Fallen Angel

by K. S. Thomas

  “You’re right. I was pretty excited. Because just as I walked up to the door I found out that this band from the UK I think you’ll really like, is actually in town tonight. Which means I get to take you to see them. After dinner. Which I’m also pretty excited about.” He tips his head to the side and grins sheepishly. “And it has frighteningly little to do with your ability to play the drums.”

  I bite my lip and shift my weight back and forth uncomfortably. I didn’t see that coming. At all.

  “So...now I feel like an asshole.”

  “Well, that seems appropriate.” But he’s smiling from ear to ear, showing off his perfectly white teeth.

  “Angel?” Because it’s now or never.

  “Yeah?”

  “If it’s not about celebrating my awesome musical abilities...why are we going to dinner?”

  And he looks nervous again. So nervous I could squeal with delight. But I won’t. At least not until later when I go and tell Hudson all about it. Right after I apologize for wanting to yell at him for something he wasn’t wrong about after all. Holy crap, I’m psychotic. Taking a deep breath. No one will notice.

  “Honestly, Bam Bam, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here. All I know, is ever since you waited for me back at the house that night I was arrested, I can’t stop thinking about you. And the kinda thoughts I’m having, aren’t the kind your sister or Blaise are likely to approve of, so, if you still wanna do this thing...if you’d like to have dinner with me...we should probably get out of here before someone shows up and stops us. Because they will. Stop us.”

  I can hear myself exhale. It’s like a balloon that sprung a leak. But a girl’s gotta let out the feelings I’m feeling right now somewhere. Because this is Angel. And that’s pretty much word for word what I’ve imagined him saying to me someday since I was a kid and first conjured up what I originally believed to be a ridiculous fantasy.

  “I definitely want to go to dinner with you.” I’m kind of shocked I got that sentence out. Of course, the more I’m thinking about it, I’m wondering if what I really said is ‘definitely dinner I want you with to go’

  Whatever I said just put the sweetest smile on his face and is leading him to move his hand along my arm, down my wrist until it lands in my palm. He’s holding my hand. Holy shit.

  “Let’s do this then.” And he starts walking toward the door. We’re about to walk out when he stops and turns back. “Seriously though. You’re not going to need these.” And he takes the car keys I’m still clutching tightly in my other hand and places them on the small table along the wall.

  “Okay,” I squeak.

  Still staring me square in the eyes, he begins to back out of the door, taking me with him. We take several steps this way until he finally turns and faces forward. If he acts this mesmerized by every woman he comes into contact with I can certainly understand his popularity among the female population.

  Neither of us says anything as we walk along the driveway to his car. We still don’t speak when he starts it up and moves out to the main road. All I can think about is the fact that he’s still holding my hand. I’m oddly fascinated seeing our fingers twined together. I want to take a picture of it. It’s weird. And I won’t. But I want to.

  In a stupid sort of way it, seeing our hands molded together this way makes me feel like I have proof that we belong together. I don’t of course. I have no proof. There is no proof. There’s only the way he makes me feel. The way he’s always made me feel. Even when I was just a kid and I was no one to him. He made me feel seen. When you’re the youngest of five with one permanently intoxicated parent, attention is pretty impossible to come by. Then band practice started. And Angel came into my life and more than anything, I looked forward to the moment I would get to walk into the garage every day and see him. Out of all of them, he was the one who said hi to me every time without fail. He was the one who smiled. And later, took the time to show a lonely, lost girl how to play her first instrument. I spent the years after they left, yearning for someone to make me feel that way again.

  But that’s not proof. It’s just the same lonely, lost girl looking forward to more moments of being smiled at. Being seen.

  “I’m not freaking you out with all of this, am I?” he asks, his eyes still on the road and his thumb gently caressing my hand.

  I clear my throat. It wasn’t ready to produce any sounds just yet. “Why would you think that?”

  Then I laugh. And so does he. Because it’s crazy. And of course I’m freaking out.

  “If it helps, I’m pretty fucking terrified myself. I mean...it’s you...and me. And this, fuck, I don’t even know what this is.” He shrugs helplessly. I should be scared. Scared of his uncertainty and the words he just said. But I’m not.

  “Look, I don’t know what this is either. And I don’t really care. Let’s just go with the flow and whatever happens, happens.”

  He glances over at me. “I’m good with that. First things first. Let’s see about getting some food.”

  We haven’t been driving long and the car stops already. I look up to see a food truck parked just a few feet away from us.

  “Well, this is romantic,” I say dryly.

  “Just wait. It will be.” He winks at me as he opens his door and gets out. I’m about to open mine to follow him when I see him rushing around the front of the car to my side. He’s going to open my door for me. I don’t even remember the last guy I went out with who did that. The irony of Angel being one of the selected few still keeping chivalry alive is not lost on me.

  “Thanks.” I step out and his hand lands in the small of my back almost instantly as he begins to lead me toward the truck.

  “Money is no object. Order whatever you like,” he jokes as we step up to the menu.

  I start to read through the items listed and I have to do a double take.

  “It’s a mac ‘n cheese truck.”

  He grins. “Yep.”

  I don’t know whether to slug him or kiss him. “You know, my palette has become slightly more sophisticated since I was little. I do eat things other than pasta doused in cheese sauce these days.” But it’s still my favorite and I’m blushing bright red realizing he remembers as we step up to place our order.

  With a big brown paper bag in hand, Angel leads the way back to his car, opening my door to help me in same as before.

  “So, where to next?”

  He starts up the engine and for a moment he looks slightly uncomfortable. “Look, Bam Bam, I don’t want you to think I’m trying to hide you...except I am trying to hide you.”

  I nod. “I get it. We can’t go public. No fancy restaurants, no paparazzi. I’m cool with that. I don’t want Eda up my ass about this anymore than you do.”

  He frowns. “I hate that it has to be like this. I just don’t know how to swing it any other way.”

  “Stop. Seriously. You got me mac and cheese for dinner. It’s already the best date I’ve ever been on.”

  He pulls the car back into traffic. “Well, then you’re going to be blown away by what we’re doing next.” His hand slides over my thigh to my hand and he twines his fingers into mine again, leaving me to sit there, staring out the window, grinning like an idiot.

  It’s not long before we’re parking again, or pulling over is more like it. There really isn’t much of anything here, except dirt and trees.

  “Now what?” I’m trying really hard not to sound disappointed.

  He smirks, like he knows something I don’t. “Wait until you get out.”

  Curious, I swing the door open.

  “What are you doing?” he scolds. “I had a whole thing going here. Opening doors. Being a gentleman and shit. Why are you trying to screw up my date etiquette?”

  “Oops.” I can’t even take that argument seriously enough to respond in real words. Instead, I just climb out of the car and make my statement via the gesture.

  Shaking his head at me, he comes around the hood of the car to meet
me. “Stubborn ass.”

  “You really expect me to let you get every door for me everywhere we go, forever? I’m not patient enough for that shit. Besides, you don’t have to try and impress me, Angel.”

  He comes up close and exhales loudly. He’s frustrated. I’m frustrating him. “I’m not trying to impress you with some empty gestures. I’m trying to start over. Do it right. Do it the way I should have from the start.”

  I avert my eyes. Mostly because I’m a coward and the intense sincerity in his gaze is overwhelming me. “I thought the way we went about things was basically the norm for you.”

  “And you thinking that is exactly the reason you should let me get the Goddamned door for you. The norm for me is casual interaction. Casual sex. No feelings. Just fun.” His hand trails along my neck up to my chin, lifting my face to meet his again. “Is that what you think happened between us? Something casual? Without feelings? Because that’s sure as hell not what it was like for me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe before I kissed you, that’s how badly I needed you. How much I was feeling. And believe me when I say, that none of that was normal for me.” His lips graze the tip of my nose softly. “Now. Turn around.”

  I don’t exactly have a response to any of what he just laid on me anyway, so, still speechless, I let him guide me by my shoulders as he slowly spins me around toward the back of the car.

  “It’s the ocean.” And it’s stunning. I didn’t realize we’d traveled so far up, but we managed a pretty solid climb in a short time and are overlooking a view you could fill one of those ocean sunset calendars with. Some greenery before the rocky ledges and then the steep drop leading out to the vast waters below.

  While I stand there frozen in place, Angel reaches into the car to retrieve our dinner. Then with his hand once again finding that secret spot in the small of my back, he moves me onward until we reach the trunk. I’m still in awe of everything I’m seeing when his hands grab me firmly around the waist and he gracefully hoists me up onto the trunk of his car as if I weigh no more than a shoe box filled with feathers.

  “Thanks,” I mumble, this time refraining from pointing out that I could have done that myself, while he jumps up and takes the spot beside me.

  “You’re welcome.” He’s got a smile like he knows I was thinking it anyway. He pops the lids from the to-go containers and hands me my dinner along with a small plastic fork and water bottle. “Pretty great view, right? I’ve been coming up here since I first learned to drive. Found it by accident one evening getting lost running an errand for Memomma. Never did find that nursery she sent me out looking for. Had to pick up the plants she wanted for her garden at the Home Depot in town the next day. She wasn’t happy with me.”

  I don’t say anything. Just take one small bite after the next, staring out over the ocean. Only one question burns on the tip of my tongue, but I won’t ask it. Not after everything he just said to me. I shouldn’t even be thinking it. But I’m an insecure twat and I can’t help it. And I really don’t like myself for it.

  I can feel him watching me out of the corner of my eye. And just in case I wasn’t already feeling like he had access to my innermost thoughts by doing so, he proves it.

  “You’re the first person I’ve ever brought up here, Bam Bam.” He bumps my shoulder playfully with his. “You can relax. I promise.” His deep voice drops another octave. “I’m not going to screw this up, okay?”

  I turn my head toward him, holding steady on his stare. “Okay.” I stab a cluster of macaroni and hold it out toward him. “Want to try?”

  He scrunches up his nose. “You got the broccoli one? No thanks. You want some of mine?” He points a bacon encrusted bite in my direction.

  “Yeah, no. I’m good. You enjoy that though.” We both continue eating our own meals. Sharing might not have worked out, but I can’t help but notice that our arms have been touching ever since he bumped into me. I like it. The closeness. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time. Like it’s natural for us to be in each other’s space and yet, I’m anxious to explore more of it.

  ***

  I can’t keep my damn mouth from smiling. Not that I’ve ever been one of those people who scowls all the time. Generally speaking, I’m a pretty happy guy. I smile. A lot even. But shit. This is getting ridiculous. I want to not smile for at least a minute or two. Just long enough to acknowledge that my constant smiling is wrong and that Ava and Blaise, and pretty much everyone we know, would not be smiling if they knew what I’m doing here. With Her. Tonight.

  Not that eating mac-n cheese is a major problem under normal circumstances. But this isn’t normal. I’m sitting here with Bam Bam. Alone. Watching the sun set. And touching her. Not inappropriately. Yet. Damn. See, I’m planning on touching her inappropriately. I need to stop fucking smiling about that.

  “What?” She looks at me, her brow raised and I panic wondering which one of my thoughts actually made it out of my mouth without my noticing.

  “Huh?” Because ignorance is my best defense.

  She grins and something wicked flashes in her brown eyes, a complete contradiction to the sweet and innocent face she has. “You just said something about touching inappropriately?”

  “I did?” Denial. That’s what you use when ignorance is stripped right out from under you.

  “You did.” She nods, still smirking and searching her take out container for any last bits of macaroni. “So, when will this inappropriate touching take place?” She looks up and catches my gaze again. “I’m assuming I’m the one you’ll be touching inappropriately, right?”

  Well, she’s definitely not sweet and innocent anymore. “Uh,” I clear my throat repeatedly. What is happening to me? How in the hell is she doing this? She’s Bam Bam, for fuck’s sake. Ava’s goofy little sister with the sweet smile and sad eyes. Only that’s not who I see when I look at her now. “Did you want to be touched inappropriately?”

  She shrugs. “Do you?”

  I cough. I feel like a jackass. It’s not cool. I’m supposed to be calm about this shit. Not act like a fucking pansy ass who can barely put together a sentence just because she smiles at me. I’m not fucking Royce.

  “Shit.” I drop my fork in my empty box.

  “What?” She’s frowning, no sign of that sexy as hell smirk left to be found. Which should make this easier. But it doesn’t. Because I remember. I remember the last time I saw a person acting the way I’m acting over Bam Bam. And if what happened to him, is happening to me...shit just got real.

  “Um, I just remembered. The band. The one I wanted to take you to go see. They start playing in less than half an hour. This time of day, with traffic, I don’t think we’ll make it in time.” I slide down from the trunk of my car, purposely keeping my face turned away from her. I have an odd sense she could see straight through me if our eyes met for even a second.

  “Huh.” I hear a soft thud behind me as her feet hit the ground as well. Then I feel her arm wrap around my stomach, her body pressing against my back. “I don’t really feel like sitting in traffic,” she says quietly, her head resting right below my shoulder.

  The sensation of suffocating starts to settle in my chest again. I don’t get why it keeps happening. And I don’t like it. If my body continues to equate her touch with oxygen one of us is bound to get hurt...or worse.

  “If we don’t get in the car within the next three minutes and get back on the road,” I pause, straining to fill my lungs with air, “we’re not going to make the show on time.”

  “Angel?” Her body slinks around me until we’re standing face to face. “Are you really thinking about a bunch of British guys and their instruments right now?”

  That smirk is back. And I’m completely fucked.

  “Hell no.” I take in a ragged breath. “I’m thinking we’ve got a real problem here though.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I don’t think I can call you Bam Bam anymore,” I mutter, thinking how there’s no chance in hell
this smartass, sexy woman will ever again conjure up the same innocent brotherly thoughts that little girl did once upon a time.

  Her usual smirk breaks into a smile. “There’s always Addy.”

  I shake my head. “No good. Everyone calls you that.”

  “What do you want to call me?”

  Mine. But I don’t say that out loud. “Something no one else does. Something just for me.”

  “Easy. Call me Addison. You can be the first person to ever talk to me like I’m an adult.”

  “I like that. Addison.” Then I’m breathing her in. Inhaling her with a kiss so intense I’m losing track of where I end and she begins. Her hands. My hands. Her body. My body. They move together in a way I’ve never felt before with any other woman. It’s like I finally get why people compare themselves to pieces of a puzzle. Because sometimes you find yourself with someone who just...fits.

  Chapter 14

  I’m a big girl. Or, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I can handle this. Whatever this turns out to be. I mean, he’s saying all the right things, and I have to believe that considering who my sister is, Angel wouldn’t bullshit me. Not to get in my pants. Again. Although, if I’m being honest, he hasn’t actually tried to get there. Again.

  We kissed. A lot. A lot, a lot. And it was better than any make out session I remember ever having. Maybe because making out hasn’t been a thing for me in recent years. Seems once sex is on the table, make out sessions are cut short and used only as a means to an end. An intro to sex. That’s not what this was. It was just kissing to be kissing. Never once did his hand wander or his mouth travel below my collar bone. And I didn’t even notice. Until now. Because it was hot. Holy shit. Angel can kiss better than most men can fuck. And as a result I’m feeling fulfilled and satisfied as I sit here, my fingers stroking his arm while he drives down the now cleared out streets that will lead us back home.