Starring Me and You

by Ella Bradshaw

  I want you to have a good day today. I ordered some gourmet waffles to be delivered to the house at around noon, I figure it’d be a nice brunch for you. Waffles are kind of our thing now, right? Please chill out, maybe read a book or take a bath (please forward me a lot of naked selfies if you do the latter). Don’t worry about me. I’ll be home to you as soon as I can.

  -Nate

  I read the note over and over again with a big smile plastered on my face. In eighth grade, when all of my friends had started getting boyfriends and I was still in my gawky phase, I’d written love letters to myself from a mystery admirer as proof that I wasn’t totally pathetic. It was silly to think about now. Maybe Nate would laugh at me if I told him. We would laugh together. I wondered if we had known each other in high school how we would have gotten along. I couldn’t imagine that he ever went through a gawky phase.

  I folded the note and slipped it into my purse. I’d read it again when I was feeling down. He probably hadn’t realized how much something like that would mean to me when he’d scribbled it down. It had meant the world.

  I put on one of his t-shirts, which nearly reached my knees, and padded into the living room. Would I ever get used to living in such a wonderful place? It was hard to imagine. I pulled out my phone and checked my emails. Mama had sent me a few over the past week and I hadn’t managed to get back to her yet. I scrolled through them quickly. Updates about the ranch. They were building a new well. One of the horses had won a prize in the county fair. My childhood dog, Rusty, had taken a funny turn last week but they took him to the vet and he seemed back on track. Alex had gotten a promotion. Mama and Daddy had booked a vacation to Florida next week and wanted to know if I wanted to spend the week on the ranch with my big brother. She ended all of her emails by asking me how I was, telling me she loved me and asking for a love life update. I typed up a quick reply.

  Mama,

  Have fun on your vacation! I don’t think I’ll get the time off work to get back, sorry. That’s great about Alex. I’m good. I’ve met someone. He’s great and I’m happy.

  Love you all,

  Darcy

  I pressed send before I could talk myself out of it. Telling my mother about Nate, even in vague terms, felt like a huge step forward. It was admitting to myself and to her that we had something between us. You didn’t tell your mother about your friend with benefits. No, that would be obscene. You told your mother when things got serious. Maybe things were serious now.

  My waffles arrived on the dot of noon. I tipped the driver generously and he went away with a grin on his face. My mood was infectious. Everyone should feel this happy.

  I lay back on the sofa and dug into my waffles while catching up on some lame soap operas that I used to watch back home. The commercial break had one of those tacky, Hollywood updates on news that wasn’t really news. I would have changed the channel but footage of Nate caught my eye.

  “This just in, Hollywood bachelor Nate McCoy is confirmed to be taken!” said a peppy young female reporter in a tank top and overalls, “Yup, you heard right. Bad news ladies but the eternal singleton is no longer single, as of this morning.”

  Some footage of Nate scowling on the red carpet was played while the words ‘Nate McCoy: ‘I’ve found the love of my life’” ran across the screen.

  To my frustration the reporter, whose Name was Zara or Sarah or Zaharah or something, launched into some spiel about a pop star who’d been pictured going commando while getting out of a car. This was followed by a story of a seal pup that could sing like Frank Sinatra in a viral video. Then they finally got to Nate.

  “Now, the story you’ve all been waiting for. As of ten fifteen this morning millions of hearts were broken when Nate McCoy announced that he is no longer single. The Hollywood heart throb stunned fans across the world with his sudden announcement. And who is the lucky lady, we might ask? Well, it’s none other than co-star of his new movie, A Walk in the Rain, Courtney Reynolds! We’ve got the juicy footage for you right here!” she said. I watched on in shock as they cut to Nate, sitting in the makeup chair after yesterday’s photo shoot. He was looking rather frustrated.

  “Yeah. The movie just got me thinking about love and all that crap and a figured that I should give it a try,” he gave his trademark smirk. It cut to a shot of him holding Courtney in his arms during the shoot. His voice continued as it showed the two of them laughing together and posing for the camera, “Courtney’s a cool chick, you know. I loved getting to know her during the movie. Something about the two of us just clicked,” he said. Then it cut to Courtney. She was glowing.

  “I fell in love with Nate the moment I met him. I mean, how could you not? He’s every girl’s dream guy. I’d heard about his reputation for romancing but I wasn’t threatened. I knew that I wasn’t like those other girls,” she giggled, “The two of us just have a chemistry.”

  An off screen voice that I didn’t recognize spoke..

  “Would you consider yourselves to be dating exclusively now?” she said. Courtney nodded without hesitation.

  “Yes, yes it’s very serious. Sorry girls!” she giggled. Then it cut again as the presenter spoke. A slide show of pictures played. They were all candid shots of Nate with beautiful, famous women on his arm. On the red carpet, on vacation, sitting on his bike. The list of beautiful women seemed to be endless. My stomach sank with each one.

  “Nate’s been linked to many women over the years. Actresses, models, singers. He’s tried them all and none of them have managed to pin him down,” my own face appeared in that infamous selfie, “But it looks like someone has finally managed to due the impossible. We here at Hollywood Buzz tip our hats to Courtney and wish her the best of luck. Taming a bad boy is no easy feat! If you need more info, tune into or website or follow us on social media. Do you have an opinion? Shoot us a text or send us an email and you could win an amazing trip to the Bahamas and exclusive tickets to the Premiere of A Walk in the Rain. That’s all for now sugar, I’m Zara, ttyl!”

  I turned the TV off. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.

  I ran to the bathroom and got sick. My phone buzzed and despite everything I hoped that it would be Nate, calling me to explain. It was all a big mistake. It had to be. He couldn’t say the things he had said to me last night after doing that interview.

  Of course he could. It was Nate McCoy. Who was I kidding?

  The text wasn’t from him. It was from Tim. It was short and sweet.

  Hey sweetheart. Hate to say I told you so. You know what he’s like, don’t blame yourself. If you’ve changed your mind about my proposition you can call me. You deserve better.

  For once, Tim was right. My blood was boiling and I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. How had he touched me, held me and promised me the world only to go and do this? It was my own fault for falling for it. I had promised myself over and over that I would be strong and resist him. In the end and I’d been jut as much an idiot as the other girls. Nate had set me up and knocked me down. The sad thing was that it had gone down just as I predicted.

  At least Tim had never made me a promise he couldn’t keep.

  There was only one thing to do.

  I picked up my phone.

  Nate

  The press conference was not something I was exactly excited for. Sheila promised me it would last thirty minutes max.

  “No swearing, no storming off, no being sarcastic, no dirty jokes, no talking about sex,” she said, just before I was to go on, “Keep smiling and if you’re going to say something stupid just think about it and don’t say it and drink some water instead, ok?”

  “Ok mom,” I said. She didn’t like that. Courtney was getting the last touch ups done to her makeup. It would read beautifully on camera but in person it looked to be about five inches thick. Her skin didn’t have the natural glow that Darcy’s did. God, I loved her skin. I loved every inch of it.

  Courtney stood up and fixed on that artificial smile. I’d never met a wom
an so gifted at faking enthusiasm. It was one of the areas that I was severely lacking in, that was for sure.

  “Ready Nate?” she asked. I nodded.

  “Let’s get this shit over with.” I didn’t want to add ‘so I can go home to Darcy’, but that’s what I was thinking. Thankfully, Sheila had to take her place in the conference room and leave me the fuck alone. She gave me a warning look before she left.

  “Don’t fuck this up!” she hissed. She slammed the door before I could reply. Then Courtney and I were guided through a narrow hallway by one of the sound guys. She looked up at me as we were walking and I could see that she had gone pale under her layers of makeup.

  “Nate,” she hissed, “Nate, I’m nervous!”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Since when do you get nervous?” I asked. This was the chick that had been doing full frontal scenes since she was nineteen years old. What was there to be nervous about?

  “I don’t know, but I am,” she looked at me pleadingly, “Can I squeeze your hand?”

  I sighed but didn’t want to look like a dick in front of the sound guy.

  “Fine,” I said. I held out my hand for her and she took it right away. Before I knew what was happening the sound guy pushed us out into the conference room in front of what looked like a thousand journalists and photographers. They all started applauding as soon as they saw us. Well, the journalists did. The photographers just snapped photo after photo. I let go of Courtney’s hand as we made our way onto the podium and sat down out the table.

  “Hi everyone,” said Courtney cheerily. Any trace of nervousness was long gone.

  “Hi,” I said. Suddenly I felt like a kid in their first school play. My stomach was in a knot and my mouth dried right up. Normally this shit didn’t faze me but today was different.

  “Let’s get to the questions!” sang Courtney, she pointed to a journalist in the front row, “You, what do you want to know?”

  A woman in a crop top with purple hair stood up and pointed her microphone at us.

  “Taylor Casey, Dazzle magazine. Nate, what’s your favorite thing about Courtney? And Courtney, what’s your favorite thing about Nate?” she asked. I was taken aback. I’d assumed at least the first few questions would be about the movie.

  I spotted Sheila at the back of the room, her arms folded and her eyes like daggers.

  “My favorite thing about Courtney is…” I looked at her and racked my brains. Jesus, normally I could charm the panties off of a nun. What the fuck was wrong with me? “My favorite thing about her is her work ethic.”

  That was a good answer. Complimentary yet impersonal. A perfect balance. Yet, when I said it the room erupted with laughter. Courtney hit me playfully and gave her answer.

  “My favorite thing about Nate is that smile. I mean, ladies, can anyone see that smile and not just melt?” she said. She elbowed me in the ribs, “Come on baby, show the people?”

  I forced a smile through gritted teeth and there was another round of applause. Desperate for the focus to be taken off my god damn teeth, I picked another journalist.

  “How about you, sweetheart?” I pointed to a girl in the middle row who barely looked old enough to have graduated high school. Surely she’d get some brownie points from her magazine or website or paper if she got to ask me a question. Since she was only a baby it shouldn’t be too taxing either. It was a win win situation for us both.

  She stood up.

  “Amy Bird, Hot Button dot com. Our readers want to know why it’s taken you so long to settle down,” she said. Jesus. Way to go right for the jugular.

  Courtney gave me an expectant smile.

  “That’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask too!” she exclaimed and the room laughed again. Fucking hell, she was being so obnoxious today. I glanced at the clock. We’d barely been in the room for five minutes. Jesus Christ.

  I leaned into the microphone.

  “I didn’t want to settle for someone who wasn’t extraordinary,” I said. The whole room, including Courtney, oooed and ahhed at my answer. It was a bit extreme but I was used to people sucking my dick and acting like every little thing that I said was amazing. Maybe that was why I liked Darcy so much. She refused to treat me like anything but human.

  We were finally asked a few questions about the movie, which I had never been so grateful for. They were bullshit, of course, but I answered them eagerly. THe knot in my stomach began to unravel slowly but surely.

  Then Courtney chose another journalist. I recognized him. It was Tim, the lousy date. What the fuck was he doing here?

  He stood up with that sleazy smile on his face.

  “Tim Rogers, Buzz magazine. My question is for Courtney. Courtney, what makes you so sure that Nate won’t use you and toss you out like trash like he’s done to so many women before you?” he asked. Before I had a chance to leap over the desk and clock the fucker, Courtney gave her answer.

  “Straight to the point there Tim, I like it. That’s a fair question and I can see why you would ask that. I know a lot of people have their doubts about us and maybe that’s understandable after what you’ve seen in the magazines. But I gotta tell you, these things never paint the full picture,” Courtney touched my hand and smiled up at me, “Nate’s a good man. He’s always been a good man. But since I’ve known him his grown and matured so much. He doesn’t want to mess around with girls anymore. He wants to settle down with a real woman. A real woman like me.”

  I looked at her in shock.

  “Like you?” I said and she nodded. What the fuck? That shrimp Tim laughed.

  “What’s the matter Nate? Forgotten to tell one of your old flames that you’re spoken for now?” he said. That was it.

  I couldn’t help it.

  I saw red.

  Before I knew it I had knocked over the table and punched Tim square in the jaw. I left the conference, being chased by photographers, my knuckles bruised and bleeding.

  I had to get back to Darcy. There had been a misunderstanding.

  I got into a taxi and before the driver could speak I threw him a wad of hundreds and yelled my address.

  “Step on it! There’s more than that came from if you can get me there in ten minutes!”

  That was all it took. The driver ignored every rule in the book and sped through the streets. He took so many twists and turns that we actually managed to lose the paparazzi chasing me and pull up to my house in just over eight minutes. I handed him about two grand total and thanked him, before running up the steps and opening the door.

  Please, let her still be here. Everything will be ok if she’s still here, I pleaded with God, the universe, whatever was there. Whatever cruel thing was controlling fate. If she was still there I could explain. She would have to listen. She would have to understand.

  She wasn’t there. Every trace of her was gone, apart from the untouched stack of waffles on my coffee table and the note she’d left beside it.

  Dear Nate

  I hope your press conference didn’t drag on too long. I thought it would be rude to leave without leaving you a note. Even after this, I owe you that decency. You’ve been kind to me in a way.

  I wanted to thank you, Nate. I knew I would never manage to say these words in person. You’ll have to forgive me for that. It’s so much easier to be calm and collected when you’re writing something down than when you’re face to face with the person who has destroyed you.

  You’ve destroyed me Nate. And I need to thank you for that.

  Thank you for teaching me that I am beautiful. I must be, if someone with his pick of the worlds most eligible women manipulates and lies so desperately to get me into bed. I’ll carry that knowledge with me forever. Thank you for teaching me that all a man will ever love about me is my body and the way I make him feel when he gets to touch it. Thank you for using me and throwing me out like something worthless.

  I realize that it’s my own fault. All of this. A tiger never changes his stripes. My Daddy alway
s says that and I always that it didn’t mean anything. But it does.

  I hope you’re happy. I mean that. Courtney is beautiful. You two fit better than we ever did. Maybe you can make it work. I hope you can. Maybe she will fill that emptiness inside you in a way that I never could. Good luck with the movie. I won’t be seeing it, but I’m sure it will do as well as everybody hoped.

  Goodbye.

  The last word stabbed me like a knife in the stomach.

  Darcy

  Before this whole mess with Nate, even before that with my ridiculous internship, the only men in my life had been Daddy and my big brother Alex. I had missed Alex so much in my time in the city. He picked me up at the airport in his little Honda Civic and I fell into his arms in exhausted sobs.

  He patted my back.

  “Hey squirt, I missed you too. It’s okay!”

  The car journey home involved even more crying. Thank goodness Mama and Daddy were away on their vacation. I would never be able to spill my guts and sob my little heart out if they had picked me up. Alex was different. Alex was my friend as well as my brother. I could tell him anything. So I told him everything.

  The beautiful country scenery rolled by and I cried and he listened and I cried some more. He didn’t interrupt or question me. He just listened. By the time we got home I was exhausted and Alex was fully filled in on the events of my time in the city.

  He parked the car in the driveway and turned to me.

  “Do you think I’m an idiot?” I sniveled. He shook his head.

  “No. I think you’re the same brave, beautiful little kid that I love more than anything. Even if you do always steal my t-shirts,” He gave me a shy grin, “Come on squirt. It’s okay to be upset, but you can’t blame yourself. Movie stars ain’t like us. They don’t have any real problems so they need to invent them and make their lives more complicated than they are. I feel sorry for Nate. You have a big heart and you’ll find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve, Darcy. Nate will probably spend the rest of his life screwing around and having his ass kissed without every having a real relationship. He’ll never have what you’ll have.”