Through the Glass

by Lisa J. Hobman

  On several occasions she had to duck to dodge snowballs as they were thrown from one side of the street to the other between rival gangs of friends, laughing and shouting. Each time was followed by, “Sorry, lady!”, to which she waved, a gesture to inform that she wasn’t bothered by their game playing. A woman was walking toward her with a yellow Labrador. She smiled as she approached Felicity.

  “Ahhh, hello there! I’m guessing you must be Felicity, Jim’s friend?” the older, grey-haired lady said as they were about to pass, the dogs greeting each other like old friends.

  “Yes…yes that’s right. How did you know?” Felicity was intrigued.

  “Well, for one, you have Jasper and for two you are wearing what I’m presuming are Jim’s clothes!” She laughed, her eyes examining Felicity’s oversized attire.

  “Oh, yes of course!” She looked down at the sleeve ends where her hands would normally be. “And you are…”

  “I’m Miranda. Jim called to see me earlier to borrow some art supplies for you.”

  “Oh yes. Thank you so much. You’ve been so kind. Too kind to a stranger such as me.”

  “Oh no, no, any friend of Jim’s is a friend of mine. You’ll find that with everyone here. He’s very well thought of.” She smiled. “We all just wish he’d find himself a wee lady and settle down…have bairns…you know?” She smiled at Felicity, clearly unaware of her status as Jim’s ex-wife. “Aye, well, best be off, Jess needs her walk and I need to get back to my painting.” She began to walk again but stopped. “Come over for coffee and a wee chat whenever you like. Jim will direct you. It’d be good to talk arty things with a fellow artist.” She smiled and carried on.

  “I will…thank you.”

  Felicity made her way back to the coffee shack. She could see Jim in the distance standing outside chatting to one of the villagers. Since her arrival, she had noticed that he looked so much more relaxed than he had done during the last year of their marriage. He looked younger and more bohemian. His beard was fuller but it suited him. Before, he was in the realms of designer stubble but now he had a full goatee. His hair was still thick and in shoulder length, shaggy layers, but it was smattered with flecks of grey now. He looked so comfortable in his chunky jumpers and scruffy jeans. He wore them well. He had always been a very attractive man and the attraction was still there, unfortunately. He had filled out too, but she had noticed that it was all muscle when he had removed his jumper the day before and exposed a little of his torso causing her mouth to water. He looked up and waved.

  ~~~~~

  Jim watched her tramping toward him in her oversized clothing. “Nice walk?” he asked as his neighbour walked away complete with his bag of kindling.

  “Yes, very bracing. Had to dodge a few snow balls.” She laughed. There was the smile he remembered from years ago and that almost musical, infectious laugh. Her features had relaxed. “Were you planning anything for dinner? If not I thought maybe I could treat you to a nice meal at the hotel?”

  He thought about it for a second. What harm could it do? They were two adults, admittedly with a complicated history, but nevertheless they were past all that. “Oh…aye…aye okay. That’d be nice. They have a nice menu. I don’t eat there often. No point with it just being me.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I’ll be home in around an hour, so why don’t you go get yourself showered and ready. You may still have to wear my Wellies. Snow’s quite deep…and you look so fetching.” He chuckled. He couldn’t help but tease. Her cheeks coloured.

  “Hey, cheeky!” She hit him playfully. “I’ll go and get sorted and see you soon.” Jasper dutifully followed Felicity back next door to the cottage.

  ~~~~~

  Thankfully when they arrived at the Shieldaig Hotel, the fire was already roaring, giving a cosy, amber glow to the bar area. They hungrily perused the extensive menu in silence. Once their food was ordered, Jim brought a bottle of Pinot Noir over from the bar. A kind of shyness fell on the pair as they sat together in romantic surroundings but without the romantic attachment.

  Felicity sighed, suddenly, as they sipped their wine. “Where did it all go wrong, Jim?”

  “You want to talk about that now?” Jim was confused at her choice of conversational topic.

  “It’s on my mind I suppose.”

  Jim sighed and pondered a moment before speaking. “I didn’t fit into your world.” He shrugged. “And you wanted to find someone who did. I wanted you to be happy so I let you go.” Jim gave his verdict in a nutshell. She visibly cringed at his matter-of-fact admission.

  “So you take no responsibility?” she asked, frustration etched on her face.

  He rolled his eyes. “Aye, well, I suppose I was to blame for the fact that I didn’t fit into your world. But I loved you, Felicity. More than anything. It just…wasn’t enough for you.” He took a gulp of his wine, suddenly feeling too warm.

  “You had so many possibilities ahead of you though, Jim. You graduated with a first from Oxford, for goodness sake. Why didn’t you do something with it? Where was your ambition?” She took a large gulp of her wine. “I got so frustrated by your lack of ambition.” She shook her head.

  Jim clenched his jaw. “Felicity, you seem to forget that you had enough ambition for the both of us. Was it not enough that I supported everything you did? I never missed a function. I even wore suits!” He laughed incredulously. “All I wanted was to love you and have you love me enough. I guess it wasn’t meant to be, eh? Like you said back then.”

  She shook her head. “I did love you. I was crazy about you. But…” She fiddled with her napkin. “I think I listened to my mum too much.”

  He thought he could see regret in her eyes.

  “Your mum? Aye, she wasn’t my biggest fan, eh? And still isn’t by all accounts.”

  Felicity snarled. “Yeah, well, she’s a total fraud.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Jim was intrigued by her harsh statement.

  “Something I found out at the will reading. Something she had kept from me all these years.”

  Jim leaned forward unable to hide his interest. “Which was…”

  “Her name. The stupid woman changed her name just to impress.”

  “Eh? Sorry, I don’t follow?” Jim placed his elbows on the table. But before she could go into any detail their food arrived.

  “Oh lovely. Smells delicious and I’m famished,” she informed the waitress with a sweet smile.

  “Enjoy.” The young woman smiled back. “Hi Jim, how’s Jasper?”

  “Hi Sally, oh, he’s fine. He’s missing you. Be sure to pop round and see him soon, eh?”

  The young woman blushed and tucked a stray strand of mousy brown hair behind her ear. “Oh, I will. Been a bit busy lately with my studies but I will pop round,” she told him. She left them to their meal.

  “Gosh do you know everyone?” Felicity asked.

  He stabbed a piece of steak and held it to his mouth. “It appears so.”

  ~~~~~

  They finished their meal and headed back out in the freezing cold evening, back to the cottage. Felicity bent to fiddle with her boot, grabbed a handful of snow, and threw it straight at Jim’s head. It hit with a thud and splattered into his hair.

  “Whoa! You little swine!” He laughed, bending to seek his own ammunition. She dodged and caught him square on the back of the head with her second snowball.

  “Right, that’s it! This is war!” He picked up a huge handful of snow and ran toward Felicity, who tried to run away but slipped and landed on her bottom in the snow, thanks to the ridiculously large Wellington boots she was wearing. She let out a scream and Jim’s assault struck. Snow slid down her back under her oversized coat and stuck to her hair. Jim slipped, landing half on top of her, and they both laughed, gasping for air as they lay in the snow-covered street.

  They made eye contact and suddenly their position was not so funny. She searched his eyes as he breathed out puffs of breath, which clouded as the warm hit the cold.


  Slowly his smile faded. He closed his eyes tight and leaned closer. She held her breath. She felt sure he was going to kiss her. But instead he leaned his forehead on hers and sighed, clenching his jaw.

  “Come on. Let’s get in where it’s warm,” he whispered. He shifted and held out his hand to pull her up. Feeling surprisingly disappointed, she took his hand and was immediately pulled to her feet. They brushed the snow from their clothes and went inside, both disappearing into separate bedrooms to change and emerging at the same time in their comfy clothing.

  “I’ll open another bottle of wine, eh?” he said as he headed toward the stairs.

  She followed him and curled up in the old armchair beside the fireplace.

  “Jim…this chair is the same as that scratty old thing Charles had in The Book Depository,” she called through to the kitchen

  “Aye…that’s cause it is the scratty old thing from The Book Depository.” He smiled as he walked back into the room. “It was my parting gift from Charles. He said it wouldn’t look right without me sitting on it.” He chuckled.

  “Awww, that’s so sweet.” She felt a lump lodge in her throat and bit her lip to abate the threatening tears.

  He poured them both a glass of wine and sat on the floor in front of the blazing fire. Jasper came and spread himself across Jim’s legs.

  “Ahem…earlier, you mentioned something about your mum but didn’t finish telling me. Do you not want to talk about that anymore?” he tentatively asked, afraid that perhaps she had changed the subject deliberately.

  “Hmmm. She drives me to distraction, Jim. Honestly, I let her influence me far too much when I was younger.”

  “I’m sorry but I have to agree with you there. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but she really was impressed by status and things…possessions. Your dad was completely different, so accepting. To be honest, I often wondered how they stayed together so long.” Jim let the words fall from his mouth and then cringed. “Shit, Felicity, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—”

  “Shouldn’t have what, Jim?” she laughed bitterly. “Shouldn’t have spoken the truth?” Her face became flushed with anger.

  “What did she do to you that’s so bad?” He was all ears now. Clearly Penelope had irked her daughter in some way…and badly it would seem.

  “Well, she always used to tell me that I could do better…you know…when you and I… Jim, I didn’t agree with her.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Hmmm. Not at first, eh?”

  “That’s just it. She used to go on and on about social standing and making something of myself. She’s made it her life’s work to ensure that I get the very best. Including boyfriends. She turned her nose up at anyone who wasn’t Oxbridge educated or about to be Oxbridge educated. She used to instil in me how important it was to be seen in the right places, to wear the right clothes, to have the right car, the right job. She even insisted I keep my own name when you and I married.”

  “I knew she was behind that.” Jim shook his head.

  “Well…it turns out that Mrs. Posh-knickers lied all along about her own upbringing! She always told me that my grandparents were wealthy but died in mysterious circumstances, and that’s why she never received her vast inheritance.”

  “Aye…that’s right…that’s what you told me.”

  “Well…on the day of Dad’s will reading it became very clear that Penelope…” She made inverted commas in the air. “Wasn’t all that she seemed.”

  “I…I don’t really get what you’re—”

  “Janet.”

  Jim’s face scrunched in utter confusion. “Felicity…what are you talking about? Who is Janet?”

  “Janet is my mother, Jim!” Felicity was clearly angry. Her face flushed and her chest heaved. “She lied all along. About…everything!”

  Jim rubbed his forehead. “You’re going to have to explain. I’m sorry, I’m just confused.”

  “Not half as confused as I was. Right, where do I start? Probably the beginning, eh? Okay…she was born in the East End of London to a very poor family. She was christened Janet Mason. When she was seventeen she went on a job interview in the centre of London at a hotel and got the job as a receptionist. On accepting the job, she began telling people that her name was Penelope Brandon. She met Dad at the hotel when he was a guest. She lied to him, too.” Felicity shook her head as she spoke the incredulous truth.

  “She told Dad, and me for that matter, that cock and bull story about my grandparents when it turns out they both died quite young and left her nothing because they had nothing. There were no suspicious circumstances at all. She had basically disowned them through shame. She was ashamed of her own parents because they were poor, Jim. How sad is that? How cruel? Dad never met her parents. I have no idea how she managed to pull off the story for so long about being so wealthy.”

  Jim gaped in shock. “How did you find all this out?” He couldn’t quite take it all in.

  “The solicitor had found it out when he was doing the paperwork for the will! He called her Janet at the will reading. She went white. I wondered why. Afterwards I asked for an explanation. She broke down and told me everything. She cried such a lot and kept saying she was sorry. But afterwards it was as if everything was wonderful and she felt better for getting off her chest. Bloody great!” Felicity snorted derisively.

  “Off her chest and onto my mind. Honestly, Jim I was so, so angry. I feel like I don’t know my own mother. She lied to me all those years and then tried to make me into her. And it nearly worked. Thanks to her I lost my marriage…and…my… You weren’t just my husband, Jim…. You were my best friend.” She covered her face with her hands and her shoulders began to shudder as the pent-up anger and frustration connected to the ridiculous situation began to overflow.

  Jasper jumped up as Jim moved forward to comfort Felicity. He held her wrists in his hands and pulled her hands away from her face. He looked into her sad gaze. She threw her arms around his neck. On his knees before her, he cradled her and allowed her to cry. Her anguish was palpable as she shook with the violent sobs that wracked her body. Jim stroked her hair as she cried.

  Eventually, when she had calmed, he held her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “Hey, you’ve been through such a lot lately. I’m angry with her, too. I’m angry that she put us in this situation. It was a horrible thing to do. No mother should do such a thing. But…she’s still your mother and I guess deep down she thought she was doing the right thing. Don’t let yourself get bitter and twisted about this, Flick, eh? It’s not worth the stress. Just rise above it and move on. We both need to do that.”

  “Jim?”

  “Yeah?”

  She smiled. “You called me Flick.”

  He closed his eyes for a second. “Oh…sorry…I mean Felicity.”

  “No…I liked being Flick.” She managed a small smile. She had liked being Flick and all it had entailed. “It takes me back. You know, to when you and I were actually okay.”

  “Aye…that’s a long while ago, eh? But that’s just it, Flick. We can’t go backward…only forward.”

  “Oh…shit…I’ve just remembered. I have something for you.” She jumped up from her chair and hurried upstairs, returning soon after with a large brown padded envelope.

  Jim looked on in bemusement. “What the heck is that?” He scrunched his nose.

  She sat back in the chair. “It’s for you. It’s from Dad. It was in the will that I bring it to you…personally.” She sniffed.

  “What is it?” Jim took the package. It was sealed very well.

  “It’s an incomplete manuscript. The last one he was working on before he passed away. He wanted you to have it. The solicitor said he would prefer it to be delivered by hand.”

  Jim held the package with both hands. “That’s…really sweet. I have a little piece of him right here now. That’s…” He stared at it, emotions washing over him and the sting of tears becoming apparent in his eyes. “I’ll t
reasure it…always.”

  Jim made his excuses and went to bed. Felicity followed not too long after, to her own room.

  ~~~~~

  The manuscript lay unopened at Jim’s bedside. He was touched by the gesture. He would cherish this gift, would keep it sealed until he felt better equipped to read it. There were too many things going on right now. He drifted into a dream filled sleep.

  Chapter 11

  Jim opened his eyes and looked to his right. Felicity was stroking his bare chest delicately with one finger and watching him intently. When their eyes connected she pulled herself up to him and kissed him gently on the lips.

  “Hey sleepyhead…I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Confused, Jim tried to speak but she stopped him with a deep kiss. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and her hands caressed his chest and neck. It felt good to be with her again, like this. The room was glowing, bathed in the bright, early morning sunlight. Felicity sat, slipped off her white cotton nightie and straddled his torso. Her breasts were so beautiful in this light.

  Still feeling confused, but deciding not to protest, he reached up and caressed her. She placed her hands on top of his as he worshipped first one beautiful, ambrosial mound of flesh and then the other. She moaned and let her head roll back. She gazed down at him, smiling. Her eyes warm. The ice had melted. She manoeuvred her body over him until he felt himself slide inside her. He gasped and closed his eyes. As she moved, he let out a deep groan.

  “Jim…Jim…Jim!”

  His eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright. It had been a dream. Fuck! He cursed inwardly. He had let her get inside his head. Not good…not good at all.

  “Jim, are you okay? You were moaning in your sleep and I was worried.” Felicity stood outside his closed door.