in the foyer.

  “What were you doing in there? I thought you went in to grab a jacket. That’s not even the shirt you were wearing when you walked away.” Ava’s crinkled brow reminds me of an expression our mother likes to resort to in times of disgust over an empty wine carton. I’m tempted to vocalize this thought, but I don’t.

  “I was wearing a dress last time you saw me. So, really glad I changed since it made such an impression.” I feel my eyes bug out dramatically and immediately regret it when I hear Hudson’s camera go off again. There’s a face no one needed to capture. “Also, I would have gotten done way sooner if I hadn’t been followed. Royce. Time to put a leash on your man-bride. He’s making me crazy with the constant clicking of his camera.”

  There’s a general rumble of man chuckles around the room and I realize no one gives a shit about my problem. Not even Ava who is already distracted and moving on to other things, like herding us all out into the driveway in a neatly formed line.

  Since this has turned into a full-blown family outing, my sister arranged for a car to drive us out to Rusty’s and I’m pleasantly surprised when I climb into the limo and find that Derek and Angel are already inside, along with Francis, Ava’s assistant.

  Then, the pleasant surprise wears off when I realize most of the seats are still empty and I have to pick one. Of course I want the one right next to Angel, but that would be too damn obvious. So, I should pick the one at the opposite end of the car. Only I have no desire to sit that far away from him, especially considering this is my first evening officially hanging out with him since the afternoon which is not to be mentioned.

  “Just go sit next to him.” Hudson’s deep voice softly reaches my ear from behind. “You know you want to. Plus, Royce and I can sit right next to you. It will fit perfectly and I’ll even pretend I wanted you to sit with me. No one will even notice.”

  I bite my lip to keep from smiling. Maybe I’ll be able to get over the camera thing faster than I thought. And, I definitely do love him.

  “Hey, guys.” I casually nod at the three already seated. Derek and Francis are directly across from Angel and I when I take my seat.

  “Addy! What’s up, girl? I haven’t seen your pretty little face around since...you know.” She means the day after Angel got arrested. “Where you been hiding?” Francis leans forward to give me a hug. She’s a hugger. Which is an odd contradiction to the rest of her abrasive personality, but I dig it.

  “I’ve been around.” I can literally feel myself shrinking out of sight. I hate that Angel has this effect on me. Small and invisible. The last thing I want to be when I’m around him, and yet, all of my self-confidence fades to nothingness these days as soon as I see him.

  “I guess! Angel was just telling me that you’re working with Brett now. That’s gotta be a sweet gig.” She’s the first person who seems genuinely excited for me. But then, she’s also the only one here who doesn’t know about my childhood crush. Well, her and Derek. I don’t think he knows either.

  “Yeah. I’m pretty stoked. Producing music has been my dream forever.” I can feel several disbelieving sets of eyes on me as I say this. And one pair of curious ones peering down over the muscular shoulder almost touching mine on my left. Angel.

  “I didn’t know you’ve always had a thing for music.” He bumps his shoulder into mine and I about die. I’m such an idiot.

  “Yeah. Hard not to, growing up with all of you.” I’m so freaking torn about what to say next. I’ve spent the last few years talking music to anyone who stood still in my presence long enough to listen. But those people didn’t know or care that I spent every evening as a kid ‘borrowing’ Finding Nolan’s instruments while I taught myself to play. These people sitting here with me in this limo, they would definitely care. What with them being Finding Nolan and the instruments in question being theirs and all.

  So, with no way to share what I know without blowing my secret, I say nothing at all.

  “Well, I hope your musical education didn’t end there,” Angel laughs. “Damn. Dude, you listen to any of our early stuff recently?” He’s talking to Derek, who starts chuckling as well. “Man, we were bad.”

  “No shit, bro. I was in the car the other day when our first single came on. I reached over and changed the station in like half a second.” Derek actually slaps his knee he’s so amused. It’s the most alive I’ve seen him since I’ve been staying with Ava and Blaise. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was dying, but maybe he’s just going insane what with his marriage being on the verge of being blasted to pieces and all. Hell, maybe it already happened. The man hardly looks like the boy I knew anymore.

  “You know, now that you assholes mention it, it really isn’t any wonder Addy moved on to boy bands after listening to you guys for years.” Damn. Ava never misses an opportunity to bring up the boy band era.

  “Listen. I wasn’t really into boy bands. It just seemed like the easiest way to try and fit in a little. Being the twin freak with the drunk mom and famous sister wasn’t always a walk in the park during high school.” That sounded more pathetic than I meant it to. “I’m just saying, being slightly more mainstream seemed favorable.”

  “I get what you’re saying.” Angel nods, catching everyone else’s gaze as he lets his eyes travel around the limo. “We all do. Sometimes you just need to be a little more like everyone else to stay sane.”

  “Yeah.” My voice is way too quiet for him to actually hear it, but he nods again like he understood anyway.

  “Check it out. Rusty got himself a new sign.” Blaise cuts through our moment in his usual elephant in a china store way. How Ava deals with him on the daily is beyond me. Although I guess he’s different with her. It’s like she’s his entire world. I’m sure he never misses one of her moments.

  “Snazzy.” Only Royce would use a word like that and make it work.

  Doesn’t take long and we’re all being funneled into the bar through the back door. From there, Rusty’s head of security leads us straight to the VIP section upstairs. It’s an open loft with a killer view of the stage. Not to mention, the sound travels beautifully along the high ceilings.

  Rusty’s already up there, ready to greet everyone with open arms. It takes a while before it’s my turn to say hi, and since I’m the only one he’s never met, Ava sticks around to make the introduction.

  “Rusty, this is my baby sister, Addison. We’re breaking her into the business and figured this was the perfect place to start!” I can’t help but notice how coming here was suddenly no longer my idea.

  “Addison. Good to meet you, darlin’.” He reaches out and gives me a hug and I totally get why Ava’s always talked about him the way she has. He definitely has a dad vibe about him. Not that I would know exactly what that might feel like, but in all the years I’ve imagined what it might be like to see my dad and have him embrace me, this is as close as I’ve ever gotten to the real deal. It’s nice.

  “Nice to meet you, too. Ava’s always talked about you. It’s great to finally see you in person.”

  He gives my arm a little squeeze and smiles warmly. I can’t help but wonder how much he knows about Ava and I and our family history. Considering his family has lived around these parts forever and he’s known the band since they first started, it’s probably quite a bit.

  “Well, I’m going to leave you all to it. The bar is fully stocked with all the usual things. I expect you all to make yourselves at home and I’ll send Chels up to check on you kid
s.” He waves and leans in to kiss Ava on the cheek before he walks toward the stairs and disappears.

  Since this is my first taste of the VIP treatment, I waste no time in exploring the amenities. First things first, the bar. Not surprisingly, it’s loaded with all things completely liquor free. Not that I was searching for something with a heavier punch, but somehow it’s oddly disappointing to be reminded of how tame the Finding Nolan boys are these days. They certainly no longer live up to the reputation they had back when I was in high school.

  “Toss me a water, would ya?” Angel’s standing on the other side of the counter while I’m still busy snooping around the coolers.

  “Here.” I throw a cold bottle his way and grab a second one for myself. I’m getting the strange feeling he’s seeking me out on purpose. I just don’t know why. It couldn’t possibly be to discuss the thing we’re clearly not ever discussing ever again.

  “So, how much do you know about Nina Nu?” He’s making small talk. It’s weird. Especially considering the million and one conversations we’ve had recently. God, why did I screw things up by sleeping with him? Everything was so easy before. Like, we just worked. Now, it’s all awkward and forced and I hate it.

  “Nina Nu? Let’s see. I know she and I went to school together, only she was two years ahead of me. She graduated with a degree in Nuclear Engineering – her parents doing – and then abandoned science to fulfill her real dream of pursuing music. She hit a lot of the smaller places around campus the whole time she was a student there, but somehow I kept missing her.”

  “Until tonight.” He’s smiling. God he’s gorgeous. So gorgeous he makes me forget simple things. Like swallowing. And now I have water dribbling down my chin to prove it.

  “Shit.” I reach up and dry my mouth with my sleeve. Super lady like, Addy. What can I say? I’m freaking eleven again, drooling over a guy who feels so far away from me it’s like we’re standing in separate stadiums. Even if in reality we’re only a few feet apart. And he’s seen me naked.

  Then, out of nowhere, he reaches up and brushes his thumb across the corner of my mouth. “You missed a spot.”

  I freeze. Externally. On the inside I’m melting. Turning to total slush. I’m a mess. “Thanks.” Our eyes lock and I swear he’s looking at me like he’s searching for something. Like I’m holding onto some sort of secret he’s been trying to uncover. Before I can say anything else, or come up with a remotely smooth move, the cocktail waitress shows up to check in on us just as Rusty promised.

  “Hey, boys.” She spots those of us with vaginas and greets us with considerably less enthusiasm. “And girls.”

  “What’s up, Chels? Long time no see.” Angel turns away from me to greet her. His total demeanor changes and suddenly I totally get it. This is what he’s like when he’s interested in a girl. Whatever just happened between us, was nothing more than a sweet gesture toward a young, innocent, and clearly naïve as shit girl. Fuck me.

  “You’re telling me, Angel.” She snakes her free arm, the one not holding the tray, around his neck and purrs softly into his ear. Literally. I can hear it.

  “Whoa, now. I thought you were a married woman these days.” He’s not really stopping her though. Maybe he doesn’t know how to. After years and years of having women throw themselves at him and always welcoming them with open arms, maybe saying no is such a foreign concept to him, he can’t convey it properly.

  “I was married. For about two minutes. Then I caught the bastard cheating on me and divorced his ass.” Her fingers are trailing up and down the smooth skin on his neck. I think I might lunge across the bar and rip each one of her fake nails right out of their cuticles. “I’ve missed you, Angel. You going to stick around after the show? I get off at midnight. Maybe you could give me a ride home?”

  “He can’t.” I blurt it out before I can stop myself. When both of their heads dart in my direction, I quickly explain, “He didn’t drive. We all came together in the limo.”

  Now I think maybe Chelsea wants to rip out parts of my body. “Well, I’m sure you have room for one more, don’t you, baby?”

  But Angel’s still staring at me. It’s like he doesn’t even notice her anymore. Not even when she slips her tongue over his earlobe to bring his focus back to her. “Actually, Chels, I don’t think tonight’s going to work out. I already have plans. With these guys.” He includes everyone, but he’s still looking directly at me. And it happens. Right then. A shift. He sees me. And I recognize the intensity in his eyes. I’ve seen him look at me like that before. Right before he kissed me. And suddenly I don’t feel like a stupid kid anymore.

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” Chelsea’s not taking the news well. At all. But her little shriek draws Ava’s attention and she’s the ultimate cock block, so it’s game over now no matter where she was planning on putting her tongue next.

  “Hey there, Chels. You plan on giving everyone this kind of one on one attention tonight? Because it might make some people a little uncomfortable.” She keeps a completely straight expression. Then, out of nowhere, Francis jumps on the bandwagon.

  “Not me though. If you want to come over here and give me a little of that tongue and ear lobe action I’d be down for that.”

  Pissed, Chelsea lets go of Angel and stomps off in a huff. I’m pretty sure we won’t be seeing her again tonight.

  “That was fun.” Francis grins, skipping over to the bar and leaning so far over the counter her arms are dangling in the ice bin on the other side. “What? No Red Bulls?”

  “Yeah. That’s what you need. An energy drink.” Ava comes up beside her and points over at the cooler behind me. “Can you grab us a couple of waters, please?”

  I nod and drop down to a squat instantly. “Fizz?”

  “You know it.” Ava doesn’t drink plain water. Has to have bubbles in it. She’s high maintenance like that.

  I’m barely back up again, handing over the bottles, when Royce whistles loudly, getting everyone’s attention. “Show’s starting.” He gestures over the railing in front of him and down toward the stage and we all start moving in the same general direction.

  Unfortunately, I’m last and wind up standing behind a wall of solid men, unable to see the stage. Ava has, of course, finagled her way in front of Blaise, resting comfortably against his chest while I notice Francis having landed a good spot at the end of the loft near the stairs where Derek is graciously standing at an angle to give her a good view of the stage.

  I’m about to poke Hudson in the side to get his attention and ask him to let me squeeze in when I feel a hand take hold of mine.

  “Over here, Bam Bam. You’ll have the best view from where I’m standing.”

  ***

  What in the heellllll am I doing? First I’m turning down a sure thing with Chelsea and now I’m standing here getting inappropriately close to Ava’s little sister...and this time, I’m doing it in front of everyone. I must be losing my damn mind.

  And I must be getting stupider by the minute because I just caught myself leaning in to smell her hair. Shit. But Goddamn, it smells good.

  I’m definitely feeling way too confident about standing behind her and thinking I’m out of sight when she turns back out of the blue to say something and catches me still grinning like a moron with my head tipped down way too close to hers.

  “Um...” She’s looking at me like she knows what I was doing and debating whether or not to call me out on it. “Thanks for letting me squeeze in here. This really is the best spot.” Guess she’s going to let this one slide.

  “I told you. Meanwhile, I should be thanking you for filling us in on Nina Nu. That girl can play a piano like I’ve never seen before.”

  She nods with a genuine enthusiasm you only see in people who truly get it. The people who consume music like their lives depend on it. “And that voice. Holy shit. Listen to her. She’s not just singing that song, she’s feeling it. Every last word.”

  “Yeah, well I can definitely see
why she walked away from being a scientist. There’s no doubt about what this girl was created for. For real. We should have brought Brett with us tonight.”

  Her attention is back on Nina Nu, but she keeps talking, “Think I should try and get her demo? Maybe if I brought it into the studio, Brett would listen to it.”

  I don’t have to see her face to know how hungry she is for this. Addison Jennison wants to make music. Or, rather, she wants to help others make music. Truth is though, Brett’s got a mind of his own when it comes to sound, and I should tell her that. If it were anyone else I would. But it’s not and for some reason I can’t stand the idea of being the one to break Bam Bam’s heart tonight.

  “Yeah. You should go for it. I mean, you never know unless you try, right?”

  Except the things I’m thinking about trying. I know for damn sure how they’ll turn out if I even attempt to give them a shot. Which is why I won’t. I can’t. But fuck it all, I want to.

  In spite of my body sending my brain very distinct signals about what it wants – needs - my brain somehow finds a way to override them all, and we make it out of the club and back into the limo without any accidental roaming around her body from my hands...or mouth.

  It’s late by the time we all head back to Ava and Blaise’s to make the first drop off, but Bam Bam is still buzzing, going on non-stop about Nina Nu to Francis who seems equally excited over having made this musical discovery tonight.

  Meanwhile, I’m sitting back, enjoying the hum of her voice in my ear and the sight of her smile out of the corner of my eye when suddenly, both disappear in an instant, causing me to sit up straight in my seat and take notice of what’s going on.

  “What in the hell is he doing here?” Her voice sounds shrill and unnatural and my first thought is of Moe and how I’m going to kick his ass. Again. Only when I look out the window, it’s not Moe standing in front of Ava and Blaise’s driveway. It’s some white dude with glasses and a goatee that looks like he was eating brownies straight from the pan and the shit stuck to his chin in uneven clumps.