Fallen Angel

by K. S. Thomas

  “Cool.” He gets up. “How’s tonight?”

  I turn to Brett who nods without even looking in my direction, then proceeds to put on his headphones. “Tonight’s good.”

  “Alright. So, tonight then.” He starts for the door. “I’ll text you later when I know what time we’re getting done here.”

  “Sure. Perfect.” I really need him to leave already because I’m about to lose it.

  “Cool.”

  Yeah, dude. It’s cool. Now go.

  Finally, he does.

  “Oh my goodness!” I squeal so loud Brett can hear me through his headphones.

  “I could be way off here, but I don’t suppose you have a little crush on my man, Angel?” He’s grinning.

  I cover my mouth in a panic. “You can’t say anything. You have to swear it. Please, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  He chuckles and now I’m totally getting that dad vibe. Maybe this is the universe’s way of making up for the shit version I got saddled with originally. “What are you worried about? The man’s obviously got it bad for you. And after that little display in here, he’s in no position to tease anyone for anything.”

  I shake my head. “No, not him. Eda. Blaise. All of them. They’ll just start making me sound like I’m eleven again and that’s really not the visual I’m going for here.” Then I register what he actually said. “Wait. Did you just say Angel has it bad for me?”

  Brett exhales with a winding laugh. “Oh, Little B. So much I have left to teach you outside of music.”

  “I’m serious. Why would you say that? Did he tell you something? What do you know?” I’m on my feet and towering over him in a frantic desperation to hear the answer.

  “Relax, sugar. He hasn’t said anything to me. And I don’t know a damn thing, other than what I just witnessed.”

  I’m not nearly satisfied. “Which is what exactly?”

  Brett rolls his eyes at me, but he kindly enables my insanity. “Angel’s got game. In fact, he’s got better game than Hugh Hefner sitting inside the Playboy mansion with all those little bunnies ready to jump in his lap. But, what we just saw in here a few minutes ago. That, was just plain pathetic. I don’t know how you did it, but you disabled his womanizing skills. And judging by the shocked look on your face when he suggested dinner, I’m assuming you did it without even trying.”

  I drop back down into my seat, and since it’s on wheels, I nearly miss the damn thing. “I disabled Angel.” I’m repeating it to see if that will help me understand it better. Believe it, even.

  “Can’t be that big of a surprise. Your sister did the same thing with Blaise not that long ago. Must be some magic Jennison trait you girls have.” Brett chuckles, only it’s not funny. Ava getting Blaise to settle down really wasn’t that big of a stretch. I mean, if you knew them. Really knew them. But, me and Angel? Was it really possible he and I could, I don’t know...wind up together? Obviously, that was my ultimate fantasy, but there’s a reason I call it that. On some level, the realistic one, I don’t actually expect it to happen.

  “Whenever you’re ready to divert some of your brain cells back to music, let me know. I’d love to get this shit done before Angel comes back with the rest of them and I need to switch gears and get to work on their album.”

  “I’m back. Let’s do this.” Because work is definitely a better friend to me than fantasy. It’s also a lot less scary.

  We finish up Nina’s track just in time for me to slip out of the studio before the boys show up. With my impending dinner date, Brett was kind enough to give me the afternoon off completely.

  When I get back to the house, not even Ava’s around. Which is both good and bad because I can’t tell her about my date tonight, but I really need to tell someone.

  Standing on my tip-toes, I peek over the hedge separating our place from Royce and Hudson’s. Hudson’s truck is parked in the driveway, so I waste no time in following the little cobblestone trail leading straight from our front door to theirs where I let myself in after a brief knock.

  “Hudson?”

  “Making coffee,” he calls back from the kitchen.

  I hurry back there to see him. “What, are you psychic or something?”

  He shakes his head. “Nope. Saw the top of your head creeping over the hedge though. Figured you’d be by.”

  “Oh.” Well, I never claimed to be subtle. About anything. “Hey, how good a friends would you say we are? Like on a scale of one to Royce and Eda?”

  He laughs as he hands me my cup. “Well, we haven’t put in the years that Royce and Ava have, so that’s a tricky one. Why? What’s up?”

  I go and sit down at their kitchen table, careful not to spill my coffee any. “I need to tell someone something...it’s a very specific something and I need to know that it’s not going to get back to specific someones, so if you and Royce have that ‘we tell each other everything’ bullshit going on, I’m gonna have to move my ass along to Francis and hope for the best.”

  Clearly intrigued, he takes his seat across from me. “Angel?”

  “I’m going to need you to clarify where you stand on secrets and your marriage before I confirm or deny anything.”

  He leans back. “Honestly? We don’t keep secrets from each other. We do keep secrets for each other. Meaning, I know some stuff about your sister I’m not technically supposed to know, but no one else knows either, get what I’m saying?”

  I nod tentatively. “You’re saying, you’re gonna tell Royce, but he’ll be willing to keep my secret because he only knows it by default which means he’s powerless to tell anyone else. Even Eda?”

  “Promise.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Because she’ll flip when she finds out. And she’ll have his ass for breakfast when she hears he knew and didn’t tell her.”

  “So you do plan on telling her eventually.”

  I shift back and forth on my chair. “Well, I’m hoping eventually I’ll have a reason to and it will be unavoidable.”

  “Okay, so...Angel?” He’s eyeing me impatiently.

  “Fine. Yes, it’s about Angel. We have a date. Tonight.” Then I throw up my hands to slow us both down. “I think it’s a date. I mean, we’re going to dinner. Just the two of us.”

  “It’s a date,” he confirms, smiling.

  “Okay, that’s what Brett said, too.”

  He looks surprised. “Brett knows? I thought this was top secret shit we’re dealing with here.”

  “The date isn’t the big secret, although I’d just as soon you didn’t go spreading it around like Nutella on brownies. Brett only knows because Angel came to the studio to ask me.”

  Hudson taps his chin thoughtfully with his fingers. “So, if it’s not the date, what’s the major revelation you’re dying to make?”

  I bite down on the inside of my lips for as long as I can, trying to keep the words in. Then I spit them out like I’m blowing big fat word chunks. “I slept with him!”

  Hudson’s eyes fly open wide and he about spills his coffee everywhere. “Shut the fuck up! When?”

  I cringe, feeling slightly humiliated about the words I’m going to utter next. “Like a week after the whole thing happened with his dad. I went over there to bring him some sushi for lunch.”

  “And what? Served it to him on your naked body?”

  “No!” My outrage is completely misplaced here. “I mean, we never actually got around to eating. He was playing his drums and he was such a mess. It just kind of happened.”

  Hudson nods. “Yeah. Sure. I hear that all time. How people’s dads are assholes and so they play their drums and it leads to sex with their friend’s little sister.”

  “Could you tell Eda that? Same straight face but minus the sarcasm? Because it could really help my case if shit ever hits the fan.” I pull my hair back around one side and twist it over my shoulder. A nervous habit of mine. As if fixing my hair will somehow fix this.

  Then, Hudson gets serious. “Alright, alright. I’m
processing here. So, you two had sex in a moment of despair and misplaced compassion...and then what?”

  I frown just thinking about it. “And then he realized what happened, panicked, cursed and apologized and I did my best to hide my humiliation by acting like it was all just my x-rated attempt at comforting him. Then I bolted and we both played our part making sure our paths didn’t cross again for the next few weeks. Next time I saw him was at the studio. By then I guess we’d both had enough time to practice pretending it never happened. Except now he wants to have dinner. Why does he want to have dinner?”

  “I’m guessing ‘cause he liked lunch.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’re a jackass.”

  “Fine. You want to know what I really think?” He sits up straight in his seat and I kinda like where this is going. He’s going to shoot me some solid male insight and I’m going to run with it.

  “Yes. Yes, I really do.” I creep to the edge of my chair in anticipation.

  “Okay, I haven’t been around long enough to know all there is to know about him, but I’ve seen my share. And not just that, he gave me some really honest, no bullshit advice when Royce and I nearly split. So, I know...things.” He pauses and I get the feeling he’s trying to formulate his sentences before he says them out loud. That’s not something most people do around here, so it’s sort of leaving me in awe as I watch and wait with bated breath. “I think you got to him. And I think he wasn’t expecting it. Worse, I think he feels like maybe you’re the one person on earth who wasn’t ever supposed to get to him. I’m sure he did panic after falling into bed with you. There’s more on the line than just hurting you. There’s potentially blowing the whole band to bits and the band is his whole life. So, you know, that’s some scary shit right there. Add to that the fact that none of these assholes think they’re worthy of being loved and you’re in for one hell of a ride.” He smirks. “Which means now would probably be a good time to ask you what he asked me. Are you capable of the kind of love a guy like Angel needs, but will never ask for? Because if you’re not...now would be the moment you choose to cancel your date. Because it is a date. And it does mean something. Angel doesn’t take out girls he’s already slept with. Angel doesn’t take girls out period. Unless it’s for work.”

  I feel blank. Like my entire system just crashed.

  Hudson snaps his fingers in front my empty gaze and slowly I reboot.

  “You alright there?” He’s silently laughing at me. I can tell by the way his dimple keeps making an involuntary appearance.

  “I just...um...yeah.”

  “Totally. Yes, I believe that made no sense. At all. Try again.” He gestures with his coffee hand for me to start over. So I do.

  “I’m not going to cancel. I am going to hunt you down and kill you though, if I go tonight expecting him to be for real and wind up completely humiliated. I’ve had plenty humiliation to last me a lifetime, so, you know. You better be right about this.”

  Hudson’s face, which I was hoping would turn frightened, has moved along to sympathetic and I realize some of the secrets he’s keeping for Royce include some about me.

  “The thing with the professor?”

  “Oh good. And here I was worried Eda kept my most personal and private dating disasters to herself.” I cross my arms over my chest uncomfortably. It’s been months now, but thinking about it still makes me feel icky all over.

  “She hasn’t told anyone else, trust me. She was just worried about you and needed to get it out of her system so she could be her usual solid self for you. You should have seen her the night you called. She came storming in here like she was ready to kill someone. Took, all three of us to calm her down. Blaise even hid the car keys for the next three days to keep her from taking off and confronting the asshole herself.”

  I don’t think that makes me feel any better. “That would have helped me feel less embarrassed about the whole thing. Having my big sister show up threatening to kick the professor’s ass after he got done telling the entire world that I was a sad and pathetic little stalker, too confused to understand the difference between a supportive teacher student relationship and an affair.” I was sad and pathetic. And definitely confused. But I knew the difference. And what we had was not supportive and certainly unlike any other relationship I had with my other teachers.

  “Well, that’s kinda why we kept her from going through with it.” He smiles and I actually feel a little better. It’s been a long time since I had a real friend. Growing up was a mishmash of being labeled an outcast, compliments of the hand me down wardrobe and the common knowledge of our mother’s drinking problem for the first half, and then suddenly being everyone’s top candidate for best friend because I had a direct line to Finding Nolan for the second. Things got so disgustingly phony at one point, I actually craved the days people shunned me with pity and disgust. This, this genuine friendship thing happening here with Hudson, a girl could get used to it.

  “Thanks.” I muster a halfhearted grin. “And not just the Eda thing. All of it. Listening. Giving advice. I really appreciate it.”

  He nods. “On a scale of one to Hudson and Addy, we’re totally there.”

  ***

  This is so fucking stupid. It’s not the stupidest thing I’ve done lately, but it’s definitely up there. And the more I tell myself that it’s not that big of a deal, the more stupid I know I’m being. Because I didn’t just pick tonight by accident. I heard Blaise talking to Brett yesterday about needing to finish early tonight because he had some big plans with Ava. So, I know neither of them will be here. Which I shouldn’t care about if this is no big deal. But I do care. So, obviously, this is really fucking stupid.

  Hasn’t stopped me though and here I am, pulling up in their driveway. I shift into park and turn the key. Then I just sit here. Like an idiot. I’m nervous as hell about walking up to that door. And that shit scares me more than anything. I don’t get nervous about women. But Bam Bam. She makes me nervous enough to make me think performing naked in front of several thousand people without the back of Royce’s head there to distract me might be easier than this.

  Speaking of Royce, he’s bound to be home. Ever since he and Hudson got together he’s turned into a total homebody, which means I shouldn’t be camping out in my car like a sitting duck, I should be running in and then making a hasty exit before he sees my car and comes over to see what’s up. Or to gloat. Yeah, gloating would definitely be more his speed. I guess that’s something. So far there seem to be just as many people pro my involvement with Addy as there are against it. Derek is definitely against it. But then, Derek’s probably against women period for the foreseeable future.

  Chapter 13

  I’ve been standing at my window watching Angel sit in his car for the last five minutes. I could go downstairs and open the front door, but I’m not entirely convinced he isn’t about to bail on me, so I think I’ll stay put until he’s clear on whether he’s coming or going.

  Finally. The door opens and he gets out. And he literally takes my breath away. Angel looks hot at any given moment. Even in dirty old sweats, as has already been established. Tonight is different. He’s different. Usually he has the sort of style that comes from never giving a fuck. Don’t get me wrong, it works for him, but tonight, he’s definitely giving off the vibe of someone who put some thought into what he’s wearing.

  The jeans he’s got on are more fitted than normal, and he’s paired them with a simple white t-shirt and black blazer. It’s not fancy by any stretch of the imagination and yet I suddenly feel completely underdressed in the teal skinny jeans I swiped from Ava, along with the charcoal colored wrap top I saw her rock last time we all went to Rusty’s. I’m wearing scary high heeled pumps which ought to be enough to make any ensemble nightwear appropriate, and still I feel noticeably inadequate knowing I’ll be walking next to him. Although, I’m thinking that issue may be completely unrelated to my outfit after all.

  I’m still staring at him through m
y window when I hear the doorbell ring and realize I could have cut my self-doubt supporting speech in half and already been downstairs to see him. Instead, I’ll get to do the diva thing and make him wait out there. I guess that’s good too. Not my style, but maybe making Angel wait for small things from time to time will make up for not making him wait on the big one.

  When I open the door, he’s busy texting someone, an all too satisfied smile on his face. He tries to hide it by quickly shoving his phone into his pocket as soon as he realizes the door is open, and I’m standing here.

  “Did you need me to go back inside so you can finish that?” I don’t mean to sound snappy, but I do. Because it’s Angel and I’m an idiot for somehow thinking he would suddenly stop talking to all the Mariskas of the world just because he asked me dinner.

  His brow arches and he looks slightly befuddled by my attitude. “No, I think I’m good.”

  I don’t even invite him in, I just turn and start walking, leaving the door wide open behind me. “Let me just grab my keys and we can go.”

  “Oh, I was actually planning on driving.” He sort of stumbles over his words and I find solace in reminding myself that I have super powers and can screw up his ‘game’. Even if it’s not in the way I was hoping.

  “I know. I just figured I’d take my own car. That way you can take off whenever to meet up with whoever it is you have lined up for later tonight and you don’t have to worry about me.” I come back around to face him, but I don’t stop. I’m fully prepared to keep marching straight back through the hall and out the door. Only he blocks my path completely. And Angel’s not a candidate for being run over.

  “What are you talking about?” He puts both hands on my hips to stop me and I sincerely wish he hadn’t. I’m not faring well under his touch. It’s turning me to goo. And goo isn’t pretty. It’s also not good at running away from boys who are all wrong for you and destined to break your heart.

  “I saw you texting, Angel. You looked pretty excited about something and I’m thinking it’s not the dinner you have planned to celebrate ‘Bam Bam learning the drums’.” I totally mocked him at the end there. I’m not handling this well at all. And I’m going to make sure I handle it even worse later when I go tell Hudson how way off he was.