Through the Glass

by Lisa J. Hobman

  “Err…yeah…yeah I’m fine…just a nightmare!” Huh, I got that fucking right.

  “Oh…okay. It’s nine o’clock. I’m making coffee. The sun’s out.” She spoke again through the door.

  “Aye…thanks…I’ll be down in a wee while,” he replied, rubbing his hands over his face.

  He took a cold shower and tried his best to rid himself of the images from his dream. When he was done, he made his way downstairs. Felicity was by the window. Oh great. The sight of her made things worse. She was standing in front of her easel with his dungarees loosely falling off one shoulder and a pale pink, cropped vest top underneath. It was the type she used to wear for working out and he could see the curve of her waist. Oh god, he moaned inwardly. He loved that part of her body, that feminine curve. She already had paint on her cheek. Lust struck him again, an overwhelming desire to just throw her to the ground and climb on top of her. He had to leave the room.

  He clenched his jaw and made his excuses. “Ahem…just getting my coffee,” he called, his voice breaking as he said it. Then he began to snigger. He felt like a silly teenager lusting after his art teacher or something equally as ridiculous. C’mon man, pull yourself together! She’s your ex-wife, remember? EX!

  When he had gathered himself he went back to the lounge to peer over her shoulder and look at the painting.

  “Wow, that’s really beautiful, Felicity.” he said, genuinely impressed at the familiar looking scene on the canvas. He felt a little disappointed that he had called her Felicity again. It felt so formal. But she had made it that way. And it was for the best to keep the familiarity at bay.

  “Do you think so? It’s the same scene I painted that time at Rory’s…you know, the one he destroyed?”

  “Aye. It’s really beautiful. It looks…really familiar.”

  “No…no it’s an imaginary place. I’ve had it in my head awhile and I felt I needed to paint it. I wish it were real. I’d love to climb into the view.” She smiled as she stood back to view what she had done so far.

  “I’m not opening up today, so I thought I would take Jasper for a walk. Leave you to your painting,” he said trying to figure out why the painting on the canvas pulled at him so.

  “Okay, that’s fine. I really want to get it done this time. I don’t think it’ll take me long now I’ve made a start. I’m really passionate about it. It won’t leave my head until I get it done.” She smiled at him.

  He raised his hand up with the intention of wiping away the paint splodge from her cheek but changed his mind. “You’ve got some paint…” He gestured to her face.

  She laughed. “Oh…that’s always happening. I get a bit carried away.” She wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand and in that moment Jim’s heart ached. She looked more beautiful when she was painting than at any other time. Her eyes sparkled with life and vitality. Her face glowed. She really was exquisite. He’d always thought so. They shared a gaze for a few moments but Jim broke the spell by turning away.

  “I’ll…ahem…be off now. Leave you in peace.”

  ~~~~~

  Felicity’s heart sank. She saw something in his eyes but couldn’t decipher it. She wanted more than anything to make amends for how she had treated him. She would love to be his friend again. But would he let her?

  ~~~~~

  As he walked along the seafront, Jim noticed that the snow was beginning to turn to slush. The day felt warmer and this would all mean the end of Felicity’s little sojourn to Shieldaig. He felt a pang of sadness but knew that it was for the best really. It had to end sometime. He had to return to normality. He didn’t have to like it but he knew it was going to happen.

  He trudged through the snow for hours and was no longer feeling the cold. He had seen a few villagers out and about and had a couple of little chats along the way. As he walked back to the cottage he saw, in the distance, a snow plough. The children were out in force waving at the welcome visitor, who was about to create a lifeline to the world beyond Shieldaig. This would mean schools would re-open and he would be able to receive stock deliveries for the coffee shack once again.

  After a couple of hours, he returned home to find Felicity even more bathed in paint than she was when he had left. The fact made him smile. He was amazed at how she had managed to cover herself in splodges but not land a drop on the carpet or furniture. There was something a little too comfortable about her being here and it unsettled him to think so.

  “You’re back. Did you have a nice walk?” She didn’t look up from the canvas.

  “Aye…very fresh. Fancy a coffee?” he asked as he removed his cold outdoor garments. Jasper resumed his usual place on the rug in front if the fireplace.

  “Oooh, yes please! I’m gasping. I haven’t stopped since you left. It’s coming along nicely,” she called. Jim came back through whilst the kettle was heating. He gasped when he saw the portrayal of the stunning, imaginary vista on the canvas before him.

  “Wow, Felicity…it’s…it’s beautiful…truly beautiful.” Her paintings always took his breath away and made him feel quite emotional. He swallowed the lump in his throat and walked quickly back to the kitchen. He recalled the first time he had seen one of her completed pieces.

  ~~~~~

  November 1998 – Ten Years and Three Months Before the Break-up

  Thursday evening had come around quickly. Thursday was their night, a night when Flick and Jim spent some time alone together. They had only been an official couple for a few weeks and everything was still in its rosy glow of lust, passion, and new love. Jim had been to collect fish and chips from the van that stopped just off campus and they smelled delicious. He tapped gently on Flick’s door.

  “Hi, you.” She smiled at him as he leaned in for a sensuous, lingering kiss. He brushed her bangs back from her face and chuckled at the stunning vision before him. “What?!” She feigned hurt.

  “You do make me smile…you have paint on your nose, chin and forehead. In fact you’ve even have it in your hair.” He kissed her again.

  “Oh, it always happens.” She smiled. “I get quite carried away! Anyway, come and see.” She pulled him by the arm and led him to the easel over by the small window. “Ta daaaaaa.” She waved her jazz hands, proud of the painting before her. Jim stood open mouthed as his eyes strolled over the canvas. The painting was of a man and a woman, not unlike themselves, kissing by a tall leafless tree in a wintery looking meadow. Although the subject matter could’ve been construed as somewhat cheesy and clichéd, the brushwork was stunning and the sentiment, much to Jim’s surprise, actually brought a lump to his throat.

  “It’s beautiful, Flick. The people look familiar.” He winked at her, sliding his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. She shivered.

  “You think so? Can’t think why,” she purred, sliding her arm up behind her and around his neck. “The scene is one I saw through the glass on the train when we went to the coast last weekend but the people…” She turned and kissed him again.

  Suddenly, he nipped her bottom playfully, making her squeal. “C’mon, I’m starving, and I mean for food for once!” He laughed as he handed her the fish and chips, wrapped in paper, their mouth-watering, salty and vinegary aroma wafting through the small space.

  ~~~~~

  Shaking himself back to the present again, Jim poured the boiling water into the mugs for himself and his ex-wife as he pondered awhile on the painting of the couple in the meadow. He had no idea what happened to it. He didn’t have it. He would have to find out…maybe…or maybe that would do him no good whatsoever.

  Chapter 12

  The following day brought bright blue skies and sunshine. It wasn’t exactly tropical but it was enough to almost complete the thawing process. Felicity’s painting was just about complete and Jim knew that she would be leaving soon. Considering that fact produced mixed emotions. On the one hand, he could resume the status quo that existed prior to this intrusion; on the other, he would resume the status quo that existed pr
ior to this intrusion! Hmmm. Two sides of the same coin. The direction of his thoughts concerned him. He needed her gone.

  When he had showered and made his way downstairs, she was standing in front of her easel making some additions to her canvas. Her eyes lit up when she saw him.

  “Hey…sleepyhead! I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Her words produced a flashback to his vividly erotic dream from a couple of nights before and he gulped, lost in his thoughts for what felt like an age, as he pictured her naked on top of him. He shivered and shook his head as if shaking away a snowfall. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She frowned.

  “Ahem…erm…no… Sorry, just…waking up, I suppose,” he stuttered as he tried to shrug her comments off. A ghost? No. But a vision of the past, most definitely.

  “I’ll make coffee if you like? Then I thought maybe we could take Jasper for a walk. I’ll cook tomorrow night but I thought maybe we could eat at the pub again tonight?” She chatted as if all was normal, as if she had just somehow slipped back into his life. The snow on the roads had gone. The roads were clear. What was she playing at? He still couldn’t find it in his ruptured heart to trust her.

  “Erm…yeah…okay, whatever,” was his feeble response. Why couldn’t he just ask her to leave? After all she did have a life and a job to go home to.

  They sat drinking coffee and staring at the scene on the canvas as if it was an actual vista and they were sharing it on top of a hill somewhere. Myriad thoughts raced through his mind. He struggled to organise them rationally into any semblance of normalcy. He felt it best, therefore, to remain taciturn. He could see that she kept glancing sideways in his direction. She, too, appeared to be feeling the same awkwardness. She opened her mouth to speak but as she did the phone rang. Jim jumped up to answer it. How does the phrase go? Saved by the bell?

  “Yes…hello?” His face scrunched and he felt sure that she could hear the yelling down the line. In fact the whole of Shieldaig could probably hear it! “Whoa…whoa! I’ve done no such thing! Yes she is here…but she chose to come here. She is an adult you know. Oh just shut up, will you... I’ll put her on.” He thrust the receiver at Felicity who, with a bemused look, took it.

  ~~~~~

  “Hello?”

  “Felicity? Darling! I’ve been so, so worried. Why on earth are you there with him?” Penelope sounded almost hysterical.

  “Oh…it’s you. Mother, stop being so melodramatic. I came here to do what I should have done before Daddy’s funeral.”

  “You shouldn’t be there! You know what will happen. He’ll brainwash you into going back to him!” Penelope’s hysteria increased and so did Felicity’s annoyance.

  “For goodness sake, Mother, it’s not like he bloody kidnapped me. How did you get this number?” She could feel the crease between her eyes deepen.

  “I had to…to…practically beg Charles to give it to me!”

  “Oh great. Poor Charles.” She covered the receiver and whispered to Jim “You had better call Charles. Mother’s been harassing him, I’m afraid. Sorry.” She cringed and Jim shook his head. He looked very angry and his jaw twitched. Poor Charles. This was the last thing he needed.

  Felicity continued to bark back at her mother whenever she could get a word in. On several occasions, she held the receiver away from her ear as the volume became too intense.

  Eventually, temper got the better of her. “Mother! Just stop! You of all people cannot talk about being manipulative and bad for people! You wrote the book on deceit. And no for your information Jim and I are not back together. Not that it would be anything to do with you if we were. I was snowed in here. The snow is melting and I will only be here a couple more days. Satisfied? Well, quite frankly, I don’t care whether you are or you aren’t. This is my life! Do you hear me? Mine! I intend to live it by my rules from now on! Goodbye.” She pressed the hang up button and threw the phone onto the sofa with such a force that it broke.

  With her chest heaving, she covered her mouth. “Oh, shit!” Her eyes widened in horror. Jim stared at his broken handset. “I’m so sorry, Jim!”

  He just shook his head and left the room. He headed upstairs to use the handset in his room to contact Charles but the phone rang again.

  “Ignore it!” Felicity called to him, “It could be her again!”

  He ignored her and answered.

  “Oh Jim, old boy, are you okay? I tried to call earlier but it was bloody engaged for ages!” Charles sounded stressed and concerned.

  He sighed. “Aye…I’m okay.”

  “Did Dragon Lady call? She called here, and when I wouldn’t give her your number, she bloody turned up in the bloody shop and made a right old bloody scene in front of customers! I was bloody horrified, old chap.”

  Jim rubbed his eyes as he shook his head. “Shit, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Charles. It was unfair of her to involve you.”

  “No, no. It’s fine. Is Felicity still with you?”

  He rested his elbow on his knee and his head on his hand. “Aye, Charles. She won’t be for much longer though. I can’t handle this anymore. Her being here is too…just too…hard, you know?” Jim sat with his back to the door.

  ~~~~~

  Felicity’s heart sank as she heard his words. She had climbed the stairs to see who was calling. He clearly wanted her gone. She understood why. She made her way back downstairs in order to avoid any further awkwardness if he found her loitering outside his room. She sank into the sofa and leaning forward, placed her head on her folded arms. Tears trickled, unfettered, down her face from where she had felt the colour drain at Jim’s words. She felt lost, desolate almost. This was not how things should have gone.

  He eventually came down stairs. She wiped her eyes and gave him a sad smile as he stood looking down at her where she sat.

  “Jim…look… I’ll gather up my things and leave. The snow has pretty much gone…and…”

  “Aye…the road was clear of snow yesterday. You could’ve gone then.” His tone was harsh.

  She thought that it felt like the first time she left him. Only this time she was reluctant. Her heart twinged in her chest, a real physical pain that made her reach up and run the area.

  Jim winced as if he had realised he had been too hard. “Look…stay until tomorrow, eh? You’d be better getting an early start…it’s almost two o’clock and…well…you’d be better going tomorrow.” Jasper approached the pair reticently and Jim crouched down to fuss him.

  Felicity’s eyes began to sting once again with the threat of more tears. She desperately wanted to stay awhile longer, but couldn’t express this to Jim, who had clearly come to the conclusion that she had outstayed her welcome.

  If only she could stay a couple more days…maybe then she could get him to forgive her? But how? She had no clue when she thought about it. The scars ran far too deep. She rued the day that she ever listened to her mother. Jim had been her best friend for so long and she had lost that. Whenever anything good had happened in recent years, Jim had been the first person she thought about calling. Thought about, but never actually plucked up the courage.

  She stood, thinking it best to say something. “Jim…I…” Her lip quivered as she searched for the words that might go some way to express how she felt. But the words failed her. She shook her head and Jim left the room.

  Chapter 13

  Felicity had retreated to the guest room. She lay on the white framed double bed and glanced around thinking that if she lived here she wouldn’t change a thing about this room with its apple green bedding and driftwood picture frames. When things had settled down, somewhat, and both had taken time to calm and have a little space, there was a knock on the door of her bedroom.

  “Yes?” she called.

  “I’m taking Jasper out again…do you…maybe…want to come?” Jim replied through the closed door.

  “Oh…no…no it’s okay,” she croaked and cleared her throat. “I…I don’t want to get in your way any more than I
have, Jim.”

  There was a light thud as if he had rested his head on the door. “Look…I want you to come. I have something to show you,” he insisted.

  “Oh…okay. Give me five minutes.” She sat upright, a smile pulling at her lips for the first time since the incident earlier. He went quiet and she figured he had left her to get ready. She grabbed her jeans and sweater. Then pulled on the socks that she had borrowed and stifled a giggle at how ridiculous her size four feet looked in something belonging to size ten feet.

  ~~~~~

  The late afternoon sun was low and cast that familiar amber glow over the picturesque little village. Jim, Felicity, and Jasper headed up the lane leading away from Jim’s street. The snow had been melting and mixing with the mud causing a dirty grey slush to form. The gentle breeze was bringing the blood to the surface of Felicity’s cheeks and nose, making her look blushed. She dutifully followed Jim up…up…further away from home. Her hands remained in the pockets of her oversized thick fleece lined coat. Jim strode ahead with Jasper keeping close. Every so often the dog would stop and glance back as if to check on her. When he stopped, he wagged his tail almost in encouragement as they trudged up the sloping ascent.

  “Jim…where…are…we…going?” Felicity panted.

  Jim was keeping quite a pace and she was out of breath.

  “We’re nearly there. I just thought it was important to show you while the light’s good.” He knew he hadn’t really answered her question. He stopped walking. “Look.”

  She eventually caught up and stood beside him. She inhaled sharply as she looked out. “Jim! It’s…it’s my painting!” Her hands covered her mouth and her eyes were wide like saucers as she looked over the valley below them. Snow still covered most of the sheltered area but the trees were positioned almost identically to her supposed imaginary view.