Far From Home

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “Yes, flowers require water,” I laughed.

  “I’ve never gotten flowers. I don’t think we even have a vase,” he said and I wondered if he noticed the pronoun he’d used. There was no more we in Jesse’s house anymore, just I.

  “Just put them in a glass then,” I said, walking over and taking one out and filling it with water. He placed the flowers inside and set them in the window.

  “Thanks, Ry,” he said as he stared at them for a moment and then turned to me. “What’s the occasion?”

  “Just that I love you,” I said, walking over to him and slowly lacing my arms around his waist. I leaned my head on his chest and a second later, I felt his arms around me too. We stood silently for a while and I thought my plan was off to a good start. It almost seemed normal again. “Are you busy today?” I asked a few moments later as I pulled back and looked up at him.

  “Um, no, I guess not,” he said and I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

  “You guess not?” I asked skeptically. “Either you are or you’re not.”

  He stepped past me and sat down at the kitchen table.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting across from him.

  “Nothing,” he said. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Why not?” I pressed and I saw a vein throb near his jaw and I could tell he was annoyed with me.

  “I just had a lot on my mind, now can we just drop it, please?” His voice wasn’t mean, but it was stern and I nodded.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry,” I said softly and I stared down at the table. It was quiet and I decided my victory claim had been premature. I wasn’t going to give up yet though and I mustered up the courage to continue with my plan. “I’d like to kidnap you for the afternoon,” I said, trying to sound cheerful, but not too cheerful. “That is…if you’re feeling up to it.”

  “Kidnap me?” He eyed me with a half-smile and it reminded me of the old Jesse.

  “Yes. Kidnap you. I’ve got the most amazing picnic all packed up in the car. Will you come with me? If you say no, I don’t know what I’m going to do with all that food,” I said playfully.

  “You made us a picnic?”

  “I did and I want you to come.”

  He looked down at the table for a few moments and I thought I saw his eyes glistening as if he was about to cry, but then he looked up and smiled.

  “Alright,” he said and stood up. “Mind if I grab a quick shower though? I was still sleeping when you knocked.” I made a conscious decision not to ask about the sleeping in so late. He already seemed a little on edge.

  “Sure, but make it quick. I’m not sure how long those little ice packs are going to keep the chicken salad.”

  “I’ll just be five minutes,” he said as he started down the hall.

  “I could come with you, ya know. I could use another shower,” I called down after him and he just turned and shook his head at me with a grin and closed himself in the bathroom.

  My plan had hit a momentary speed bump, but everything seemed to be back on track. I got up from the table and looked towards the sink. There were a few dishes in it that I decided to do while I waited. When I was done, I headed into the living room to watch some TV. I sat on the couch and when I reached for the remote, I caught a glimpse of something on the end table: two empty beer bottles. I felt my stomach sink at the sight of them. Jesse didn’t drink so why were there two empty bottles sitting in his living room?

  My mind started to race as I pondered how I should handle it. Part of me wanted to start right in on him, demanding to know what those bottles were doing in his house, but I knew I had to be rational. Perhaps Glenn had come over and he’d drank the beer. I hoped that was the case anyway.

  I didn’t bother turning on the TV now that my mind was preoccupied with what I’d discovered. Instead, I went back to the kitchen table and waited for him.

  He wasn’t in the shower long and a few minutes later, he walked into the kitchen wearing a pair of frayed jeans and a t-shirt, his hair tucked underneath his Royals cap.

  “Ready to go?” he asked in a voice much more chipper than before he’d taken a shower.

  “Yeah,” I said, standing up and he headed towards the door. “Um…” I began nervously. “Did Glenn come over recently?”

  He stopped and looked at me peculiarly.

  “No. He hasn’t been by since before the accident,” he said. “Why do you ask?”

  “Did some guys from work come over?” I continued as my mind tried going through the logical possibilities.

  “No. No one’s come over besides you. What are you getting at?”

  “Um…” I stammered and I didn’t know where to go from here so I just started talking. “While you were in the shower, I decided to go watch some TV while I waited.”

  He continued to look at me with the same puzzled expression and I froze up.

  “And? You watched some TV. What’s the big deal?”

  “Well…I actually didn’t watch TV,” I said and then was quiet again.

  “You’re not making any sense, Riley. What are you talking about?”

  “Who’s beer bottles are those in the living room?” I said softly, looking up to meet his eyes. I saw them get a little bigger and he didn’t say anything for a while.

  “You were snooping around my house?” he asked and I could hear bitterness in his voice.

  “No,” I answered quickly. “I wasn’t snooping. I…I just saw them when I reached for the remote.” I paused for a moment and swallowed before continuing nervously. “Are they yours?”

  He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me with guilty eyes.

  “Riley…I just…I thought…” he finally began, stumbling over his words.

  “I’m just asking if they’re yours. Yes or no.” I was doing my best to keep my voice low and gentle when in reality I wanted to yell at him.

  “Yes,” he said flatly.

  I knew they were his, but hearing it from him made a nervous knot form in my stomach. This wasn’t Jesse. He didn’t drink.

  “Why?” I asked quietly and I heard him sigh in frustration.

  “I had a couple beers. Shoot me,” he mumbled as he brushed by me quickly, walking into the living room. I heard the clank of the bottles and he came back into the kitchen, throwing them into the trash can. “There. They’re gone. Happy?”

  “Jesse…what’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You don’t drink.”

  “It was two beers. Gimme a break.”

  Our eyes met and I felt mine brimming with tears as I watched him staring back at me and not in the way he usually did. He looked angry and when I blinked, a tear fell down my cheek.

  “Why are you crying?” he asked gruffly.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered and before I knew what I was doing, I was walking over to the door, turning the knob and pulling it open. He obviously didn’t think there was a problem, but I did. I’d been doing everything I could think of to support him, to show him he wasn’t alone and when I discovered he’d been taking solace in alcohol instead of me, I was crushed.

  “Riley, wait,” he called, walking over to me quickly and grabbing my elbow just as I was taking the first steps out the door. I turned my head so our eyes met and he no longer looked upset. He looked sorrowful. “I’m sorry. Please don’t go.” He reached up and brushed the tears from my cheeks.

  “I’m just so worried about you,” I muttered and then asked him a question I feared the answer to. “Is this something I need to be concerned with?”

  “No.” His response was quick and his voice was adamant. “I just needed to relax. It was stupid.”

  “Are you okay? I mean, I know you’re not okay, but do you need some help or something?”

  I saw a slight smile curl up on his lips for a moment before he stroked my cheek.

  “Yes, I’m okay and no, I don’t need any help. I’m not an alcoholic or anything.”

 
“This just isn’t like you and I’m worried.”

  “You don’t need to worry about me.” He brushed a piece of hair away from my face and he smiled at me. “You know how much I love it when you curl your hair like this.” His eyes seemed to search my face in a way that told me he loved me and I felt myself starting to soften.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “So, you did it like that on purpose? Just for me?” he asked sweetly and I nodded and then I felt him take my hand. “I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”

  “You know if you need to relax or just talk, I’m here, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “I love you, Jesse and I just want you to be okay.”

  He leaned in, brushing his lips softly against mine and when he pulled back, he was smiling at me.

  “I’m okay,” he said softly. “Please don’t be mad though. There are just times when I don’t know what else to do, but like I said, I won’t do it again.”

  “I’m not mad,” I replied quietly, looking down at the floor.

  “Will you stay then?” he asked and I could hear the anxiety in his voice. I nodded and he exhaled with a smile. “And are you still willing to take me on that picnic?”

  I nodded, bringing my eyes back to his. I’d come over here for one thing and that was to make Jesse happy. It was obvious now accomplishing that was more important than I’d realized.

  I led him out to the car and we were quiet as we drove. I noticed Jesse inching his hand towards mine, linking our fingers a moment later.

  “So,” he began and I could hear the nerves in his voice. “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “I’ve lived in Carver my whole life. It can’t be a surprise.”

  “I think it might be,” I said, grinning over to him a moment later and I could feel the tension from earlier going away.

  When we left the Carver city limits, he looked over at me curiously. He didn’t say anything, but I noticed one side of his mouth curled up into a smile as he stared out the window. We continued driving until we were in the middle of nowhere and the giant grain silo came into view. It was exactly where Matt said it would be. I pulled the car in beside it and Jesse looked puzzled when I turned it off and opened the door. I grabbed the picnic basket from the back and turned to see Jesse staring up at the silo.

  “Okay,” he began as he came over to me. “Perhaps you have surprised me. Where are we?”

  “At our picnic. Can you hold this a sec?” I handed him the basket and pulled the keys Matt had given me out of my pocket. I walked to the door and put the key in the lock. It popped open effortlessly and I tugged on the heavy door.

  “What are you doing?” Jesse called to me.

  “C’mon!” I called back and he walked over to me.

  We stepped inside and stared up at the ladder that seemed to stretch up forever.

  “Do you think you can carry the basket and climb too?” I asked, turning to him.

  “Yeah. No problem,” he said softly, but I could tell by his tone the task seemed daunting.

  “C’mon then,” I grinned at him and started climbing.

  I heard him follow a second later.

  “I’m glad you went first,” he said, his voice echoing in the silo.

  “Why’s that? Are you scared?” I teased.

  “No. I just like the view from down here.”

  I looked down at him and he was grinning flirtatiously at me. It felt like old times and I smiled down at him as we continued to climb. When we reached the top, it was dark and I pulled out my cell phone, using it as flashlight to help me see. I searched for the double doors Matt told me about and when I found them, I pulled the latch and pushed them open, the bright sunlight spilling in and exposing an amazing view of the countryside. I stared out at the golden fields and then I felt Jesse next to me.

  “This view is incredible.”

  “Yeah,” I said, my voice low as I continued to stare.

  “How’d you know about this place?”

  “A friend. It’s their old property.”

  “It’s pretty amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kansas like this before.”

  “I think it’s beautiful.”

  I turned to look at him and he was still gazing out. He stayed there while I reached into the basket, pulling out the small blanket I’d stuffed inside. I laid it out and sat down.

  “You hungry?” I asked and Jesse finally turned away from the view.

  “Starving.”

  He came over and sat down beside me as I started pulling out all the food.

  “You didn’t tell me it was a feast.”

  “I did say it was amazing, but I didn’t want to boast,” I said, handing him a sandwich while I spread everything else out before us.

  “Did you do all this yourself?” he asked, raising an eyebrow doubtfully.

  “I think you already know that answer,” I grinned and he nodded.

  “Your grandma helped?”

  “Who else? You know I can’t cook,” I said and he laughed because he knew it was true.

  I handed him a plate and he piled it as high as it would go. He leaned back against the wall of the silo that met with the doors. I did likewise on the opposite side and we sat, gazing out at the view.

  “This food is so good,” he said between bites. “Thank you for doing this.”

  “You’re welcome,” I replied and then we were quiet again.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been this high up before,” he said a few minutes later.

  “Not that I want to talk about the douchebag,” I began, which caused Jesse to stop mid-bite and look at me in a way that said he no idea where this conversation was headed. “But, Alex told me his grandmother used to call these silos Kansas mountains. That always stuck with me.”

  Jesse finished the bite I’d interrupted and then gazed back out.

  “Sounds fitting,” he said softly before pausing for a moment and then looking over to me. “This was nice. It feels good to relax. Things feel almost normal again.”

  “Does that mean you’ll go to the Fourth of July celebration then?”

  “You didn’t think I’d go?”

  “I wasn’t sure,” I said, honestly and he nodded in understanding.

  “I wouldn’t miss it,” he added and I smiled in relief as we ate the rest of our lunch in silence.

  When we were done, Jesse saw my empty plate sitting beside me and leaned over, taking it as he started cleaning everything up.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him.

  “Picking up. It’s the least I can do since you fixed lunch. An incredible lunch at that.”

  I just smiled at him as he worked and then reached into my pocket for the cinnamon Tic Tacs I was carrying.

  “Want one?” I asked him after popping one in my mouth. “Deviled eggs are a breath killer.”

  “And why are you so concerned about your breath? Are you planning on kissing me or something?”

  “Nah. I don’t really like kissing you,” I said, eyeing him with a coy smile.

  “Is that so?” He walked over and took a Tic Tac from me, quickly popping it in his mouth.

  “Yep. It’s kinda gross actually.”

  “Really?” I nodded playfully and he sat down beside me.

  “To be honest, it turns my stomach.”

  “Well, maybe I’ve not been doing it right then.” I felt his finger under my chin and he turned my face until our eyes were locked. His lips brushed mine a moment later and my eyes closed as I felt his tongue against my lips and he began kissing me slowly and deeply and soon I’d forgotten all about where we were or what I’d found at his house or the fact that his father was dead and everything had changed. For that moment as my lips danced with his, it was only us and nothing else mattered.

  “No, you’ve been doing it right,” I sighed breathlessly when he finally pulled away, eyeing me longingly.

  “I thought so,” he laughe
d lightly, lifting my hand and kissing the back of it before holding onto it and resting it in his lap as we stared out into the tranquil Kansas landscape. I rested my head on his shoulder and a contentment washed over us as we forgot about everything we had to deal with on the land below. Tucked away from it all, high above the troubles, it was just us, the way it used to be and I would’ve given anything to never have to come down.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I got to work before Matt the next day and got busy making arrangements for a funeral. I couldn’t help but think of Jill and Matt doing the same thing for Mr. Baylor’s funeral. I wasn’t sad as I worked though. These flowers were for a ninety-three-year-old woman who was loved and adored by a bevy of children and grandchildren. She’d lived a full life so I found it difficult to be sad.

  Matt came in as I was finishing the first arrangement and greeted me with a wide grin as he came and stood beside me.

  “So?” he said slyly. “How was it?”

  “It was actually pretty awesome,” I answered and I could feel the smile spreading on my face as I thought of the way Jesse had kissed me up in the silo and how peaceful the afternoon had been. It was good to see him almost like his old self. I had declared the day a success when I dropped him off because he was smiling and he was relaxed. I hoped it was the beginning of something good for Jesse and for us.

  “Was he super impressed with the view?”

  “He was and so was I,” I added. “It was a great day. It was exactly what we needed.” I smiled over appreciatively at him and then before I realized what I was doing, I was hugging him. “Thank you for the idea and for the use of the silo,” I said as he held me.

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad it worked out,” he said softly in my ear before pulling back.

  “You’re a good friend, Matt,” I said, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear, suddenly embarrassed that I’d hugged him.

  “I’ve been called worse,” he laughed and then I stopped and looked at him. “You okay? You look like you wanna talk.”

  “Yesterday was probably the best day Jesse and I have had since his dad died,” I began softly.

  “But?” he prodded.