Craving Constellations

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “Let’s get you inside, lass. You’re shaking like a leaf.”

  I let Pop drag me toward the clubhouse even though I really didn’t want to go in there. The silver convertible was still parked in the yard, and I knew she was still around here somewhere. I also didn’t want to face everyone after that parting gift from Tony. What a fuck. He knew just what to say to inflict the most damage, and as usual, he had perfect aim. God, I was humiliated. I must have looked so pathetic, standing there in my own world while everyone left. Fuck.

  The clubhouse was noisy when we walked in, and thankfully, no one seemed to notice us arrive. I glanced around to find Trix, but I couldn’t see her anywhere. She was supposed to be with Vera, but Vera was on Slider’s lap near the bar. No Trix. Pop had gotten a few steps ahead of me, but he stopped when he noticed I wasn’t moving. I was twisting from side to side, frantically searching for my girl in this room filled with bikers, and I couldn’t see her anywhere.

  Had Tony somehow gotten ahold of her? No, he couldn’t have. She was with Vera; there was no way he took Trix. But where the hell was she? I’d only been outside for fifteen minutes tops. What the fuck was Vera doing with Slider? Where the hell was my child? My heart was thumping in my ears, and I was breathing so fast I could see black spots dancing in my vision. Oh god. Where was she?

  I felt Pop come up behind me, and his arm stretched out over the top of my shoulder, his finger pointing to the corner of the room where a few leather chairs sat. He didn’t say a word, but I instantly saw what he was pointing at—Trix. Thank God.

  My relief was short-lived when I realized Trix was on Dragon’s lap, and his bitch was seated beside them. She had a confused look on her face as she was watching Dragon talking to my girl. After a few seconds, her eyes turned cold and mean.

  Oh, hell no. He was out of his fucking mind bringing that bitch around Trix, and she was out of hers if she thought she could glare at my girl that way. I made my way slowly and calmly through the clubhouse, trying in vain to get by unnoticed. I really didn’t need every member of the club seeing our little family drama unfold like a daytime soap opera. I should have known that they would be watching though, especially after the show outside.

  As I reached where they were sitting, I could hear her voice. It was annoying, a little high-pitched and babyish, which was more than a little disturbing, but the words coming out of her mouth stopped me cold.

  “Baby, she’s just precious. Look how beautiful she is! I can’t believe you have a daughter! Well, I guess we have a daughter, huh?” She glanced up through her eyelashes.

  Was she fucking serious? I ignored her for the moment and walked directly to Dragon and Trix.

  “Mama!”

  Trix launched herself at me, and I caught her up in my arms, sniffing her hair that smelled like a mix of baby shampoo and Dragon, and feeling grateful after the scare I’d had when I first walked inside. I really shouldn’t have worried. I knew Vera would guard her like a lioness, but after all of that shit outside, I was feeling a little jumpy. I couldn’t imagine something happening to Trix. What would I do without her? She was my everything.

  I set her down and pointed her in the direction of Pop on the other side of the room. “Go see Gramps, yeah? I’ll be over in a minute.” I gave her a little shove, and she went skipping happily over to Pops, completely unaware of the undercurrent flowing between the three adults she was leaving.

  Once I saw her off, I didn’t even hesitate. I turned around, swung my left arm up, and caught Dragon’s old lady under her chin. Then, I swung with my right and busted my knuckles across her teeth. She went down easily. Obviously, the bitch wasn’t from around here. Dragon stood up as if to stop me, but he didn’t move when he saw the look on my face. He just tilted his head as if wondering what I would do next.

  I stood above her, and she was lying on the ground with her mouth bleeding and a dazed look on her face. I crouched down close to her head, grabbed her hair, and told her in a low voice, “My daughter has a mother. She is not and never will be yours. You stay the fuck away from her. And if I ever see you look at her again the way you were earlier, I’ll fucking cut your eyes out with a dull spoon.” I dropped her head and stood up, looking around the room.

  Everyone was watching. Most were looking at me with respect, some in surprise, and Vera had a big-ass grin on her face. I didn’t care. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I walked to Pop and grabbed Trix.

  “Come on, baby girl, it’s nap time. Want Mama to lay with you for a bit?”

  I walked toward Pop’s room, nodding along to Trix’s chatter, but I didn’t hear a thing. The whole time I thought, Shit—right back where I started.

  I was the princess of the Aces MC, and I had the bloody knuckles to prove it.

  The trip to Boise went pretty well. Thank God we didn’t have any problems because my head just wasn’t in it. I didn’t want to leave the compound, but I had a job to do. There wasn’t a whole lot that would stop Slider from sending me where I was needed, and having Brenna show up with my kid sure as fuck didn’t rate a day off. I understood it even if I didn’t like it.

  It took us close to two weeks to get the shit loaded and moved—longer than usual, but not enough to cause any problems. The buyers would pick it up at the new warehouse after a sit down with Slider, but I didn’t deal with that shit. I just moved things and dealt with other problems as they came up. We didn’t shit where we lived, so I was always moving stuff from one place to another. Buyers never showed at our warehouses; we always found a neutral zone to make the drop. Slider had called a couple of times to get an update, and each time, I could tell there was something on his mind. At one point, I’d asked about it, but he’d made it clear that we would talk about it when I got back, so I dropped it. He’d tell me if it were important.

  By the time I got back to the compound, I was sweaty, tired, and hungry. I wasn’t looking forward to talking to Brenna. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she’d kept my kid from me. Who the fuck did that? I also wasn’t looking forward to the retaliation from Poet. It was going to fuckin’ hurt. I knew he wouldn’t kill me, but I’d probably wish he had by the time he was done. Fuck. I couldn’t wait to see my girl though. I hadn’t planned on having kids. I just didn’t see the point. Sure, with Brenna, I’d thought about it—during that one night we’d had. But since her? No way. I didn’t need that shit complicating my life.

  Kendra, the bitch I’d been with for the last year, sure as hell wasn’t mother material. The chick could barely tie her fuckin’ shoes. She worked though. She had a banging body. She let me do whatever the fuck I wanted to her, never complained, and seemed completely ignorant to anything outside her little bubble. Plus, she was a freak in bed. Fuckin’ crazy.

  About two months ago, she’d started bitching about a ring, so I’d bought her one. She’d wanted to think that meant I was going to marry her, but I wouldn’t. Only one woman ever had the chance of that, and she had taken off for parts unknown for five years.

  As I pulled up to the gate, a guy in a dark gray sedan pulled up behind us and rolled down his window. He looked like some kind of businessman, but he had some heavy-duty guards with him.

  “Hey, I need to speak with Slider. Can we follow you up?”

  The douche was smiling at me. Fuck it.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  If Slider had a problem with this guy, I would have known. I didn’t recognize him, but I could tell he wasn’t a cop. After all these years, I could smell a cop from a mile away. I didn’t see any reason to lock him out.

  We pulled up to the garages, and I saw Brenna and Trix walking toward us from a couple of picnic tables in the grass. God, she was beautiful. She hadn’t straightened her hair, and all of the little corkscrew curls were everywhere. She and Trix were both wearing sundresses, and they looked like they had gotten a little sun. Brenna looked at me nervously. I heard the douche start talking behind me, but it took me a second to realize what he’d said
because Brenna turned her head, and the blood drained from her face. I glanced down at Trix, who was trying to climb under Brenna’s skirt. It took me a moment to understand what was happening. They were shrinking. Right in front of my eyes, my beautiful girls were pulling into themselves—as if they would disappear if they could just get small enough, quiet enough, still enough. Then, it hit me. Only one reason why the guy behind me could get a reaction like that.

  I didn’t even think. This had to be the guy who had beaten the hell out of Brenna. The guy she was running from. The guy who had made my girl so scared she went completely silent at the first hint of a threat. I didn’t know how the fuck she’d gotten caught up with this douche, who was so different from us in his expensive suit and fuckin’ comb-over, but it didn’t matter.

  I was going to fuckin’ kill him.

  I got within about five feet from him when I heard Slider start yelling for Grease. Two steps closer, and I noticed his men drawing down on me. It didn’t matter. They could fuck off; my boys had my back. There wasn’t a fuckin’ thing anyone could do, short of killing me, that would keep me from killing him where he stood. Then, I heard Trix yelling for her papa. Who was she yelling at? She couldn’t be running to the dick in front of me. That didn’t make any sense.

  I turned my head to look at her, and she started running right toward us. What the fuck was Brenna doing, letting her run through this shit? I glanced quickly up at Brenna but couldn’t meet her eye. She looked shell-shocked. Then, she started chasing Trix. Right as I looked back at Trix, she ran as hard as she could and leaped onto me like a fuckin’ monkey. As I lifted her up on my arm, she buried her face in my neck, and I could feel her soft, warm breath against me.

  “Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa.”

  My little warrior was fuckin’ whimpering in my ear. I heard Brenna run up behind us, and I took a couple steps back, so Trix was closer to our boys and farther away from Brenna’s husband and his goons. I didn’t want her anywhere near the fucker.

  We ended up right next to Brenna, and I could feel her shaking, so I slid my hand to her lower back. I might be pissed as hell at her, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying to comfort her. She was scared shitless, and I needed to touch her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and promise her he’d never touch her again—that I’d take care of her, that she didn’t have to be scared. Instead, I just put my hand above her ass. She didn’t seem to notice the move. She just stood there. Every man in the forecourt knew what it meant though. It was possessive, claiming.

  This motherfucker needed to know I was never giving them back. He started spewing fuckin’ garbage, and my stomach clenched so tight that I thought I was going to vomit all over the pavement like a fuckin’ pussy. Jesus Christ. Brenna was still as stone beside me, and I knew I needed to get her and Trix away from here. She needed to go now before I pulled my gun and shot this fucker. As soon as I pulled my piece, all hell was going to break loose, and I didn’t want them in the middle of it. I handed Trix to Brenna and told her to get the baby inside. She tried to argue, but I gave her a little shove to get her moving. I didn’t know how long I was going to last before I lost it.

  As soon as she stepped through the doors of the clubhouse, I pulled the gun from the back of my pants, but before I could raise my arm, Slider was there. I’d never seen him so pissed. I couldn’t shoot the douche as long as Slider was standing in the mess, so I just bided my time. I’d get the fucker.

  “What the fuck are you doing, Richards? You think you can come on my grounds, to my club, and start running off at the mouth? You have a goddamn death wish?” The guy opened his mouth to protest, but Slider cut him off. “I know who your father is, and frankly, that doesn’t mean fuck all to me. You come here again, uninvited, and I’ll let Poet have you. He’ll make you wish you were dead long before he grants that wish. Now, get the fuck off my property before I fucking bury you.”

  I realized Brenna had walked back up next to me just as I heard the rumble of Kendra’s car. What a clusterfuck. God, I hoped the bitch would be smart enough to stay in the car.

  Nope. Of course not. She walked right between Brenna and me and wrapped her arms around me as if she didn’t notice the fifteen guns pointed at us. God, this bitch was dense. I didn’t move. I couldn’t make myself put my arms around her as I stood with Brenna up against her husband. This chick was mine, and she had been for a year, and I couldn’t touch her. Brenna was looking at Kendra like she didn’t know what to make of her when Richards started blasting his mouth off again as he got ready to leave.

  He got back in his car and took off, but I couldn’t pull my eyes from Brenna. She looked as if she had shrunk into herself. I didn’t know how it was possible, but she looked smaller than she had just seconds before. Her eyes were closed, and she was taking fast, shallow breaths. Her arms were wrapped around herself, and she was holding her elbows so tightly that I could see her fingers were completely flexed.

  I went to take a step toward her when I remembered Kendra hanging on me. Fuck. The dickhead was right—there was no comparison between Kendra and Brenna. Even with her skin pasty white and pain written across her face, Brenna would win hands fuckin’ down.

  Poet walked up to Brenna and made eye contact with me. I knew he’d take care of her, so I left her standing there in the driveway while I took my old lady inside. Kendra seemed completely unaware of what she had stumbled into, and as we walked inside, she was talking about how much she’d missed me and all she’d done the past two weeks. Was she always this goddamn annoying? Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard, and I had never realized it until I heard Brenna’s husky rasp again. And why was this bitch talking like a five-year-old? Did she think it was attractive? She hadn’t done that shit before I left. I was going to have to put a stop to it. If she pulled that shit while I was fuckin’ her, I’d go soft, guaranteed. I wished she would just shut the fuck up for a second.

  Trix ran to me as soon as we sat down in some chairs in a corner of the room. I pulled her close as she called me Papa over and over. Her hands clenched in the neck of my T-shirt, stretching it to shit, as she burrowed herself under my cut. My girl was a little shaken up, so I just held her tight and let her do her thing.

  Kendra had a strange look on her face, but I didn’t give a shit. I’d tell her and be done with it. If she had a problem with my girl, she could kick rocks. Bitches were thick on the ground; it wouldn’t take long to find someone else. Fuck, if I were being honest, I wouldn’t go looking. There was only one woman I wanted in my bed.

  I glanced back up at the door, but Brenna still hadn’t come inside. Fuck, but I really wished I were out there, taking care of her myself.

  I ended up taking a nap with Trix, and we didn’t see Dragon again that night. I assumed he had taken his bitch home to make sure she didn’t need to see a dentist. I was pretty sure I’d knocked some shit loose. I was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I had just knocked a chick out like a common club slut. It was not my finest moment.

  However, as I went over it again and again in my mind, I realized that I would do it again. I was pissed that Dragon had an old lady, but that wasn’t her fault. She probably didn’t even know about me—not that there was much to know, except for one night five years ago. I hated the fact that he was with her, but I wouldn’t have hit her for it. However, I could not and would not let her anywhere near my daughter. The way she looked at Trix still made me want to hit something. Who the hell glares at a four-year-old little girl when she thinks no one is looking?

  Eh, I just hoped I wouldn’t have to see her again.

  After dinner that night, Slider informed me that we would be moving into the little house the next day, so I needed to pack my shit. I was relieved to get away from the tension in the clubhouse, and I couldn’t wait to sleep without a flailing Trix. I missed having our own space, but I was also really nervous about being out there alone. One of the guys would always be close to our place, but that didn’t keep my
fears at bay.

  The morning of the move was rainy and wet, and I had never been so glad that we didn’t have many things with us. Pop and I packed our stuff into my little car, and I followed the dirt road to the far edge of the property. The house was nice…little but nice. It had a front porch that begged for a rocking chair and plenty of grass out front for Trix to play in. The inside had an open floor plan, and the front door opened directly into the living room with the outdated kitchen behind it. A little hallway held a bathroom and two bedrooms the size of postage stamps, but I figured they would work just fine for Trix and me. We didn’t need much space.

  I spent the day familiarizing myself with where everything was, making a grocery list so Vera could run to the store for us the next day, and getting our little house all finished.

  Vera had rounded up the old ladies, and they all pitched in furniture and other household stuff I forgot I’d needed until I had to start with nothing, giving us things they didn’t need or just didn’t want. The ugly couch in the living room was still in really good condition, so I was pretty sure that was in the didn’t want category. Nothing in the house matched, and it caused a little anxiety in my chest when I looked around. I was used to keeping things immaculate, and even when our little house was clean, it would never look the way I’d been forced to keep things before.

  Trix and I both had beds and dressers in our rooms, which I was really thankful for. My queen-size bed seemed massive in my room with little space to walk around the edges. The dresser had actually been moved into the closet because there wasn’t enough room otherwise. Trix’s room was perfect though. Her twin bed fit perfectly against one wall, and she had plenty of room to store her toys and clothes. I couldn’t wait to take Trix to pick out some character bedding and matching curtains. At Tony’s, Trix’s room looked like something out of a magazine, all muted colors and cream carpets. I wanted her to have a kid’s room here—a room where she could leave Barbies on the floor and put those little glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling.