Craving Constellations

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  Pop calmly walked to the door and quietly left. It would have been far easier if he had yelled at me, if he had thrown things or hit me. The controlled movements and calm voice had freaked me out far more than any outburst ever would.

  “Brenna, look at me,” Slider called from across the desk. He waited until I raised my face before he spoke again. “This subject is over. If we have an understanding…” He looked at me in confirmation, and I nodded my head. “We don’t have to speak of it again. However, we do have other matters that need attention.”

  “What other matters?” I asked in a gravelly voice.

  “The matter of where you and Trix will be living. You know you can’t stay in the clubhouse. Bitches don’t live in my clubhouse. I let you stay there, and the boys will want their fucking whores staying there, and then old ladies will be wondering why they can’t stay there, and then I’ll have catfights and screaming in my place of business. There’s a small house that is currently not in use on the east end of the property. I’ve already sent some bitches over there to see what needs to be done before you can move into it.”

  Well, that was a surprise. Even though he was angrier than I’d ever seen him, he was still watching out for us—sort of. I understood about the clubhouse though. I was so grateful that I almost missed his last words.

  “You’ll let Dragon stay with you if that’s what he chooses. I don’t know what the fuck he’s gonna do when he gets back. He’s got his old lady living with him though, so I can’t move your ass in there.”

  Even after all the turmoil of the past hour, his words were still enough of a surprise that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Dragon had an old lady. Well, fuck, that hurt. Bad. I guessed I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d left him. I’d been gone five years. I had absolutely no hold on him. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch though. Thoughts of his old lady raced through my head. What did she look like? When did they get together? Was she a bitch? Was she nice? What was their relationship like? How did he treat her? Where did they meet? How long after I left did they hook up? Was he with her when I was here before? What would she think about Trix? Would she even want to meet her? Would Trix have to visit them at their place? Fuck, would she want to be a stepmom to Trix? In all the scenarios I had imagined before I got here, Dragon having an old lady never factored into them. As I was trying to process this information, Pop walked back into the room and sat next to me.

  “Brenna, you need to tell Slider what you told me. Everything. Don’t leave anything out. We need to decide what to do.”

  I really didn’t want to do it. The Slider I knew before, the uncle, I would have had no problem pouring my heart out to. He was a confidant and a protector. This Slider? Well, I didn’t know what he was. I didn’t know how he would react. Would he think I deserved everything I got for what I’d done to the club? I didn’t think I could handle that. I decided to give him an abridged version of my story. I didn’t omit anything, but I also didn’t let myself feel any emotion. I told the story as if it had happened on some Lifetime Movie-of-the-Week, not to me and not to my daughter. Halfway through my story, Slider stood up and started to pace. He didn’t say a word, just walked back and forth in front of Pop and me until I finished. Once he knew I was done, he sat back down.

  “Who is this fucker? We’ll take care of it,” he said firmly.

  That was all he said, and I was brought back into the fold. I held back my tears of relief and finally told him the name that I had refused to say since I left our house in Portland. I had some sort of weird belief that if I said his name, he would appear…sort of like Beetlejuice. I knew it was stupid, but I held on to that belief.

  “His name is Anthony Richards.”

  “Is he gonna cause you problems? Follow you?” Slider asked me, seemingly unconcerned.

  “Probably. He’s going to be pissed I took off. He’s going to be livid when he figures out where we are. If he figures out where we are…”

  “He don’t know where you came from, Brenna?” Pop asked incredulously.

  “Uh, no. He didn’t. I didn’t bring it up, and he didn’t ask.” My face blushed with shame.

  I never wanted them to feel like I was ashamed of them, but the truth was that I used to be embarrassed by our life when compared to Tony’s. His family was wealthy and very clean-cut, and so different from ours. I hadn’t wanted to bring him back here in his preppy clothes to see my family covered in tattoos and leather jackets. Not to mention, half of the boys on the property had outstanding warrants in more than a few states.

  Looking back, I wished I had brought him here. Maybe someone would have noticed what I hadn’t. Maybe seeing me surrounded by men that most people would cross the street to stay away from would have given him enough incentive to keep his hands off me. Maybe he would have dumped me and never looked back. Maybe the last five years would never have happened.

  The day Dragon got back started out normally or as normal as it could when I was sleeping with my four-year-old daughter in my pop’s bed at a biker compound. Slider refused to give us our own room because he didn’t want to set precedence, so Pop took one of the empty rooms while Trix and I stayed in his room. This seemed a little ridiculous to me, but I guess I could see his point. He wanted to make it very clear to the members and their bitches that this was a temporary situation. Bitches could stay the night in the guys’ rooms; however, they were not moving in. Ever. He didn’t want the drama of old ladies and club skanks fighting it out over living arrangements. What a clusterfuck that would be.

  By noon, Trix and I were sitting at a picnic table eating sandwiches in the sunshine. It was mostly quiet around the club these days with so many of the boys gone with Dragon and Grease. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so calm. Not at peace as there were too many unknowns for that, but I felt safe. Trix and I hadn’t left the compound once since that first day. Vera had offered to go to a local Walmart to get us some clothes and toys for Trix, so we didn’t have to leave. Thank God because I wasn’t sure that I could have made myself go outside the gate.

  When I heard the roar of pipes coming up the driveway, I was instantly alert. There were far too many for it to be just one of the boys who had left on some errand. It was at least six or seven. Dragon was home, and it was time to face the music. I didn’t want to freak Trix out, but I really wanted to get inside before they reached us. It was too open out here, and most everyone was inside at this time of day. I was really hoping that Pop would take Trix while Dragon and I had our little conversation. I quickly picked up our garbage and swung Trix down from her seat, but I wasn’t quick enough. The boys rolled into the forecourt followed by a dark gray sedan with tinted windows. Dragon was parked closest to us, and we immediately made eye contact as he climbed off his bike. His face was completely emotionless as he started in our direction. He didn’t make it far before I heard a voice behind him and felt Trix’s body push hard against the side of my leg.

  “Ah, Brenna, my wayward wife. Come give me a kiss, love, and then it’s time to go.”

  I slowly turned my head in the direction of the voice and felt my heart begin to race. Standing beside the sedan was my husband, flanked by two massive boogeymen with no necks. Tony looked the same as ever—expensive suit, loafers, and not a hair out of place. However, I could tell by the look on his face that he was livid.

  How the FUCK did he get in here? Was Slider giving me back? Thoughts raced through my head, and for a moment, it was as if I had tunnel vision. All I could see was Tony, and all I could hear was his voice over and over. Come give me a kiss, love. Come give me a kiss, love. This couldn’t be happening. I snapped back into reality when I heard Trix’s whimper. I glanced down to see her watching the scene unfolding before us with unblinking eyes.

  Dragon was striding toward Tony. His back was to us, but by the set of his shoulders, I knew he was pissed. Just then, Slider and Pop came out of the clubhouse followed by a group of the boys. This was not goin
g to end well for anyone. Tony was outnumbered, but by the look on his face, he knew he was safe. I wasn’t sure if he thought I would just willingly leave with him or if Slider would hand me over, but I knew he thought this was going to end in his favor.

  When Dragon was about five feet from Tony, Slider finally spoke up.

  “Dragon, stop! Grease, grab him!”

  By now, the goons had pulled weapons, but so had the brothers. It was a standoff between them with Trix and me in the thick of it. Dragon didn’t act like he’d heard Slider as he strode toward Tony. He was moving at the same steady speed as before, completely ignoring the guns pointed him. Before Grease could grab him, Trix called out from beside me.

  “Papa!”

  I was pretty sure my jaw dropped. What the fuck? I knew she wasn’t talking to Tony. She only ever called him Daddy. She never made noise around Tony, especially when he was in a mood. She called my Pop Gramps. This was fucking weird, and even with everything going on around us, I was completely focused on her as she called out again.

  “PAPA!”

  Dragon finally pulled himself to a stop about two feet from Tony. Only his head turned when he glanced back at us. As soon as he made eye contact with Trix, she took off running. I tried to catch her, but she slipped past me and weaved her way through the bikers like they were obstacles on a jungle gym. The kid was fast, and I was practically chasing her through the bikes. Once Dragon saw what she was doing, he quickly turned and started toward her. Within seconds, he swung her up on his arm, and she buried her face in his neck. You couldn’t even see it behind his beard. I slowed to a stop a few feet from them, out of breath and freaking the fuck out. What the hell was that? All of a sudden I realized that Tony had seen the whole thing, and my head slowly turned to catch his reaction.

  He was laughing, but it wasn’t genuine. It was sinister and mean, and I thought for a second my sandwich was going to force its way past my throat.

  “Ah, so you finally told her who her daddy was. Interesting timing although I guess you really couldn’t help it, could you? The little spic looks just like him.”

  I was shaking so badly I thought my knees were going to give out. Dragon strode over to stand next to me as I faced Tony, and he lightly rested his hand at the small of my back. I could feel his body thrumming with energy, and I knew that if he weren’t holding Trix, Tony would already be a dead man—goons or no goons. I wasn’t sure where to look, what to do, or if I should say something. Tony was here in my safe place, and I just wanted him gone. Why couldn’t he leave us the hell alone? He stood there with that arrogant grin on his face and called my daughter a spic. I couldn’t even wrap my head around it, not to mention the fact that she wasn’t even Hispanic. Dragon was Native American.

  “Look at that, a perfect little family. You fucking him yet, Brenna?” His eyes turned to Dragon. “She’s really good once you’ve knocked her around a bit. All that moaning and groaning. She hardly ever makes noise otherwise. Boring as hell, really. I guess you already knew that though. It was so satisfying, you know? Fucking her after I knew she went slumming here. Knowing that I had her, and some white trash piece of garbage was waiting around for her. I didn’t know who she slept with when she came back here, and I really didn’t care. But the kid looks just like you, so you must have been the one. Unfortunately.”

  Dragon slid Trix off his arm and handed her to me, never taking his eyes off Tony. “Take her inside, Brenna.”

  “Dragon, don’t—“

  “NOW, Brenna. Go now.” He gave me a little shove.

  I wasn’t about to watch what Dragon was going to do, and I really didn’t want Trix to see it, so I did as he told me.

  As I passed Pop, he grabbed my arm lightly. “Bring her to Vera and come back out here, lass. I don’t think we’ll be able to control the situation otherwise.”

  Vera was right inside the door as I rushed in, and I almost didn’t see her. She stood at an angle facing Tony and the goons with a shotgun propped in a little notch in the doorframe. You couldn’t see her from outside, but I was surprised I didn’t remember where she would be standing. This was her place during anything that went down in the forecourt. She could easily shut and bolt the door from this position, but she would still be able to protect Slider’s back. Slider hated it, but eventually, he came to accept it. He was the one to notch the doorway, so she wouldn’t have to support the shotgun for long periods of time.

  “Vera! Can you take Trix?”

  “You goin’ back out there?”

  “Yeah, Pop told me to come back out.”

  “Sure. Come here, Trix. Let’s let your mama go bust some heads.”

  I handed Trix off to Vera and took a deep breath before going outside. I wasn’t sure what Pop was expecting me to do once I got there. I had no control over either of the men in my life—obviously or I wouldn’t be in this damn position in the first place.

  When I got outside, I glanced at my surroundings. Tony was still by the car, Dragon was still facing him with no expression on his face, Pop was standing closest to me by the doorway, and Slider was a few feet in front of Pop. He sounded like he was trying to diffuse the situation without freaking the fuck out. I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying. My ears seemed to be buzzing, but I had a pretty good idea. The fact that Tony had come onto Aces’ property uninvited was huge.

  This fucking mess was getting worse by the minute. It wasn’t like the boys could just take Tony and his henchmen out. The Richards family had a lot of connections, probably not as many as the Aces, but definitely enough to cause them more trouble than the boys wanted to deal with. Police and FBI could be swarming all over the compound by the time the sun went down if Tony made one phone call. Slider was livid that Tony had come onto the property, but he was also in the very awkward position of harboring a Richards…even if it was just a wife.

  While I tried to figure out what exactly Pop was expecting me to do, I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye and realized that another car was racing up the driveway. Who the hell was that? I was pretty sure that it was a woman. I couldn’t imagine one of the boys driving a little silver convertible. Why the hell was she driving so fast? I could see brown long hair flying around her face, but that was pretty much it. I was curious, but I needed to focus.

  Pop glanced over at me, and I figured it was now or never. I slowly walked toward Dragon, trying to remain unnoticed, making no sudden movements. There were a lot of guns pointed at the little piece of ground I was walking to. The tension was so thick, I felt like I was going to choke on it. Both Dragon and Tony turned their eyes to me as I walked between them. I was keeping my back more toward Dragon because I was close enough to them now that I couldn’t face them both at once. As pissed as Dragon was at me, I would rather have my back to him. Tony was unpredictable. Dragon was solid. I also wanted to make clear that my alliance was with the Aces. I could still hear Slider droning on behind me, trying to smooth things over…well, sort of. He was telling Tony to get the fuck off of his property before he buried him. Well, that was not what I was expecting to hear.

  I had barely reached Dragon when the driver of the little silver convertible bounced up between us. She was gorgeous. Her hair hung to her ass and was silky, like one of those shampoo commercials. And the ass her hair was swishing across was fantastic. She was wearing leggings and a snug, little T-shirt, and I could tell that her tits were fake—very fake and very perky. She was a freaking goddess.

  “Baby! What’s going on?”

  And she was obviously stupid. All of these thoughts rushed through my head in a matter of seconds before I realized I was standing next to Dragon’s old lady. His beautiful, built, idiot old lady. Fuck me. Was I in a comedy of errors for fuck’s sake? Seriously? She shows up now? Yeah, I really should not have been surprised. This was how my life went. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, they did. She wrapped her arms around his waist, oblivious to the fact that his hands were still hanging down at his sides, and
his face was like stone. Every single person had gone completely silent. Was this bitch insane or just completely self-absorbed? I couldn’t tell.

  Tony began to laugh. “Ah shit, Brenna. God, and here I thought you were fucking the spic again. Shit. No way in hell is he leaving her for you. There is no comparison. Damn.” His eyes darted between her and me and then settled on me. “You don’t want to leave yet. Okay. You won’t be here long. You thought you’d just come back here and have your little family? Run back to this guy and start up all over again? That bitch has got a ring on her finger. There isn’t shit here for you. You’ll come back, baby. You’ll pay for it, but you’ll come back.” With a nod to his goons, he climbed back into the car.

  I didn’t say anything back. I didn’t refute it. I just stood there, completely still. If I moved, I knew my body would shatter into a million pieces, and I’d never find them all. All these boys knew me. Even the ones I hadn’t grown up with, I’d met in the past two weeks. They knew I had left my husband. They knew he was crazy, and Pop and Slider were giving me sanctuary. They knew Dragon was Trix’s father. However, as I stood there, I also realized that they knew how hot Dragon’s old lady was, that he was married. They knew that I never stood a chance with him, which shouldn’t have even mattered because I’d told myself over and over that I didn’t want him.

  But I did. I did want him, and now, I felt hollow. Tony insinuated that I’d come back to find Dragon, and he was right. I’d told myself I was running to my Pop, but I wasn’t. I was running to Dragon the same way I had always run to him in my mind when I needed him. Every time Tony beat me and every time he raped me, I’d closed my eyes, and I was with Dragon. I didn’t see anything, but his face close to mine, whispering like the night we met. And now, all of these men knew that my own husband looked at me and realized I wasn’t even in the same league as Dragon’s wife.

  I didn’t know how long I was there before someone grabbed my arm, and I realized I had just been standing, eyes closed, in the middle of the forecourt, slowly falling apart while Tony left and the boys dispersed. It was Pop.