Lost Innocence

by Susan Lewis

  As he reached her, his aquamarine eyes, a replica of her own, were shining with humour, while his dazzling white smile, so like Craig’s, turned her heart inside out. Carelessly dropping his bag he scooped her up in his arms. ‘We fell asleep,’ he told her, ‘and only just woke up in time.’

  ‘Typical,’ she chided, holding his face between her hands and gazing at him with motherly adoration. His dark hair was tumbling into his eyes and snaking down his neck, but she wouldn’t tell him he needed to get it cut, she’d given up on that a long time ago.

  After hugging him again she turned to greet Summer, who at five foot three was much shorter than Nat, though the four-inch wedges she was balanced on brought her closer to Alicia’s height. ‘Hi sweetheart, how are you?’ Alicia said, embracing her fondly. ‘I’m so glad you were able to come.’

  ‘Thanks for letting me,’ Summer smiled. ‘I’m really looking forward to it. Nat says it’s a really cute house and the village is pretty cool too. It’s a great name, isn’t it? It was a real trip telling my friends I was going to Nat’s mother’s place in Holly Wood. They were like, no way.’

  Laughing, Alicia said, ‘I’m afraid there are no walks of fame or avenues of the stars here, but we’ve got a nice pub on the high street and the Holly Wood Players have been known to put on the odd good show once in a while.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, like that travesty of A Midsummer Night’s Dream,’ Nat scoffed as they started towards the exit. ‘Do you remember when they performed it next to Holly Copse and Puck’s tail got stuck on a branch and he couldn’t get free?’

  Alicia burst out laughing. ‘And Titania fell out of a tree in the middle of someone else’s scene.’

  ‘Oh God, I’d forgotten that,’ he cried. ‘We had to creep away in the end because we were laughing so much.’

  Loving that he remembered it so well, in spite of only being twelve at the time, Alicia tucked an arm through Summer’s, saying, ‘We’ll overlook the fact that Brenda Lovejoy, who was playing Titania, fractured a rib when she hit the ground. My family were a disgrace to me that night…’

  ‘What! You were the one laughing the hardest,’ Nat protested. ‘Dad had to put his hand over your mouth to try and stop you…’

  ‘And then completely lost it himself when someone’s dog ran on to the set and stole the show. Gran was no better, sniggering away like a schoolgirl. I’m still not sure if Darcie really knew what she was laughing at, but she got so loud that it was mainly thanks to her that we had to go.’

  Summer was clearly enjoying the moment. ‘Sounds like a really cool time,’ she commented.

  ‘We used to love coming here as kids,’ Nat told her, as they crossed the car park. ‘Gran had everything in her house, all the toys and stuff we wanted, and she’d take us places like Wookey Hole and Cheddar, and Glastonbury. I told you, didn’t I, that Dad and I went to the festival last year, and the year before, which was awesome, both times.’

  Surprised, and heartened to hear him talking about his father when he’d barely mentioned him these past few months, Alicia began rummaging in her bag for the car keys.

  ‘Oh,’ Summer said, clearly startled when they stopped next to the Renault. ‘What happened to the Mercedes?’

  Alicia’s eyes shot to Nat. He looked uncomfortable, but he was the one to say, ‘It wasn’t practical for down here in the country, and Mum needs an estate to transport her sculptures.’

  ‘Oh, I see,’ Summer replied, blushing slightly. ‘This one’s really cool,’ she added. ‘I love the colour.’

  Since it was beige Alicia knew she was trying to makeup for the faux pas, and gave her a grateful smile. ‘Come on, let’s get you home,’ she said, opening up the back, and after dumping their luggage inside, she found herself spilling over with happiness as she closed down the hatch and Nat gave her another quick hug. Her life felt almost complete now he was here, and Darcie’s arrival would be a further source of joy – and over time, once they got used to Craig not being around, the awful, aching emptiness he’d left behind would, please God, finally start to fade.

  Forty minutes later they were back at the Coach House and while Nat and Summer went upstairs to unpack, Alicia got the barbecue under way – chicken and home-made sausages for her and Nat, soy-marinated tuna for Summer who’d decided to become a vegetarian. The salads were already prepared, a crunchy Waldorf, one of Nat’s favourites; a creamy goat’s cheese with cherry tomatoes; and a tasty mix of crushed new potatoes, fennel and chives.

  After lighting the gas in the cylindrical pod she and Craig had bought for her mother several years ago, she pushed the crowding memories to the back of her mind, and began setting the table. From the delicious aromas wafting over the high stone walls surrounding the back garden it was clear that one, or more, of her neighbours was cooking up a late afternoon feast of their own. She could hear the low murmur of their voices, peppered with laughter and the clinking of glasses, and somewhere in the distance someone was mowing the lawn. It was a perfect sleepy Sunday afternoon, with red admirals and painted ladies flitting around the aubretia and lavender, and the melodious trill of a song thrush coming from next door’s pear tree.

  ‘This place is so sweet,’ Summer declared, stepping out of the back door in more sensible flip-flops and knee-length denim shorts. She had good legs considering her lack of height, and sumptuously youthful creamy skin, a lot of which was exposed thanks to a skimpy red polka-dot bikini top and no covering shirt. ‘It’s like the ones you see on postcards and old paintings of the countryside,’ she added.

  Alicia smiled. She knew Summer didn’t mean to be condescending, so she wouldn’t take offence. ‘It was a lovely place to grow up,’ she told her, ‘and to bring the children for holidays when they were younger.’

  ‘Nat was just telling me on the train how it was absolutely the best, coming here for Christmas when his gran used to let him roast chestnuts in the fire and his dad used to keep pretending they didn’t have any presents.’

  ‘Yes, he was quite a tease,’ Alicia agreed. Then, unable to stop herself, ‘Does Nat talk about him much to you these days?’

  Summer shrugged. ‘Not really,’ she answered, ‘but I think he should, because it’s no good bottling things up.’

  ‘Is that what you think he’s doing?’ Silly question, of course he was.

  Summer coloured slightly, seeming embarrassed about being invited on to forbidden territory. ‘I asked him the other day if he’d cried at all since his dad died,’ she confided, ‘and he said it wouldn’t bring him back so what was the point?’

  Alicia’s heart tightened. Though it was the answer Nat had given her when she’d asked, so was no surprise, it still disturbed her to hear it.

  ‘I don’t think you really need to worry about him though,’ Summer assured her, apparently feeling the need to brighten things. ‘He’s a pretty together sort of person, so I’m sure he’ll be fine.’

  Alicia nodded and smiled. ‘I’m sure he will too,’ she murmured, wanting to believe it, but unable to. ‘Now, what will you have to drink? There’s plenty of fruit juice, or Coke. Or you can have wine if you prefer.’

  ‘Oh, let me,’ Summer offered. ‘If you just tell me where to find the glasses.’

  ‘They’re already on the table,’ Alicia pointed out, ‘but the drinks are in the fridge.’

  ‘I expect Nat will have a beer,’ Summer said, turning back into the kitchen. ‘He usually does at barbecues.’

  Wishing the proprietorial air hadn’t grated, Alicia let her go and went to check on the barbecue. She’d have to get used to sharing him one day, so perhaps she should try viewing this relationship as a rehearsal rather than an intrusion, especially when she quite liked the girl. Which was just as well, she remarked to herself a few minutes later, when she turned round to find them smooching in the kitchen. Nat was pretty smitten, she’d never been in any doubt about that, and the fact that they’d been sleeping together for at least six months – Alicia only knew because Nat had confi
ded in his father – didn’t seem to have got it out of his system. If anything it had brought them closer together, which would have been fine with Alicia if he was ten years older.

  Still, what mattered for now was that Summer made him happy, and though he might be a minefield of emotions on the inside, at least she wasn’t making the situation any worse. Nor, considering their brief conversation just now, was Summer insensitive to what he was going through.

  ‘Hey Mum, are you going to have some wine?’ he shouted.

  ‘Lovely,’ she shouted back. ‘And can you bring the meat out now? This thing’s about hot enough.’

  When he brought the tray and set it on the table next to her she could smell the beer on his breath, and turned to look at him. She wanted to touch his face and hold him, but knew it would be the wrong thing to do.

  ‘Mum, you’re too intense,’ he told her under his breath. ‘I’m fine, OK?’

  ‘Of course you are,’ she responded, affecting a laugh. Had Summer told him about their little chat? Or was she really overdoing the concern? It was the latter, of course, so she needed to ease up.

  ‘Please tell me I didn’t just hurt your feelings,’ he said, half irritably, half jokingly.

  ‘You didn’t,’ she assured him. ‘And you’re right, I am a bit strung out. I guess I’m still trying to get used to thinking of this as our home. Anyway, Uncle Robert was here earlier, he says hi.’

  ‘Here’s your wine, Alicia,’ Summer said, coming up behind them with a large glass of Chardonnay. ‘I poured one for myself too, I hope that’s OK.’

  ‘Of course,’ Alicia assured her warmly. ‘You must help yourself to whatever you like.’

  Summer smiled and rested her head against Nat as he slipped an arm around her. ‘It sounds like mine?’ he said, as a phone started to ring inside the house. ‘It might be Simon Forsey, I sent him a text to let him know I was coming.’

  Pleased to hear that he was already getting in touch with friends in the area, Alicia clinked her glass against Summer’s and gave her an impulsive hug. It was going to be all right, she told herself firmly. They’d get through these next few days just fine and that was as far ahead as she could dare to look right now.

  ‘Oh, so you decided to come home,’ Sabrina remarked crisply as Annabelle sailed in through the door, all jangling beads and a flouncy miniskirt that showed off most of her long bare legs.

  ‘Yeah, I thought I would,’ Annabelle chirped, going to yank open the fridge. ‘Have we got any Babybels? I’m starving.’

  ‘They’re in the second drawer, with the other cheeses, but don’t overdo it, we’re going to the pub for dinner.’

  ‘Cool. Georgie’s on her way over, can she come too?’

  ‘I don’t see why not. Is she staying the night?’

  ‘’Spect so. So, how did your sponsored walk go? Did you finish?’

  Sabrina’s heart caught on a wave of unhappiness. Yes, she’d finished, but she’d felt no sense of achievement when crossing the line, only a return to the way her world was now, empty and sad on one side, full of guilt and confusion on the other.

  ‘Hello! Did you finish?’ Annabelle prompted.

  Quickly assuming a playful twinkle, Sabrina said, ‘Provided everyone coughs up I have just raised one and a half thousand pounds for Shelter. Isn’t that amazing?’

  Annabelle looked impressed. ‘Mega,’ she agreed, peeling the thick red skin from a mini cheese and biting into it. ‘Wish you could raise that much for me. So where’s Robert?’

  ‘In his study of course. Actually, buzz through and tell him I’m about to pour us a drink. It’s high time he came up for air.’

  Using the intercom linked to Robert’s study which was in a lavish sort of bunker at the far end of the garden, Annabelle said, ‘Earth to Planet Robert, earth to Planet Robert, come in for vodka tonic please, come in for vodka tonic,’ and letting the button go she flopped down at the table and opened that morning’s Style magazine.

  ‘Didn’t you bring a bag home with you?’ Sabrina asked, dispensing ice into two tall glasses.

  ‘Georgie’s mum’s bringing it in the car.’

  ‘So how did you get here?’

  ‘Someone gave me a lift.’

  ‘Oh? Who?’

  Annabelle turned a page. ‘A friend. OMG, look at these shoes. They’d go really well with the purple dress I bought when we were in Bath last week, and they’re only four hundred and sixty quid.’

  Sabrina slanted her a look, not entirely sure whether she was joking. ‘So, who brought you home?’ she repeated.

  ‘I just told you, a friend.’ She turned another page and bit into a second cheese.

  ‘Male or female?’

  ‘Um, let me think. Yep, I guess he must have been male, but before you start freaking out, no we didn’t stop on the way to have sex in the back seat.’ She popped the rest of the cheese into her mouth. ‘We did that last night.’

  As images of the times she and Craig had made love in a car flashed in her mind, Sabrina cast Annabelle another look. She was being baited, she decided, and choosing not to rise to it, she poured two generous measures of vodka over the ice before returning to the fridge for the tonic. ‘So what’s his name?’ she asked, trying to keep it casual.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘The boy who brought you home?’

  Annabelle shrugged. ‘Dunno. I didn’t ask.’

  Sabrina sighed with exasperation. She was trying so hard to engage, but was receiving nothing in return. ‘Annabelle, why does everything have to be so difficult with you?’ she asked, trying not to sound as though she was nagging.

  Annabelle threw out her hands. ‘You’re asking the questions, I’m answering, so what’s difficult about that?’ she cried.

  ‘We used to have lovely conversations about all sorts of things,’ Sabrina reminded her. ‘Now I barely get a sensible word out of you.’

  Annabelle put back her head. ‘Um, let me see, and that would be because…Oh yes, I’m stupid, don’t have a brain in my head and am a total waste of space.’

  Sabrina looked at her aghast. ‘What on earth…?’

  ‘It was a joke!’ Annabelle cut in.

  ‘Did anyone ever say those things?’ Sabrina asked, horrified in case she had.

  ‘Duh! I just told you, it was a joke.’

  As Annabelle went back to her magazine Sabrina stood staring at her, wanting to say more, but unable to put the words together for fear of where they might lead. ‘Ah, darling, there you are,’ she said, as Robert came in through the back door. ‘I thought I should drag you out now or you’ll be in there all night.’

  ‘Good thing you did,’ he responded, going to wash his hands at the sink. ‘I was starting to fall asleep. Still a bit jet-lagged, I guess. Hi Annabelle. How’s tricks?’

  ‘Everything’s cool,’ she replied, still scanning the magazine as she gave him a wave.

  ‘I got your text,’ he told Sabrina. ‘So, I owe you five hundred pounds. Well done. How many miles again?’

  ‘Twenty,’ she replied, handing him a towel. ‘A cheque will do, I know you’re good for it.’

  He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her briefly as he dried his hands.

  ‘I thought we’d go to the pub for dinner,’ Sabrina said, rehanging the towel and passing him a drink. ‘Annabelle and Georgie are going to join us.’

  Robert immediately looked uneasy. ‘Uh, I was thinking I might light the barbecue,’ he said. ‘It’s a nice evening, and we haven’t used it yet this year.’

  Sabrina frowned. ‘I’ve already booked a table,’ she informed him.

  ‘It’s easy enough to cancel.’

  She was staring at him hard. Then, realising what the real issue was, the colour started to fade from her cheeks. ‘Maybe I don’t want to cancel,’ she said stubbornly.

  ‘Maybe you do,’ he said pleasantly.

  Sensing the tension Annabelle looked up. ‘It’s just the pub,’ she told them, ‘what’s the big deal?’
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  Ignoring her, Sabrina said to Robert, ‘Could we have a word, please? In private?’

  ‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ Annabelle said, closing the magazine, ‘I’m going up to my room anyway. Send Georgie up when she arrives.’

  As the door closed behind her, Sabrina waited to hear footsteps disappearing down the hall before turning back to Robert. ‘I take it your sister’s going to the pub tonight,’ she said tightly.

  He nodded and sipped his drink. ‘She’s meeting Rachel,’ he said, ‘and unless I’m gravely mistaken, I thought you’d prefer not to be under the same roof as her – or in the same garden, given the weather.’

  Sabrina’s face was becoming more pinched by the second. ‘I don’t see why we should change our plans because of her,’ she said bitingly.

  ‘Then go,’ he replied, ‘but if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stay here.’

  Her drink hit the worktop with a clang. ‘This village is our home,’ she fumed, ‘it’s where I live and I have every right to go to the pub whenever I choose.’

  ‘I’m not arguing, I’m just saying I’m not going to spend the evening ignoring my own sister, which is what you’ll want me to do, and nor do I want to bear witness to some embarrassing confrontation between the two of you. There are other pubs…’

  ‘Then let her find one. We’re going to the Traveller’s.’

  ‘I just told you, I’m staying here.’

  Since he knew full well she wouldn’t go without him, her frustration almost hit boiling point. ‘So what happened when you went round there today?’ she demanded, making a valiant effort to hold back her temper.

  ‘Nothing happened. We had a cup of tea and chatted for a while, then I left.’

  ‘Did you find out what her plans are?’

  ‘Yes. She’s staying here in Holly Wood and sending the children to Stanbrooks.’

  Sabrina’s jaw dropped as her eyes rounded with horror. ‘But she can’t,’ she protested. ‘Nathan’s at Westminster. Craig would never have wanted him to leave.’